


Your Eyes Are So Blue

by AutumnHour



Category: Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Aerith Gainsborough & Tifa Lockhart Friendship, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Chapters 1-9 were written before I saw the original FFVII, Cloud Strife Has Mental Health Issues, Cloud Strife Needs a Hug, Depressed Cloud Strife, F/M, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Medical Experimentation, Military Backstory, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Past Zack Fair/Aerith Gainsborough, Possessive Sephiroth, Sadistic Sephiroth, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Survivor Guilt, Zack Fair & Cloud Strife Friendship, long chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:08:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 92,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25189201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutumnHour/pseuds/AutumnHour
Summary: Cloud returns from the military and reunites with his childhood friend, Tifa. To him, she has barely changed. But to her, something is off about him.Modern AU!
Relationships: Sephiroth & Cloud Strife, Tifa Lockhart/Cloud Strife
Comments: 85
Kudos: 192





	1. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I've only played the remake, so a lot of the characterization, details, and such will follow the remake.

Today, every train station in Midgar was crowded with anxious citizens. Each of them held their breaths, pressing their hands to their chest as they silently prayed. Tifa Lockhart happened to be among those people, particularly those who brought gifts with them. In her hands was a bouquet of yellow daisies, recommended by her pen pal whom she had known since high school.

Tifa didn’t wait here within the crowds of people alone. Beside her was Claudia Strife, a mother who desperately bit her nails at every incoming train. The train tracks exhaled a gust of smoke, causing Claudia to gasp. Another train stopped. Tens of men and women exited the railcars, and floods of people raced to reunite with their loved ones. Of course, some people were left empty-handed, only assuming the worst. Claudia experienced the same turmoil once again when her rapid eyes failed to catch even a single glimpse of her son. Tifa’s gaze narrowed when the train departed. Noticing that Claudia bore the same expression, Tifa reached over to pet her back.

“Don’t worry, Ms. Strife. I’m sure he’ll come,” she consoled, forcing a melancholic smile. 

“But that was the sixth train so far,” Claudia whispered, her eyes turning watery. “What if he didn’t make it? He was so excited to be a soldier, but...oh god...I can’t lose another one.” The mother lowered her head, clenching her chest harder this time. 

Tifa found herself at a loss for words. What else could she say besides repeating herself? She shared the same worries as Claudia, but she tried to keep her composure. 

_He_ _will_ _make it,_ she thought, although she may end up like Claudia in a moment.

The length of the wait endured to the point of being agonizing. It took an additional forty minutes for the next train to arrive. This time Tifa followed in Claudia’s footsteps, closing her eyes, and praying to herself with the earthy scent of the daisies breathing along with her. It became a routine for everyone here involved, listening for the conductor’s affirmation and the doors opening in a whoosh. 

As more soldiers stepped out of the train, Tifa struggled to open her eyes. The mere concept of it brought forth an instinctive response for her to never open them again. But alas, she broke through. And she was so glad she did.

Her surroundings blurred together as if nothing else was more important than the man who moseyed out of the railcar. She recognized that spiky blond hair anywhere. The sound of Claudia squealing with glee reassured her that her eyesight wasn’t playing a cruel trick on her.

 **Her** Cloud Strife finally made it home.

* * *

_“Cloud! Tifa’s here!” Cloud heard his mother yell for him._

_“Just bring her here!” he replied, neatly folding his final pair of jeans then zipping his black suitcase. He moved on to his stash of DVD’s which mostly consisted of historical documentaries, especially concerning the first Wutai War. A brief silence filled the room until a quiet creak from his bedroom door interrupted it._

_“Heya. You wanted to see me?” Tifa timidly entered the room despite occupying it many times beforehand. Half of his bedroom was already tucked away into another suitcase. Suddenly, the semi-barrenness of it all struck a chord inside of her._

_"Yeah. I want to talk to you about something,” Cloud replied, finally stopping to look up at her._

_“You don’t need any help packing?” Before Cloud could answer, the teen girl already strolled over to one of his closet drawers. She pulled out a dusty action figure who wore the uniform of a typical Midgarian soldier—a black patrol cap, a camo jacket and pants, and black combat boots. “You wanna pack this?” Tifa teased, lightly giggling._

_Cloud blushed and turned his head away with a scoff, “I don’t play with those anymore!”_

_“But you still collect them?” she asked, peeking further into the abandoned drawer that appeared to have more action figures since the previous time she went through it._

_"_ _Maybe,” he muttered, then he quickly changed the subject. “Do you wanna stay for dinner too?”_

_“Sure,” Tifa smiled. She closed the drawer but not before sneakily tucking the action figure into her dress pocket. She sat on Cloud’s bed, patiently swinging her legs back and forth._

_Cloud cleared his throat. It was now or never to address the issue. He headed over to his nightstand and picked up a folded piece of paper which laid atop an open brown envelope with Midgar’s official seal._

_“The draft letter says that I should leave by tomorrow afternoon,” he said. Tifa paused, the weight of the close timeframe instantly hitting her harder._

_“Yeah. All the guys are leaving,” she confirmed, her voice barely above a whisper._

_It pained Cloud to see Tifa so withdrawn like this. She wasn’t too enthusiastic as he was when he revealed to her that the army drafted him into service. Her response replicated her current state—proud but conflicted._

_“But I’m not like them,” Cloud dismissed, more light erupted in his voice as he listed his capabilities as a soldier. “I’ve worked so hard to prove that I’m exceptional, and they finally noticed. Now’s my chance to show what I can do!” He clenched his fists together, gazing at the ceiling with a confident grin. One of the rare moments where Cloud actually smiled, and it made Tifa smile as well, albeit sadly._

_“I’m gonna be a soldier. And not just any soldier, but one of the best. Like Sephiroth!” Cloud sharply glanced at the wall that was coated with a bunch of war propaganda. In the center of them plastered an image of Sephiroth, fearlessly leading all the other soldiers behind him into a battle of victory. His long silver hair blew with the Midgarian flag beside him as if it were a comrade itself, and he raised his fist in the air with a shouting warcry._

_“The great war hero, huh? Do you think you'll be all over the news like him?”_

_“I’ll try,” he assured, still staring at the poster with wide, auspicious eyes._

_“But the last Wutai War lasted for about six years, right?”_

_Cloud returned to his standard frown. “Yep. So, I might be gone for a long time.”_

_The whole idea of waiting for Cloud to return home for possibly years, with the hypothetical situation of him not returning home at all honestly frightened Tifa. This opportunity to fight for the country meant so much to him, she understood that, but she wished he were more cautious about the whole ordeal. Behind his bed stationed a window with navy-blue curtains. The brink of twilight fell over the neighborhood, the blue starry sky with its orange specks inspiring her as it would for a naturalist._

_Standing up, Tifa grabbed Cloud’s hands and clasped them into hers. As his eyes widened by the abrupt action, Tifa sheepishly lowered her head to the floor._

_“Cloud, I-” She slowly raised her head to look at his face, only to find him confused. Flustered, she shook her head to retract her sentence. “Um, I know that many people here aren’t really...fond of you,” she began, thinking over all the fights that the boy faced with many students at their school. “And I know that you’re ready to show your dedication and prove them wrong, but…can you make me a promise?”_

_“Hm?” Cloud insinuated for her to continue, somewhat nervous about her next words._

_“Will you promise that you won’t forget where you came from? That when we’re older, and you become a famous soldier...promise you’ll remember where your roots are? That things won’t change between us?”_

_Will you promise not to forget me?_

_“That’s silly, Tifa,” Cloud bluntly blurted. “Why would you ever think that things would change?”_

" _Please? Just promise me?” Tifa whined. Her ruby eyes were glossy. Hating to see his friend upset, Cloud complied._

_“Fine. I promise,” he sighed._

_Tifa heartily smiled, and the room darkened as the sunset descended further into the sky. Without thinking, she kissed him on the cheek. Cloud recoiled with a surprised gasp, rubbing the space where her lips touched him. Realizing what she had done, Tifa’s face burned, and she hid it in her hands._

_“Oh my god! I’m sorry, Cloud! I don’t know what I was doing!” she sputtered, scurrying away to a far corner of the room, hateful words surfing in her mind._

_Cloud turned his head away to conceal his spreading blush. Perhaps, Tifa believed that his reaction came off as a disgusted one. Secretly, he thought it was cute, but of course, his cool-headed self wouldn’t allow her to assume that._

_“No, it’s ok,” Cloud managed to say, his blush finally disappearing._

_Composing herself as well, Tifa heaved a sigh and ruffled her dress that started to wrinkle. Although her face was still painted red, Tifa approached him again. “Just...remember the promise, ok?”_

_When he nodded, Tifa took the figure out of her pocket and handed it to Cloud._

_“Tifa I said-” he was about to protest, but she playfully shushed him._

_“C’mon! Consider it as a souvenir from back home,” she insisted._

_Concluding how stubborn Tifa could be sometimes, Cloud accepted his defeat with a grumpy sigh. After the boy stuffed the figure into the deepest part of one of his suitcases, the two friends resumed their packing adventure until dinner was ready. He just had to remember to place the toy into a more ‘comfortable’ pocket once the girl left._

* * *

Five years later and here her friend stood, his hands gripping his two suitcases and his gaze locked to the ground. Bizarre how much he had grown in her eyes.

In contrast to his hair that failed to change, the first thing that Tifa noticed about him was how tall he had gotten. He reached at least above six inches. Even though they hadn’t seen each other in years, Tifa contemplated over the origins of his growth spurt. A white scarf shielded the lower half of his face. He wore a long, navy-blue coat and dark jeans with black winter boots. Despite the heavy layers, the cold still nipped at his skin as the color of his narrow cheeks glowed a rosy pink.

What caught Tifa off guard the most was his eyes. They have always been a royal blue, but somehow it appeared deeper. So hazy and stoic that she could have drowned in them. It was like it lost something, but what, she wasn’t sure. 

“Cloud!” Claudia burst into tears and ran over to her son who didn’t even have time to register what faced him. The ecstatic mother practically jumped into him with her runny face diving into his chest. The startled soldier tensed his shoulders. “Thank god, you made it! I don’t know what I would’ve done if you didn’t—my dear Cloud I—Cloud!” she tripped over her words, suddenly forgetting how to form a coherent sentence. 

Cloud’s eyes widened as he peered down at his mother, but he quickly fell into a stone-face.

“Hey Mom,” he deadpanned. Tifa’s lips tightened once she heard how deeper his voice had gotten too. More gruff and raspy. 

Cloud allowed his mother to continue squeezing and shaking him, not even making the effort to return the hug. Due to her being so overwhelmed, Claudia didn’t mind too much. When she finally released her son, Cloud’s eyes finally met Tifa’s. The scarf concealed his mouth, so his expression was almost unreadable. She couldn’t tell if he was happy to see her—whether if he smiled or frowned. All she could decipher was his eyes. The blues brightened a little bit.

Tifa walked towards him, clenching the bouquet even tighter. She gently smiled and handed him the flowers, “Welcome home Cloud.”

* * *

“Today is a good day for Midgar. Our soldiers have returned safe and sound to their families and loved ones. To honor their service, we must show our gratitude and devotion to—”

“Cloud!” Cloud’s head shot towards the direction of his mother, breaking his attention from the television. She applied butter to her loaf of bread before continuing, “I was asking if you liked your food.” 

Cloud’s glare returned to his plate where he only took two bites of his roasted chicken and zero on his rice and bread. 

“It’s good,” he shrugged, finally taking a bite of the rice mixed with vegetables to solidify his statement. Admittedly, it sparked a pleasant tingle in his mouth. 

“Tifa made the rice. It’s great, isn’t it?” Claudia grinned in Tifa’s direction, the young woman giving a bashful chuckle. Cloud hummed in response and proceeded to pick at his food with his fork. 

_Is he bored?_ Tifa thought, off-put by his aloof behavior. 

A nice dinner waited for Cloud when he returned home, cooked by the two women themselves. Once the table was set and served, Tifa and Claudia conversed as normal after they prayed. But the soldier barely made any contributions to the discussions. Whenever Claudia asked her son about his time in the war, Cloud would stiffen and give vague answers. He seemed completely uninterested, so his mother eventually dropped the topic. 

Every news channel spoke about Midgar’s victory against their second war with Wutai. The two countries often engaged in bitter conflicts for the sake of being territorial towards certain natural resources. Due to Midgar’s advantages in terms of supplies, soldiers, and a unified nationalistic attitude, it was only natural for Midgar to succeed yet again. Although Cloud refused to elaborate on his experience in the war, most of his focus lied on the television screen. He held onto every word that the news reporter gave, and Tifa could’ve sworn that his body shook a little.

Speaking of his body, Tifa observed the state of it more clearly thanks to the withdrawal of his coat. She had to admit; he definitely took good care of it over the years. As to be expected from a soldier. He kept his skinny figure, but his arm muscles were more defined since the last time she saw him. She had to hide a blush when he took off his coat when they arrived at his house before dinner. 

“Well you know how great of a cook Tifa is. That’s why her bar is a popular hotspot in town,” Claudia said.

“Huh? You managed to open Seventh Heaven?” Cloud asked, truly curious now. For as long as he could remember, it was practically Tifa’s dream to open a bar just as it was his dream to join the army. She constantly talked about it. Claudia smirked to herself, knowing that this was a way to get some sort of a response out of her son. 

“Yeah. I opened it last year,” Tifa confirmed. She playfully glared at him and placed her hands on her hips. “What? You thought I wouldn’t be able to do it?”

“No, I just…wasn’t it a little difficult?”

“I had to raise a lot of money by working a few jobs here and there, but some people here were kind enough to give me some support. Like your mother, who I’m still very grateful for.”

Claudia nodded, pausing a little to swallow her food. “We’ve known each other for how long, dear? Of course I helped you!” The widow always considered Tifa as a daughter, so she didn’t hesitate to assist her. 

“That’s good to hear,” Cloud said. Tifa looked at him in surprise, taken away by the kind words. Although it wasn’t much, it still comforted her.

“It really is great,” Tifa agreed, shyly smiling.

“You should take Cloud to Seventh Heaven tomorrow. I’m sure he’d love to see what you’ve done with the place,” Claudia suggested, looking at Cloud expectedly. 

“Hm…” Cloud poked at his food again, growing slightly irritable that his mother would mention that so quickly.

“Is that okay? I don’t want to overwhelm you,” Tifa asked. Cloud had _just_ returned from the army, so he must have been exhausted after all. Maybe that was why he looked so glum. After years of countless fighting, it was only reasonable that he probably desired some time to himself. Tifa didn’t want to steal too much of his energy away. When Cloud stayed unresponsive, Tifa accepted that as her conclusion. The dinner table fell into another awkward silence with nothing but the sounds of clanking utensils and the following news report to accompany it.

“Now, we take this moment of silence to mourn one of our best soldiers known in Midgar’s history. It has been confirmed by our military forces that Sephiroth has indeed passed away in battle,” the news reporter’s words echoed throughout the room, immediately catching their attention. 

“What?!” Tifa gasped while Claudia cupped her mouth in shock. Various photographs and artwork of Sephiroth littered the screen, the news broadcast even providing footage of him earning the Medal of Honor after the first Wutai war. He was Midgar’s symbol of hope, and to hear the news that he perished in the war possibly brought a wave of devastation for everyone in the country. 

“That’s terrible. I remember how much you used to look up to him, Cloud,” Claudia muttered. “I’m so sorry.”

But Cloud didn’t reply. His eyes were glued to the screen, completely enlarged. His ears buzzed as he watched the video of Sephiroth bowing his head as President Shinra wrapped the medal around his neck. 

Did he wish it were a noose? So that his neck turned purple as spit furiously sprinkled out of his mouth? 

He started to shake, harshly scraping his fork along the bottom of the plate. The room around him darkened as Sephiroth opened his eyes and glanced at the audience. At the watchers at home.

At him.

Tifa jumped at the brutal screech that came from her right. When she turned to face it, Cloud roughly pushed himself out of his chair. 

“I’m done eating,” Cloud claimed, rushing to the kitchen to wash his hands.

Claudia tilted her head, “So soon? You barely touched your food.”

“I lost my appetite,” he grumbled. His hands toppled over the other as he scrubbed them together, his vision becoming as fuzzy as the soap in his hands. Tifa and Claudia gave him pitying stares. They both understood that the death of your idol could be hard to digest. 

“I’m going to my room.” The aggravated tone in his voice almost made Claudia laugh, based on the many times it made him sound like an angsty teenager. Considering he kind of was one in the past.

“Your room is empty besides your bed, silly. Tifa, why don’t you help Cloud unpack his things? I’ll clean everything up.”

“You’re sure you don’t need any help?” Tifa asked, standing up alongside her.

“No worries. It’s not even that much. You two just go on ahead,” Claudia waved off, picking up their plates. 

Tifa nodded and followed Cloud in retrieving his suitcases. Passing through a short hallway, the soldier sluggishly twisted the knob of his bedroom door and trudged himself through the door frame. For a moment, he silently stood there, taken aback by how barren it looked. A sudden heaviness sank in his chest like he couldn’t even comprehend that he used to live here. The same bed with a freshly laundered black blanket and grey sheets. The same wooden faded end tables. The same window with its navy-blue curtains. Waiting for his return. 

The two spent the next hour unpacking his belongings. Tifa seemed to have a knack for remembering exactly where everything was, surprising even Cloud for how it slipped his memory. In one of the suitcases’ compartments, Tifa pulled out the action figure that she forced Cloud to take with him.

“You still have this?” she asked, both glad and amused. 

“I mean, what else was I gonna do with it?” Cloud huffed.

“C’mon, I think it’s cute that you still kept it,” Tifa laughed before realizing what she said. She shook her head with a tiny blush. 

When they finally replicated Cloud’s entire military fantasy, Tifa added a finishing touch of her own. She placed a blue vase atop one of Cloud’s end tables with the yellow daisies inside. Next to it stood the action figure. 

“There,” she sighed, taking a step back to admire their handiwork. “Whaddya think?”

Cloud only shrugged, “Yep, it’s all the same.”

The window revealed the sky, twilight swimming over it. It did so every night, but Tifa still found it breathtaking. Its beauty somehow always encouraged her to act in a way that she may have been hesitant about before. She almost laughed at how eerily familiar everything felt. Her standing here with her childhood friend who stared at her blankly. 

“I’ve decided to go to Seventh Heaven tomorrow,” Cloud spoke up.

“Really?!” Tifa exclaimed. 

“I believe I promised a friend that nothing would change. We’d pick up where we left off so…” he trailed off, tucking his hands in his pockets.

“Oh...right.” Honestly, Tifa almost forgot about the promise. Throughout the years, Tifa disregarded it as an impulsive response to the sadness that she felt about her childhood friend leaving for the army. But the fact that he actually remembered the promise made Tifa want to squeal like a fangirl. “I can’t believe that I dropped that on you way back when.”

“Five years is worth catching up. I figured I owed it to you.”

“You don’t have to owe me anything. You had a duty, and you stuck to it.”

“I’ll go at seven, tomorrow night,” Cloud quickly ignored her statement. 

“Sure. Seven works.” The bedroom dimmed as the sun dug deeper into the horizon. “Well I’d love to keep catching up, but it’s getting pretty late, huh? I want you to get some rest. You’ve got a big day coming up!” 

Cloud grumpily hummed, finding himself disappointed that Tifa was leaving so soon. Granted, she did have work the next day. He unknowingly tensed up at the thought of being alone. 

“One more thing…” Tifa gained the courage to immediately hug Cloud, closing her eyes into his chest. He stiffened as her smaller frame pushed against his. A part of him expected to feel gentleness, but one full of malice hidden behind it. His hands instinctively reached for her shoulders, ready to shove her off. Even if he knew he couldn’t, and that it was pointless. But the longer he stood there, the more he found a reason to stop himself. Tifa’s hugs held something purer, a warmth that felt correct. How could he forget that? “I’m _really_ glad you’re back, Cloud. You don’t know how much I missed you.”

Attempting to relax his body, Cloud reluctantly wrapped his arms around her, easily placing the tip of his chin atop her head. “I missed you too,” he replied. 

Tifa softly chuckled and released the hug. “See you tomorrow, then,” she said, leaving Cloud by his lonesome.

His body remained in that same spot, the shadows in the corners edging closer along the walls. His eyes surveyed the room. Every poster, every flag, every book. It immensely irritated him as his heartbeat quickened. It was disgusting. How could his younger self have been so blind? Anyone could have mistaken his determination for stupid ignorance. Somebody could have guided him to a different path, revealing the truth of war. Yet he fell for it like a good little soldier and kept going anyway. 

His mouth met his fingers, and his teeth stuttered along his nails. He was afraid to look. Dreadfully, Cloud focused his eyes on the forbidden poster. The one he used to ogle, the one he used to admire, the one he used to want to become. If only. If only they knew the reality behind Sephiroth’s death. He should be relieved, right? That everyone around him excused it as just another tragedy in the fields of battle? That Sephiroth’s name went down with honor? His skin was saved, and his loved ones looked at him with adoration—not horror. Everything stayed the same. He should be satisfied.

_How fucking pathetic that you think you deserve them._

Cloud’s entire body trembled. He wanted to crawl onto the floor and curl into himself. It felt safer down there where he didn’t have to get up again, only to be taken down twice as hard. All that was missing was the third black eye he had that month, the busted lip, the dislodged shoulder. He remembered refusing to let his tears break because crying in front of him would only earn him a sharp slap. Behind him, Cloud heard the click of the front door. It prompted him to shut his own door immediately. The solitude left him both relieved and lonely. 

A smooth, calculating voice whispered in his ear as if **he** stood right beside him.

_“I know it hurts, Cloud,” Sephiroth’s smile never wavered. The young soldier couldn’t recall a time when he ever frowned. That detail frightened him. He struggled to pick himself up, his cheek already bruising. Sephiroth tenderly petted the top of his head, his grin growing larger when he flinched away from his touch. Licking his lips at the sight of a fearful Cloud with teary eyes, Sephiroth thought he looked truly delicious._

_“But know that I’ve felt far worse than the pain you’re experiencing now. If you vow to become the best, then you must learn what this feels like. Your tolerance will be more advanced than the other soldiers. I thought this was what you wanted? If you cannot handle this, I will choose another pupil,” Sephiroth’s catlike eyes narrowed with glee when he saw Cloud lower his head in shame._

_“N-No. I’ll keep going…I-I want to be just like you,” he stuttered, clutching onto Sephiroth’s hand to help balance him to his feet. He repositioned into his previous fighting stance, his fists shaking. Despite all the ruthless blows that Cloud took, he still held that persistent flare in his eyes. Even if it appeared more ghostly, and the dread was far more prevalent. Sephiroth humorlessly chuckled, hearing these types of words from him so many times before._ _“You’ll be a great hero, Cloud,” Sephiroth purred, dashing at the blond in a ferocious speed then grasped his neck._

Gritting his teeth, Cloud stormed towards his Sephiroth poster and ripped it into shreds. He was gone now. He should be happy. Cloud performed the same treatment on the other posters. He tore his historical DVDs from their shelves, shriveled his many Midgarian patriotic pennants, ripped the pages out of his war books and autobiographies from actual soldiers, amputated the joints of his soldier action figures. Including the one that Tifa made him keep.

All her hard work that she did to set up his room in its former state, ruined by his own hands. Cloud bit his knuckles as immense guilt washed over his body. 

_She was always so sweet, thinking about others before herself. Too bad she’s wasting it on someone as horrible as you._

The air suffocated him. His body desperately shivered. He wanted to feel something, anything other than what he was feeling right now.

Cloud gave an expectant glare at his shaking hand. Lifting his shirt, he snatched a part of his side. His nails dug into his skin, far deeper than he anticipated. Letting out a weak groan, Cloud stuffed his shattered dreams back into his suitcases and meekly climbed into his bed. He didn’t need his mother worrying over him, asking him a bunch of ridiculous questions as to why his room was such a mess. He would secretly throw everything away later.

The blanket pinched his cold skin. He focused on this numbness, blocking out any other emotion that came with it. **He** taught him long ago to ignore all that. 

So, Cloud kept scratching his skin. When it began to feel less grading, he slapped himself in between scrapes. The combination brought a strong sting. He laid in a bed that barely even fit his pitiful body anymore, his feet almost dangling at the end of the bed. Everything he once had in his room was gone. Except for a blue vase potted with yellow daisies. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd definitely appreciate feedback on how I'm writing Cloud, especially with his depression and self-harm so far (it'll only escalate from here). I'm afraid that it seemed too forced, or it wasn't depicted accurately. I know these topics are triggering for some people, so I really want to write this well. I've never written anything this dark before.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	2. Tifa's Dream

Claudia stood in the center of her son’s bedroom. She brought her hand to her chin, surveying the barren space as if it were a crime scene. It concerned her, seeing the room as nothing but a bleak husk of its former state. 

Yesterday, Cloud hadn’t left his room for the rest of the night. At the time, she left the matter alone, concluding that her son was merely exhausted from his trip and time in the army. But when morning arrived and Cloud still locked himself in his room, Claudia couldn’t help but feel worried. Multiple times she had knocked on his door and called his name, only receiving tired grunts in return. Eventually, he managed to pull himself out of bed and eat through breakfast. Albeit with the same silence and passiveness that crept from last night’s dinner. Then immediately after he finished his plate, which took him a longer time than his mother, he raced to his room and locked the door again. 

Claudia knew her son. Honestly, she was quite used to his standoffish nature. Whenever the two had their conversations, it always appeared slightly one-sided. Claudia often liked to talk about his future with both words of encouragement and friendly teases while her son fired back with embarrassed retorts and a cold shoulder. And she never minded because that was simply how her son behaved. She constantly told herself that she had nothing to be concerned about and that all of this was normal. Yeah, her son seemed more distant than usual, but he always acted that way. Even with Tifa sometimes, who she understood may have been his only genuine friend. And yet, she couldn’t shake off this feeling that her Cloud was different somehow. More remote to the point where he barely spoke to her. 

Understanding that this feeling wouldn’t fade any time soon, Claudia waited to make her move. She stayed in the living room; her hands cupped around a warm mug of hot chocolate while watching today’s news report. Another speech dedicated to the fallen soldier, Sephiroth. She bowed her head and closed her eyes in prayer, even when she heard a soft creak from behind her. Heavy footsteps steadily approached her before descending further into the hallway. Hearing the click of a door and rushing water, she raised her head and set the mug on the coffee table. It was already nighttime, and her son finally left his bedroom. He was most likely getting ready to go to Seventh Heaven which happened to be in an hour. 

_What was he doing in there?_ Claudia thought, quietly walking into Cloud’s room. Now here she was, taken aback by its condition. All his possessions, the treasures that she gifted him for his birthdays and the holidays, disappeared. His passion for the military completely eradicated. Everything in the room looked so grey. The only vibrant colors left in it being the vase of yellow daisies that rested on one of his end tables next to his bed. Claudia could only stare dejectedly at the scenery around her. 

“What are you doing in my room?” Claudia jumped and turned around, facing her son who narrowed his eyes at her. She noticed that he hadn’t changed out of yesterday’s clothes, and his eyes were wrinkled with purple blemishes. However, he seemed to have combed his hair through while he was in the bathroom. 

“What happened to your room?” Claudia asked, ignoring his own question.

“Figured I was just too old for that stuff,” he shrugged. “You’re mad?”

“No. I just came in here to pick out your outfit for today.”

“I can do it myself,” Cloud said, mildly pushing past her so that he could pull out clothes from his closet. Unbeknownst to his mother, he had left his room last night while she slept. In the late hours of midnight, he forced himself out of bed, no matter how much he wanted to stay in it, and threw all of his broken dreams into the trash can outside. A garbage truck picked it up this morning. 

“Well excuse me then,” Claudia pretended to be offended, letting out a soft chuckle in the end. Cloud ignored her. She heaved a sigh, “Anyways, go ahead and get dressed. I’ll warm up the food. We have so many leftovers because _someone_ barely touched his plate last night.” She was sure that the snide comment would at least get him, but when he continued to surf through his closet, she found herself empty-handed. The mother defeatedly exited the room.

Like yesterday and today’s breakfast, the leftover dinner carried nothing but additional awkward silences. Currently, it was close to seven, so Claudia had to drive her son to Seventh Heaven, considering that the young man didn’t own a car. She entered the driver’s seat of her familiar green jeep while Cloud moved towards the backseat.

“Cloud, you don’t need to sit back there anymore. You’re a grown-ass man,” she laughed. Giving a quick glance at the rearview mirror, she saw how his face barely lifted, a little surprised by his unconscious action. Despite that, he quickly shifted into his bored expression again and entered anyway. Claudia sighed, “We’re on our way then.”

Cloud rested his elbow atop the sill of the car door, his gaze staring out of the misty window as his mother pulled out of the driveway. Claudia turned on the radio, the station already set to one with blues. They lived in a small town. Not many attractions or areas of interest hung around in these parts. Everyone had what they needed here—a modest house, local shops, bars, quaint restaurants, and a nice park. A quiet hitch emitted from Cloud’s throat, and his bangs cast a shadow over his eyes. Claudia spied on him through the rearview mirror once again, a pout forming over her lips. They both sensed this weird perception of familiarity, with the mutual silence and passage of all the regular buildings as the calm music swelled in the car. Both realized how much they missed this, but they felt that there was truly something _missing_ about it.

As they reached further into the marketplace of the town, Cloud’s gaze shifted to his front. The image of the previously abandoned building increased in size. Oftentimes, Tifa and he enjoyed walking around town together. Every time they passed this very building, which used to be a bar back in the day before it closed down, Tifa would rush up to it, gaping in awe. 

She always said, _“One day, I’ll get my chance. I’m gonna turn this into the best bar that this town has ever seen!”_

For Cloud, all he saw was a crusty old building that would only continue to wither away. But whenever he observed the hopefulness in Tifa’s eyes as she stared at that building, he couldn’t help but see himself. So, he played along, telling her that she had to keep trying. He loved seeing her confident smile. 

_“And that’s a promise!”_

“We’re here!” Claudia announced, parking the car, and turning it off. They stepped out of the vehicle, and Cloud softly gasped at the sight. Noticing the noise, Claudia heartily smiled, “Looks good, doesn’t it?”

Gone were the oily, unnaturally green windows and rusty marks on the brown bricks. Tifa remastered it with an American Wild West theme, making it look more like a saloon that cowboys spent their leisure time in. Tiny red and yellow lights dangled along the building, bonded together in neat cords. A curved, rectangular, neon sign hung near the top of the roof, displaying the bar’s name: “7th Heaven” paired with a regular rectangular sign above it that read: “Have a great day!” 

_She really did it,_ Cloud thought, finding himself twiddling with his gloves. An abrupt shyness washed over him as his heartbeat began to quicken. 

Claudia chuckled at his nervousness, “Go on! Have fun! Just call me when you need to be picked up later, ok?” When he deeply nodded, his mother returned to her car. He gave one more quick glance at her behind the large window glass. The tiny pout on his lips could compete with a child during their very first day of school. She playfully made shooing motions with her hand and steered out of the driveway. 

Standing by himself, Cloud’s ears faintly pounded by the anticipation of rock music inside. Also, he could hear muffled chatter and clinking glasses.

 _They’re just normal people,_ he reassured himself, but the thought of being surrounded by a crowd overwhelmed him for some reason. 

“It’s whatever,” he whispered to himself, shaking his head. Tightening his straight face, Cloud stormed into the bar. The sharp whish of the door startled most of the customers, tens of pressing eyes falling over his figure. Hiding a small wince at the intrusive feeling, the blond man scoffed and averted his gaze from everyone. Some of these people he actually recognized from high school. A handful of them he used to pick fights with. He heard them let out grunts and snickers.

 _You’ve dealt with this before. Even during military training where they thought you were a pretty boy big shot._ Cloud shot them a nasty glare to which they responded with more snickers, but the action succeeded as they returned to their own business. 

From the inside, the bar didn’t seem too large compared to its outside. Everyone had a round table to themselves where they could pleasantly drink and eat greasy food. Mini televisions were placed on the walls, screening multiple games of baseball. The music erupted from a flashy jukebox where customers gleefully danced to. Games such as arcade cabinets, a pool table, and dart boards offered further entertainment for them. All the loud socializing made Cloud feel even more invisible, and not even in a way that he preferred. He awkwardly stood against the wall near the entrance, stretching his neck to search for any sign of Tifa. 

“Bro! Is that you?!” A redheaded man with a mohawk sauntered over to him. Cloud inwardly groaned.

 _Fucking Johnny._ He remembered how he always wore an unbuttoned jean jacket, not even bothering to cover his chest. Even though the blond responded with a glare, it didn’t stop the man from outstretching his arms. “Wow! You made it! I betted Tifa that you wouldn’t but man, you totally did. It’s not like I doubted my bro or anything. I just know you’re not really into this kind of stuff. But man, bro! It’s been ages since I last saw you. Congratulations on the war, bro! C’mon, give Johnny a hug!”

“No, you dumbass,” Cloud hissed, but Johnny waved him off and pulled him into a hug. The blond steered his head away, his entire body stiffening. Johnny was accustomed to his cold behavior, so he didn’t take it too personally. However, he found himself a little shocked when the blond harshly shoved him off. Cloud’s body slightly shook, and he tightly clenched his arms that were covered by his heavy coat.

“Jeez relax, bro. I was only trying to say hi,” Johnny said, honestly a bit sad that he seemed more hostile.

“How many times have I told you not to call me that?” Cloud said. Realizing how hard he gripped his arms, he bristly crossed them.

“Sorry bro,” Johnny gasped, and Cloud twitched his eye in annoyance. “Oh shit, sorry again bro. Dammit, I did it again, bro. Shit, not again bro. Bro, you gotta help me stop-”

“Where’s Tifa?” Cloud interrupted, finding himself getting a headache from Johnny’s voice alone.

“Right, Tifa! She told me to keep a lookout for you, and if I saw you, I should take you to her immediately,” the redhead recited. “Follow me!”

Letting out an irritated sigh, Cloud begrudgingly followed him. Johnny rushed his way through, continually bumping into nearby tables and people. He squeaked out apologies while also scolding himself.

“Just slow down,” Cloud seethed. 

“Right, right, sorry bro.” He didn’t even bother to yell at Johnny even more for his slipup. He led him to the back of the bar where the counters for bartenders and cooks were located. To his surprise, one of them was Tifa herself. She was currently wiping her counter’s surface with a damp rag. Her uniform resembled the attire of a cowgirl as she wore a brown vest and a white crop top, completing the look with a signature cowgirl hat. Her name tag was clipped right above one of her breasts. 

Tifa lifted her eyes from her work and smiled, “Heya, Cloud. I’m glad you made it. Thanks for bringing him over here, Johnny.”

“No problem!” Johnny replied. “Now I would love to stay and hang out with you guys, but I gotta be taking my leave.”

“You’re leaving so soon?”

“Yeah. I got an early shift in the morning, and I don’t want to be too hungover.” He began to rub the back of his neck, “But uh, maybe if you asked me to stay _really_ nicely I-”

“It would be best if you get the rest. Goodnight, Johnny,” Tifa blurted, shyly lowering her gaze to the floor. 

“O-Oh ok...see ya.” Disappointed, Johnny left the two together.

“And good luck tomorrow!” Tifa called. Once he exited the bar, she sighed and mumbled, “Crap. I didn’t mean to offend him.” She just never knew how to handle flirtatious gestures very well, and the young woman experienced the situation quite frequently throughout her teen years. Many people expected her to have adjusted to it already, but she still got flustered. 

“Johnny’s the same as ever. You know he’ll just try again,” Cloud reassured, taking off his coat. For today, he decided to wear something simple—a grey turtleneck and dark jeans. 

“Oh! Do you want me to get that for you?”

Cloud hummed and handed her the coat, watching her leave her station and hang it on a coat rack that was nearby. “You could’ve just told me to get up and do it.”

“I’m afraid not, sir. This is your night, and it’s my job to accommodate the customers,” Tifa teased, continuing to clean the counter. “But back to Johnny. Was he happy to see you?”

“Yep,” Cloud rolled his eyes.

“Give him a break, Cloud. He admires you, and he really sees you as a friend.”

“He’s not my friend. An annoying pest is more like it.”

“Be nice! He puts up with you, so you should put up with him.”

Unlike Cloud, Tifa was relatively popular at their high school. Because of her calm and friendly nature, many students enjoyed spending time with her. Especially boys. That included Johnny who always had the hots for her. He constantly attempted to impress her, but his efforts were on the verge of pathetic. But at least he tried, and he respected her boundaries. The redhead had met Cloud through Tifa, and since then, would usually strive to pull Cloud out of his shell. The two couldn’t be anything but polar opposites with Johnny’s charming, energetic, and airheaded personality. Yet despite their differences, Johnny seemed to enjoy his company. And Cloud would never admit that he somewhat appreciated that about him.

“It’s impressive what you’ve done with the place,” Cloud noted, taking another look at his surroundings. 

“Thanks. I really wanted to make this place unique, y’know?”

“I’m proud of you.” Tifa gave him a surprised look, spotting a puny smile from the soldier that slowly etched its way on his lips. She bashfully smiled. 

“I like seeing everyone hanging out together at the bar. Chatting, having fun, playing games. There are even people here from high school who decided to support me. And even though I’m the manager, I wanted to be a part of it too, cooking for them and making drinks for them. It’s just...nice seeing everyone happy.”

Cloud stared at her as she rambled. Truthfully, these moments were quite rare. She always listened to him whenever he spoke about his dreams of becoming a soldier. Admittedly, Tifa fit more with the reclusive type when it came to her feelings. Not that he blamed her. He wasn’t too open with his emotions either. But when the woman elaborated on her passions, her dreams, she really did shine to him. 

_How funny. That she got her dream while he didn’t._

“I’ve met some new faces here too. Actually, there’s someone coming over tonight that I wanted to introduce you to.” She frowned at the sound of Cloud groaning. “I know you don’t really like new people in general, but this guy and I have really gotten close these past couple of years. Besides your mom, he helped me open Seventh Heaven. I think you’ll like him.”

“If you say so,” Cloud sighed, seriously doubting it.

“Well, since he’s not here yet…” Tifa spread her hands across the counter, shooting him a beaming smile. “What can I get you for today, sir?” Her voice pitched to a more serviceable tone.

Cloud hesitated, knowing that this would be the first time he ever drank. He guessed it depended on how strong the alcohol would be, but he wasn’t familiar with the specific types of drinks and how tolerant his system adapted to them. Playing along with the act, he made what Tifa considered as somewhat of an amateur move. 

“I dunno. Something hard and bitter?” he requested.

Tifa chuckled, reaching underneath the counter to retrieve a glass, a cocktail shaker, and a drink strainer. Understanding that this was most likely Cloud’s first alcoholic beverage, she immediately chose something that fell under the tamer side of his order. The soldier observed her movements, visibly impressed by her rapid mixing and shakes of the liquids. She performed a show, twirling and spinning the bottles as she poured the finished beverage into the glass. When she slid the glass along the surface in his direction, he expertly caught it in his hands.

“Our house special: the Cosmo Canyon. It's happy hour, so the special is on the house,” Tifa announced, deciding to pour herself a glass too. Cloud stared at the glass, slightly tilting it as the red liquid bobbled to its askew side. Tifa raised hers in a silent toast and eagerly drank. Following her encouragement, Cloud slowly sipped. He expected to recoil from the harsh bitterness that came from it, but he found that the drink offered a comfortable sizzle to it. Tiny hints of a cherry flavor were even present within it, causing him to hum in delight from the freshness.

“Beautiful,” he said, lifting the glass towards her eyes. It was a mirror. Tifa shyly giggled and lowered her gaze at the notion.

“I-I’m glad you liked it.” Realizing what he said, Cloud blushed as well and continued to drink the rest. “Want some more?”

“Sure,” he replied without hesitation.

“Don’t get too excited now. Unless you want to get a little tipsy.”

Actively curious about the feeling of getting drunk, Cloud gave a nonchalant shrug, “Even so, it’ll be my fault, won’t it?”

“I suppose so,” Tifa laughed, mixing another Cosmo Canyon for him. The two stayed like this for the past hour, engaging in harmless small talk. The soldier was halfway through his third glass, wincing a little from the buzz that began to pound in his head. Noticing this, Tifa stole the drink away from him. “Alright mister, that’s enough for you. As funny as it would be to see you drunk, I need you to be sober for when my guest shows up.”

“Forget him,” Cloud slurred, the buzzing in his head growing more tolerable now. He beckoned with his hand, “More.” It came off more like a whine, making Tifa laugh.

“Guess I never should’ve introduced you to alcohol.” Before Cloud could retaliate, Tifa’s attention shifted to the figure behind him. She excitedly smiled and cheered, “Barret, hey! Grab a seat!”

After he put his coat away on the coat rack, a tall, burly man slammed into the seat next to Cloud, loudly stretching his muscles. The soldier sneakily eyed him, briefly shaken on how much larger this man was compared to him. Although the soldier had gotten much taller over the years.

 _Because of the—_ Cloud furiously shook his head.

The man wore a black tank top with dog tags encircled around his neck and green jeans. It already annoyed Cloud how the accessory was more of a stylistic choice. On his left arm was a tattoo of a fiery skull. He raised his shades over his head, revealing dark eyes that squinted with glee. After the man ordered his drink, Tifa finally provided an introduction.

“Cloud, this is my friend, Barret. He moved into town a year after you left for the army,” she said. Barret turned around in his chair to face him, giving him a lukewarm frown. 

“A soldier boy, huh? Yeah, Tifa’s told me a lot about you,” he said. Cloud returned the favor. Tifa shuffled her feet across the floor, noticing the hostile tension between the two. She understood that Cloud didn’t often get along with new people, already behaving in a cold manner whenever he first met them. To him, they served as nothing but an additional inconvenience. Only the most persistent broke through his shell, and she was the only one who managed to put up with him for so long when they were younger.

“Barret used to be a mechanic for Shinra,” Tifa spoke up.

“Until I learned how shitty they treat their workers and the environment,” Barret said, forming a deeper sneer. He chugged the rest of his drink and slammed his glass on the counter. Other glasses rattled from the impact. “Do you know how much energy they steal from the environment every day? It’s ridiculous how anybody continues to support them, especially the damn government! Those bastards practically have them wrapped around their little finger!”

Tifa sadly nodded. It was true. Midgar was famous for its usage of electrical power, all thanks to the Shinra Electric Power Company. Due to their astounding achievements in utilizing supposed “renewable electric energy,” the government signed multiple business deals with them. Some would say the government practiced a laissez-faire attitude when it came to Shinra. This theory helped its case when the past presidents of Midgar were connected with Shinra, like the not-so-subtle President Shinra who currently owned the company. Or _Shinras_ who also had served as previous presidents.

“So, I quit my job. I’ve seen the pain of my fellow co-workers, and how they constantly overwork them, paying them barely above minimum wage. The environment is exposed to all the work. The grass is covered with soot, the skies are murky and filled with smoke over clouds, the air’s burning your lungs! Shinra’s surprisingly industrial with their methods. Luckily, I wasn’t the only one who got screwed over and wanted to expose the truth. And we fight, every day, to make sure that Shinra gets what they deserve!”

“Barret founded an environmentalist organization called Avalanche with three others. That’s actually how I met him. He was making a speech at the park nearby,” Tifa filled Cloud in on the details. The soldier nodded. He actually learned about Avalanche’s existence from side conversations during his later years in the war. Nothing relatively positive was spoken about them. Their beliefs were ridiculed, saying their cause was hopeless and delusional. 

**He** found them amusing. Unknowingly, Cloud lowered his head.

“That’s why you gotta come to one of our rallies someday, Tifa. The more support, the better,” Barret said.

“I’ve been meaning to go, but my schedule’s constantly booked up.”

“You really believe all that?” Cloud asked her, raising his eyebrows in disbelief. 

Before Tifa could silently shush him, Barret glowered in his direction. “What? You don’t think what I’m sayin’ is true?!”

 _I wouldn’t put it past them,_ Cloud thought, but his lips tightened into a thin line. Truthfully, he understood that a company that held so much power over the government was dangerous. The influence they had over the people, the land, the soldiers. Clenching his fists, Cloud felt his next words being forced through his teeth. 

“No. You need to get help if that’s what you’re thinking.” Tifa gave an annoyed sigh, trying her hardest not to facepalm. 

Barret abruptly stood up, his figure towering over the blond. “Tch, what do I expect from a soldier? I forgot that Shinra’s got links to the military too. Ready to tear down anyone who opposes them. You’re just a loyal little doggy, ain’tcha!” he fumed, becoming angrier at the bored expression on Cloud’s face. If there was one way to kill a buzz, it was definitely this man’s bellowing voice. Barret huffed, “Whatever! Sorry Tifa, but I gotta go. Can’t leave Marlene all alone by herself unless the babysitter’s gonna make me pay extra.”

“Leaving so soon?” the soldier mocked, earning a sharp glare from the buff man. 

“Be nice!” Tifa scolded, turning her head to smile at Barret. “No worries. I just wanted you to meet him, that’s all.”

When Barret motioned for Tifa to step aside for him, she obliged. Once they were within whisper-level, Barret leaned down to meet her ear, “You like this hardass?” He gave the soldier a second glare, eyeing how Cloud tapped his fingers against the wooden counter, pretending not to hear them.

“I know he’s a little rough around the edges, but he’s a good guy. I promise. I’ve known him my whole life.”

“I pity ya.” Tifa playfully slapped his arm, and they shared a hug. “See ya later,” Barret waved, grabbing his black coat, and leaving the bar.

Instead of returning to the counter, Tifa sat next to Cloud and crossed her arms. “People like to make good impressions when they first meet someone,” she teased.

“I don’t get how you can stand these people,” Cloud waved off.

“Believe it or not, he reminds me a lot of you. It’s no wonder why I befriended him so easily. He’s passionate about his beliefs, kind of like you when you vowed to become the best, the proudest, Midgarian soldier ever! Don’t act like you still don’t watch those Stamp cartoons.”

 _A bleeding, whimpering dog laying on the ground is more fitting._ Cloud forced a yawn.

“Tired?”

“A little,” he managed to admit despite being in bed all day.

“C’mon, I’ll drive you home.”

“But-”

“I’ll just have the other workers close without me for today. The perks of being the manager, right?” Tifa winked, walking over to the coat rack. As she took off her hat, she put on her magenta dress coat. “Just tell your mom that you’re coming home early.” His friend could seriously be mistaken for a mother herself. Tifa voiced her farewells to the customers who were saddened to see her departure. 

Snow tickled the bridge of Cloud’s nose as they stepped outside towards Tifa’s red sedan. She softly gasped, cupping her hands to feel the snowfall. She gently smiled as the snowflakes immediately melted into the cloth of her gloves. Cloud recalled how she always loved winter. The cold, the snow, and the serenity of the stillness calmed her. 

“Cloud?” He broke out of his thoughts when he saw Tifa giving him an amused look. His hand reached for the car handle leading to the backseat again. Swallowing, he stuffed his hands into his coat pockets and slowly walked to the passenger’s seat. When they were situated in their seats, Tifa started the ignition and turned to a classical radio station. The soldier leaned his arm on the door again, finding a teenage couple walking along the sidewalk even though it was way past their curfew. He quietly hummed.

“Um, Cloud?”

“Hm?”

“N-Never mind, it’s silly.” she shook her head.

“No, I’m listening,” Cloud turned to face her. Tifa returned the stare, flustered by the intensity of his blue eyes. The color truly contrasted with the aura. She shyly moved her eyes to the steering wheel. “I was thinking that maybe, um...you could work at Seventh Heaven?” When she gained the courage to look into his eyes again, she interpreted his raised eyebrows as a negative sign. “B-But it’s only a suggestion! You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just thought you’d be in the need of a job since the war’s over, and we have an opening since our last employee quit and…”

Cloud furrowed his brows in thought. Even during his teen years, Cloud never worked before. He needed the free time to focus on his studies for school and the military. Besides, his mother wouldn’t mind the extra hand when it came to their finances, considering that she only worked at a small diner. Plus, Tifa would be there. But the customers...he inwardly groaned at the many scenarios where he would have to deal with them for as long as his shift demanded him to. 

“So, whaddya say?” Cloud stared at his friend, fully taking in how much she had grown over the years. It amazed him how she remained the same, coupled with minor changes. For instance, her dark hair met below her waist now, the ends tied together in a red scrunchie like she always styled it in. Her lips were fuller, and her ruby eyes were darker. It always appeared so mature to him. As they stared at each other, Cloud realized how much he really did miss his childhood friend.

“For you, sure,” Cloud shrugged. Unaware of the implications behind his own words, Tifa softly chuckled with a flushed face. 

“Don’t do it just for me. Do what _you’re_ comfortable with, ok?”

“I am,” he assured, yet his chest unexpectedly fell at her words. 

“Well since you’re so sure, the interview starts tomorrow!”

“What?!”

“Every employee has to prove they’re qualified for the job. You’re no exception, Cloud,” she laughed.

“Yeah I am,” he pouted. He spent so many years trying to prove that he was exceptional.

Soon enough, Tifa arrived at his house. “Have a good night,” she said as her friend unbuckled his seatbelt.

“You too…I had a good time,” he admitted. Kindly nodding with gratitude at his words, she waved to him as she pulled out of the driveway. He watched her as she left, the falling snow even heavier now. Life for his friend seemed to have improved over the years. He admired how the woman truly made a name for herself. She won her dream, earning support from her friends—old and new. 

_And what have you done?_ Cloud lowered his head, his teeth striking his lips. He didn’t even wince at the tiny splotch of fresh blood. 

_She doesn’t deserve you. She was clearly happy with or without you._

Hurriedly wiping the blood away, Cloud settled on his stinging lip and solemnly walked to his doorstep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted this chapter to focus a lot on what Tifa's currently doing in her life. I know there was a lot of exposition, more than I usually like, but I thought it was necessary. I hope that you still enjoyed it though!


	3. Limits

“Are you serious? I ordered a beer, not the damn special!” Cloud’s eye twitched at the man in front of him.

“Get over it,” he gritted his teeth, proceeding to clean the stash of dirty shot and wine glasses that he failed to pick up on earlier. Falling behind in his work, he didn’t have time to deal with yet another frustrating customer. With a leering eye, the customer read the soldier’s name tag. 

“Cloud Strife, huh? That’s your name?”

“Whaddya think?” Cloud sarcastically replied. 

“It’ll serve ya right when I complain to the manager.”

“Go ahead. She’s right over there,” Cloud lazily pointed his head in Tifa’s direction who overheard the heated conversation herself.

“Is there a problem, sir?” she politely asked, giving him a sideways glance as she swung a cocktail shaker.

“This employee of yours keeps getting all my orders wrong!” The customer slammed his fist against the wooden counter. The harsh thud almost caused Cloud to wince, but he buried his discomfort by clenching a wet glass. The slippery surface escaped his grasp and produced a loud clunk in the sink. 

Tifa sighed, “I’m sorry, sir. He’s new here.”

“No excuse. He’s an asshole too!”

“Here’s your damn drink,” Cloud gave an agitated mutter, retrieving a cold one from the mini-fridge beside him. The customer snatched the bottle.

“See? It only takes a few seconds, but you still screwed it up somehow. Tch, I ain’t paying ya a tip neither,” he snarled, shoving himself out of his seat. Before Cloud could compensate with a snide comment, Tifa raised her hand. 

“Leave him be,” she said. Scoffing, the blond slumped the damp rag he was using into the bottom of the sink and dried his soapy hands with a nearby towel. 

“Whatever. It’s time for my break,” he grumbled. Tifa pitifully smiled, watching him take his leave into the breakroom in the back. Closing his eyes, he already found solace in the silence that replaced the repetitive rock music in the main area. Nothing much resided here, just a few leather chairs, a coffee table—and a coffee maker respectively, and two vending machines. Currently, he didn’t have much of an appetite, so he dragged himself into one of the chairs and pulled off his cowboy hat. His gaze fell into his lap, and he let out a deep sigh while his fingers ran through his spiky locks. 

Out of all the days, Tifa made him work on a Friday—by far the busiest day of the week. _No, don't blame her. It makes sense why you must work today._ When Cloud visited Seventh Heaven last week and witnessed Tifa’s work firsthand, he believed he would ace this job. It appeared so simple. Listen to the customer’s order, make the drink they desired, hand it to them, get paid. Boom, something he could easily handle. His successful interview boosted his confidence, but he realized that Tifa wasn’t a picky boss. She had asked him a few trivial questions, concerning his background and previous work experience, which happened to be none, but his deployment in the army strengthened his credentials. Plus, it was obvious that he would get the job anyway because of their history together.

 _“Don’t tell anyone,”_ she had teased, bringing her finger to her lips in a shushing motion. Right after the interview, Tifa taught him how to mix the drinks. Granted he was only a beginner, so Tifa considered his performance to be “passable.” At first, he constantly fumbled with all the liquids, unsure of the orderly sequence that the recipe called for. Regardless, his ego pushed him to take a kick out of Tifa’s spectacular twirls and tosses of the cocktail shakers. She remarked how she needed to buy new ones later. An hour or so passed by, and the soldier’s skill barely bordered on Tifa’s level, but it became acceptable enough. In the end, she awarded him with his list of shift hours.

Cloud assured himself that this was nothing he couldn’t handle. His very first shift even landed on a Monday, possibly the calmest day at the bar. Oh, he was so mistaken. Yeah Friday was a busy day, but the other weekdays didn’t even fall short of that. When you were the customer, things seemed tranquil on the workers’ side. However, his responsibilities didn’t solely lie on being a bartender. Simultaneous with mixing drinks, he cleaned the dishes and counters. He had to help cook sometimes if the staff ran low that day. He served customers right to their tables. When it finally reached closing time, he swept the floors and organized all the dishes and utensils to their regular spots. All of it overwhelmed him, even with his co-workers by his side who suffered the same ordeal. Claudia wasn’t kidding when she said that Seventh Heaven was a popular hotspot in town.

And the customers. Oh man, the customers. Cloud reckoned dealing with them was a nightmare. Stressed from his other duties, Cloud continually forgot orders as his mind fussed over multiple things. Then came the yelling, the nitpicks, the personal insults. As much as he built up an equally mean character, the vicious words from the customers honestly hurt him, and he felt so powerless to stop it. This atmosphere was too fast-paced to his liking. Which was strange based on his service in the military. 

If he wanted to get technical, the battlefield strongly rivaled the havoc of a bar. They were both unpredictable and chaotic. He was accustomed to exceeding his limits. He _knew_ that he was a good soldier. _At least before._ That fact was prevalent during boot camp where he constantly received compliments from his drill sergeant and envious glares from his comrades. As uppity as it may have seemed, Cloud needed to ensure his worth. With customers berating him all day, it only made him feel worse, and the repugnance to wake up every morning, aware that he had to hear it all again later truly worsened his mood to a dangerous point.

“This vest is killing me,” Cloud muttered, adjusting the annoyingly snug vest for the twentieth time today. His eyes wandered along the walls that were filled with framed photographs of the beloved, loyal customers who frequently visited the establishment. _I can’t even get a break. I have to see their faces here too._ Barret even had a photo dedicated to him with Tifa and the other staff posing behind him. 

The thought of having to return to his work, only to hear more hurtful comments caused Cloud’s body to shake. His heart transitioned from dull beats to a panicky pace. Similarly to when he first came here, some students from his school years dropped by. They enjoyed messing with the blond once they discovered that he was a new employee. They would purposefully change their orders after he gave it to them, insisting that he mistook them. Then when he left to fix them, irritably, he heard them snickering, claiming how he was just as hilarious as he was in school. They enjoyed riling him up, finding his cold behavior amusing to toy with. The scrappy child always countered that way. Unless he wanted to get fired for an excessive amount of badmouthing. 

Cloud told himself that he needed to grow thicker skin. How else would he exceed? He needed to keep going. For himself and for his friend. The elated look that Tifa gave him when she realized that she would be working alongside her cherished friend served as motivation for him to prevail. Right now, his feelings didn’t matter. Like a good soldier—worker, he buried his feelings and kept going. 

The door to the breakroom opened, and Cloud raised his head at the sound. Tifa entered the room, giving him a soft smile. 

“Heya,” she said, quietly shutting the door back. 

“Hey,” he simply replied. Tifa decided to engage in small talk like many co-workers shared with each other in times like these.

“It’s pretty busy out there today, huh?” 

“Mhm.” Tifa leaned against the closed door, timidly folding her hands behind her back. She read his body language. Her friend sat in his seat; his elbows lazily propped on his knees. The wrinkles under his eyes were darker like he barely got enough sleep last night. She picked up herself that Cloud wasn’t enjoying his job too much. The lack of enthusiasm that progressed well into his first few days of work clearly showed that to her. But the accelerated level of grumpiness and irritation today genuinely concerned her. She bit her lip and shyly shuffled her feet against the floor. 

“What’s wrong?” Cloud asked, gaining her attention.

“What? Nothing!” she said, sheepishly shaking her head.

“You’re shuffling around a lot.”

The two friends possessed this innate ability to recognize if something was wrong with the other. It came with being together for so long. Tifa usually stuttered her body around, moving her arms or legs in a weird motion. Rubbing her hands together, looking down at the ground, shuffling her feet. The movements helped shake off some nerves. On the other hand, Cloud was more silent. He would stare at nothing yet also something, and his body barely moved. His straight face appeared heavier. Either way, they caught onto their mannerisms. Did they ever elaborate on their feelings? No, not really. 

“I’m just stressed about work too,” Tifa waved off. “I know how frustrating the customers can get sometimes. But just be careful not to scare them off too much, ok? And look on the bright side! Your vacation days start tomorrow, and I’ll give you your paycheck by the end of the week.”

Cloud glanced up at Tifa. He watched as she lightly giggled and nervously rubbed her arm. “Getting paid sounds nice,” he agreed, forcing a tiny smile. Besides the paycheck, he rarely earned any tips this week from his “kind” customers. 

“That’s the spirit,” Tifa chuckled. “How much time do you have left before your break ends?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me. I dunno. Like ten more minutes, maybe?”

“Take your time to collect yourself. Grab a snack or a drink. Do whatever you can to make it through. I’ll be there with you outside,” she flashed a kind smile and departed from the room. 

Cloud was left to his own thoughts. He gazed downward at the slinging cowboy hat in his hands. _Stop being such a crybaby and get to work. You’ve been through worse, and you can’t even handle a job?_ Brutally biting his lip, he willed himself to shove his feelings away. A stoic stare glossed over his eyes, and he walked towards the door out the breakroom. Today, he would get off his break early and work harder. He would prove that he could do his job, just like any normal person. Everything would stay the same. No matter how much his palms dampened when he turned the doorknob. 

* * *

Ding! 

Cloud’s eyes fluttered open, his head instinctively turning to the right side of his bed. The sudden breach of light that beamed from his phone screen stung his eyes. He considered leaving it alone until he spotted the name of the sender who interrupted his slumber. Completely moving his body to the right, he tiredly unlocked his phone and tapped the message app icon.

Tifa 

_6:02 a.m._

_Heya Cloud. Sorry for texting you so early, but I’m sure you’ll enjoy hearing this. I’m giving you the day off! You worked so hard yesterday, and I know this week’s been tough for you. You deserve the rest. Enjoy your three vacation days! :)_

Cloud 

_6:03 a.m._

_Thanks_

Although his bland response was a replica of his standard behavior, reality proved otherwise. Cloud shifted on his back, gasping out a heavy sigh of relief while his palm slapped against his sweaty forehead. He was elated. 

Last night wore him down to the point of extreme exhaustion. He may have overworked himself. After Tifa dropped him off at his house, he went straight to bed. He didn’t even have the energy to greet his mother who stayed awake in the living room watching one of her favorite dramas. Luckily, Claudia left her son to his devices. His body crashed into his bedsheets. How they naturally welcomed his weight brought a sense of consolation that felt so foreign. Something he hadn’t come across in ages. The silky sheets pulled him closer to numbness, and as soon as he fell for it, his mind shut off on its own. 

Now in the morning, he realized that he didn’t even change out of his work clothes. Suddenly, his body heated itself to the point of discomfort. Dragging himself out of bed, Cloud withdrew himself from the costume that pinched his entire body and exchanged it into a grey pajama shirt and loose sweatpants. He stood in the center of his room, finding his eyes searching throughout it. Nothing was here for him besides the yellow daisies on his end table. Exhaustion flew into his head again, unleashing a startling headache. He immediately dove into bed again. As his head rested against his fluffy pillow, the pounding in it subsided a little. Without a moment’s hesitation, Cloud closed his eyes.

This restful feeling. He wanted to hold onto it for as long as he could.

* * *

Claudia took a deep breath. She opened the door to her son’s room, silently hoping for some surprise. To her dismay, she expected to see this—her son still cooped in his bed. Whether he was asleep or wide awake, staring at nothing. 

For the majority of yesterday, Saturday, Cloud secluded himself in his room and remained motionless in bed. It was like the day after he returned from the military, but far worse. He only left his room to use the bathroom. Whenever she pestered him to get up for breakfast or dinner, he wouldn’t budge. His only answers were uninterested grunts. She tried to make conversations with him in terms of his new job and his plans for the day, but the talks were completely one-sided. One time she pressed further, blatantly questioning him if something was wrong. Each time, he insisted that he was fine and rudely turned his back to face away from her. He really acted like an angsty teenager, but somehow worse than that.

Eventually, Claudia gave up and left her son alone. If he wanted to talk, he would talk. She noted how he was usually emotionally distant from her, so it would take a while before he decided to tell her, albeit in brief hints like he normally did. Since he refused to eat with her at the dinner table, she had to take his plate to his room and set it on the barren end table. Giving him thirty minutes or so, she returned to his room and retrieved the plate to wash it. He would barely finish half of his food. 

Sunday came along, and she was entering his room now. In her hands was a plate of Cloud’s favorite breakfast: omelets and french toast. Noticing that her son was still asleep, she set the plate on the same end table and nudged him awake.

“Cloud?” she whispered. She quickly took her hand away when her son violently recoiled from her touch. “Oh, sorry I… did I scare you?”

Cloud gaped in her direction, but when he calmed himself that it was only his mother, he sluggishly shook his head. His nose eagerly sniffed the toasty aroma in the room. 

“I made your favorite,” Claudia smiled, pleasantly watching her son eye the dish with a surprised look. “Need anything else? Coffee, orange juice, milk?”

“I’m good...thanks.” His mother nodded and handed him the warm plate and a silver fork.

“You just enjoy that, ok?” Her first instinct was to leave him to himself, but she decided to grow a little bolder. She blurted out, “Say, how about after you eat, we go to church today? The pastor will be thanking the soldiers for their service there, and I think he’ll be glad to see you again.”

Cloud’s throat tightened at the thought of being acknowledged for his service. All those occupied seats, staring at him with gratitude. The pastor’s hand on his shoulder, spouting out nonsense about his grace and bravery. Praying for him to do more good in the future. If he were five years younger, he would’ve felt honored. He didn’t deserve to be recognized for the things that he did in the war. His stare missed his mother’s. 

“I’ll pass,” he mumbled. 

Claudia nodded again. It felt as if an unknown weight pushed her head even further to the ground. _It was worth a shot,_ she thought. “Ok...Call me if you need anything,” she whispered.

Cloud watched his mother exit the room. His eyes met the plate in his shaking hands. Slowly, he pierced his fork into the omelet and brought the piece to his mouth. It had already gotten cold.

* * *

Tuesday arrived. His time off ended. And he had to go back to work in two hours. The soldier deeply frowned, his body curling inward where his elbows almost grazed his knees. A desperate whirl spun in his head again, bracing itself for an incoming headache. His heartbeat fastened, and his hands sweated immensely.

He didn’t want to go back. He didn’t have any motivation to go back. Zero incentive to ditch his bed. It was like saying goodbye to a beloved pet before abandoning it. He grew attached; accustomed. As pathetic as it sounded, he recently found comfort in staying in bed all day. It was all his body could do. At work, he would only mess up orders, spill drinks, get yelled at for being a lousy employee. 

Oh no, the customers. His body began to shake, and he latched onto the bed sheets for support. Echoes of various insults swarmed in his head as if his own brain opposed him.

_“This food is too cold!”_

_“I want a fucking refund!”_

_“You call yourself an employee?”_

_“You’re so rude!”_

He told himself that he was being overdramatic. Tifa and his co-workers probably heard this stuff all this time. It came with working in customer service. Every day, they still got out of bed, broke a smile, did their job, got paid, and did it all over again the next day. 

_How come you can’t do it? How come you can’t do this one, simple job?_ Cloud’s skin paled at the thought of having to return to work the next day after a horrible shift. And then the next. Following a week, a month, a year. Another surge of dizziness swelled in his head. He brought his fist to his mouth and dug his teeth into his knuckles. More voices invited themselves in. Familiar ones from school. If he thought hard enough, he remembered the shoves and teasing kicks that came along with them.

_“As if you’re good enough to be a soldier.”_

_“Can’t you take a joke?”_

_“You get offended so easily, it’s hilarious. No wonder you don’t have many friends, huh?”_

Cloud grasped his shirt collar, indirectly tugging at the skin that coated his heart. 

_“You're letting your mind think too much, Cloud,” Sephiroth brought his hands behind his back as he eyed the blond below his feet. Tauntingly, he circled his trembling body. Cloud’s hand cupped under his nose, weakly trying to clog his bloody nose. Single drops still slipped through his fingers and splattered onto the wooden floor. It was so easy how Sephiroth could hide this if anyone noticed a sanguine floor. All he had to say was that a soldier with a leg injury slipped and scraped their skin against a loose floorboard that still has yet to be fixed. General Heidegger surely wouldn’t care. Believable; dismissed. Everyone marveled at him because of his service in the last Wutai war. He gained the highest position too: General status. Him being untouchable was an understatement. He was set for life._

_Sephiroth peered under his new pupil. If he learned to care anymore, he would almost feel pitiful. This young soldier agreed to participate in these private training lessons between them, so he had to suck it up. Especially if he desired to be just as great as him. The general suffered a lot worse than what he was given._

_Cloud’s knees struggled to lift himself up, “C-Could w-we stop in a few minutes? I-I don’t want to keep my comrade waiting,” he whispered. Sephiroth lowly growled at the mention of the blond’s friend, and he roughly kicked his side. Wincing, he fell back onto the ground. The general bit back a laugh._

_“You’re missing the point, and as long as you are, you are not permitted to leave our sessions early. Do I make myself clear?” Sephiroth smirked at the soldier’s emotionless nod. He tsked, his deep voice moving to a soft purr. “Cloud, I’m aware that you may interpret my teaching methods as...malign. But you must understand that I am doing this to prepare you. Midgar is facing another wartime. One that our country insists that we cannot afford to lose. Imagine how I felt when everyone turned to me to save them.”_

_Kneeling to Cloud’s level, Sephiroth tenderly raised his chin with his gloved hand. The blurred blues in his pupil’s eyes truly made him feel proud. “What you are feeling right now is exactly how I felt. Eventually, it must get bored into your mind that this is normal. Focus on the pain Cloud, and I promise you, you’ll feel as if it’s nothing at all.”_

_Cloud’s eyes lowered to Sephiroth’s thumb that began to caress his chin. He couldn’t look away. Not solely because of the determined grip that the general had over him, but also due to the humiliation if he did so. He was a soldier now. A true one like he always wanted to be ever since he was a child. An aspiration that many boys like him imagined. Whereas what made him special was how he proved his exceptional qualifications. As one of the select few to fight under Sephiroth’s unit, he couldn’t allow his sensitivity to ruin his future glory. He needed to stop being such a crybaby._

_Choking back a quiet sob, Cloud muttered, “You’re right. I’m sorry.”_

_I’m sorry, Tifa. I can’t come to work today._

Immense guilt washed over him, thinking over how considerate she had been to lift him off his feet while he couldn’t return the promise. Cloud reached for his hair and yanked at the strands. **He** always did that whenever he weakly staggered to the floor. He let his nails claw his skin again, briefly winching when they irritated previous marks. He banged his fists against the side of his face, muttering over how stupid he was and how he needed to focus. The pain and the warmth from his bed seduced him further into his weakness. 

* * *

Claudia knocked at her son’s door and called, “Cloud? What’re you doing? We should’ve left for work twenty minutes ago!” Her frown grew deeper when she was met without a response. What did she expect? A routine emerged in their household. She woke up, she cooked breakfast, served his plate in his room with no words exchanged, she went to work, she came home, she cooked dinner, she served his plate in his room with more words unexchanged, she watched TV, she showered, then she went to bed. Saturday through Tuesday, Cloud treated her as if she were invisible. It offended her, but if she confronted him about it, he would continue to act aloof. She was beating a dead horse here. 

Sighing, Claudia stepped away from his door. Once she headed to the living room, she took her cell phone out of her pocket and dialed.

* * *

When her shift ended, Tifa finally had the time to check her phone. To her surprise, she received a missed voicemail from Claudia. 

_“Hi Tifa. I hope this isn’t a bad time or anything since you’re working, but could you stop by our house after work? It’s about Cloud. All weekend, he’s been staying in bed, not doing anything. He won’t talk to me at all. Since you two are close, I figured he’d at least talk to you. Please? I’m getting really worried.”_

As soon as she heard the foreboding click at the end of the message, Tifa wasted no time in jumping into her vehicle and drove to the Strife residence. She didn’t even bother to stop by her apartment to change out of her work clothes. She was equally worried for her friend as his mother was. When Cloud didn’t show up to work, she shrugged it off at first, concluding that he was only running late. But hours passed, and he still remained absent. During one of her breaks, she texted him for an explanation and was left without a reply. Later, in her next break, she tried calling him. No response again. 

Tifa pursed her lips once she pulled into their driveway. After she rang the doorbell, Claudia invited her inside. Both stood outside his closed door, and Tifa shot a perturbed glance in Claudia’s direction, silently asking her if she should just barge in. When she nodded, Tifa timidly opened the door. A small peek of her shadow entered the room through the tiny crack that she created.

“Cloud? Are you in here? It’s Tifa,” she called. It unnerved her how Cloud’s body stayed motionless in the bed, only the steady rising of his blanket giving away his existence. Deciding to push further, Tifa uncertainly entered the room with Claudia replacing her stance behind the door, still giving herself a close listen. 

As she took steady steps in Cloud’s direction, Tifa had to force back a gasp at the now empty bedroom. _What happened to all his stuff?_ She worriedly thought. She raised her eyebrow at the yellow daisies that remained on his end table. A few petals fell from them and hadn’t been removed from the table. Specks of brown corrupted the petals’ healthy glow of yellow. Admittedly, a part of her was flattered that he kept the flowers, but he still needed to water and tend to them. They could worry about that later though. 

Tifa kneeled at Cloud’s bed-level next to his head. He was awake. He merely stared back at her, but his eyes brightened a bit at her arrival with surprise, relief, then stress. The young woman gently smiled and greeted him.

“Heya.”

“Hey,” he replied, his voice sounding bored as usual but croaky. He built up his stone-face again as he pulled his blankets away from his upper body. Tifa figured this would happen. The blond would ward off any signs of inner trouble to those around him. He was glued to his shell, asking about her own misfortunes instead. So, she didn’t want to push him, understanding all too well that he wouldn’t bother telling her anything anyway. Still, that didn’t mean she couldn’t try to help a little. She began with a simple question.

“Why didn’t you come to work today?” she asked, speaking in a kind tone as to not give off a pushy impression.

Cloud shrugged, “I was too tired.”

“Is that really the only reason?” He fell into silence again. Tilting her head, Tifa got a clearer look at his face. His cheeks were oddly flushed, and his forehead sweated profusely. His spiky hair stuck out in even more places like it hadn’t been combed. Then, his eyes. They were murky as a dirty river, and the circles under his eyes sank them. The soldier flinched when she touched his forehead. She grimaced.

“You’re burning up,” she said, wiping the sticky sweat away on her skirt. Cloud’s dry lips tightened when she observed his unkempt appearance. “Have you been feeling dizzy?”

“Sure,” he waved off. Tifa spiraled in a multitude of questions.

“Do your muscles feel tense?”

“Sorta.”

“Are you dehydrated?”

“Mhm.”

“Are you sick?”

“I dunno,” he dumbly replied.

“Stay here for a sec,” Tifa stood up and exited the room, meeting an impatient Claudia. 

“Well, he finally talked,” the mother said matter-of-factly.

“I think he might have a fever. His face looked all sickly to me.”

“Maybe that’s why he stayed in bed these past couple of days,” Claudia muttered. Her son rarely got sick, so he must have felt too tired to do much. At least that type of explanation consoled her.

“Do you have a thermometer?” 

Claudia nodded and retrieved the thermometer from the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. Lending it to Tifa, the young woman returned to Cloud’s room.

“Open your mouth,” she ordered, pointing the thermometer in his face. Giving her a hesitant glare, Cloud puckered the tip of it under his tongue. Seconds followed and a resounding beep alerted from the device. “One hundred and two degrees?!”

“Oh...who knew?”

Tifa scrunched her nose as a musty smell hit her nostrils. She leaned closer towards his body, and the soldier instinctively moved away. “No offense Cloud, but you smell too. Go take a shower.”

An abrupt fever saved him. Tifa decided to stay overnight and nurse Cloud’s fever while Claudia fixed him a bowl of her lovely chicken noodle soup with sliced, boiled carrots. Now that the soldier had a clear reason to stay in bed, the two women allowed Cloud to eat in his bedroom. Before they all went to bed, Claudia lent Tifa a spare pair of her old pajamas: a blue Victorian nightgown.

“Make sure Cloud takes his medicine before bed. I left a medicine cup with Tylenol on the counter,” Claudia informed.

“Of course. Goodnight, Ms. Strife,” Tifa smiled.

“C’mon Tifa, we’ve known each other for so long. Just call me Claudia, please.”

“O-Ok. Goodnight, Claudia,” she repeated, albeit more shyly this time.

“Goodnight,” the mother yawned and walked to her own bedroom. Tifa picked up the filled medicine cup and entered her friend’s bedroom. Still awake, he laid on his back with a wet rag plopped on his forehead. A childish pout formed on his lips. He appeared unamused when Tifa chuckled at the sight. 

“Here. You need to take your medicine,” she said. 

Cloud’s eyes suddenly widened at the mention of medicine, and he furiously shook his head, shaking a little. “N-No...no medicine,” he muttered.

“I’m sorry Cloud, but you have to take it to get better,” Tifa insisted, gesturing for him to take the cup. _Was he one of those people who were disgusted by the taste of medicine when they were kids?_ She asked herself. By the look of Cloud’s body language, she couldn’t help but worry a little. Aware that he had to keep up with the act, the soldier hesitantly took the medicine from her and slowly sipped. He shuddered at the unnaturally sweet taste.

Tifa planned to sleep on the couch to rest for the night, but an idea popped in her head. Even though she found herself blushing, she tiptoed to the vacant side of Cloud’s bed and slid underneath the covers. 

“Tifa? What are you doing?” Cloud sputtered, feeling the sudden need to pull up his sleeves to cloak more skin. 

“U-Um, I thought we could just lay together. Like old times. I-If you’re not comfortable, I can turn the other way,” she suggested, her face growing redder. When they were much younger, the two friends napped together in the same bed, whether it be his or hers. Claudia used to photograph those moments and tease him about it. She was unsure what possessed her to do it now. Perhaps, she considered it to comfort him since she didn’t want to isolate him even further. 

“But you’ll get sick too.” 

“Guess I will. I could use a break from work too.” Something in her gut encouraged her to be stubborn.

Cloud huffed, “Whatever. Do what you want.” 

The two fell under an awkward silence. Then the soldier averted his gaze. “Uh, Tifa?”

“Yeah?”

“I quit. I don’t think I can work at Seventh Heaven anymore. It’s not really for me.”

Tifa sighed, frankly disappointed but expectant of his claim. From the beginning, she could comprehend that he didn’t enjoy his job at the bar. Compared to the other workers, Cloud clearly struggled more than them, and he appeared unenthusiastic. It pained her that she caused her friend this much distress, even if it was unintentional. She reasoned that this was most likely the case as to why he didn’t show up for work. Yeah, she loved the idea of working with her close friend, but she also respected his limits. Maybe she shouldn’t have rushed into giving him a job so quickly.

“It’s okay, Cloud. I’m not gonna force you to work somewhere you don’t want to. Find a place that makes _you_ happy, not me. But you’ll have to put in your two weeks notice so that I can find someone to replace you in time.”

Cloud groaned. “If it makes you feel better, you’ll get some extra days off since you’re sick. Once you’re done for good, I’ll give you your final paycheck soon. Look, let’s forget about work right now. Just get some rest, ok?”

When Cloud hummed in response, Tifa smiled, “Goodnight, then.”

“Night.”

The soldier snuck a glimpse at his friend next to him who faced her back away from him. A lopsided smile landed on his lips as he gazed at the ceiling. This woman was always too kind to him, and he constantly wondered why. Whatever it may have been, her presence slightly eased him. Having someone here with him made sleeping more bearable than the other days where he spent time all alone. The company reminded him of something as his eyes closed on their own. That night, he dreamt of a memory. 

* * *

_It was that same damn smile again. All Cloud wanted to do was perform his pull-ups in peace. He couldn’t afford any distractions if he wanted to prosper in basic training. Yet for the past two weeks, this man around his age kept glancing at him. Then, when Cloud would glare at him from the corner of his eye, the man gave him a toothy smile. He hoped his clear disinterest would turn him off. It usually succeeded whenever someone tried to get too close to him. Not with this dude, however._

_Another fact that didn’t help his agitation towards the black-haired man was that he couldn’t escape him. Their sleeping quarters happened to be placed right beside each other at the barracks, and Cloud hated to confess it, but this boy rivaled his level of skill._

_On the first day of training, Cloud wasn’t surprised that he exceeded those around him. Everyone who arrived at the camp was just as jittery over the first step of becoming a soldier. Until they met their harsh drill sergeant. He worked them to the bone, letting in little room for mishaps, failure, and lethargy. And if they talked back, they served a punishment. Cloud learned the hard way. At least he didn’t get kicked out like some men who couldn’t keep up with the tedious exercise._

_Even though he had a sharp tongue, Cloud was still a tenacious worker. He trained his whole life for this after all. Back home, he tirelessly worked out in the gym after school. Read up on a bunch of books covering military training. It was his sole dedication. Most of the men here ogled him with animosity, especially when he gained congrats from his drill sergeant for his perseverance. The blond couldn’t help but feel confident in himself due to all of the recognition. Despite the glares that burned over him, he convinced himself that it didn’t bother him. He was used to this kind of hostility at home from his classmates. So why would it be any different from here?_

_How ironic that he now rewarded someone else with the exact same, although quieter, jealousy. This black-haired individual proved exceptional as well. He rarely ever showed signs of fatigue, and while they sprinted, he surpassed Cloud. He pulled the most sit-ups, push-ups, pull-ups, crutches, you name it, than the blond. The drill sergeant congratulated him on his dedication as well. The others eyed him with envy too, but some acknowledged his worth in a friendly manner, strolling up to him and clapping his back. They laughed and sparred with him, sharing funny stories about their lives in the mix of punches and strikes. It certainly didn’t help that every time the two trained together, they would often catch eyes accidentally. Cloud shot him an annoyed glare while the man only smiled._

_He almost reminded him of Johnny, and that connection irritated Cloud to no end. He didn’t even bother asking for this guy’s name. As if there was ever any need to. He didn’t come here to make friends. He came here to become a soldier, and that meant no room for distractions._

_Nevertheless, the man revealed his name anyway._

_In between pants, the man managed to speak, “Hey! I’m Zack by the way. Zack Fair.” At first, Cloud didn’t respond, confused if this guy was directly speaking to him or the skinnier guy to his right. Even so, why did his name matter? Zack tilted his head, trying to get a closer look at Cloud’s face._

_Awkwardly averting his gaze, Cloud scowled, “What?”_

_“People usually follow with their own name. I’m Zack and yours?”_

_“What does it matter to you?”_

_Zack nonchalantly shrugged, “I dunno. Just thought it’d be nice since we frequently work together, and we sleep next to each other in the barracks. Gotta know faces as well as names, y’know?”_

_“There’s no need for that. I’m not interested in getting to know anyone. We’re here to become soldiers, that’s it.”_

_“You really believe that?” Zack raised his eyebrow, genuinely curious. Why was he trying so hard to make conversation? Does he not get that I don’t want to talk? Cloud wondered, his glare deepening._

_“You don’t see anyone else trying to make friends, do you?”_

_“That’s because you’re not paying attention to it. You’re too busy trying to one-up me, isn’t that right?” Cloud’s eyes widened in surprise while Zack playfully chuckled. “C’mon, I’ve noticed you sulking at me all week. I have to say, I’m flattered that you work so hard for that reason alone. But trust me when I say that I’m not here for a competition. Yeah, we’re all here to become soldiers, but that doesn’t mean we can’t at least be amicable to each other along the way, right?” He shared that same toothy grin again._

_Cloud quietly scoffed and turned his head away again, but not before mumbling, “Cloud Strife.”_

_“See? That wasn’t so hard, right?” Zack’s eyes narrowed in a mischievous manner, and he exaggerated a sigh. “Buuut, if you still want some friendly competition, I wouldn’t mind it.” Cloud’s ears perked at the suggestion._

_“I’m listening,” he said._

_The drill sergeant blew his whistle and ordered the trainees to a push-up surge. Both jumped off their pull-up bars, and Zack flashed the shorter boy a cocky smile, “Bet I can do more push-ups than you. Like those many other times.”_

_Cloud crossed his arms as the two gave each other challenging glares. Confirming this to be an actual competition now, the blond couldn’t pass up the opportunity to beat him. He never did with anyone._

_“Hm. You’re on,” he said._

_Zack’s smirk grew, and they wasted no time in dropping to the floor. Their torsos rose neck to neck, their arms lifted their bodies at a steady yet brisk pace. Cloud counted in his head, Ten...eleven...twelve. He turned his head to see Zack’s blue eyes cutting into his own with a smug grin on his face. His muscles easily pulsed with the rhythm. Once they reached the mid-twenties, Cloud felt his arms begin to wobble and his legs give out. A bothersome pressure weighted on his mid-back._

_“Hey, don’t stress yourself out, man. You’re gonna hurt yourself,” Zack tutored. Grimacing, Cloud studied how his competitor willed himself to continue, barely expressing any signs of exhaustion like he normally did. It aggravated him even further, especially since he wasn’t accustomed to this dude refusing to rub his superior skill in his face. The kindness was uncanny to him._

_“Thirty-six…” Cloud grunted and fell to his stomach. Immediately, Zack ceased his push-ups and stood up._

_“You okay?” he asked, extending his hand. Cloud said nothing, his body plastered on the ground, ashamed._

_“Hey, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Every man isn’t perfect, no matter how much they want to condition us about it. You’ve got guts and persistence, Cloud. Probably more than me if I’m being honest.”_

_Cloud stared at Zack in surprise. Of course, he bore that same smile again. However, it didn’t seem to annoy him as much this time._

_“Now uh, do you wanna get up before the sergeant sees us and makes us run fifty more laps?”_

_Shyly nodding, Cloud raised his hand, and Zack helped him to his feet._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry if Zack is inaccurate in any sort of way. I've only played the remake, so I'm just basing my writing around that. This was a long chapter with maybe too many time skips. 
> 
> I hope that you guys think that Cloud's inner turmoil is written well here. If not, then I'm open to feedback for how I can portray it better in the future.


	4. The Book Talk

Cloud awoke in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. His chest spastically heaved, and he unknowingly gripped the sheets underneath him. Bringing his hand to his mouth, his body couldn’t help but quiver. He had tried so hard not to think of him. One could say that he was doing a good job in terms of blocking him from his memory. Dreams were only a gateway to repressed memories, so it was only a matter of time before he had to face him again. As much as it pained him to interpret it this way, Cloud honestly hoped he would forget him. When the war ended, he clung to the possibility that everything would return to normal once he reunited with his friend and mother. Whatever happened during his service, he reassured himself that it never occurred. It was all a dream, so to speak. 

Nonetheless, attempting to forget someone who made a huge impact in his life proved futile. Zack was someone who tried to help him. Someone who understood him. Someone who liked him. Someone who—Cloud furiously shook his head. His vision became a blurred mess. His head turned to the woman beside him who remained soundlessly asleep. He watched as her chest steadily rose and dropped, completely unaware of the state her friend suffered next to her. The sight of Tifa managed to soothe Cloud a little, but a tear still slowly slid down his cheek. 

Imagining a possible scenario where his friend could suddenly wake up to see him like this, Cloud panicked again and hastily wiped his tears away. Who knew if he could go back to sleep again after his unforeseen recollection, knowing that he could probably dream of another one unwillingly. Quietly sniffling, Cloud rotated his body to face away from Tifa, the now dry rag slipping over his eyes. He didn’t care enough to move it. The cloth immediately encased his eyes in darkness, so the blond wasn’t even sure himself if he managed to fall back asleep or not. Because soon enough, morning arrived anyway. 

* * *

When Tifa suggested to Cloud that they should transform his room into something else, she didn’t envision building a bookshelf. And only a bookshelf. They stationed it beside a vacant corner near Cloud’s closet doors. It wasn’t very tall either, bearing more of a square shape with only four rows in total to store books. Once they finished building it from scratch, they both stepped back and absorbed the view. 

“Well, it’s done,” Tifa said, slapping her hands against her thighs. She gave a brief look at Cloud who only hummed and held his chin in between his fingers like he was thinking. “Disappointed?”

“You could say that,” he shrugged.

After Cloud’s fever had subsided, and he officially quit his job at Seventh Heaven, Tifa gifted him with his final paycheck. Remembering how his bedroom was devoid of any distinctive character left, the young woman recommended that Cloud should spend the money earned from his job to redecorate his bedroom. 

_“I’ll go with you,”_ Tifa had offered.

 _“You don’t have to do this, y’know,”_ Cloud had dismissed, but his friend reassured him that it was no big deal. Like always. 

On one of Tifa’s vacation days, the two went to a nearby furniture store. When they shopped there, however, Cloud held disinterest in everything they sold. Tifa walked around with him in the store acting as his guide, suggesting pieces he would possibly like. She refrained from military decor though because it was the whole reason why he erased his room in the first place. Because of this, it was quite difficult offering suggestions for Cloud since most of his identity lied with the military. She asked what kind of aesthetic he sought, but the soldier didn’t even know what he wanted either. They passed by fake photos of natural scenery; he declined. They found knick-knacks like old-timey clocks, glass statues, and baskets made of straw; he commented that he wasn’t a senior. Tifa took an interest in the fake flowers and pinecones, but Cloud stated that he preferred the real thing. Rugs, lamps, motivational plaques, fairy lights, miniature sculptures—nothing piqued his interest. Tifa realized how picky Cloud could be sometimes.

On the verge of giving up, Tifa lost Cloud before they headed for the entrance. Eventually, she found him standing in an aisle filled with nothing but bookshelves. Some were put out for display, but if a customer fancied them, they would have to build it themselves. Alone in the aisle, Cloud leered at an average-sized, espresso brown bookshelf.

Softly smiling, Tifa strode up to the blond and invaded his vision. _“That’s the one you like?”_ she asked. Cloud only nodded. 

_“You used to like reading,”_ Tifa had pointed out. Like everything that came with the young man, Cloud had an interest in specifically reading books that covered military topics like war history, autobiographies written by real soldiers, and instructional books about how soldiers mobilized and fought in the army. Even when he was around seven years old, he read “Stamp” comic strips in the newspaper: a cartoon dog caricature native to Midgar who educated and engaged children about wartimes. Surprisingly, Cloud never read historical fiction. He once told her that he wanted to center his mind on something real, not imaginary. 

_“How much is it?”_

Cloud glanced at the price tag. _“Only four hundred gil,”_ he replied.

Tifa solemnly thought that Cloud could’ve bought smaller items that emphasized more character than a single bookshelf within that price range, but they spent a whole hour wandering this store empty-handed. If Cloud finally discovered something he liked, even if it was just a simple bookshelf, then Tifa couldn’t help but oblige. 

_“Perfect,”_ she smiled. Once they found a box that matched the model bookshelf, Cloud and Tifa carried it to one of the checkout lines. 

After they returned to his home and built the bookshelf, which only took an approximate thirty minutes, Cloud wasn’t sure what he anticipated. For weeks now, his room contained barely anything, so he guessed a new object would resonate some sort of grand feeling within him. A sudden revelation or something. But as he stared at the empty bookshelf, he realized how it reflected his lack of progress.

“Oh! Books! You need books, silly!” Tifa promptly exclaimed, snapping her fingers in realization. She reached for her pocket and pulled out her phone to check the time. “What time is it? Three o'clock? I know the bookstore closes early on Sundays, so we’ve still got some time.”

“Let’s go to the library instead. Why would I buy a book I might not like and waste money?”

“Oh. Sorry, you’re right. That makes sense,” she said, nervously rubbing her hands together. Cloud’s eyes fell at her mannerism, and he silently cursed at himself. 

“I, uh, don’t want to take up too much of your time,” Cloud awkwardly mumbled. A part of him felt guilty that Tifa was helping him out so much. First the dinner when he returned from the military, then her offering him a job, then her taking care of his fever, then going to the furniture store and helping him build his bookshelf, and now this? Sure, he enjoyed hanging out with Tifa, he always had, but it still confused Cloud as to why she latched onto him all the time. She wasn’t clingy. She was just so involved in his life. 

He already knew her rebuttal. “Really, it’s no big deal. I might get a book for myself too.” Her eyes lit up, then she grabbed Cloud’s hands in hers. The blond clenched his hands in recoil. “Why don’t we get into reading together? We don’t have to read the same book, but we can talk about them.”

The way that Tifa gazed up at him with excitement while her face unintentionally angled closer to his caused Cloud’s own face to grow slightly pink. He noticed how much smaller her hands were compared to his, and it felt...nice? The soldier reminded himself that he needed to remain levelheaded, so he nonchalantly shrugged. 

“Fine. Why not?” he complied. Tifa giggled until her eyes peered to their hands. Realizing the hold between them, she released her hands and sheepishly smiled with a flush over her cheeks.

“U-Uh, let’s get going then,” she stuttered, meekly folding her hands together in front of her and scurried from the room. Cloud found himself frowning, disappointed that his friend was so quick to pull away. He noted how her hands radiated the same warmth again that tingled him inside. Lowering his eyes, the blond followed her outside.

As they drove to the public library, Cloud realized he had never been there before. He only went to his school’s library because why not? He passed it almost every day, so he merely paid a visit whenever he needed or wanted to. Even when the library didn’t have the specific book he vouched for, he patiently waited for it to return. At that age, it wasn’t a necessity to stop by the public library. Whenever his mother drove him around town, her car passed by it sometimes.

It was a modest library. Two benches were placed outside of the building, just in case a customer simply wished to take a seat and read the book they had just checked out, embellishing in the tranquil scenery around them. Surrounding whoever vacated there was an exterior of nature. Shrubs of roses and camellias encircled beneath the windows of the library’s lower level, and an army of pebbles led up to an active fountain that offered a calm form of white noise for the reader. Birds happily chirped in the trees, their occupancy a high one due to the birdbath beside the entrance. The environment managed to comfort Cloud in some way. It visualized this type of solitude that he could only hope for. 

Upon entering the library, Cloud’s face was brushed with the powdery smell of old books and the fresh smell of new ones. His eyes widened in wonder as the visual of seeing thousands of books tucked away into remarkably tall and wide bookshelves overtook him. Not even the school library contained these many books. It somewhat excited Cloud, like an explorer who just discovered a jackpot of gold. This library stuck to its roots, partaking in a more archaic aesthetic than a modern one like their old school. Every wall, column, floor, and shelf was varnished in wood that resembled the color of copper. A majestic staircase faced in front of them, showcasing the second floor proudly which mostly held computers and the DVD section. To their right was the checkout section, and to their left harbored an area devoted to children with their friendly animal decorations. The library was grand but still cozy in its own way.

Not too many people were here today besides a couple of kids and their parents, and a few adults who observed the books themselves. 

“This place is pretty homely, isn’t it?” Tifa said, delightfully taking in the view herself. Cloud hummed in agreement. A female clerk noticed their arrival from her desk, so she welcomed them. 

“Good afternoon, mister and miss. Have you been to our library before?” she asked, her voice quiet and mellow.

“No, we haven’t,” Tifa confirmed, and her eyes raised, realizing something. “Oh right. We need library cards. You don’t have a library card, do you Cloud?” The blond shook his head.

“Well, that’s not a problem,” the clerk reassured. “We can set you two up right away. It’s free.”

“Sounds good,” Tifa nodded with gratitude, and the clerk led them to more cubicles. While the clerk who greeted them sorted out Tifa’s library card, Cloud was stuck with a different employee. Even though he asked the soldier basic questions about his name, age, birthday, phone number, email, and address, Cloud had this anxious feeling about his privacy being ripped out of him.

When they reached the address question, Cloud couldn’t stop himself from asking, “Why do you need to know my address?” The clerk shrugged his shoulders, not at all taken aback by his rude tone. 

“It’s just a part of the security process, sir. I’m just doing my job,” he calmly replied. Security?! Begrudgingly, Cloud gave away his address. He wasn’t about to make a fuss in a quiet library. It wasn’t like him to be this paranoid. Glad that the “interrogation” session was finally over, the clerk handed him his newly printed library card. The design was only a photograph of the library outside. His name was pasted on the bottom of the card in bold letters. It almost felt satisfying being authorized to check out at a library, like when he was authorized to become a soldier. Two completely different things, but somehow, it erupted the same feeling. 

“Ready?” Tifa asked, stepping towards him with her own library card glinting in her hands. 

“Yep,” Cloud replied and tucked his library card into his pocket. “Where are you heading first?”

“I’m not sure. Guess I’ll just look around until I find something I like. You’re going to the history section, right?”

“Probably.”

“See ya in a few,” Tifa smiled and wandered off, occasionally looking at her library card like she was a tourist looking at a map. 

Cloud awkwardly left the scene too, his eyes traveling around the room. His instincts gravitated towards searching for the history section, hoping to find a good history book about the first Wutai war that he possibly missed out on when he was a teen. This library surely had something that he neglected. He strolled around the bottom floor, eventually finding the section he was looking for. 

However, once he read the history label below the ceiling his gaze quickly caught onto something else. Fantasy. For some reason, his interest piqued at the genre. Giving the history section a painful glare, Cloud entered the fantasy section. 

What was he doing? As a child and teenager, he never had an interest in fantasy. Literature grounded in reality was what he deemed necessary to indulge his time in. He saw no point in reading about magical nonsense. Still, in contrast to his beliefs, Cloud casually inspected the spines of multiple books. The titles didn’t really leave much to his tastes in his opinion, so he picked up a random book and stared at the cover.

It was an illustration of a tiny creature, some sort of an amalgamation of a cat and a bat with its fluffy white fur, pointy whiskers, and black wings full of veins. Its eyes were closed slits, and it bore a bright pink nose. The soldier questioned the purpose behind the bouncy red ball that attached to its...single strand of hair? A small sword clasped on its back with the help of a brown leather strap. The strangely cute creature posed dramatically with a serious expression beneath the title: _Kupo._ He realized that he had heard of this book before. In middle school and high school, countless classmates of his frequently talked about it during lunch or in-between classes. Praising it endlessly for its colorful characters and intense action.

Teenage Cloud would’ve never picked up this kind of book in his life, but he flipped to the back of the book and read the summary before shrugging. Despite its childish presentation, the words of acclaim from many other critics and famous authors reassured that this fantasy novel dazzled all audiences alike. Why not? Perhaps he would give this one a try. He was unsure of his preference when it came to the fantasy genre, so choosing a random book would flesh it out anyway.

Securing the book in his hand, Cloud left the fantasy section without giving the history section a parting glance. For some reason, he was afraid to do so. 

Eventually, he caught up with Tifa, finding her in the poetry section. Her search was more active than his as she promptly took the books from their shelves and briefly surfed through the pages. She already had a book in her hand, but she continued to pursue other ones as if to determine her choice. 

“Found something you like?” Cloud asked, standing beside her.

“Yeah. I was thinking of getting this poetry collection,” Tifa replied. She showed him the book cover. A picture of someone holding a snow globe in his or her hands. Snow fell over a statue of skyscrapers. The title of the book was called: _Mementos_. She curiously eyed his book, “And you?”

Cloud revealed his own. “I dunno. Thought I’d try something different,” he shrugged.

Tifa nodded and stared at her own book again. “I haven’t read poetry since I was in high school, so I thought I’d pick up where I left off.” She flashed him a smile and waved her library card in the air with her fingers. “Let’s go check out then. With our helpful new library cards.” 

After they successfully checked out their books and left the library, Tifa drove them back to Cloud’s house while she returned to her own home. Claudia was still at work, so he had the house to himself for a couple more hours. With the book in hand, Cloud entered his room and laid in his bed. As soon as his body settled into the sheets, the temptation to lie there and do nothing disturbed him again. He found himself already shoving his book underneath his pillowcase, claiming to himself that he would get to it later, but would never make the effort to even read the first page. 

He expected his face to sink into his pillow but grew annoyed at the lumpy texture that irritated his cheekbone. Pouting, Cloud raised his upper body from the bed, his tiredness already withering away. It was like it was poking him, trying to gain his attention. Stupid book. There was really no initiative to sleep now. He took the book from under his pillow and sat cross-legged over his bed. Sighing in annoyance, Cloud flipped to the first page and began to read.

* * *

Cloud tried not to draw too much attention to himself when he browsed through the romance section of the library. His eyes remained tacked to the ground but still looked upwards here and there to peek at the titles. The blush on his face surely didn’t help either, especially with this woman sharing the section with him who would sometimes catch his eye and flirtatiously giggle at him. Thankfully, she didn’t approach him at all. 

He contemplated over why he was in the romance section anyway. He was never interested in the genre either, the only other time he read a romance novel was when he was forced to for his classes. Maybe it was the desire to get invested in another genre. Because truth be told, Cloud now loved the fantasy genre.

After he read the first few chapters of that _Kupo_ book, he couldn’t put it down. The story surprisingly engaged him, and he grew excited over the creative fight scenes. He audibly gasped when the main character turned out to be an ancient magical race, bearing a significant purpose in the lives of everyone in the world called, "Moogles." Cloud finished the book in a single night. One, because he was always a fast reader, and two, he was addicted to the pages. Immediately the following afternoon, Cloud returned to the library and was elated that this book was a part of a series. Once he checked out the second book, Cloud bought the first book online from the nearby bookstore. Soon enough, he completed the second book, then the third, then the fourth, and his new bookshelf held the entire _Kupo_ series.

Well, almost the entire series. The fifth book was recently released with the honor of being the final book in the series. Cloud itched to get his hands on it, but unfortunately, copies were sold out at the library. Grumpily, the soldier had to wait for the copies to return, so he chose a different fantasy book about yet another hero who fought against evil with his comrades. He instantly got hooked again. It was clear that Cloud had a type when it came to his fantasy books.

Every afternoon, Cloud visited the library to either return the book he just completed or to check out another one. But once he continually sought after a certain type of genre for so long, he started to get a little bored. He spotted a bunch of tiresome tropes in these books. Not that was necessarily a bad thing, but he wanted to broaden his tastes a little. 

On the other hand, Tifa didn’t keep up with her reading as much as Cloud, but she still enjoyed her poetry reads. After her shifts, the two would spend late nights texting each other about the books they’ve read. Her poetry book centered around the theme of collecting things over the years, whether they were actual prized possessions or the people we held onto during our lives. Cloud would sometimes smile to himself whenever he read one of her texts that flaunted her enthusiasm for the poet’s insightful messages and clever figurative language. She even mentioned reading a romance book next once she was done with her poems.

Surprisingly, Cloud found himself in the romance section today. 

“Having trouble finding a book?” a sultry voice asked. Cloud froze, a little afraid this was the woman who eyed him earlier. But when he raised his head to look at her, that wasn’t the case. Instead, an old woman stood in front of him, her arm leaning against one of the shelves. Her gray hair was tied into a high ponytail, the long strands poking out like peacock feathers. 

Cloud stuck with his signature frown and turned back to the bookshelves. “Nope. Just looking around,” he said.

“First time reading romance, huh? I got a suggestion for you.” Cloud watched the woman leave him, and the soldier’s eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. He had no interest in talking to anyone here. All he wanted to do was find a book he liked, check it out, then leave. Why didn’t she approach the other woman who was here with him? A minute passed, and the old librarian returned with a red book in her hand. “Here. It’s a retelling of _Beauty and the Beast_. There’s a lot of fantasy elements in it. Figured it’d be right up your alley.”

“How do you-”

“You’ve been coming to this library every day for a week straight. You’re that blond guy who always goes in the fantasy section…” the librarian paused. “And I’ve heard about you from Tifa.” 

This lady slightly started to freak Cloud out over how much she already learned about him. “You know Tifa?”

“Of course. I go to Seventh Heaven almost every weekend. We talk all the time. That woman is such a sweetheart,” she smiled.

“She is,” Cloud found himself agreeing, and he immediately blushed at his sudden words. The librarian raised her eyebrow, causing the soldier to sheepishly look away. Besides his former classmates who took pleasure in making his job hell, Cloud never bothered remembering the faces of the customers. And if this librarian went to the bar during the weekend, which used to be his vacation days, then he most likely had never seen her before. “Your name’s Cloud, right? Tifa told me you worked there.”

Cloud hesitantly nodded. “Not anymore. I quit last week,” he added.

“Hm,” the librarian hummed, not bothering to ask him why. An awkward silence fell between them until the librarian gestured to the book in her hand. “Are you gonna take this or…?” 

“If you say I’ll like it, then I guess,” Cloud accepted the book, and his thumb partially obscured the cover. A drawing of a woman, most likely Beauty, sat in a dimly lit room reading a book while a clawed hand tenderly caressed her shoulder. The soldier pursed his lips at the image, a little embarrassed at the thought of reading a dumb fairy tale. But he vowed to explore more genres, so he had nothing to lose. He met the eyes of the old librarian. “Thanks.”

The librarian nodded, and before she could leave, Cloud asked, “What’s your name?” Stopping to face him, she nonchalantly pointed at her name tag. “Marle. Library director of this branch.” Cloud’s mouth slightly went agape as if to say, “Really?”

Marle chuckled. “Y’know, since I’m the director, I like to walk around this place and oversee things. Usually, I’m all cooped up in my office, so it’s nice seeing how things are whenever I have the chance. I make sure everything is going well with the business and my employees. That includes scouting for newbies too.” Cloud’s face lifted, anticipating her following statement. “If you like reading so much, why don’t you work here at the library? We have an opening for another assistant librarian. You won’t have to do much besides organizing books and putting them back on their proper shelves. You’ll take calls sometimes and assist anyone who’s having trouble finding a book. That means you’ll have to read a wide selection of books in order to better recommend them. But I don’t think that’ll be too much trouble for you.”

He would get paid for reading books? Something he actually had fun doing? Cloud lowered his gaze to the book in his hands, seriously considering the offer. Currently, he was running low on money anyway, so he would need another job eventually. But at the same time, he feared what that meant to him. Not many people came to the library often, so he wondered if this job would be easier on the social side. Yet again, it could all be a false assumption like he had with Seventh Heaven. A bar and a library were completely different establishments though; maybe it wouldn’t turn out like that. The soldier had grown to love reading even more. He was a lot more open to the idea.

“I’ll think about it,” Cloud managed to say, earning a polite nod from Marle.

“Just call us whenever you’ve made your decision. Our phone number should be on the back of your library card.”

Later that night, Cloud and Tifa were texting each other again. Naturally, they started the discussion by asking about each other’s day, Tifa’s shift at work, and then their books. After Cloud mentioned that he just checked out another book from the library, he swayed into his job offer.

Cloud 

_9:56 p.m._

_I wanted to ask if you think I should do it. You’re better at making decisions than me_

Tifa 

_9:56 p.m._

_Cloud, you don’t need my permission for anything. Are you worried that I’d be upset if you liked this job better than at Seventh Heaven?_

Cloud 

_9:59 p.m._

_Is that bad?_

Tifa 

_10:00 p.m._

_I’ve noticed you’ve been taking a real interest in reading, and that’s wonderful. You found something you liked doing. Working at the library will give you more chances to continue doing what you love. I’d say go for it!_

Cloud 

_10:01 p.m._

_By the way, the director there knows who you are. Her name’s Marle and she offered me the job_

Tifa 

_10:01 p.m._

_Oh yeah, I forgot she’s in charge of the library! I’m surprised we didn’t see her when we went there for the first time._

Cloud 

_10:02 p.m._

_She told me that she stays in her office most of the time, but she’ll come out sometimes_

Tifa 

_10:02 p.m._

_It’s wonderful that you get to work with her. She’s the best!_

After the two friends said their goodbyes when midnight almost hit, Cloud reminded himself that he needed to call the library first thing in the morning.

* * *

Following a successful interview and a short training session, Cloud was organizing books at the public library. He quietly hummed to himself as he placed a cart of returned books into their respective shelves, finding it satisfying to see them in their alphabetic fashion. 

Safe to say, he didn’t regret his decision. For these past couple of days, this job relaxed him in a way. He enjoyed the solitude it gave him. All he had to do was focus on the books with the rare occurrence of a customer approaching him and asking him where “so and so title” was located. The computers there practically performed that side of the job for him as many customers just ignored him and searched for their desired book online instead. 

Phone calls were short and simple, and their frequency was rare as well. It was the same case of customers asking if a book was available, or he reminded someone if the book they placed on hold was indeed available. During his breaks, he even had time to read on his own, or he would sometimes converse with Marle if she wasn’t too busy. Shockingly, he found himself enjoying their talks which covered the books they’ve read, especially the _Beauty and the Beast_ retelling he had grown to appreciate. He noted that he would order it online later.

Needless to say, this job definitely suited him more. Some would argue it was monotonous, but he preferred to think of it as calming. There was no way he could mess up putting books back or taking phone calls. He wasn’t forced to interact with loads of customers who seemed to hate his guts upon meeting him. In fact, this job strongly encouraged their separation, and he was completely fine with that.

Although, his intrigue eavesdropped on the book clubs that took place at the library. Especially this particular one which composed of fans of historical fiction. Whenever Cloud happened to be working at a section near the book club’s seating area, he would sneak glances in their direction. For the past week, they chatted about their latest read: a novel about a soldier named Shou who was drafted into the first Wutai War The novel praised itself for supposedly being a heart-wrenching story about a man who was a great personification of heroism. The group constantly gushed about it.

Whenever their chats ended, Cloud battled over the idea of checking out the book himself. It was historical fiction after all, and he used to love reading about history. For so long, the soldier steered clear from the genre. An innate instinct urged him to avoid it, assuring him to indulge in other things. To forget about it. By the end of his shift, however, Cloud relapsed into his old habits. He checked out the book.

And for the first time, Cloud was actually livid towards a book. He could barely stomach it. Once he reached the final page, Cloud slammed the book shut and immediately returned it before his shift began. His face scrunched up in anger as his mind recalled the events of the story. Nothing but inaccuracies were present in the book. It was like the author didn’t even care about the subject they were trying to tell. 

Shou was a war fanatic. He welcomed it with open arms, taking pleasure in fighting and spouting hurtful things at the soldiers he killed on the battlefield. Wutai was portrayed in a clearly negative light as the author dropped unnecessary details about the cruelty and torture performed by them. The opposing country’s soldiers were bloodthirsty for the purpose of justifying their deaths. 

Cloud understood the role of this book. War propaganda by Midgar—that was all it was. His teen self would’ve loved reading this since it was no different than the propaganda in his own room. And he hated it. When the book club met for today’s meeting, Cloud couldn’t help but glare at them from the corner of his eye.

“Shou was right for blowing that guy’s leg off. The bastard threatened to kill his friend right in front of him after all!” One of the club members proclaimed, a young man around his age. “If I were there, I would’ve done it too!”

“Speaking of that guy getting his leg blown off, I was actually surprised they went that far. I mean, the author went through so much gory detail about the blood splattering and the bone showing I thought he kinda went too far,” an older woman added.

“Really? The violent scenes are my favorite parts of the book actually. It’s both extreme and realistic at the same time. I think it’s pretty cool to read about,” another woman countered.

“Well, I’ve never really read a book like this before, so maybe I’m just not used to it,” the older woman shrugged. 

“But to answer your question, yeah, that soldier honestly deserved it. They really make you root for Shou in this book,” another man contented.

The group all agreed with each other, none of them arguing over each other’s viewpoints. The sight made Cloud even more upset. None of them understood what it was like being an actual soldier. Their commentary encouraged that with nothing but praises to the book and ill will towards Wutai. Even adults like them could be fooled. 

Before he could control himself, Cloud called to them, “That book’s nothing but bullshit.” Their voices quieted, and they instantly shot their heads in Cloud’s direction. As they stared at him in disbelief, the blond forced himself to keep his eyes on them. He suddenly became anxious at the attention which could only be negative.

“Did anyone ask you?” the woman who appreciated the violence dryly said. “Just go back to doing your job and mind your own business.”

Cloud sneered and continued anyway. “That book is seriously inaccurate. I would know. I was a soldier in the war that just ended.”

Cloud almost mockingly grinned at the now semi-shocked expressions on their faces. The older woman completely rotated in her seat to face him.

“Really? What was it like?” she asked, awestruck. It unsettled Cloud how deliciously curious this woman was about his service in the war. Her tone was inquisitive in an excited manner, in contrast to one of sympathy. He and many other little boys looked up to **him** in that way too. 

“Bah! This guy could be lying for all we know. I won’t believe it until I see it. Take last month for example; the author of this book actually came to visit this library. He has a master’s degree in Midgarian History. He would know better than all of us,” the young man around his age claimed. 

Cloud’s jaw clenched and found himself seething, “Did he fight on the battlefields himself?”

“Who knows? And why does it matter? You watch the news, don’t you? Last time I checked, soldiers come home with smiles on their faces, proud to have served for our country.”

“Sounds like you’re just ungrateful.” Cloud’s glare rashly fell onto the quieter man of the bunch. The one who easily agreed with the first man’s opinion. He closed his eyes as his head faced towards the ceiling, casually lounging his back against the cushioned seat. His body language screamed that he didn’t have a care in the world, and it only pissed off Cloud even more on how he so confidently uttered that comment.

It might as well have been a slap in the face. They disregarded his experience as a soldier like it was insignificant. Like his pain was insignificant. “And you idiots don’t know what the hell you’re talking about!” Cloud suddenly shouted, startling everyone in the library that was previously hushed. The book group glowered at his outburst. Unbeknownst to Cloud, Marle stuck around for her customary surveillance and happened to overhear at the wrong time.

“Cloud?” she inquired; her voice strict. Realizing what he had said, Cloud meekly witnessed a disapproved Marle with her arms crossed. “My office, please.” The blond sheepishly brought his gaze to the floor, and his boss led him to her office. It was a standard room with somehow even more books on display though they were possibly her own copies. She motioned to the chair in front of her, and he sat down. 

The atmosphere strikingly replicated those days where he was sent to the principal's office whenever he got into conflicts with other kids at his school. Cloud instinctively averted her gaze, pretending to be uninterested in whatever she had to say. 

“Why were you yelling at those people?” Marle asked, sitting at her desk.

“They were being assholes,” Cloud muttered, accustomed to saying that single sentence every time he got into trouble. But Marle wasn’t having it. With an unamused frown, she gestured for him to continue. He sighed heavily, “They were saying dumb shit about the army because they were reading this book about the first Wutai War. I know it’s only fiction, but I read it myself, and it was inaccurate. I couldn’t stand what they were saying about it. With me being a soldier or whatever.”

Marle’s features softened a little, but she still shook her head. “They’re just reading a fictional book, Cloud. There was no need to be hostile. You should’ve just ignored them.”

Cloud deeply frowned at her words, remembering the dismissive nature of the teachers and principal when it came to his behavior. Who would’ve thought that his boss would be no different? 

Noticing the annoyed expression on his face, Marle sighed. “Look, I get it. There’s gonna be ignorant people that say stupid shit. If you wanna lash out at them, then by all means, join their book club. But right now, you’re an employee, and as your boss, I can’t condone this outburst. You’ll have to go out there and apologize, and once you have, let’s just forget this ever happened, ok?”

Cloud sneered at the thought of having to apologize to those idiots, and at the fact that Marle sided with them, but she was right. He was only an employee. Objectively, he overreacted to the customer. This incident hit too close to his time in school. 

Marle sent him to the book group to apologize which Cloud forced out with shameful mutters. The soldier continued through his shift in a humiliated and sour mood. Claudia instantly felt the tension when her son entered her car without a single word, diverting his attention to the misty window instead. Giving a pitiful frown, she let him be. 

Once the soldier was free in his bedroom, he decided to skip reading tonight and lay in bed again. For hours, the comments from the book club resounded in his head repeatedly, and the blond followed each word with a scratch and a painful nab at his skin. He questioned why he was making a big deal out of this. He wasn’t fired or anything, but Marle’s indifference to the issue deeply irritated him. Bringing his arm to his mouth, Cloud dug his teeth into it.

_Why can’t you do anything right? Are you going to quit this job now? Fucking crybaby._

Ding! Cloud froze in his bed like he had been caught doing a crime, but he only relaxed when the sound vibrated from his phone. Languidly, he read the message from Tifa.

Tifa 

_10:20 p.m._

Hey Cloud :) How was work today?

Cloud’s finger hovered over the digital keyboard, and he let out a humorless chuckle at the bright words.

Cloud 

_10:25 p.m._

_Same as usual. You?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I did not intend for this chapter to be this long. Oh well. I don't really like this chapter all that much actually. It could've been handled better in my opinion. I was thinking over some things like Cloud's current career choice, Marle's role in the story (Which is really minor now that I think about it. I don't want to her to be underutilized), Cloud's argument with the book club, etc, and I'm a little unsatisfied with it. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think. I'll rethink this chapter over, and I might even rewrite at some point in the future if it continues to bother me.


	5. Pen Pal

_February 7._ Tifa eyed the date on her digital calendar with an excited smile on her face. When she awakened that morning, her drowsy state didn’t give a single early thought. As usual, she yawned and lifted her upper body from her bed to stretch her arms. Fluttering her eyes, her hand robotically reached for her phone; the first thing she paid her attention to in the morning. The screen enacted a slight recoil from her until her eyes adjusted to the brightness. Once they hovered over the current date below the clock, they immediately widened in surprise. She unlocked her phone and tapped her calendar, double-checking if it truly was _the day._

And indeed it was. Her jittery anticipation bounced back from yesterday. Her pen pal from high school was coming to visit for her birthday. After years of waiting, the two finally decided that they would like to meet in person. They acknowledged that they could have simply video chatted or texted each other beforehand, but they agreed to make this occasion special. Her pen pal appreciated the “old school” way of writing letters to the other person and eventually meeting them. 

Tifa devised an entire birthday celebration at Seventh Heaven for her pen pal, and later on, she would help her unpack and get situated into the guest room of her apartment since her pen pal would be staying in town for a whole month. Once they finished getting her settled in, Tifa would embark on whatever activity her pen pal desired next. 

Because the two had never seen the appearance of the other before, they coincided with a scheme on how they could recognize each other. Coupled with the fact that they knew each other’s hair and eye color, they described a specific outfit they would wear to determine who they were. Tifa would wear a black parka, blue jeans, and black high heels while her pen pal would wear a red capelet and a pink winter dress with brown fur boots. 

At 11:00 a.m., her pen pal’s train was scheduled to arrive. Tifa waited at the train station, nervously rubbing her gloved hands together. Next to her, Barret waved his head around the area, searching for the woman who matched Tifa’s description. She also invited Cloud to meet her pen pal, but the soldier had to work during that time, but he ensured he would meet her after his shift ended. Tifa constantly looked at her phone, checking the time at every measly minute that led up to 11:00. She began to understand the anxiety Claudia felt with her son. 

Biting her lip, she asked Barret, “You don’t think she bailed on me, do you?” 

“Tifa, girl, it ain’t even eleven yet. We still got a couple of minutes. The train should be comin’ any second now.”

“But what if the train comes, and she’s not here? She could’ve bailed on me. Like those shows where those people finally decide to meet each other in person, but then the other ends up ditching them at the airport, and then they confront them, and then there’s drama, and-”

“Tifa,” Barret broke the girl out of her trance by placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. “You’re worrying too much. Look me in the eye and tell me if there’s a damn chance that your friend abandoned you.” The young woman met the burly man’s deep brown eyes, instantly finding relief in them along with his optimistic smile. “She’s coming. I know she will.”

Tifa sighed, “I know I’m being overdramatic, but...I’m just so nervous! I’m finally going to meet my pen pal from high school!” Clenching her fists as a notion of confidence, she recalled the events over these past weeks. Not too long ago, she had just reunited with her childhood friend, and now she was meeting face-to-face with the person she wrote to almost every night. It all overwhelmed her like a nostalgic whiplash. She was fortunate to have Barret by her side for it.

The ground rumbled below their feet as the incoming train sped into the railway, steadily stopping in its tracks. Taking a deep breath to collect herself, Tifa narrowed her eyes, ready to concentrate on the departing passengers. The conductor announced the stop’s location, and multiple passengers exited from the train. A sense of dèjá vu flushed in her mind as her eyes discarded any person that combated her description. _Red capelet, pink dress, brown boots,_ Tifa recited in her head. 

In the far left of her vision, Tifa’s eyes tacked onto a pink dress like a target. Her head snapped in its direction, spotting the other details of the person like a sequence. Red capelet, check. Pink dress, check. Brown fur boots, check! Her eyes lit up. Brown hair usually tied in a braided ponytail with a pink bow, check! Green eyes, check! _It’s her!_ The woman in the pink dress appeared to be searching for someone too, further solidifying her conclusion. Once their gazes locked onto each other, both confirmed it for themselves. 

Tifa excitedly tugged on Barret’s arm and pointed at the woman. Following her finger, he gave a knowing grin. “That’s her?” he inquired. Tifa nodded, almost bursting into tears. Barret chuckled, amused by how she latched onto his arm. Grabbing her hand, he nudged her in her pen pal’s direction. The woman happily smiled in return and skipped over to them, rolling a suitcase behind her. 

“So, you’re Tifa, right?” the pen pal asked, playing dumb. She tapped her finger to her chin, pretending to contemplate something. 

“I-I...um-” Tifa was at a loss for words, still taking in the sight of her distant friend actually standing right in front of her. 

“Hell yeah she is!” Barret declared, gently patting his friend on the back. “Told you she’d come.” He offered the pen pal a handshake. “I’m Barret Wallace. A friend of Tifa’s. It’s nice to finally be meeting you.”

Politely giggling, she shook his hand. “And I’m Aerith Gainsborough. It’s a pleasure to meet you too. I’ve heard a lot about you from Tifa’s letters.” Aerith beamed in Tifa’s direction who was still relatively quiet from the presence in front of her. As an awkward silence drifted between them, Barret cleared his throat to gain Tifa’s attention.

Shaking her head, Tifa meekly apologized. “Sorry! It’s just...I can’t believe you actually came. We’re finally meeting each other in person!”

“Of course I came!” Aerith engulfed her fellow pen pal into a warm hug to which the other woman heartily returned. It was too good to be true, catching up with her friends after so many years. 

“Oh!” Tifa detached from the hug, realizing something. She held Aerith’s hands in hers and congratulated her. “Happy birthday!” Barret repeated the statement. “Twenty-four now, huh?”

Aerith clapped her hands together and placed her hands on her hips. “Yep! So, what do you have planned for me? You gotta take me to Seventh Heaven since you’ve been hyping it up in your letters.”

“Already on schedule. I prepared a whole gathering for you, so you’re not gonna want to miss it.” Volunteering to take Aerith’s suitcase, Tifa led her to her car. The image of her two friends walking behind her, civilly chatting and getting to know each other, made her inwardly gush. So many genuine friends she earned all in the same place. It truly felt like a new home, even though she lived here all her life. 

After Tifa loaded Aerith’s luggage into the trunk of her car, she drove them to the elaborate birthday party at her bar. Once talk spread about the event at Seventh Heaven, the bar instantly became a hot spot in the town, even in the early afternoon. It delighted Aerith that she received the chance to meet her fellow pen pal’s closest friends and co-workers. She found Johnny’s puppy-like nature to be charming, she clicked with Barret’s environmentalist ideals, and she detected the wisdom behind Marle’s words. Speaking of the librarian, Tifa couldn’t help but ask her about Cloud’s progress at his job. Whenever they texted, the soldier was always dismissive about the topic, instead appearing far more interested about _her_ workplace. 

Marle sighed when Tifa asked about Cloud’s well-being at his new job. “He’s not doing too hot, I suppose. Emotionally anyway. He’s a good worker, but he recently had a falling out with some of our customers because of a novel about the first Wutai War. He lashed out at them when they said something ignorant, and I had to make him apologize for his outburst,” the librarian explained, sighing again before taking a sip of her shot glass. 

“Really? He never told me about that,” Tifa replied, lowering her eyes. He usually claimed that his days at work were alright, in his words: “Same as usual.” She really hoped that her friend wasn’t keeping things from her, especially if he was getting himself into trouble again.

“Well, I think he’s mad at me too. Hasn’t spoken to me since I made him apologize to the book club he yelled at. Now, he seems more reclusive than normal. Just does his job, not speaking to anyone or not coming to my office during his breaks, and heads home.” Marle glanced in Tifa’s direction. “Maybe it’s best you talk to him about it when his shift ends today.”

“Will do. Thanks for telling me.” Nodding, the two shared a quick smile and returned their attention to the party. 

Soon enough, it was time for the cake that Tifa had baked herself the previous day. Candles spelling out the numbers, 24, posted next to words painted in red frosting yelling, ‘Happy birthday, Aerith!' More frosting illustrated pink flowers with a yellow center. The flavor of the cake was red velvet—Aerith’s favorite of course. The entire bar cheerfully sang the woman happy birthday, and they dug into the dessert. There would be zero leftovers.

When the party neared its end, Tifa handed Aerith her present. It was inside a tiny, square box with a red bow delicately tied over the seal. Bouncing in her chair, Aerith eagerly untied the knot and flipped open the lid of the box. She gasped, “Tifa! You shouldn’t have! This is so cute!” Inside laid a silver, matinee necklace with an orange flower charm dangling at the bottom where her collarbone would be. Tagging along with it were two bracelets with multiple pink petal charms and heart lockets.

Tifa lightly chuckled, “I’m glad you like it. I picked out all of the charms that I knew you’d like.”

Aerith wasted no time wrapping the necklace around her neck and slipping the bracelets over her wrists. “These must’ve been expensive,” she noted.

“Don’t worry about it, really. It’s nothing.”

Brightly smiling, Aerith squeezed her friend into a hug. “Thank you. Thank you so much! For everything! The gifts, this party, meeting with me. It really means a lot.”

“Happy birthday, Aerith,” Tifa smiled, returning the hug. 

Before long, the party came to an end, and the two women headed for Tifa’s apartment to help Aerith unpack. She didn’t bring much besides her clothes, her laptop and papers from work, and cosmetics; the guest room already tidied up for her arrival. Once they finished unpacking, Aerith requested to visit the town’s community garden. Fully aware of her pen pal’s passion for gardening, Tifa happily obliged. Remembering that Cloud would be nearing his shift soon, she quickly texted him, reminding him to meet up with Aerith and her at the location. 

Stepping out of the car once they made it to the garden, Aerith’s eyes lit up at the sight before her. Even though it wasn’t much in Tifa’s eyes, she still appreciated how her friend reacted positively to it. Admittedly, her town’s community garden was a small one. Rows of wooden, rectangular blocks filtered the grass, encircling around an active fountain in the center of it all. During the current season of winter, the plants were protected by transparent row covers. Although, the vegetables and flowers have seen better days. It was evident not many people tended to them these days due to their wilting leaves. A greenhouse was also in the distance.

Tifa walked beside her pen pal who strolled past the blocks. Her focus laid entirely on them. Tifa was unsure what to make of the brunette’s passive but motherly gaze towards the plants. 

Suddenly feeling a little embarrassed, Tifa spoke up, “Not many people come here. Even during the spring or summer which should be its busiest days.”

Softly humming, Aerith kneeled over a section of violets. She placed her hand over the transparent covering and began to lightly rub its surface. Leaning in closer, she closed her eyes as if it were a form of communication. Seconds passed, and the woman opened her eyes again before standing up.

“This garden could use some work,” Aerith agreed, but then brightly smiled at Tifa. “Good thing I’m here to give my two cents. I’m only one person, but I can manage since I love the work and all.”

“I could help you,” Tifa blurted before rubbing her hands shyly. “Just in case you wanted to do this someday, I’ve been watching some gardening videos and reading some articles online. Maybe you could teach me some of your tricks too?”

“Sure! That’d be great! It’s always nice to have a lending hand. Sometimes, I wish the school would let me take my class on a field trip to a garden, so I could teach them all sorts of stuff. But...it doesn’t beat going downtown to see plays or going to an amusement park.”

“Don’t worry. I’m sure they’ll pitch your idea someday,” Tifa reassured. “But for now, your class loves the flowers you give them every week.” Aerith giggled, remembering all those times when her students happily showed their parents their new flowers that Miss Gainsborough handed them that day. The girls in her class even grew a sudden interest in being the “flower girl” at random weddings. Seeing them ogle the pretty flowers always made her smile. Four years of college definitely made her job worthwhile.

A vibration in Tifa’s coat pocket interrupted their conversation. Taking out her phone, she briefly read over her notification screen, seeing a text from Cloud.

“Oh, it’s Cloud. He says he’s on his way,” Tifa said. Hearing her friend’s name come from her mouth, Aerith bore a mischievous smirk. 

“Did you give him the flowers I recommended? When he came back from the military?” she asked.

“Huh? Oh! Yeah, I did.”

“What did he say about them?”

“Not much. He just thanked me, and now they’re sitting in his room.”

Aerith leaned closer to Tifa’s face, the knowing smirk still present on her lips. Confused, Tifa raised her eyebrows.

“What? Why are you making that face?”

“Have you told him about 'you know what’ yet?”

Processing Aerith’s words for a moment, a bright blush fluttered over her cheeks, then she shyly covered her face. “Aerith! I told you it’s not like that!” she exclaimed.

“Suuure it isn’t,” Aerith sang, moving back to her original position with a giggle. “That’s not what it looked like in the letters you wrote me.”

“Did I give off that impression?” Tifa asked, suddenly self-conscious. 

“You talk about him often, and you always ramble in your letters about how nice he is, how admirable he is, how hot he is-”

“Aerith! I never said that!” Tifa practically squealed. 

“About how nice or admirable he is?”

“How hot he is!”

A brief pause fell over them. “So?”

“What?”

“You’re not denying that he’s hot?”

“Aerith!”

The gardener cracked up harder this time. “C’mon, Tifa. Two friends who constantly insist that they’re ‘just friends’ before ending up together. It’s a classic love story.”

“But that’s the thing. Cloud and I never talked about ‘romantic things.’ The conversation never came up,” Tifa mentioned, the blush on her face finally subsiding. 

“Did he ever show any interest in other girls when you two were in school?” Aerith asked. 

“No. At least, not that I know of. There were some girls who would whisper about him, but they never approached him, and he never approached them. Cloud didn’t hang out with a lot of people at school besides me and sometimes Johnny.” If she was being honest with herself, Tifa couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous whenever she overheard girls giggling about how attractive Cloud was. The blond emitted this arcane spirit to those around him, so many girls never advanced on him for this type of reason. As territorial as it may have appeared, Tifa treasured how she was a part of the few selections of people that Cloud opened himself to. It made her feel special.

“What about school dances like Homecoming or Prom? Has he ever had a date?” Aerith questioned further. 

Tifa shook her head. “Cloud only went to Homecoming for his senior year, and he didn’t go to Prom with a date either,” Tifa’s eyes widened when she realized the implications behind her following statement. “But...we did go to both dances together.” Already aware that Aerith would smirk at her again, she quickly added, “W-We didn’t go as dates or anything! Just as friends hanging out, y’know?” Instinctively, Tifa remembered how dashing Cloud looked in a blue tuxedo. 

Both nights were a blast for her compared to the other Homecoming dances prior where Cloud refused to attend. After she insisted this would be his last chance to go to dances for her, he eventually obliged, albeit begrudgingly, and laid out the reason was to only make high school memories with her. Claudia dropped them off at the school and months later, the prom venue. They simply had a good time—eating snacks, drinking punch, talking, taking photos, even dancing, although she may have dragged him onto the dance floor. To her surprise, Cloud was a great dancer. 

Then, the inevitable slow dance session came along, and Cloud actually asked her for one. She bashfully accepted his request and grew even more anxious when he placed his hand on her waist and took her hand in his other one. Both were flustered throughout the whole ordeal, but Tifa couldn’t help but easily drop her hand on his shoulder. The sudden intimacy of the moment caused her to gleefully rethink it all once she returned home. 

Wait, something else popped into her memory. The night before he left for the army. Her action after the promise. _Oh no._

“I-I kissed him on the cheek once,” Tifa found herself mumbling aloud. To her dismay, Aerith heard her.

“Seriously?!” she gasped. “You never told me this! When did it happen? What did he say?”

Feeling overwhelmed by all the questions, Tifa frantically waved her hands. “It was nothing! Just a minor reaction that’s all.”

Aerith brought her hands to her hips, understanding that kissing someone on the cheek wasn’t just a “minor reaction.” 

Tifa sighed, “Ok, maybe I’ve thought of Cloud romantically in the past. I did it on the night before he left for the military, and I guess I couldn’t handle the thought of it at the time. Maybe I felt the need to give off hints of my feelings? I dunno…He seemed shocked at first but indifferent about it.”

“Then perhaps it’s time to make your move?” Aerith suggested, forming a promising smile this time. 

Tifa raised her eyes at her friend’s words. That promise and incident was five years ago when she was eighteen years old. Did these feelings carry over to the present? Besides, she never heard Cloud’s side on this sort of thing. The two were comfortable with being friends, and quite frankly, Tifa was fine with that. She just enjoyed being around him. Sure, during her school days, Tifa met so many people and most of them occupied her time in class. Lots of boys constantly fluttered around her like flies that wouldn’t go away. But now that she thought about it, she barely linked any true connections with her former classmates. They rarely requested to spend time with her after school, and they barely asked about her dreams or plans. They never bothered to truly get to know her.

Cloud, on the other hand, she had known since their kindergarten days. They naturally encountered each other often due to being close neighbors, and their mothers being friends at the time. Every day, they would play together after school. And as they got older would take pleasure in just chatting, staying for dinner at whoever’s house was closest, or having sleepovers. Cloud actively listened to her gush over her dreams, especially her aspiration to open Seventh Heaven. In return, she admired his diligence and his determination in becoming a soldier, smiling as he always enthused about the war hero, Sephiroth. He would come to her mixed martial arts tournaments, silently cheering her on in the small crowd. Softly smiling at her, truly proud of her. Throughout her life where she interacted with countless faces, Cloud was one of her few genuine friends. 

So, who cared if it simply remained that way? It was how it had always been between them, and Cloud never showed interest in romance itself. Yet, Tifa couldn’t help but ponder. Was it really time to make a move? She didn’t mind the idea of dating Cloud either. 

“I’m not trying to be pushy,” Aerith spoke up, noticing the silence between them. “Take your time to think about it.”

Feebly gulping, Tifa hesitated in addressing a certain someone in the garden, but she couldn’t help but want to ask for more advice. Picking up on her friend’s indecision, Aerith lowered her eyes to the grass below them with a lopsided smile on her face. 

“Go ahead. You can say it,” she granted permission.

“Are you sure? I don’t know how you’re still holding up about the news.”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” Aerith almost snapped, gritting her teeth. She didn’t want to be pitied, only wishing for a normal discussion between friends. 

“O-Ok,” Tifa stuttered, still unsure. “Um...how did you and Zack start dating?”

Aerith bit her lip, already almost tearing up at the mention of his name. Tifa reached out to comfort her, but she raised a dismissive hand. “N-No. Just give me a sec. Dammit. I even practiced at home not to cry several times whenever I think about him.”

The gardener lifted her head towards the sky, her face heavy with the deepening sun nearby. She took steady breaths through her nose before eventually speaking, “I don’t know if this is helpful, but Zack and I just sorta knew what to do. We both understood that we were obviously into each other, with us flirting back and forth nonstop. So, we said, “why the hell not,” and we just started dating. We felt this sense of congruity between us. A gut feeling if you will.” She turned to face Tifa. “And if you still feel that way towards Cloud, then say, “why the hell not?”

“Right. That makes sense,” Tifa considered. Aerith’s words rang in her head like a resounding bell. _Why the hell not?_ Cloud and she had known each other for so long, and a part of her was obviously attracted to him. The question remained if _he_ reciprocated her feelings, and there could possibly be a circumstance where her one-sided affection could hinge their friendship. Cloud probably wasn’t seeking a relationship since he just returned from the war and all. She brought her fist to her heart, worrying over every negative outcome. 

Tifa caught onto the expectant glance that Aerith shot behind her back. “Speak of the devil,” she said. Following her gaze, she turned around to see Cloud stepping out of Claudia’s car with his hands stuck in his pockets. Stunningly, the mood lightened for Tifa as she watched him. This side of her that she excused for so long, sprouting itself back again. 

“Heya Cloud! Over here!” She called, waving her hand in the air to gain his attention. It succeeded as Cloud’s usual deadpanned stare met their direction. Weirdly, he froze and widened his eyes.

* * *

Relieved that his shift finally ended, his mother alerted him that he needed to meet with Tifa and her pen pal at the community garden. He swore under his breath, honestly forgetting about that whole thing. He just wanted to lay in bed again after an annoying day at work. Well, it wasn’t particularly annoying in his traditional sense, but ever since his outburst towards the book club, going to work soured his mood immensely. He had even fallen behind on his reading, not participating in the activity as much as he used to. Staying in bed, trying to think of anything but his time at the military, which ultimately failed, took up most of his time. Although he comprehended that this habit wasn’t healthy, he relapsed into it every time whenever his body met his sheets. 

Anyway, he knew how much it meant for Tifa to finally meet her pen pal for the first time, so he couldn’t deny her that with his absence. In fact, he was glad that she took the time to fully befriend her high school pen pal. Who knew what the hell his own pen pal was doing right now. During freshman year, Cloud and Tifa shared the same Midgarian literature class, and their teacher was a bubbly one who indulged in her students making connections with others. So, she signed her classes up for a pen pal program where students all around Midgar could write and send letters to each other. Every Friday, ten minutes before class ended, their teacher would make everyone write a letter to their assigned pen pal, and she would send them by the end of the school day. She insisted that the activity served as good practice to improve their writing skills, especially in the informal sense.

Viewing this as a childish and useless waste of his time, Cloud barely put any effort into his letters, mostly writing one-off sentences about himself and barely asking any questions about his pen pal. All he remembered about him was that he liked a lot of gothic stuff. He couldn’t even remember his name. Elementary school students normally did this kind of stuff. Once freshman year ended and he didn’t have that teacher anymore, Cloud never stayed in contact with his pen pal. However, Tifa got along well with hers and would sometimes discuss about her with him. Despite this, Tifa still kept the name and background of her pen pal a secret, so the impact would be greater once she actually had the two meet in person.

Now, he couldn’t help but feel a little nervous about meeting Tifa’s friend, lowering his gaze over his lap in the passenger’s seat. He understood that he may not make the best impression, considering his behavior towards Barret and all the other people Tifa hung around with during their school days. He reassured himself that it was just another person, another meeting, another acquaintance. _Do not let them get to you._

But he might as well have eaten his own words once he exited his mother’s car, and his eyes slightly squinted at the figure standing behind Tifa. Walking closer, her person became clearer, the braided brown hair with the signature pink bow and green eyes becoming more recognizable. Too recognizable. The familiarity struck him hard; a gasp lodged in his throat.

It was like his feet were glued to the ground. His brain signaled for his muscles to move, to act natural, but they disobeyed, truly stunned as the inheritor of this body. 

“Cloud? Are you okay?” Tifa asked, noticing how Cloud didn’t move closer to them. She nervously chuckled in Aerith’s direction. “Sorry, he can be a little standoffish sometimes.” Taking her hand, she led her pen pal towards him.

Cloud started to inwardly panic as they came closer. _No, please! Not her!_ His body shook as his surroundings morphed into the barracks he once knew.

* * *

_Click. Click. Click._

_Cloud opened a single tired eye, clenching his jaw at the pestering noise next to him. He guaranteed that it was almost midnight, and a big day approached ahead of him tomorrow. Today was the final day of boot camp, and the many training soldiers who surpassed this far would be rewarded and eventually sent into military units. The blond achieved the top of his class and would be awarded for his perseverance and strength. The thrill of it all was a symptom of his lack of sleep tonight. After all these years, he was going to become a real soldier! Years of honor and glory were coming his way, all of his dedication paying off in the end._

_And then, he had his comrade, who also made it to the top of the class, also keeping him up at night with his scribbles and pen clicking. The lights in the barracks were already set off, but his comrade continued to hover a flashlight over whatever he was writing over. Where did he even find one? Having enough of his disturbance, Cloud muttered, “Do you mind going to sleep?”_

_The clicking ceased, replaced with a loud voice. “Oh shit! Am I being too loud?”_

_“Very,” Cloud dryly replied._

_“Sorry, just hold on. Only a few more sentences and I should be done.”_

_His will to sleep vanished, so an irritated Cloud fully opened his wrinkled eyes and sat up. He peered at the bed next to him, witnessing a concentrated Zack kneeling over it with a piece of paper, pen in hand. “What are you even doing anyway?”_

_“Writing a letter,” he replied like it was obvious._

_“To whom? We’re not even allowed to send letters.”_

_“It never hurts to just write something. You’ll see in a minute. Just let me finish really quick.”_

_Cloud sighed, “Whatever, man.”_

_After a few more strokes of his pen, Zack announced, “Done!” Jeez, Cloud wondered how nobody else awakened from his loud voice. Standing up, Zack brought the letter towards his face with a smirk. “Proofread it for me. Make sure there aren’t any errors.”_

_“Seriously?” Cloud replied, raising his eyebrows._

_“Seriously,” Zack confirmed with a nudge as if he didn’t stutter. Frowning, Cloud hesitantly took the letter and read over Zack’s surprisingly neat handwriting._

_Dear the love of my life (that being you of course. Insert winky face if we were texting),_

_Guess what? I finally finished my military training! How awesome is that, right? I’m so excited that I honestly can’t even sleep right now. Figured I’d just write to you to pass the time. Also, because I want to talk to you. How long has it been? Like nine weeks since we’ve last seen each other? Yeah. A bit of a bummer, huh? Anyway, I hope you’re doing okay on your side. With summer vacation and everything. Are you partying right now? I know you like to do that a lot. Look, even though I can’t talk to you until the war’s over, since they forbade it for some reason, and this letter may never reach your hands, know that I still wanted to write this. Know that I’m still thinking about you, and how you’re always crossing my mind. If you had a good day, if that local flower shop nearby still has a discount, what you ate for breakfast this morning, every itty-bitty thing about how your life’s going right now. Know that and that I love you and miss you._

_Love, Zack (your hero)_

_Cloud could almost roll his eyes over how cheesy it was but still handed the letter back to Zack. “Looks fine to me. Girlfriend of yours?” he asked._

_“Yup. Aerith Gainsborough. My flower,” he dramatically posed with the back of his hand pressed over his face like he was falling. “She just finished her first year of college. She wants to be an elementary school teacher.” He reached into one of his drawers, pulling out a photo to show Cloud. “See? This was us after her last class.” The image showcased Zack and his girlfriend, Aerith, eating ice cream cones while beaming at the camera with toothy smiles. He noted how her enthusiastic nature matched his just from this single picture._

_“God, I love her,” Zack whispered under his breath with a loving smile. “Once the war ends, I was even thinking of proposing to her. We’ve known each other for so long, after all. High school sweethearts.”_

_“That whipped, huh?” Cloud asked, deciding to retreat to his bed once more. He laid on his back, propping his arms behind his head._

_Zack gave him a sneaky grin. “What? You don’t have a girl back home?”_

_The blond paused, his mind instinctively thinking of Tifa and the promise they formed. And the kiss on the cheek. Cloud blushed and pursed his lips before replying, “Not necessarily. She’s a friend of mine named Tifa. Known her since we were kids.”_

_“Aw, I’m guessing you like her?” Zack smiled, sitting on the edge of his bed to face Cloud._

_“It’s not like that.”_

_“Well, that’s a shame. Should’ve expressed your feelings when you had the chance.”_

_“Dude,” Cloud warned._

_“I’m just teasing, man,” Zack chuckled. “Whatever the situation is, I’m sure she misses you. More reason for us to become the best soldiers, right?”_

_Cloud hummed in response and grew satisfied when Zack finally switched his flashlight off and climbed under his covers. “Time to get some shut-eye. I didn’t mean to wake you up with my emotions,” he chuckled again, regarding Cloud’s cold stature. As the blond turned away from his comrade to go to sleep as well, for some reason a part of him itched to mention Tifa’s words to him. Open to hearing someone else’s perspective about it._

_“Hey, Zack?” he called._

_“Yeah? What’s up?”_

_“She made a promise to me before I left. She wanted me to promise not to forget where I came from. That nothing would change between us. Do you think she…?”_

_“That she would miss you?”_

_“Something like that, yeah.”_

_“Of course she would. As your friend, I would surely miss you too.” Cloud’s eyes widened at his comrade’s words. Did he mean his friend, Tifa, or himself? Over these past weeks, he had grown to tolerate Zack’s company. Who was he kidding? He liked having Zack around because of his friendly nature and the competitive streaks between them that he surprisingly had fun with. The two learned more things about each other, like how Zack was only a year older than him. They exchanged stories about their previous lives, Zack even attempting to shoot jokes at him. Cloud always hid his amusement. However, the word “friend” still unnerved him a little. It didn’t roll off the tongue quite so fluently as it did when he acknowledged Tifa._

_“Cloud,” the abrupt seriousness in his voice brought a few shivers up his spine. “I hope we’re in the same unit together when we officially become soldiers. Really, I do.” Cloud stayed silent, unsure what to make of the situation. These kind words were foreign to him, the only other times something comforting like this came from someone would be from his mother and Tifa. Cloud didn’t know how to respond and just ended the conversation there in hopes of getting sleep. Even if it would be harder this time._

* * *

Out of all the people in Midgar, Tifa’s pen pal was Aerith Gainsborough. After all this time, he desperately pleaded to forget Zack, but a piece of him stood right in front of him with a friendly smile. The same brown hair in a braid, the same shining green eyes, the same fair skin. It was uncanny. He couldn’t even forge words when the woman reached out for a handshake.

“Cloud, this is my pen pal. After so long, huh?” Tifa said, barely containing her excitement.

“Hi! I’m Aerith Gainsborough. Tifa’s told me so much about you,” Aerith said with a toothy smile. The same energy as the picture and importantly, _him._ Cloud said nothing, harshly glaring at her as if she were a roach on his floor. 

“Um, hello?” Aerith awkwardly repeated, lowering her hand. “Earth to Cloud?” She gave Tifa a confused look. 

“Um...” Tifa could only trail off, unsure of what to make of this tension between them. This was not how she expected Cloud to react. Yeah, he rarely took pleasure in meeting new people, but here he seemed abhorred. Scared even. 

“ _Maybe it’s best you talk to him about it when his shift ends today.”_ Marle’s observation about Cloud’s current behavior came up in her head. _Was he just shaken up because of work? Maybe he’s just not in the mood today?_ Tifa concluded, albeit still uncomfortable and embarrassed about this whole situation. 

“The birthday party today was fun, right?” Tifa tried to add water to the conversation since Cloud couldn’t attend the party.

“Yeah, it was really fun,” Aerith replied, playing along with her friend’s plan. For about twenty minutes, the two women engaged in a basic conversation, occasionally sneaking glances at Cloud who added nothing to it. He gave them the cold shoulder, standing off to the side as he awfully ached to return home now. To think this over. Taking the hint, Tifa regarded how it was getting late and dropped off the speechless Cloud to his residence. He didn’t even wager a farewell when they left. He almost stumbled out of the car to escape to his home.

Once he entered his room, ripping off his work clothes and struggling into his pajamas, a pounding headache flourished into his brain. He furiously bit at his fingers, saliva drenching his fingertips. One thing was for sure. He needed to avoid Aerith if he wanted to completely forget about his time in the military. It would have to be a mandatory step if he wanted to forget Zack faster. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Aerith's finally here! This chapter is one of my favorites so far. I thought it was nice writing on Tifa's side more, so maybe I should do it more often.


	6. Old Times

“Alright everyone, as you all know the Valentine’s Day Book Fair is coming up in a few days. A few months ago, the other directors and I have planned what’ll be happening at this event. It’s essentially the same we’ve done for these past couple of years already. ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,’ as they say. I called you all here to announce your roles for the book fair. Got that?” Marle elaborated over a round table filled with the library’s employees in a boardroom. 

Excited murmurs buzzed around the group of librarians, assistants, and clerks before they nodded their heads in unison, lending listening ears. Clearing her throat, Marle peered over the clipboard in her hand and listed off the employees’ responsibilities for the book fair. His co-workers’ chatter and his boss’ roll call flew past Cloud’s attention. In the chair closest to the exit, he sat there with his elbow resting on the table and his fist pushing into his cheek. He struggled to keep his eyes from drooping on their own, rapidly fluttering them whenever the darkness of his vision overstayed its welcome. His mind clung to the sound of Marle’s authoritative voice in hopes that he didn’t fall further into his drowsiness, but his brain could only pick out small pieces of her words.

“...help with signings…introduce open mic reading...sell books...lead workshop…” Her sentences whirled in his head like an endless swarm of random ideas, and his current state of mind failed to keep up with it. And he had Tifa’s pen pal to blame. Ever since Aerith came into town last week, Cloud fell behind on sleep. Intrusive dreams scavenged through memories that he hoped to repress. Ones of Zack and him—training together, talking before bed together, fighting on the battlefields together, suffering together, living together. Every time, he awoke with tears in his eyes as the dreams always ended with Zack flashing him a bloody smile.

Literally. Blood poured in between his teeth before a sudden flash whished behind him, loud enough for Cloud to wake. The dream could’ve been about anything, but it always ended in the same predicament. So surreal and out of context. These nightmares decimated him to the point where the soldier was terrified at the thought of falling back asleep, only to see Zack’s charming grin be blown to bits again. Therefore, Cloud simply refused to sleep. In the middle of the night, he would lie in his bed. Due to his lack of sleep, he endured raw migraines, and his own brain betrayed him by replaying the events of his dreams like a burning tape. Curling his body inward, the exhausted soldier bit into his fingers, tugged on his hair and even slapped his face multiple times. Careful and quiet enough, so his mother couldn’t hear the slaps of flesh in their cozy home. In a sick sense, the anguish he inflicted on himself helped him get through the night. And any other time when he felt completely hopeless. It gave him a sense of relief, something to count on if he didn’t have anything else.

Along with his restless nights, Cloud blatantly avoided Tifa and Aerith. He quit texting her after his shift ended, and he didn’t bother visiting Seventh Heaven to check up on her. He knew Aerith would most likely be standing by her side, smiling as if she was unaware of the suffocating hold she possessed over him. How agonizingly identical it compared to Zack’s smile. The only other times when he spoke to Tifa were through measly text messages after her own shift ended, initiating the conversations herself. He responded with quick, one-note replies, giving off the hint that he wasn’t interested in talking at the moment. 

He selfishly ignored his friend because he couldn’t handle the sight or even the thought of her other one. He felt so guilty, being such a bad friend to the woman who actively went out of her way to spend time with him and care for him. And this was how he repaid her? A part of him was glad over Aerith’s stay, so she could provide Tifa the attention she deserved. Yet at the same time, he wished that she abandoned Tifa at the train station. Maybe, he wouldn’t be going through this right now. He almost scoffed to himself. This was ridiculous, faulting a stranger for his own problems. 

_You’re just being selfish. You should be happy for Tifa who finally got to meet her pen pal after all these years. What do you have going on? Nothing. You’re lucky she’s even friends with you. Let’s hope she abandons you, so she can move on with her life and find someone better. Someone who isn’t pathetic, irredeemable, worthless-_

“Cloud? Cloud! Are you listening?” The soldier’s glossy eyes instantly shot open. He was met with concerned stares from his co-workers and an unamused raised eyebrow from his boss. Taking from his reaction that he indeed wasn’t paying attention, Marle sighed and repeated, “You’re in charge of selling books too. Got it?”

“Mhm,” Cloud lowly hummed, sluggishly leaning further into his fist, deep enough to strike against his jaw. Marle’s eyes narrowed, drawing out the disheveled and purple outlines circling his eyelids. She clicked her tongue and continued down the list of names and duties. 

He would be working on Valentine’s Day. Not that he really cared or anything. Plans rarely came up for the holiday since some girls during his school days gifted him with cards and candies but never gained the courage to ask him out. Before school started, Tifa would stop by his locker and present him with a box of chocolate-dipped strawberries and a card. He reciprocated with a single red rose and a card of his own. 

Her cards were always handmade and written to the brink with detail on how much she cared about him. Cloud bought pre-made cards at the store which performed all of the poetic affection for him, but he always added little extra kind words at the end of it. The true card. Cloud was never a huge fan of sweets, but he would be lying if he didn’t say that Tifa’s chocolate-dipped strawberries were crafted from heaven. The juiciness and sweetness of the fruit and chocolate blended so well together, leaving behind a pleasant twinge on his tongue. Her cards truly touched them. Only someone as rare as Tifa could say anything remotely positive about him. 

The final bell would ring, and Cloud could finally leave the hallways littered with students giving each other presents and making out against the lockers. The cheesiness of it all made him feel green inside. 

Marle dismissed everyone, and Cloud could finally exit the door. All the leaving co-workers hyped up this book fair with giggles and reminders of last year’s events.

“Cloud, may I have a word with you please?” His boss called, just as he was about to lift himself from his seat. He purposefully groaned and resettled into his chair. Marle responded with a “hmph” as if to say, “You’re not escaping this time.” She trapped him.

He had been avoiding her too after the book club incident. Call it a childish grudge, but he couldn’t help but feel hurt for some reason. Maybe not hurt, but disappointed in his own boss when it should be the reverse. Once his lucky co-workers left the two to themselves, Marle sighed and sat in one of the now-empty seats right next to him.

“I’ve noticed you’ve been off these days. More withdrawn than usual since you’re naturally that way anyway,” she said, getting straight to the point. Good. Hopefully, this meeting could finish faster.

“Wow. Figured that out all on your own?” Cloud dryly mocked. He turned his head away to avert her gaze, offering more incentive to his disinterest for this conversation. 

Rolling her eyes, Marle crossed her arms and continued, “Yeah. You’ve been more of an ass ever since I made you apologize to that book club. I don’t understand why you’re holding me accountable when you should’ve kept your cool. How else did you expect me to react?”

Cloud tightened his lips, glaring at his boss now. “You could’ve told that stupid club to be more respectful to the employees. I’m tired of these people treating me like shit. They’re no different than those assholes when I worked at Seventh Heaven.”

“Then don’t let people get under your skin, Cloud. Not everyone is going to be nice to you in the world, and a man your age, more-so experience, should know that by now.” The librarian noted how Cloud’s muscles tensed at her scolding words, and he diverted her eyes again with a scoff. 

“You’re no different either,” he mumbled.

“What’re you on about now?” Marle sighed, frankly growing tired of his attitude.

He spoke in a clearer and harsher tone this time, “When I was in school, I got into a bunch of fights with my classmates. Do you know how hurtful it is when you’re constantly berated about how unlikable you are, how hopeless your dreams are? There’s a point where you gotta stand up for yourself. But the teachers and principal always pushed me to ignore them. ‘Say nothing and they’ll surely leave you alone.’” He briefly paused as he reached for his right thigh, clenching the fabric of his jeans as if it were a comforting hand.

“And even if I tried to stay quiet, they always found other ways to mess with me. Snickering about me in the front of class, smirking at me whenever I passed by them in the halls...leaving nasty notes in my locker. So, if you can’t guess, you’re reasoning doesn’t concern me.” Marle processed Cloud’s story in her mind, a bit surprised that he bothered to reveal this personal information to her. Did she feel bad for him? Sure. But at the same time, she needed to hold her ground as his boss, and he needed to understand his role as an employee.

“This isn’t school, Cloud. This is your job. I’m not here to coddle or hold your hand for you. Like I told you before, whenever you’re off duty, I don’t care what you do. You can talk back to these people all you want in your normal life, but when you’re at work, I need you to be an employee. And as an employee, you must respect the customers, and as your boss, I need to make sure that you don’t fall out of line.” Marle explained.

As she talked, Cloud’s face scrunched into a pout, and he stubbornly refused to meet her eyes. Seriously, she couldn’t win with this man. 

“Think about it this way,” Marle began, caressing her chin with her fingertips. “When you’re at school, there are the teachers and the students. It’s the students’ job to learn and obey the teachers while it’s the teachers’ job to, you know teach, and keep the peace in a classroom.” Resting her elbows on the table, she leaned closer towards Cloud, minimizing the space between them so he was forced to pay attention. 

“Tell me, don’t you think the teachers would’ve stuck up for you if they were given the opportunity? That if they didn’t have their job hanging over them, they would’ve supported you in a more direct manner?” She almost smirked to herself when she saw Cloud give her a sideways glance. “But because of that, they can’t condone those sorts of behavior. For both the perpetrator and the innocent. The last thing they want is conflict in their classroom, so they had no choice but to punish said behavior. No matter how they really felt about the whole thing. This isn’t any different, Cloud. Believe me, I know rude customers when I see them, and I want to cuss out at them too. It’s perfectly normal. But I also want to keep my job, so you have no choice but to force it down and keep going. You get paid either way if a customer is rude or nice.”

Ending her speech, Marle flashed him a sympathetic grin. Somehow, the picture of seeing this old woman both understanding him and dragging him down to his senses caused Cloud’s grumpy sneer to soften into a shameful frown. He loudly sighed, not an aggravated one but more like a confession to wrongdoing. Marle was only doing her job, and he had to respect that. Could he be any more of a crybaby? 

Swallowing his pride, Cloud moved both of his eyes to fully face her. “You’re right. Sorry." He pulled himself out of his chair., not wanting to spout any more nonsense. 

Marle rose from her seat too. “It’s fine, Cloud. Just remember what you’re here for—to get paid and no arguments with customers are worth the risk.” She pointed to her heart. “But if you’re ever feeling frustrated like this again, my door is always open.” She observed over his worn eyes again then added, “And get some sleep, will ya? You don’t look too good.” 

_Trust me. If I could, I would._ Cloud headed for the exit. His hand twisted the doorknob, but he put zero effort into pushing it open. He was stuck, holding something in. Pursing his lips, he peered over his shoulder. 

“So, tomorrow in your office?” he inquired.

“Cloud, the book fair isn’t until next week,” Marle informed.

“No. I mean, tomorrow at your office during my lunch break? We’re weren’t done talking about that book.”

Marle raised her eyebrows in surprise while Cloud shyly lowered his head. Breaking a gentle grin, the librarian nodded. “Have a great evening, Cloud,” she said.

“You too,” he found himself replying then he closed the doors behind him. He walked in the designated path his co-workers had previously walked through. With his hands stuffed in his pockets, casually walking down this hall, a weight lifted off his shoulders that he had ignored for quite some time now. 

* * *

“You’re not coming to the book fair?” Tifa asked, stopping herself in her tracks to gape at Aerith. The brunette solemnly smiled over a table full of ungraded tests and homework she actively procrastinated on during her stay. Even if it was technically her “vacation,” the other faculty members made it clear that she had to follow up on her responsibilities. The irritation of still having to do work over break also impacted teachers. 

“Sorry Tifa, but I’m swamped. I didn’t bother doing it before because I wanted to spend time with you. And I get distracted easily. Since I know you’ll be gone today, this time’s good as any to get to work,” Aerith feebly explained. She steered her attention astray for a quick second, marking another answer wrong on a math test with the infamous red marker. “Besides, once I’m finished, I’ll find something to do. Maybe go to Seventh Heaven and get drunk?” She teased with a wink, but it instantly fell into a sigh, knowing it wouldn’t be the case. All this paperwork would border on the chance of going through an all-nighter. It certainly didn’t help that she had almost forty kids in her class since her hometown fell particularly on the poorer side, and the institutions lagged behind with it.

“Is it also because of Cloud?” Tifa couldn’t stop herself from asking. 

Aerith waved her hands, “No! Definitely not! Why do you ask?” She sighed again because there really was a reason to ask. It was no coincidence that ever since she arrived in town, Tifa’s friend grew more distant from her. Her pen pal reminded her that whenever she mentioned her name to Cloud over text, he would digitally fall silent. Not responding and inherently starting another thread of texts the following day, completely devoid of the name, “Aerith.” She hated seeing her friend worry over what exactly happened between them. Was Cloud somehow jealous? Did she say something that upset him?

Aerith knew the cause of all this tension between them. Her. She didn’t understand why it was her fault, but apparently, it was. Clearly, Tifa would try to encounter Cloud today, and Aerith didn’t want to make the situation even more awkward with her presence. So thank god for tests and homework for once. 

“Just have fun with Cloud today, ok? Everything will be A-Okay for me in here,” Aerith reassured with a cheerful grin. The matter failed to sit well with Tifa. It was Valentine’s Day for crying out loud! She didn’t want to leave both of her friends alone. 

“I’ll come by later to help you with your paperwork. Afterward, we can go out to dinner. My treat,” Tifa said.

Finding there was no point in trying to change her friend’s mind, Aerith decided to just be grateful. “That sounds great, Tifa,” she smiled, pushing her reading glasses up the bridge of her nose. “The book fair started an hour ago, right? You should hurry.” 

“I’ll be back soon,” Tifa nodded, gathering all she needed in her arms and left. Tifa vowed to make this a great day for Cloud. She couldn’t help but feel anxious over his isolation, remembering the day when he suffered a fever. Something in her mind constantly nagged her about that day. Claudia had told her he stayed in bed for days; it wouldn’t seem natural to shrug it off as a measly fever. 

Reading between the lines, it was unarguable that Cloud wasn’t himself. Even though he was always aloof as a child, he harbored a willful guard. Prideful and determined to prove himself as a qualified soldier, despite all of the discouragement from his classmates around him. Currently, however, it was like that drive dissipated into specks of dust. Only to be swept and thrown away, never to be seen again. That’s why she yearned to make this day special. What better way than on Valentine’s Day? She just wanted to see her old friend again.

While she strolled to her car, Tifa gave a reminiscent smile at the red, heart-shaped box of her recognizable chocolate-dipped strawberries, a red polka-dotted pop-up card she crafted herself, and ice skates. Hopefully, she picked out a decent shoe size for Cloud, but she bought hers with no problem at a sporting goods store. She stacked the box of strawberries on top of the card over the passenger’s seat and plopped the ice skates over the back seats. Igniting the car engine, she calmly sighed and drove out of the parking lot of her apartment building. 

Barret and Marlene crossed her mind. This Valentine’s Day, he was going to take his daughter to her favorite restaurant, and they would catch a movie after. Sometimes, Tifa volunteered to babysit the girl whenever he busied over rallies and meetings for Avalanche that took more of his time than anticipated. Marlene envisioned Tifa as a surrogate mother, always excited to hear about her presence. At Barret’s house, Tifa would teach Marlene how to cook, watch and sing along to animated movies with her, or if it was late would tuck her into bed and read bedtime stories until she dozed off. Tifa enjoyed playing the role of a mother and found Marlene to be adorable and kind. 

_Would I be a good mother?_ The question frequently sprouted in her head, along with the concept of her future. She overcame what she deemed to be her biggest obstacle: opening Seventh Heaven. And it worked. She lived in a nice apartment, had plenty of friends, earned a decent sum of money, but what else would be in store for her in the long run? What about going to college? Marriage? Traveling out of Midgar? Retirement? Some goals she considered to be incomplete, like rekindling her relationship with her parents (her father still hadn’t called her after she moved, and her mother still refused to meet with her if her father was still around) and Cloud…

So tuned in on her worries, before long, Tifa arrived at the library. “Guess I’m here,” she muttered, shaking away her nerves so she could focus on meeting with her friend. The entrance held decorations purposed for this holiday. Heart streamers flowed along the edges of the roof, coupled with ones engrossing pillars like vines. Heart-shaped balloons floated beside a sign with words written in white and pink chalk, speaking of awareness for the book fair that took place inside. Rose petals on the ground led a path to the front doors, making the building appear a lot grander. Grabbing the box of strawberries, Tifa exited her car and entered the library.

The ordinary layout of the library shifted. Some of the bookshelves were taken out and replaced by rows of tables holding numerous romance books. Tiny signs labeled them as “classics,” “new releases,” “teen romance,” “manga,” “fantasy,” and even “erotica” to her shock. Luckily, the children were elsewhere in their own section, eagerly listening to an endearing reading about a teddy bear who didn’t receive a card on Valentines’ Day, but another was kind enough to make him one. In the far back, a crowd happily watched an open mic reading from a romance author while a workshop occurred with discussions on how to avoid romance clichés. The setup was a little cynical.

Tifa’s eyes lit up when she spotted Cloud near the tables filled with books, selling them. The sight eased her, glad over the fact that customers weren’t berating him and him snapping back. He appeared peaceful. A simple employee just doing his job in his fitted, long sleeve red V-neck. Her smile grew when the other cashier next to him tried to converse with him. She was unsure what she said, but it caused Cloud to form a teensy smirk. 

_He’s doing fine here,_ Tifa thought, and that couldn’t make her anymore happier. Hiding the box of chocolates behind her back, Tifa steadily approached Cloud and whispered in his ear behind the counter, “Busy day, huh?” Shivering, Cloud turned to glare at whoever disrupted him, but his face softened in surprise when it was only his friend. 

“Tifa? I didn’t know you were coming,” he said.

“Aw! Is your girlfriend here visiting you while you’re working?” the elderly customer in front of him asked. 

“Oh no, you’re mistaken! We’re not dating,” Tifa nervously laughed then blushed. Cloud blushed even deeper when he caught the snide smirk from his co-worker next to him, eavesdropping. 

“I-Is that all you’re purchasing today?” Cloud sputtered, hoping to get this lady away as quickly as possible. To his dismay, she giggled and continued.

“No need to get all flustered now. I assumed based on that box she’s holding back there.” The customer paid for her book and left the two skittish friends to themselves. She was immune to Tifa’s blindspot.

“Got something for me?” Cloud asked.

“U-Um, yeah. Here.” Tifa handed Cloud the box, suddenly shyer after the customer’s misguided comment. Since the other customers either made their purchases to the other cashiers or were browsing over the books, Cloud took this free time to give away his attention for the moment. Nostalgic over the heart-shaped box, he genuinely smiled at the chocolate-dipped strawberries snug in their place.

“Made them for old time’s sake,” Tifa said.

“I really appreciate it. You know these are my favorite.”

Tifa blushed again, truly touched by the gratitude. “It’s no problem, Cloud.” She surveyed around the bustling library. “Lotta customers, huh?”

“Yeah. It’s kinda nice, actually.”

Tifa stared at her friend in awe. His attitude from earlier days seemed to transition into what she heard right now, which was a good thing. Yet a side of her wanted to pester him, ask what his deal was with Aerith. But for now, she held her tongue. 

She kneeled down to his level and asked, “Whaddya say after the book fair ends, we have some fun? I planned some things for us to do today.”

“Plans?” Cloud inquired, raising an eyebrow.

“Of course, silly. It’s Valentine’s Day. I know we never really do much on the holiday, but things can be different.”

Quieting, Cloud thought it over. The purpose of Valentine’s Day involved heartwarming romance. He widened his eyes. Was Tifa asking him on a date? His lips sheepishly squirmed at the implication. Not that he minded the idea of going on a date with her. He just wasn’t prepared for this. Any of this. Tifa and he had barely spoken these past couple of days, but now here she was, giving him his favorite treat and proposing a potential date. No, no, no. She would have specifically stated if it was a date. They always hung out together as friends. This would be no different from the many other times they spent time together. However, this holiday suddenly made itself feel like an exception for the first time in his life. 

Cloud snuck a glance at his friend beside him. He took in her stature. The silent fidgeting as she nervously rubbed her hands together, her gentle stare over him, cutely awaiting his response. He couldn’t deny a request from her. 

“Sure. The book fair ends around three. In the meantime, just hang around here for a little bit. Remember when you said you wanted to read romance? Try to find one here,” he said. 

“Alright. See ya in about three hours,” Tifa giggled and left the soldier to his duties. As Cloud watched her departing figure, he found himself forming a small smile again. It stayed longer than usual, even when a customer came up to order a book.

Waiting for Cloud’s shift to end, Tifa peered over the new releases section. She ogled over a romance poetry book and gushed over the cover painting of an old couple. When she readied herself to check out, it was a no-brainer that she would choose Cloud’s line. Smirking to herself, Tifa played the role of a customer once she faced her friend, a little too obvious. Regardless, the soldier stammered over his words, blushing over the situation. Seeing Cloud all embarrassed and flustered was too good of an opportunity for Tifa, especially with how rare the sight was. And how weirdly dainty he looked when he showed the more bashful side of himself.

During the later hours, Tifa joined the audience for the open mic readings and listened to the romance workshops. It all felt like a blur due to how delicately entertaining it all was. Even when she first saw it, this whole library pertained to this homey vibe. No wonder Cloud seemed in harmony here. Sometimes, she would look over at Cloud’s station. She smiled to herself when she caught him eating a few of the strawberries.

Once the clock struck three in the afternoon, Tifa patiently waited for her friend’s arrival at the entrance. 

“Tifa! My dear girl! Did you enjoy your time at the fair?” Tifa turned around to see Marle delighted over her appearance. 

“Yeah! It was great! I even bought a new poetry collection that I’m so excited to read. The open mic readings were so inspirational too. It’s awesome how you got those authors to come here,” Tifa smiled.

“It wasn’t easy with their busy schedules and all, but I’m glad they came too,” Marle agreed.

“And I saw Cloud earlier. In fact, I’m waiting for him now. I just wanted to say how grateful I am that you offered him a job here. He’s been shaken up these past couple of weeks and everything, so I’m happy he’s found a place he enjoys.”

“Well, he’s a different one for sure, but he is a good worker. But thank you for being there for him. You see, Cloud doesn’t really socialize much around here. Some side chats here and there with the other employees, but that’s about it. I was afraid he doesn't get much talk with anyone else but me. I hear how much you talk about him...and how much he talks about you.”

Tifa’s eyes lit up. “Really? He talks about me a lot?” 

Marle nodded, “Mhm. We chat sometimes in my office about books and such. In the middle of the conversation, he’ll talk about the poems you’ve been reading and how much you like them. And how you used to enjoy poetry in school, and how you were good in your literature class and-” Noticing how she was rambling, mirroring how Cloud would ramble about her, Marle stopped herself. “Yeah. I think he really cares about you.”

Tifa’s heart swelled, and she couldn’t stop her smile from growing. No, she refused to let it drop. She even tenderly bit her lip and folded her hands in front of her. She didn’t know why, but the thought of Cloud casually mentioning unimportant things about her made her feel appreciated. Appreciated by _him_. 

“Say, are you two into each other at all?” Tifa gaped at Marle’s sudden question. Why did everyone keep asking that?

“Uhm, Marle, we’re just friends. Nothing more,” she assured.

Before Marle could say anything else, Cloud appeared behind her. “You ready?” he asked.

“Y-Yeah. I’m all set,” Tifa stuttered.

“Well, you two have a great afternoon, you hear?” Marle said, leaving Tifa’s words there.

“You too. Bye Marle,” Tifa bid her farewell and hastily opened the doors while Cloud hummed his boss a goodbye. Marle watched them leave, shaking her head with a knowing smile on her face.

“So, what did you have planned?” Cloud asked.

“First, I was thinking about taking a walk to the bakery. Of course, they have a Valentine’s Day sale going on. Then, we could walk to the pond near the park. Because…” Tifa paused, opening the trunk of her car to reveal the two pairs of ice skates to Cloud. “It should be frozen over because of how cold it’s been. Another old time’s sake.”

Cloud and Tifa used to ice skate over the frozen pond near the park during the wintertime. Before he met Tifa, Claudia had taught Cloud how to skate. Once the two became closer friends, he led her to the pond one day when they were playing at the park, and it happened to be close by. To this day, Tifa always had difficulty skating while he, of course, was a natural at it. But he always helped her through it. Seeing Cloud so tranquil with himself was worth a few slips and falls. 

“Tifa, you’re not very good at skating,” he mentioned dryly. 

She playfully glared at him, “Be nice, Cloud! I still like doing it with you, no matter my skill.”

“If you say so,” he shrugged, secretly satisfied with the ordeal anyway. He realized something, “Hold on. Doesn’t Johnny’s dad own the bakery?”

“Yeah. Johnny works there now.”

She sighed when Cloud audibly groaned. “C’mon Cloud, he’s really not that bad. When we’re done skating, we’ll come back to my car later.” The two friends always enjoyed something mundane as walking around town together. The library, the bakery, and the park weren’t distant from each other anyway. Cloud quickly texted his mother, reminding her of his hangout with Tifa. 

While they headed to the bakery, Cloud’s eyes caught onto a nearby flower shop. The shopkeeper eagerly sold flowers to the jittery customers, a Valentine’s Day sale going on as well. Carts of red roses stood out in the open. He glanced at Tifa who strode a bit in front of him. His lips made a lopsided smile.

“Uh, Tifa?” he said.

“Yeah Cloud?” 

“Go on ahead. I have something to do really quick. It won’t take long, I promise,” he fished through his coat pocket, taking out his wallet and handing her fifty gil. “Here. Can you get me a muffin? The chocolate chip one?”

“Um, sure?” Tifa agreed with uncertainty.

“Thanks. I’ll be back.” As he left, Tifa walked to the bakery alone, admittedly a little sad that her friend left her suddenly. 

A toasty, vanilla aroma breezed her way as she neared Johnny’s Bakery. Really, it was the name of the store. They always changed the name of it, and they weren’t very creative either. Oh well, the redhead was proud to finally be a part of the family business. Tifa opened the door, the tingle of a bell reverberated around the room. Seats were filled with couples today.

Johnny’s ear perked at the ring of the doorbell, and he grinned brightly when he saw it was Tifa. “Tifa! My love, my light! Have you come to claim me as yours?”

Tifa shyly chuckled and walked to the countertop. Even though she never felt the same way about Johnny like he did for her, she still found his charm a little endearing. “Hi Johnny. How’s your day been?”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “A little tiring, but it’s work, I guess. I mean, I love my job and all, but I really wanted to go out somewhere today. Go clubbing! Get wasted! Meet some cute babes! Uh, not that I’d replace you Tifa. You’re looking especially cute today! But, uh, yeah! My pop says I had to work since it’s a busy day and all.”

“You’ll get through it, Johnny. The customers look happy.”

“Yup! Even got more tips than usual today!” He smacked his forehead. “Oh right, duh, my job! What can I get you for today, Tifa?”

“I’ll have a batch of your cinnamon rolls, and a chocolate chip muffin, please?” She ordered, handing him the money.

“Ooh, trying something different today with the usual? My pop’s muffins are the greatest, let me tell ya-”

“Oh no, the muffin’s actually for Cloud. He told me to get him one before he comes back,” Tifa corrected.

“Ah Cloud, my bro!” Johnny grinned before he thought over the situation. “Oh. You said you were with him?” 

Noticing the dejected frown on his face, Tifa awkwardly replied, “Um, yeah. We’re just hanging out together. Nothing major.”

Johnny forced a mutual chuckle, pulling the muffin from a glass container and placing the warm cinnamon rolls that were already baked earlier into a paper bag. “Well, uh, tell my bro I said hi. Shame I can’t see him right now.”

“Maybe he’ll come by here one day. Thanks for the food, Johnny,” Tifa replied, taking the desserts from his hands. On the countertop laid a jar filled with cash and change. She added herself to the pile, slipping in fifty gil of her own. “See ya later.”

“See ya Tifa.” He waved to her on the way out.

Just in time, Cloud caught up to her. She softly gasped when she saw what was in his grasp. A bouquet of red roses. The soldier shyly averted his gaze to the ground, stopping in his tracks. 

“Cloud...you got me flowers?” Tifa whispered in awe, running over to get closer to him.

“Yeah. You’re always so considerate when it comes to this stuff so...thought I’d return the favor.” He gestured for her to take them.

“This is so thoughtful of you, Cloud!” They exchanged the flowers with the muffin, and she brought the bouquet closer to her chest. Her nose sniffed the grassy smell of the roses, the plastic wrapping shriveling in her strong hold and nudges from her cheek. She heartily smiled in Cloud’s direction who meekly fixated over her with his hands tucked in his coat pockets. “You’re so sweet, Cloud.” 

Both immensely blushed at the other. “I-It’s no problem. I’m glad you like them,” he said. An awkward silence broke between them until Cloud eventually spoke up, “So, the pond?”

“Right! The pond,” Tifa hurriedly nodded and followed beside him. For the rest of the walk, the two nibbled on their desserts through a semi-comfortable silence. It wasn’t until they met the pond where they spoke again. Ice froze over its waters, perfect for skating.

“Here we are,” Tifa announced. “Get your skates ready.” They headed to one of the benches near the pond in case someone wanted to fish, or feed the ducks, or just simply lounge. They rested their half-eaten pastries and Tifa’s roses over the wooden seat. “Is it a good size?” she asked, watching Cloud struggle to get the skates to fit all the way.

“It’s a little tight,” he admitted.

“Sorry. I wasn’t sure what your size was, so I made an estimate.”

“It’s okay. Nothing I can’t handle.” Hesitantly, Cloud motioned for her to take her hand in his. Slowly, Tifa accepted it, and he led her to the edge of the pond. “Stay close to me, ok? I don’t want you to fall.”

Without a falter, Cloud eased his skates onto the ice. He quickly swerved around to rotate himself to face Tifa, still holding her hand. Gulping, Tifa inched the front of her foot over the ice as if she were dipping her toe in the water to test its temperature. “Keep steady,” Cloud instructed, grabbing onto Tifa’s shoulder to level her skates on the ice properly. 

“Ok, ok, steady,” she muttered to herself, tightening her hold over Cloud’s hand once her feet no longer stepped over the familiar texture of grass. She sheepishly smiled at him, “I may have forgotten some lessons. It’s been so long after all.”

“Then we’ll just have to start at the beginning,” Cloud lightly smirked and slowed his pace so Tifa could adjust to the slippery ice. It was like learning to walk for the first time; your head was in the clouds. She couldn’t understand how he did this so effortlessly. Although she shocked even herself over how she was more mediocre at it, despite all her mixed martial arts training. She should be good on her feet. But alas, she continued to struggle like those times before. He gracefully swiped one foot after the other, gearing it to the right then swinging it to the back. She couldn’t exactly get her footwork to align, but her performance improved a little anyway.

“See? You’re getting better,” Cloud reassured. “Think I can let go of you now?” he teased, releasing her hold on her but she hastily latched onto his hand. 

“No! Not yet!” she exclaimed, pouting a little when he let out an amused chuckle. Her eyes widened at the noise, a grin breaking through her lips. It had been so long since she heard him laugh. The raspiness tickled her ears, and she shyly met their reflection through the ice. She really liked his voice. She thought over how she deeply missed him. Him helping her skate, his large hands over hers, the proximity and warmth from his body. She really missed him. Now she really didn’t want to ruin his solace by mentioning Aerith and his behavior this past week. She allowed him to enjoy himself. 

As they prospered over the pond, she would occasionally stare at his eyes as he did hers. Even if they appeared dimmer than usual, she still spotted the vibrant splashes of a lighter blue within them. How they took her back in how beautiful they truly were. It made him distinct, constantly refreshing her memory that this was still her friend. **Her** Cloud Strife. And she was here, with him, over the frozen pond. It may change states during the season, but in reality, it never really changed.

Without his assistance, Tifa managed to skate off the pond herself and he followed close behind her. “Pretty fun, huh?” she chuckled. He hummed in agreement, and they took their skates off, grabbed their desserts and roses, and made their way back to Tifa’s car. Before he could maneuver into the passenger’s seat, Tifa noticed the abandoned card. “Dammit. I forgot to give you your card.” She handed it to him, and he sat in its place. “Don’t open it until you get home.”

“I forgot to give you a card too,” Cloud muttered guiltily. 

She softly smiled, “For what it’s worth, I really love the flowers you got me.” As she pulled off, Cloud peered at the resting hand on her lap. It was open for him to take, not just for skating lessons this time. He wanted to be closer to her, but instead, he clenched his fist and stared at his lap. They eventually made it to the Strife residence, the brink of the evening to spare. 

Hopefully, Aerith wasn’t too tired out by her workload. She watched as Cloud gathered his card and box of strawberries. “Thanks, Tifa. For spending time with me today,” he said.

“And you too. For the same thing,” she replied. 

Exiting the vehicle, he gave her a parting glance. “Night,” he said.

“Goodnight.” She drove her way home. 

When Cloud entered his house, he immediately placed the box of strawberries on the dinner table and sat in one of the chairs. He casually flipped open the box and eagerly examined the card, munching on the tip of a chocolate-coated strawberry. As he opened the card, a spring of multiple cut-out hearts jumped at his face as if they yelled, “Surprise!” In the center heart, the largest of them all, laid Tifa’s handwriting, looped in impressive cursive.

_Happy Valentine’s Day, Cloud! I really wanted to make this card pop this year, making these layers and layers of hearts. Y’know, to represent all the times we’ve missed but how our relationship continues to grow, nonetheless. I’ll say this, Cloud. When I waited with your mother at the train station the day you were coming back from the military, I was terrified. I assumed the worst happened to you, or if you did return, things would be too different. People change in five years, y’know? But after we’ve spent these weeks together, I realized it’s not really a bad thing. It’s natural, completely normal. And even if you’ve changed a little, it still doesn’t change the fact that we’re still close. I still love hanging out and talking with you. You always knew how to lend an open ear and pursue through tough times, even if it seems like things are dragging you down. It’s admirable, Cloud, and truly the strongest aspect of yourself. Don’t forget that, ok? And if you ever need anything, if anything’s going on, I’m right there for you._

_Love, Tifa_

Her words dangerously met the edge of the card, considering she had to fit so much space in the restrictive shape of this heart. Cloud ruffled through his blond spikes; his lips almost quivering after reading his friend’s achingly pure words. 

_Goddammit. This woman is too good for me._

“Cloud? You’re home?” Claudia asked, inching her way into the dining room area. She caressed the wooden arch of the door frame. “How was your afternoon with Tifa?”

He stared at his mother, closing the thoughtful card with care. Tifa’s words would surely be spinning in his head tonight. A welcome change for once. 

“It was nice,” he answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Cloti fluff! Even if this was kind of a filler chapter, I wanted to include more romance and write their chemistry together more. I was originally going to have a Sephiroth segment at the end of the chapter, but it was long enough already. It'll have to wait for the next chapter. Seriously guys, save me from writing super long chapters.


	7. Play Pretend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: After Aerith takes Cloud home, there is a major self-harm scene. If you're not comfortable with reading it, then I recommend not finishing the rest of the chapter.

_When a breaching light invited itself into his tent, Sephiroth’s lips curled into a longer smirk. As soon as his eyes peered above him, spotting a spiky-haired silhouette, his heart jittered. Finally. Took him long enough._

_“Cloud,” Sephiroth purred, lifting his upper body from his sleeping bag. Standing in the entrance of the tent was his great pupil, but his full body hesitated to mosey in through the flaps of the entryway. In his hands, he held a small steaming bowl of soup, and his glare hovered over the dish. Sephiroth chuckled at the obvious fear that emitted from the blond due to his stance alone. He could pick out every shiver from his back and tremble in his hands._

_Forcing down a gulp in a pathetic manner to calm himself, Cloud muttered, “Here’s your dinner. You missed it earlier, so I heated it up for you at the campfire.” His tone appeared robotic like he read from a script. Every other night after their battles, he was expected to serve the general his dinner because he “went to bed early.” General Heidegger fussed over the idea of a high elite being exhausted after a day of battle. Soldiers had to be alert, energized—completely unbothered by the state of fatigue._

_Despite this, he understood how Sephiroth proved to be an outlier to this rule, so he didn’t worry over it too much. He knew to distance himself from the strange general. Hence why he didn’t question Cloud’s presence at a general’s tent late at night. On one hand, he didn’t want to deal with him, and second, Sephiroth still needed to consume his dinner if he needed to be in the right condition for tomorrow’s attack. The general planned this whole string of events, so he could spend time with his pupil outside of battles and their private lessons._

_When Cloud continued to timidly stand there, Sephiroth urged him to enter, “Come on. There is no need to be shy.” Squinting his eyes at the brown soup, Cloud’s legs wobbled as he walked into the tent. Darkness completely cloaked the surfaces of the tent, besides a tiny streak of the moonlight that perfectly shone over the general’s slit pupils. He took his time standing up and walking over to Cloud to retrieve his soup, drinking up the sight of his pupil practically cowering over him but still attempting to bear a solid ground. His hands cupped around the bowl, and his fingers grazed over the soldier’s own ones. Cloud fidgeted, almost dropping the bowl._

_“Careful now,” Sephiroth soothed, the warmth of the bowl spreading over his palms. “It would be a shame for this to spill. A waste to whoever served it.” His eyes narrowed once he noticed something. Cloud only brought one bowl. “You didn’t get one?” he inquired._

_Cloud’s gaze lowered to the ground, and his hands clenched. “I-I ate e-earlier. G-General H-Heidegger wouldn’t let me wait until later this time. He said I-I needed to eat right at that moment. N-No excuses,” he stuttered, straying his head away from the towering general._

_Softly chuckling, Sephiroth patted the top of Cloud’s head and ran his fingers through his blond spikes. His smile only grew when he witnessed the slight flinch from him. “It’s quite acceptable. I’m aware Heidegger can be uncompromising. But next time, better your efforts to convince him. I enjoy it when we eat together.” After Cloud meekly nodded, Sephiroth waltzed over to his sleeping bag and laid on his right side. Cloud followed his lead, sitting cross-legged at the end of it. The two rested in tense silence, at least on Cloud’s side, with nothing but the slow sips from Sephiroth’s lips and the calls from crickets and owls busying the atmosphere._

_Occasionally, Sephiroth diverted his attention from his bowl to sneak a look at his pupil. It amused him how blatantly nervous he acted around him. So cautious and alarmed, just as any soldier was trained to be. And even though Cloud was fearful of the general, a niche part of him liked the special treatment he gave him. Who wouldn’t want to be recognized by their longtime idol? Their hero? Not only did he get deployed into his unit, but Sephiroth also fought by his side and trusted him to secure both of their lives. He was generous enough to train him during their free time and no matter how much it pained Cloud, he knew the general was only looking out for him. He cared for him. Out of all of the soldiers in the country, the great war hero Sephiroth chose him as his pupil. He should feel honored. So, he dealt with him and tried his hardest not to cry over it._

_Sephiroth caught onto the conflicted hums from the soldier. He constantly wondered about Cloud’s previous life since he never bothered to elaborate on the details. Before, Cloud mentioned how some kids at his old school didn’t like him very much and how he diligently trained during his teen years, but nothing too personal. Now that he had his pupil here with him once again, he decided to ask a question that pestered him for a while._

_“Do you have someone special at home, Cloud?” The blond raised his head in surprise, but his gaze weakened when he peeked at Sephiroth’s intense stare._

_“N-No. Why do you ask, sir?” he replied._

_Sephiroth’s frozen smirk tightened at his formal title being spoken from Cloud, but he hid his irritation by taking another sip of his soup. The bowl was half empty. “I am only curious. Many soldiers usually have loved ones, and they desperately cling to the hope that they will return. They even save themselves for the probability of encountering them again. How strangely affectionate, is it not? Would it be normal to just move on? So that no one gets hurt?”_

_“Unless they made a promise…” Cloud’s voice trailed into a whisper. Noticing this, Sephiroth questioned him further. “Are you hiding something from me, Cloud? You know how I feel about you keeping secrets from me.”_

_Cloud bit his lip and furiously shook his head. “N-No. It’s nothing, really.”_

_“Do you take me for a fool? Tell me. Now.”_

_His body began to shake at the faint growl near the end of Sephiroth’s tone, and the last thing he wanted was to piss him off. The general demonstrated before how he could hurt him outside of their lessons. “I-I have a friend at home,” he admitted. “Her name’s Tifa, and… we made a promise not to forget each other after the war’s over. I’ve known her since kindergarten.” Whenever he felt Sephiroth’s pressing leer over him, he suddenly felt the need to expose himself like he confessed his sins._

_Unbeknownst to Cloud due to his avoidant eyes, Sephiroth clenched his hands tighter around the glass bowl. He could shatter it if he desired with his monstrous strength acquired from all the Mako they drugged him with for so many years. The thought of his pupil with a frivolous childhood friend made his skin crawl. He couldn’t even handle his attachment to that other insolent soldier, and now he imagined Cloud in his hometown. Talking, laughing, ogling with another. For countless years without him. If Cloud wished to become an elite like him, then he needed to push away his sentimental value over others. He needed to pay attention to him and only him._

_Setting down his empty bowl over the grass next to him, Sephiroth rose his upper body and inched towards his pupil. The thin air closed around him as Cloud instinctively moved away. Sephiroth harshly grabbed his face in his hands._

_“How cute,” he purred, and Cloud’s eyes widened; confused over what he meant by that._

_“S-Sir? What are you doing?”_

_“How many times must I remind you to call me by my actual name when we’re alone? Hm, it honestly vexes me a little.”_

_When Cloud fell silent, Sephiroth’s eyes shot open in a deathly glare and his smirk lengthened crazily. He pinched Cloud’s cheeks, his thumbs pushing deep into his cheekbones. The blond grunted from the pressure and tried to remove his face, but Sephiroth kept an iron grip._

_“I-I’m sorry, si-Sephiroth,” he said, his voice lowering to a certain level during their lessons. Colder and phlegmatic. The general’s thumbs softened, and he allowed them to tenderly graze over the blond’s narrow cheeks. Cloud could only glare back at Sephiroth as his eyes couldn’t look at anything besides him. Sephiroth let out a satisfied hum at the sight in front of him. The blues started to fade in his pupil’s eyes, not only because of the Mako but because of the work he was proud he inflicted over him. This soldier flinched away from his touch, lowered his eyes to the ground whenever he saw him, shivered whenever he stood closely behind him or held him, bled because of his brutality._

_Yet here he was, all dolled up to his preference. The liveliness he first saw in the prodigy when he was assigned to his unit, he strived to tear it out of him. Alike the general’s own tired-out passion in becoming a soldier to support his mother and build his honor, he would make sure Cloud understood the path to greatness was an excruciating one. He inwardly swooned over the heat of Cloud’s cheeks over his fingers, his waning blue eyes, his glossy lips, his surprisingly soft hair._

_Regardless of the anxious soldier who shook underneath him, he knew Cloud secretly enjoyed him holding him like this. Who wouldn’t want their idol to touch them like this? To devote all their attention like this? He loved being exceptional, and the silly thing would grasp onto an opportunity to receive it after years of discouragement from his peers. Besides, Sephiroth couldn’t deny that he found his pupil’s presence comforting. No matter how many times he hurt him, Cloud continued to admire him._

_He loved the attention from his little pupil. Sephiroth released Cloud’s face, but then immediately pulled him into his chest and proceeded to pet his hair. Nobody would take him away from him, and he would ensure his past life would remain that way once the war ended. No soldier could return home and pretend everything was okay._

* * *

“Shit…” Cloud glowered at his reflection in the mirror. He pushed his bangs out of the way of his forehead, offering a clearer look at the fresh red bruise that swelled over his skin. _I didn’t mean to hit myself that hard,_ he thought. When he released his bangs, they managed to slightly conceal the bruise, but the bloody edges were still visible. 

His lips slightly trembled at the possibility of his mother or Tifa finding out about the bruise. Then, they would worry about him even more. It was no secret that the two started to catch onto his turmoil, especially Tifa who made it her mission to spend time with him more often. Including today where she texted him about meeting up at her apartment tomorrow, so they could watch a movie together with Aerith. When the forbidden name appeared on his screen in blinding letters, Cloud immediately halted.

No. He needed to be strong. He couldn’t continue acting cold like this towards Tifa’s friend, someone who the woman truly felt dearly for. Why couldn’t he just act normal? Why couldn’t Aerith just be a normal acquaintance? Cloud hesitantly agreed to the movie. He would do this for his friend. For his Tifa. 

Ever since they hung out together on Valentine’s Day, Cloud failed to deny his affection for her. In his mind at least. He would love to spend time with her at any opportunity he could get. Whenever he was around her, his time in the military flew past him like it didn’t matter. His time with Tifa lied within the present, and he was elated to be around her. It wouldn’t be fair to stress her out even more with this bruise on his head.

_I’ll just say an enemy soldier punched me in the forehead during battle. No, what’re you-you’re so stupid! Say you hit your head on the wall really hard or something. You were distracted while reading a book and accidentally bumped into a wall. If you’re lucky, she probably won’t even notice it._

Grumpily grunting, Cloud exited the bathroom and entered the kitchen. Ignoring the throbbing pain on his forehead that neared a headache, he grabbed a freezer bag and filled it with water and rubbing alcohol. He stuck it in the freezer for about an hour and retrieved it once finished. Bringing the homemade ice pack to his bruise, he seethed his teeth at the abrupt sting but softly sighed once the sensation nulled to a numb tingle. He was okay.

* * *

Aerith nervously watched Tifa scramble around the living room, regulating if everything fit her criteria of tidiness. She heard her mutter over a checklist of sorts: if the movie worked, if the wooden coffee table in the center of the small living room was clean, if the temperature wasn’t too overbearing. She almost chuckled at the huge fuss her friend made. 

“Hasn’t Cloud been to your apartment before?” Aerith couldn’t help but ask.

“Actually no. He hasn’t been to my apartment yet,” Tifa’s voice slightly rose, a little surprised by that fact herself. After all this time Cloud returned from the military, he had never visited her home before. She wondered over the purpose of the delay but instantly disregarded it once she stormed over to the kitchen. On the counter, she laid a bag of spicy chips and pretzels. She remembered how her childhood friend favored the prior snack. “Ok, what to drink?” she sighed.

“Do we have any wine?” Aerith asked so casually. Tifa raised an amused eyebrow at her question. “Look Tifa, I’ve been so stressed over paperwork lately. Let me indulge in this please.”

“I’m not sure if Cloud would want some. He’s not an avid drinker.” The only time she saw him consume alcohol was at his first visit to Seventh Heaven. _He sure seemed to like the special,_ Tifa thought, lightly chuckling at the image of a tipsy Cloud scarfing down shots of the Cosmo Canyon. Then, she peered at their childhood snacks and solemnly frowned, now viewing them as a little childish even if anyone could eat them.

“I’m sure he wouldn’t mind,” Aerith waved off. “It’s not like he _has_ to drink it. More for me then!”

Tifa pursed her lips before shrugging. “Eh, yeah, why not?” Smiling, she took out bottles of red wine from her refrigerator and placed them over the countertop. Silver words glistened over the green bottles; bragging rights on how these were Seventh Heaven’s own red wine recipe. Tifa glanced over at Aerith who lounged in one of the accent chairs, patiently surfing through the cable channels. 

“Um...you don’t think Cloud dislikes you, right? He has no reason to,” Tifa suddenly inquired.

Aerith bit her lip and sighed, but she kept her eyes on the television screen. “I’m not sure either, Tifa. Maybe it’s nothing, don’t worry! We’ll have a good time just hanging out and watching a movie together!”

“You’re right. Let’s just have fun.” After she proceeded to chat with Aerith while cleaning out three small bowls and three wine glasses, a quiet buzz alerted her near the front door. Her doorwoman reminded her of Cloud’s appearance, and she gladly urged her to let him in. “Ok, Cloud’s on his way…” she told Aerith while rubbing her hands together and staring at the carpet floor. Aerith jumped from her seat and grabbed Tifa’s shoulders in her hands. 

“It’s gonna be fine, Tifa,” she flashed her a jovial smile. Taking deep breaths, she reciprocated a smile of her own and stretched her arms. It wasn’t like Cloud hadn’t visited her home before when they were kids, albeit that was her father’s house and now this was her own apartment. Besides that, they were still friends hanging out together. Yet ever since Valentine’s Day, Tifa grew a little annoyed at the word: friends.

A solid knock at the door diverged her out of her trance. Aerith gave her an encouraging, toothy smile that boosted her friend’s confidence a bit. Motioning for her to stay put, Tifa strode to the front door while Aerith happily stood back with her hands behind her back. She curiously tilted her head at the familiar spiky blond figure in the opening door.

“Hey, Tifa. How are you?” Cloud introduced firsthand. 

“Heya! I’m doing good and you?”

“Hm. Same as usual.” Before he could enter, Tifa quickly hugged him. He stiffened from the sudden touch, and his heartbeat fastened a little. He forced himself not to heave a sigh of relief when she released him. Tifa’s hugs themselves didn’t bother him, in fact he embraced them, but a large portion of his mind grew uneasy whenever anyone touched him like this. Not even Tifa was an exception to that rule. 

“Come on in,” Tifa smiled and allowed him room to pass by sidestepping away from the door. Immediately upon doing so, his face narrowed when he spotted Aerith behind her. Already sensing the tension, Tifa began rubbing her hands again. “And, um, you’ve already met my pen pal, Aerith.”

Breaking a toothy smile, Aerith skipped over to Cloud who slightly stumbled back in surprise by her enthusiasm. “You didn’t forget my name, did you?” she teased, giggling a little. “I’m happy you decided to hang out with us, Cloud. Guess what we’re watching today? I’m sure you’ll be happy to hear about it.”

“What is it?” Cloud asked, turning his head to face Tifa.

She gave him a knowing smirk, “ _Kupo_.”

“They made a movie?!” Seeing Cloud’s blue eyes lighten up a little made her giddy inside. 

“Yep! It came out last year. And the coolest part is that it’s animated in stop motion. It was originally going to be live-action a couple years back, but fans weren’t too happy about it. I know how much you love the _Kupo_ series, so this was the perfect choice!”

Cloud hummed and formed a small smile, “Thanks, Tifa. I’m honestly pretty excited to watch this now.”

“But you’ll have to fill me in on some stuff. I checked it out at the library, but I’m only about fifty pages in. Don’t worry, I’m fine with being spoiled.” 

“I’m a fan of the _Kupo_ series too, Cloud,” Aerith said.

“Oh?” Although his smile fell once Aerith began to address him again, he still offered her an interested glance in her direction.

“Mhm! Been a fan since the middle school days! So if anyone is the _Kupo_ expert here, it’s me.”

“I’ll take you up on that. Only finished the series recently.” 

“Then I’ll definitely need to catch up to you two,” Tifa chuckled. “I’ll get the movie started, and I’ll fix snacks for everyone. Aerith, you’re fine with the pretzels, right?”

“Yep!”

Cloud followed Tifa as she maneuvered behind the kitchen counters. He took the time to survey her apartment which was covered in warm colors such as reds and browns. The living room and kitchen inherited a kanso type style. The walls were painted in a cream color. Fuchsia pillows rested over the tan loveseats and accent chairs. Fake plants stood in corners of the apartment. Since Tifa lived on the middle floors of the apartment complex, she possessed a nice patio window view with mahogany curtains. The simplistic atmosphere calmed Cloud. 

“And you’ll have the hot chips, right Cloud?” Tifa asked, hovering a bag of his favorite snack over a small bowl.

“Sure. You have a nice apartment,” he complimented.

“Thanks. It’s not much though. It’s the best I can do since I’m busy with Seventh Heaven and all. Not even enough time to decorate.”

Regardless of the fake plants around, Cloud spotted a red vase filled with the red roses he gifted her on the countertop. He smiled, “Those yours?” he nodded in the vase’s direction.

“Oh! Of course. I wonder who I got them from?” Tifa pretended to ponder. “A gentleman, I’d say.”

Lightly blushing at her words, Cloud shrugged. “You could say that.” Tifa chuckled and poured the chips into the bowl, leaning closer in his direction as she slid the dish across the counter. When her eyes peered closer over his face, she noticed an uneven, circular, purple line underneath his bangs. 

“Cloud, what’s that on your forehead?” she asked.

“Huh?”

“It looks like a bruise or something.” It almost matched the color of his worn-out eyelids. Before she could reach to move his bangs out of the way, Cloud stepped away from the countertop. His breath hitched. “U-Uh, it’s nothing. I hit my head really hard on the wall, that’s all.” 

“Oh…” Tifa lowered her hand, but Cloud still caught onto the suspicious frown on her lips. His own lips tightened as he grumbled a further explanation.

“I was reading a book in my living room. When I walked back to my room, I didn’t take my eyes off the page. I got distracted and hit my head against the doorframe pretty hard. Should’ve watched where I was going.”

“I thought you said you hit your head on the wall?”

“Wall, doorframe, same thing,” Cloud almost sped through his whole explanation, and he refused to make eye contact with her. “Look let’s just watch the movie, ok? It’s even starting to heal a little, so no big deal.” He quickly grabbed his bowl of chips and took his seat in one of the loveseats. 

Tifa sighed to herself, growing a little frustrated that her friend continued to hide from her. Deciding to accept it for now since this would be a fun day with her friends, she grabbed Aerith’s bowl of pretzels and hers and walked to the living room area. “Here you go, Aerith,” she said, handing the bowl to her pen pal.

“Thanks! I’ll start the movie while you fix the wine?” she proposed. 

“Sure.”

“We’re drinking?” Cloud asked with an eyebrow raised, although he was a little excited by the idea.

“Well, we’re all adults, aren’t we? Work’s been a pain for all of us, so let’s enjoy ourselves.” Aerith encouraged, standing up to place the _Kupo_ DVD into the disc player. Cloud peered at the box cover art which was a homage to the original book cover with prideful credits to the director, animation studio, and well-known voice talent. 

“It’s Seventh Heaven’s own red wine recipe by yours truly,” Tifa added. She poured three full glasses of the red wine and attempted to balance them in her hands. “If you want more, help yourself.”

“You’re not gonna be my drinking coach?” Cloud jokingly asked.

“I’m not your mother, Cloud. Besides, I only stopped you because I wanted you to be sober when Barret came by. Just try to take small sips.”

He tenderly took the glass from Tifa’s hands and stared into the red abyss of alcohol. Tifa’s eyes weren’t as deep of a red as this, but he still snuck a peek at his friend next to him on the loveseat.

“ _I_ haven’t even seen this yet, so I’m just as excited as you are Cloud!” Aerith beamed. Tightening his lips, Cloud took a sip from the wine glass. It brought a bitter but also somewhat fruity tingle in his mouth, similar to the Cosmo Canyon but stronger. He hummed; satisfied by the taste and he nodded in Tifa’s direction. 

Tifa chuckled at his reaction, happy that he enjoyed it, and took a sip from her own glass. Even if Cloud still appeared wary around Aerith’s presence, she was glad that her pen pal made the effort to socialize with him. She knew their common interest in the _Kupo_ series would at least break the ice for some small talk. As the opening credits started with beautiful visuals of a purple sky with twinkling stars, Tifa took another eager sip of her glass.

Throughout the film, Aerith did most of the talking. She pinpointed inaccuracies and narrative changes within the film adaptation, and although the story could’ve been handled better, she still appreciated the film’s stunning animation. Cloud agreed with her with small comments and soft hums. Tifa continued to lay back in her seat and enjoyed the film, not too critical over it since she wasn’t too familiar with the _Kupo_ series anyway. 

Thirty minutes into the film, the amount of wine consumption shifted the ambiance between the group. Aerith only finished halfway through her wine glass as she wished to stay sober enough to enjoy the film. Tifa admitted to herself that she could’ve handled her alcohol better. She was onto the beginning of her second glass, and her spaced-out giggling and clumsy smiles were enough evidence to her slightly intoxicated state. Occasionally, she would lean her body in Cloud’s direction, subtly vying for his attention. The playing film on her moderately-sized television blurred together as if her focus only cleared itself on the soldier next to her.

Cloud, on the other hand, also went overboard. Taking a huge liking to Tifa’s red wine, he ended up nearly halfway through his third glass. It offered a great distraction. His vision darkened and objects slurred all together into an abomination. He had trouble keeping still in a proper stance, struggling to keep his head up while quiet moans escaped his lips due to the buzzing that jabbed at his brain. Whenever Tifa said something silly to gain his attention or Aerith asked him about the movie, a jumble of more familiar voices surrounded him. He could only answer with fumbled sentences. He wasn’t completely wasted, but he still made an amateur move when it came to the wine.

Aerith shook her head, only a little tipsy from the wine. She decided to be the responsible one who would try to stay sober because these dorks couldn’t hold their alcohol. “Wow Tifa, I thought _you_ were the responsible one,” Aerith giggled.

“I’m...not THAT responsible…” Tifa slurred, giggling along with her pen pal. “That’s boring. Why....can’t I just have fun like you...said?”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. You might want to hold off on the drinking though. That includes you, Cloud.”

“I… made this recipe. I’ll...know...what I can’t drink or not. See?” She rebelliously took a long gulp of her wine and coughed from the taste. “Nothing’s wrong. Right...Cloud? You’re enjoying yourself...right?” Tifa’s cheeks reddened, not just from the wine but also at the handsome soldier next to her. Her eyes searched him up and down, biting her lip.

“Hmmm...mhm…” Cloud muttered, rubbing his hand over his forehead, slightly wincing when he pressed on his bruise too hard. He couldn’t focus as he heard another voice that caused him to shiver.

“Clouud…Are you listening to me?” Tifa nudged herself closer to the blond, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“Um, Tifa?” Aerith watched the two carefully.

Cloud’s body stiffened when he felt someone’s head on his shoulder. “You’ve seemed so...distant lately, Cloud. Is it me…?” Tifa mumbled, shooting him a needy look. But he didn’t notice; he was far more worried over whoever touched his shoulder. Away from his eyes no less. It unnerved him. 

Tifa sweetly grinned and wrapped her arms around his waist. This foreign touch erupted a gasp from Cloud, and his body started to shake. She nudged her cheek further into his shoulder. Her judgment appeared wavy, Aerith’s former words of “why the hell not” taking over. In this state, she couldn’t deny her feelings any longer. He felt so warm. 

The soldier continued to shudder, this pressing feeling next to him overtaking his senses. All he knew was that he hated being this close. This uninviting touch itched his skin, and he couldn’t take it anymore. He pushed them away from him, shaking at the missing arms that formerly locked themselves around his waist. His eyes widened at the sight in front of him. Amidst this haze of a room, Sephiroth widely smirked at him behind Tifa, his catlike green eyes glowing over him. Cloud froze in his place, his body desperately shaking even more now. His chest spastically heaved, unable to regulate itself.

Tifa’s back flopped on the cushions below her, and she let out a surprised gasp. The buzz in her head dwindled a little, and she massaged her head at the ache. Aerith stood from her seat, her own state beginning to disappear at the scene in front of her. “Ok, that’s enough for both of you,” she strictly ordered, confiscating their glasses and placing them on the coffee table. She inched closer to Cloud cautiously, making sure her steps were methodical. “Cloud? Can you hear me? Take deep breaths, okay?” She noted his twitching mannerisms, and the fact his face scrunched in major discomfort at her words.

He was just like her. The same concern over his well-being. A doppelgänger. As she spoke, Aerith’s voice echoed into a mesh of Zack’s own voice. And the image of Sephiroth leering over both Tifa and Aerith terrified him. The general stepped his way behind Aerith, tightly gripping on her shoulder as if he would throw her aside. 

“G-Get away from h-her!” Cloud propelled his arms forward as the buzzing in his head worsened. 

“Cloud!” Tifa gasped.

“Shit!” Aerith whispered.

His eyes shot open as his hazy vision dissipated Sephiroth’s figure in exchange for a fallen Aerith on the ground; her arm scraped against the hard edge of the coffee table. As the table shook, the two wine glasses collided against each other and spilled over the wood, creating a red flood. 

Tifa scurried out of the couch, despite her drunken movements, and crouched to help Aerith to her feet. “Why...did you push her like that?” She blinked past her glossy eyes at the blurry image of a trembling Cloud. 

“Don’t worry, i-it’s ok. It’s only a scratch; I’ll manage,” Aerith grunted, taking Tifa’s hand and observing the cut over her elbow. The splotch of blood started to dry as soon as it came. She worriedly stared at Cloud’s condition. Clearly, he was experiencing something besides his drunken state, so he needed to be taken home to rest, and Tifa needed to sober up. 

“I-I’m...sorry,” Cloud slurred an apology.

“Stay here, Tifa. I’ll take him home.”

Tifa said nothing and only heavily nodded. In between her fingers over her eyes to calm her headache, she meekly glanced in Cloud’s direction. Her current mind failed to process over the logistics behind Cloud’s erratic behavior, the mix of emotions and alcohol confusing each other. “You’re...kinda scaring me a little...Cloud,” she managed to hiccup. Turning off the movie, Aerith eased her friend into her bedroom by placing her hand on her back and rubbing her head. She returned to a still trembling Cloud and decided not to touch him like Tifa since he reacted negatively last time. “Follow my voice, Cloud. You’ll be home in no time.” Grabbing Tifa’s car keys, Aerith focused on the wobbly soldier and helped him enter the passenger’s seat of Tifa’s sedan. 

Luckily, Cloud’s mother was home, so she led him to the front doorstep and rang the doorbell. A few seconds passed, and Claudia opened the door with a worried frown on her face. She reached out to hold her son’s hands to ease him inside, but he flinched his hands away from her touch. 

“Yeah, he’s pretty drunk,” Aerith admitted, sadly smiling. “Please make sure he’s okay.”

“I will. No problem. You’re Tifa’s pen pal, right? Aerith?” Claudia asked.

“Mhm.”

“Thank you so much for bringing Cloud home safe.”

“You’re welcome. Let me know when he gets better.” Waving goodbye, Aerith left the doorstep, and Claudia followed her son into his bedroom. She tried her best to lead him into his bedroom without touching him, and he curled underneath his blankets. “I’ll get you a glass of water, ok Cloud? Right now, you need to rest.” Knowing he would remain unresponsive, Claudia wasted no time in getting the water. 

Cloud’s breathing failed to slow, and he clutched his head as a pathetic effort to soothe his migraine. So many thoughts raced through his head. The hallucinations, Tifa’s fearful gaze at him, Aerith falling over because he pushed her. Never in his life had he touched Tifa like that or any woman for that matter. The pit of his stomach twisted and lurched, the sudden need to vomit erupting inside it. He stumbled out of bed and managed to make it to the bathroom. 

“Oh, how much did you drink, sweetie?” Claudia appeared in the bathroom with him once she heard him come in, holding a glass of water in her hands. Sniffling, Cloud shuddered at the vile tinge in his mouth. “Wash up first,” his mother said, and Cloud flushed his hurled mess. She stood beside him as he sluggishly brushed his teeth and cleansed his mouth in case he needed assistance. After wiping the corners of his lips with a towel, he gulped down the glass of water his mother gave him. Once he relaxed into his bed again, Claudia reassured, “Call me if you need anything else, ok sweetie?” 

Before she left for his room, Claudia gasped at the bruise on his forehead that revealed itself from his astray bangs. “Cloud! What happened to-” One desperate glare from her son told her all she needed to know. Holding her tongue, she left him to rest. 

Hours passed into the near midnight and even though Cloud’s drunken episode began to subside, his recollection over the incident at Tifa’s apartment invaded his mind nonstop. He hurt Tifa and Aerith. He didn’t mean to. He really didn’t mean to. But he did it anyway; all because he couldn’t control his alcohol. He pierced his knuckles with his teeth, he pulled at his hair, he punched the outside of his left cheek. Not enough.

This was supposed to be a fun day with his friend and her pen pal. He was supposed to pretend everything was okay. He wanted to get lost like he usually felt with Tifa. But after what happened, why would she want to hang out with him again? 

_She was scared of me._ He failed at being a decent person drinking wine. He clenched his sheets with his fists, practically digging his nails into his palms. Not enough. She really didn’t deserve him, especially not an apology either. 

His shaking body ceased, and his narrowed face eased into a deadpanned stare. He stood up from his bed and quietly sauntered out of his bedroom into the kitchen. All the lights in the house were switched off, his mother most likely asleep, and his shadow blended with the darkness. Despite his swirling migraine that refused to go away, it felt insignificant. He had a single thing in mind. Opening one of the kitchen drawers, his eyes lingered over a small knife. He picked it up and headed to his bedroom. 

“ _G-Get off of me...please…” Cloud struggled to shove the general off him. About twenty other times, the soldier asked him to quit, but Sephiroth ignored him. He slowly dragged the dagger down the back of Cloud’s arm._

Shutting his door and locking it, Cloud sat on the edge of his bed and tilted the small knife to further examine it. 

_Drops of blood from the many other previous marks slid over the Mako that oozed out of the cuts too. They blended into a brown hue like paint accidentally dripping with other colors on a canvas. Cloud attempted to shove the general from him again, but it was like pushing a brick wall. Since his arms were also severely injured, he wouldn’t be able to get him off any time soon. He just had to sit there and take his punishment._

He deserved it. For hurting them like that. For getting his comrade killed. Taking a steady breath, Cloud slowly sliced the side of his wrist. He grunted and gritted his teeth. How nostalgic it was to see his blood coated with the same seafoam green of Mako trickling out of his skin. 

_Sephiroth’s facial expression remained unchanged. His smirk stayed, and his sharp eyes fixated over his shaking pupil below him. His legs trapped Cloud to the ground, and he levered in taking the tip of his dagger and applying fresh cuts to his pale skin. “Is this your plan when the enemy traps you like this? To beg and weakly fight back?” Cloud couldn’t stand his smugly calculating voice, and he steered his head away with another grunt when Sephiroth finished this cut with a swift swipe._

With the tip of the knife, Cloud ended his cut with a swish and proceeded onto the next cut before any drops could fall onto the sheets. 

_Sephiroth briefly paused, giving Cloud a slight semblance of hope that this was over. How hilarious. Sephiroth stabbed the front of the dagger into Cloud’s left wrist and instantly covered his mouth when his pupil released a loud cry. He started to violently shake now. “Not all soldiers combat one another with guns and tanks, Cloud. All weapons are effective, and there is a necessity for particular ones once up close to one another.” Managing to lift his upper body, Cloud successfully headbutted the general, even if the dagger dug deeper into his wrist. Sephiroth grunted with a light chuckle and released his hold on him. As he now stood above him, his smirk widened when he watched the silly thing tear the dagger from his wrist. More blood spilled from the stab wound, and gushes of Mako pulsated from the opening. Without hesitation, Sephiroth harshly gripped the soldier’s wrist and pressed his fingers into the wound. Cloud returned the favor, clenching on the general’s own wrist with a tearful glare. “I better not see you sparing the life of a Wutanese soldier on the battlefield again,” Sephiroth warned._

Cleaning the bleeding cuts with disinfectant and dabbing it with a sterile pad, Cloud wandered into his room with his head hung low, staring at the scars over his wrists and forearm. He tugged his sleeves to tuck them away. As he climbed under the covers, he slipped the knife underneath his pillow and fell asleep. It was enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, there's a lot to cover here. I'm not a huge fan of this chapter either. I don't know; I guess it's the pacing of the whole thing. I'm worried that the drunk scene was too out of place, if it came out of nowhere, or if characters were inaccurate. Was Cloud's reaction to the whole thing an overreaction? This is a real issue, and I really don't want to mess it up, especially since it'll continue to get worse from here. Like really bad. Anyway, feedback on this chapter on how I can improve it in the future would be greatly appreciated!


	8. Bleeding Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: There are heavy scenes of self-harm in this chapter. 
> 
> Sorry this chapter took so long! Thank you guys so much for the feedback and kudos! It really means a lot to me!

A sense of relief shivered over Cloud whenever he returned from work and dashed into his bedroom with little to no introduction with his mother. Each time he entered his room, he cautiously locked his door to ensure the click resonated a minimal echo throughout the hallway. As he closed his navy-blue curtains, darkness immediately covered the room which he grew to prefer. He took off his work clothes and exchanged them into his pajamas, albeit sluggishly. Arm through a sleeve, head over collar, his mind replayed over the day’s events. And the incident at Tifa’s apartment two weeks ago. 

No matter what he did whether it be sleeping, eating breakfast or dinner, stocking returned books to their shelves, he constantly remembered the look of shock and hurt on Tifa’s face when he pushed her away and shoved Aerith against the coffee table. The next night when the two were sober, Tifa bombarded him with apologetic texts. Blaming herself for what occurred, and wrongfully so in his opinion. It was all his fault. He insisted on taking the blame, but Tifa always fired back by excusing his behavior with drunkenness. 

_“You weren’t yourself, Cloud. You were only drunk, and Aerith’s okay. I’m okay. We both forgive you,”_ she had told him when he was brave enough to hear her voice over the phone. Everything was okay. They forgave him. He could run along with his normal life. Waking up in the morning, going to work, reading a new book at night, texting Tifa after her shifts. It was only an accident, and nothing changed.

Yet why did he still feel so guilty? His remorse ached his head so much to the point where he experienced migraines. He didn’t appreciate how he got away with this scot-free. Everyone turned the other cheek and still looked at him with eyes of endearment. Someone like him really didn’t deserve it. 

During the day, he could pretend to act like his ordinary self, equipped with the stone-face and nonchalant attitude and all. However, at night, he gave himself a breather. Only so much could be done before he failed to handle it any longer. Taking a seat at the edge of his bed, Cloud methodically slid the knife he grew to trust from underneath his pillow. Thank goodness his mother wasn’t the sneaky type (most of the time) or else he would’ve put more effort into hiding it. He liked to observe the knife before he allowed it to cut his skin, viewing his pathetic reflection through the cold steel. The tip of it glinted when it caught a streak of the moonlight from in-between the curtains. It satisfied him to see it clean first, pure from the red splotches that would stain it later. 

Rolling up his sleeve, Cloud blankly stared at the linear scars over his left wrist and forearm. As if on cue, more waves of negative thoughts drenched his mind. Tifa’s misdirection in caring about him, his mother’s concern, his dreams about Zack, Sephiroth’s itching touch, Aerith’s uncanny grin. 

_Hurry up and do it already._

Lowering his eyes, Cloud brought the knife to his wrists and breathed life into the previous cuts. He softly grunted and seethed his teeth but continued to drag the knife just below his elbow. He absently bit his lip, forcing his brain to focus only on the pain and nothing else. This knife was something he could depend on—a punishment he deserved for misbehaving if nobody else was going to. 

For these past two weeks, Cloud bailed on scratching, punching, and biting himself. Those actions were too docile compared to the knife. They might as well have been a slap on the wrist, completely insignificant. But this knife offered more to the table. Although, his previous habits still managed to give him some relief whenever he was alone at work or taking a bathroom break. A tamer, quick fix if he was feeling especially terrible that day. Despite this, if he wanted to come close to the numbness he felt before he started cutting himself, it proved futile. His tolerance adapted to this fix and held no intentions of letting it go.

Cloud drew his head back when he dug the knife a bit deeper this time, nicking at an already bloody line at the front of his wrist. He took a sharp breath and briefly paused the knife at his vein. His teary glare oversaw drops of blood splashing over his grey sheets. 

“Shit…” he muttered, his eyes widening a little. Dammit. Now he needed to clean his sheets. It was already difficult enough tending to his cuts without his mother’s prying eyes. It certainly didn’t help that he had just washed his sheets and blanket two days ago.

_Just say you spilled something, dumbass. But what though? Not many drinks are red besides flavored juice, and we don’t have any. All I can think of is alcohol… Oh god, not that._

Squinting his eyes over the blood drops that began to spread over the fabric of the sheets, he caught onto tiny speckles of Mako that mixed with it.

_And how the hell are you going to explain that?_

Why was he making this a big deal? He didn’t have to explicitly show his mother his dirty sheets. Cover it up like he always did. Yet a portion of him considered it was only fair that he had to explain to his mother about this. He had to tell her and watch her pay for his selfish actions.

Sweat sprinkled over his forehead, and he frantically shook his head. His heart raced, furiously pounding against his chest wishing to escape. No, no, no. He didn’t want her to worry. He didn’t want **anyone** to worry about him. 

_Go back to doing what you were doing. At least you’re good at that._

Cloud let his mind turn blank, and his eyes lowered to his lap. Blood cascaded over the curve of his arm, more of it dripping onto the sheets into thicker circles. But he made no move to stop the bleeding. Instead, he clenched the knife tighter in his grip and cut deeper into his already flushed flesh. A greater tinge shook throughout his arm, but he didn’t care. Even if this sensation appeared more painful, Cloud didn’t utter a single grunt or groan. Nothing but silence. 

His hand alternated between arms, adding consecutive cuts to his scarred right arm now. These following ones showed no sign of calming themselves down, continuously bleeding tremendously. He didn’t care. He realized the deeper and harder he drove the steel into his skin, the better he felt. The jumbled words in his head encouraged him, praising him for taking it all so well. 

He felt horrible recently, and who else could he turn to besides the people he cared most, only for them to worry about him when he didn’t deserve it. This was far easier. In the end, nobody would have to care.

* * *

Claudia sat at the dinner table alone, her hands neatly folded over the wooden surface after she prayed. A steaming plate of turkey, broccoli, and mashed potatoes was left untouched. A mother’s concern dissipated her appetite. Her son hadn’t arrived for dinnertime, making her worry if she had to feed him in his bedroom again. Truthfully, she loathed those days when Cloud was more distant with her than usual. He locked himself in his room again for hours on end, and she had to contemplate if she did something wrong to upset him. The ambiguity frustrated her, especially with the little amount of stability she held in their relationship. 

All she wished was for the chance to talk to him like he could easily do with Tifa. How could he trust a friend more than his own mother? With shaking hands, Claudia brought her glass of water to her lips. But when it barely grazed her skin, she sighed and defeatedly set it down. Perhaps she was overreacting. If Cloud wanted to talk about his problems, he would. He was an adult now; he didn’t need her to coddle him all the time. Not that she did most of the time. Her son was always independent, working out on his own after school when he dreamed of becoming a soldier or never asking for help with homework. 

Pursing her lips, Claudia deeply frowned. But maybe that was the issue. What if she hadn’t meddled enough? If she bothered to interfere with his life more often, he wouldn’t have gotten into a lot of trouble at school, or he wouldn’t have been so aloof with her. He could’ve been different. Suddenly, she reminisced about her late husband.

Her son was only a year old when his father was drafted into the first Wutai war and only seven when he perished. The mother was devastated, waiting at the train station with Cloud’s hand locked in hers. Trains upon trains passed through town, and many families reunited with their beloved soldier. When the final train departed for the night, Claudia was left alone with her son amid many relieved families. Abandoned like a student without an assigned partner. The following day, she received a letter in the mail that her husband had died in the war. 

She vividly remembered how she sulked over the dinner table with the letter in her hands, bawling her eyes out at the empty seat in front of her where her husband used to eat with her for breakfast and dinner. The television was switched off since she held no interest in listening to delightful news about Midgar’s victory against Wutai while she had to suffer over the loss of her partner. At that moment, he could’ve been sitting there. Cheerfully spouting tales about his service in the war with his signature upbeat attitude. 

Because her husband left so early in Cloud’s life, he only met his father through old photographs that his mother had shown him. He watched as his mother struggled not to cry in front of him, her nose sniffling and her voice croaking. Cloud always tugged at her hand, flashing her a small smile. 

_“Don’t worry, Mommy. I’ll take care of you. I wanna be a soldier too, just like Dad. Then, I can protect you! You won’t cry anymore!”_ Claudia had choked back a sob from her son’s words and pulled him into a tight hug. How could she ruin his dreams then? Seeing her son so excited over the idea of becoming a soldier to the extent where he based almost his entire identity on it. She couldn’t find the courage to discourage him. She smiled as he pretended to be shooting a gun, his eyes reading over Stamp comic strips in the newspaper, imitating the war hero Sephiroth. All she wanted was to see her son happy.

Day by day, this image of Cloud vanished. Quite honestly, she couldn’t handle it anymore. Cloud was her _son_ , and he always will be, whether he needed her input or not. For too long, she loosened her role. She wanted to see that smile again. 

Pushing herself out of her seat, Claudia strode over to Cloud’s bedroom and lightly knocked on his closed door. “Cloud? Sweetie… can I come in for a moment?” she politely asked. No response. Of course. She tried again. “Please, Cloud. It’s really important.” When she was met with another silence, Claudia tugged at the door handle. It only jittered. “Cloud, I need you to unlock your door.” While she used calm wording, her tone of voice became stern, growing more irritated that Cloud didn’t even retort with anything like he usually did after silences. 

She sighed and muttered, “I know I shouldn’t do this but…” Claudia departed from the door to retrieve a bobby pin from her bedroom. This bordered on the levels of a neurotic, invasive mother, but she needed to do what was necessary to communicate with her stubborn son. 

Standing in front of Cloud’s door again, Claudia pushed the bobby pin into the keyhole. After a few minutes of twisting, a soft click reached her ears. Wasting no time, Claudia turned the doorknob and invited herself into her son’s room. 

“Cloud, I told you to-” she stopped herself mid-sentence, a loud gasp erupting from her throat. She brought her hands to her mouth, and her eyes widened at the sight in front of her. 

Her son’s trembling body sat at the edge of his bed. Knife in hand, slicing through his arms, streams of blood falling over them and his sheets. His head heavily lifted at the sudden breach of light that entered his room. His hazy eyes met his mother’s terrified ones, slightly broadening themselves. However, he quickly reverted his gaze to his arms again and continued to cut.

“Please leave, Mom…” he muttered, his voice hushed but strangely balanced. Claudia spastically shook her hand, unable to handle what faced her. 

Hurried questions swarmed through her brain, and she fumbled over her own words. “C-Cloud, what’s—why are you—”

“Please leave, Mom…” he repeated, almost robotically. Refusing to listen, Claudia rushed over to her son and snatched the knife away from his hands. Cloud made no effort to stop her as he continued to stare at his bleeding skin. 

“Oh god, Cloud!” Claudia gasped, leering over the bloody knife. It practically covered the whole thing. A tangy odor surrounded him. “S-Stay here! I-I’ll help you, don’t worry sweetie! Everything’s going to be okay!” As he stayed silent, Claudia scurried out of the room and grabbed the sterile pads and disinfectant. Once she returned to his room, she carefully held his arms and nabbed at the cuts with the sterile pads. Her watery eyes occasionally peered over her son’s face who shamefully rejected her own. Even if his face showed no signs of worry, his spine still quivered and his skin paled. Multiple cuts spread over his arms like evidence of desperate attempts from someone trying to flee.

No matter how much Claudia soaked the sterile pads over the cuts, the blood continued to dangerously seep through them. The bits of green in his blood didn’t help soothe her worries either. “Oh god, i-it won’t stop bleeding!” she exclaimed, hoping that if she pressed harder it would stop. But to no avail. The cuts were deep, and there were too many of them to count. “I need to get you to a hospital. You can’t be bleeding this much.”

Cloud instantly stiffened at the thought of a hospital and shook his head. “N-No, Mom. I don’t need a hospital. I’m fine.”

“Like hell you’re fine!” Claudia snapped, causing Cloud to flinch at her tone. She grabbed at his wrist and moved it towards his face. “Look at yourself, Cloud! This isn’t fine!” Cloud fell silent again, and tears fell out of Claudia’s eyes. Great. He made his mother cry. This was what happened when she bothered to worry about him. 

Wiping her tears away with the back of her sleeve, Claudia pulled her son out of his bed. “I’ll help you get dressed. We’re going to the hospital whether you like it or not,” she sniffled. After she eased Cloud into a grey sweater and blue jeans, she led him into the passenger’s seat of her jeep. She sped to the hospital as fast as she could, passing fearful side glances at her son next to her whose arms refused to quit bleeding. His bangs drooped over his eyes.

Helping Cloud out of her jeep, Claudia stormed into the small hospital building and requested the secretary for her son to be placed into the emergency room. With a quick glance at the shaking soldier beside an anxious mother, the secretary solemnly nodded and immediately called a nurse from the emergency wing. As they passed by occupied rooms filled with people laying on beds near surgery equipment, Cloud’s heart quickened. 

Down the hallway, the nurse led them into an operating room and ordered Cloud to change into the hospital gown before the doctor arrived. The soldier stood still once the nurse left, causing Claudia to sigh as she stripped him out of his clothes and eased him into the gown. 

When she noticed his flushed face, Claudia strictly stated, “C’mon, Cloud. I used to change your diapers. Nothing I haven’t seen before.” He didn’t give her a cold retort which insisted on worrying the mother more than anything. She seethed her teeth at the open gap in his cuts that profusely bled. 

Cloud settled onto the hospital bed, his lips trembling as he stared at the blinding ceiling lights in this boring, grey room. Minutes passed and a doctor in his signature blue and white coat entered the room. A surgical mask concealed his lips, but his cheeks puffed up to incite a smile. 

“Good evening,” the doctor greeted in a cheery tone and formed a handshake with Claudia who sat in one of the visitor chairs. After they shared names, the doctor carefully sauntered over to Cloud and slipped on his hospital gloves. “You’re Cloud Strife, am I correct? Date of birth: August 11th, 1997?” When the blond only responded with a low hum, he instantly winced and averted his gaze when the doctor cautiously grabbed his arms and observed over the cuts. 

Giving an unsatisfied hum, the doctor released his grip over Cloud’s arms and looked over to Claudia, “He’ll need to get sutures. The cuts are too deep to heal on their own, I’m afraid. We don’t want them to get infected. The tissue needs to be repaired. May I ask how this happened?” A hitch in Cloud’s throat struggled to go down all the way, and he gave a desperate glare in his mother’s direction.

Catching the look, Claudia forced herself to swallow and replied, “He, um, fell over some broken glass. He was cooking and accidentally dropped a plate.” The doctor squinted his eyes over Cloud’s arms again. He noticed the quantity of the cuts and scars, and how they appeared to form some type of pattern. All horizontal and straight. If it were some accident, then the cuts would be a lot more jagged and inconsistent. But after feeling the tension between the mother and son, the doctor hesitantly accepted the answer.

“Very well,” the doctor nodded, heading towards the exit. “These are serious cuts, and they won’t stop bleeding any time soon. This won’t take long. You two will be in and out.” 

Soon enough, the doctor returned with a syringe, a needle, and silk thread. The doctor awkwardly cleared his throat to gain their attention, confused by the silence between them. “Ok so first, we need to numb your arms. It’ll make the procedure more comfortable.” He placed the materials on a table next to the bed and raised the syringe with his fingers.

Cloud instantly paled, and his body instinctively scooted away from the doctor. “G-Get the hell away from me!” he cried. 

Unfazed, the doctor shot him a pitiful stare. “Don’t worry, it’s gonna hurt for a moment but it won’t last long. Take deep breaths, ok?” the doctor consoled.

“N-No, I don’t…” Shutting his eyes, Cloud refused to lend his arm. Claudia stood up and took her son’s hand in hers. Ignoring his flinch, her thumb delicately massaged his palm. She kneeled over the bed and softly pet his hair, whispering reassurances in his ear. It successfully managed to calm her son down a bit, and the doctor nodded at Claudia with gratitude. The welcome distraction allowed him to inject the syringe in both arms, resulting in a light whimper from Cloud, but he focused on his mother. 

Steady pounds traveled along his arms until it faded into numbness. Aware of the sensation, it still overwhelmed Cloud that he had little control in his body now. The doctor could do whatever he wanted.

* * *

_There was nowhere to go. His body froze onto the gurney as if it were practically glued onto it. He couldn’t recoil if something hurt him, he couldn’t turn his head away from the nauseating procedure, he couldn’t speak. He could only lie there, being a good patient. His doctor pressed the infusions into his skin from the IV solution bag filled with Mako. He checked over his eyes and mouth, humming in satisfaction at the electrocardiogram beside them. Beeps resounded from the machine, flowing in cycles of steadiness then rapidness._

_Sitting right in front of the gurney, Sephiroth leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed. The young soldier returned a glare in his direction; at least that was something he could do. After the doctor finished his inspection, he squeezed Cloud’s arm muscles._

_“The Mako is enhancing his muscle mass which is a good sign. This soldier appears to be taking the steroid quite well compared to the others,” he said. Sephiroth’s grin grew at those words. The doctor then lowered the collar of the soldier’s gown, and his eyes widened a little at the bruises and bite marks that littered over his neck and collarbone. “You want me to tend to these as well?”_

_“Is that really a question?” Sephiroth dryly asked._

_The doctor sighed, “Very well. This soldier’s always getting himself hurt. I’m surprised he hasn’t died by now.”_

_“The Mako is building his tolerance, isn’t it?”_

_“Sure seems that way.”_

_Cloud really wanted to wipe that smug smirk off the general’s face. He knew all too well why he had so many infirmary visits. The more he got hurt, the more doses of Mako that could be injected into him._

_After the doctor departed from the tent so that Cloud could rest off the anesthesia, the two prodigies were left alone. Sephiroth leered over his immobile pupil before standing up next to the gurney. If he was able to move his body, Cloud would flinch and steer his eyes away. The general rested his palm over Cloud’s sweaty forehead and brought his head closer to his face. His eyelids closed a little as he caressed the soldier’s skin. That dreadful fogginess in his pupil’s blue eyes—it deepened._

_“I remember when I used to visit my sickly mother like this,” Sephiroth hummed. “Every day, I stayed in her hospital room and watched her body continuously be operated on for hours on end. Oh, the amount of testing they did on her.” Sephiroth’s eyes shot open, his catlike pupils staring intensely into Cloud’s own eyes. “That doctor was correct with you being one of the lucky ones to handle Mako. Don’t say I did nothing for you.” He softly chuckled at his pupil’s lack of a response before he ran his fingers through his blond spikes._

_“I’ll be staying right here with you. For hours,” he purred. In an agonizingly slow pace on Cloud’s end, the general leaned forward and planted a tender kiss on his forehead._

_“W-Wha…” the soldier tried to gurgle out of his throat, but the general hushed him with a whisper by bringing his finger to his lips._

_“Get some rest, Cloud,” Sephiroth grinned and returned to his seat. His keen eyes bored over Cloud’s position as he casually rested his left cheek on his knuckle, his elbow standing against the arm of the chair. “Besides, my appointment isn’t coming until much later anyway.”_

* * *

Throughout the suture procedure, the doctor noticed an oddity in Cloud’s bloodstream. A sea green liquid flowed through his veins. After he closed the open cuts with thread and cleaned the thinner and smaller wounds, he was met with a dilemma. This patient was most definitely a soldier. Only they contained this peculiar trait based on his own experiences with treating many soldiers these past few weeks. And like all the other times, he was ordered not to discuss it with the patient’s visitors. 

_“If they ask, lie about it.”_ Hence when Claudia decided to ask about the color in Cloud’s blood, both the doctor and the soldier stiffened. 

“I’m not too sure. Perhaps you could come back and get a blood test for your son. I’m sure it’s not harmful,” the doctor excused and meekly returned to his operation. Now, he worked at a quicker pace, hoping to get these two out of the emergency room as quickly as possible. He considered themselves even when it came to withholding information.

During the procedure, Cloud bit his lips at the tug of his skin and watched the needle pierce his torn cuts. Even if he couldn’t feel anything, the pressure still made him uncomfortable. The results showed the thread sticking out the now closed cuts, and drastic, clean scars dried over the skin. The doctor prescribed him an ointment to help with the healing process and explained to them how the bandages needed to be changed on a regular basis. 

Claudia greatly thanked the doctor for his help, and he modestly assured that they would meet with him again in a week to remove the stitches. As he watched the soldier leave with his mother, the doctor’s lips fell into a frown. Those conspiracy theories about the treatment of soldiers in the war were less outlandish than he would’ve ever anticipated.

The drive home was silent. Not even the blues on the radio lightened the mood, considering that neither of them wanted to lend an ear. Claudia unlocked the door to their house, her son standing far behind her. Once it opened with a swish, Cloud maneuvered out of her way and headed towards his bedroom. 

“Cloud,” Claudia began, walking up to him and grabbing his shoulder before he had a chance of escape. “As I said before, we need to talk.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Cloud coldly replied, lowering his head. To her surprise, he let out a humorless chuckle. “You saw what happened. You saw what I did. It’s self-explanatory, isn’t it?”

“Stop being stubborn for one second, please Cloud,” Claudia’s voice shifted into hiccups. “Let me help you just this once. All I wanna do is talk. I’m not mad or anything I just… I can’t let this slide anymore. I can’t leave you alone anymore.” Before long, Claudia started crying. Her face smushed into Cloud’s back, her arms tightly wrapped around him. Cloud’s body froze, and he clenched his fists, but he didn’t flinch. 

Unable to handle the sounds of her cries, Cloud gently released her arms away from him and turned to face her. “Fine. Let’s talk. It’s okay, Mom. You don’t need to cry anymore.” When he led his saddened mother to the couch in the living room, he grabbed a box of tissues and placed it on the coffee table. She instantly snatched one from the purple, flowery box and wiped away the incoming tears. Another piece of tissue immediately sprouted from the box, ready to be taken away as well. Cloud peered over his bandaged arms in his lap. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Claudia choked once she composed herself. Cloud said nothing, and she repeated, “Why didn’t you tell me you were hurting yourself?”

“I didn’t want to worry you,” Cloud muttered, not meeting her gaze. 

“It’s my job to be worried, Cloud. I get even more worried when you don’t tell me about this stuff.”

“I’ve been doing this for a while now. Not with just the knife. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“No, Cloud. You can’t say this isn’t a big deal. It’s serious, and it would’ve only gotten worse if I didn’t know about it.” Releasing a deep sigh, Claudia reached for another tissue to stop the silent tears from slipping. “I noticed you weren’t the same ever since you came back from the war. Did something happen?”

Cloud paused, suddenly finding the black television screen interesting. What could he tell her? The military was full of bullshit despite being his greatest dream ever since he was young? The Mako they drugged him and many other soldiers with? Zack and Sephiroth—the truth behind their deaths? How his prolonged hero turned out to be unhinged? The reality would devastate her, and she had already been through enough with him today.

“Things happen in war,” Cloud dismissively stated. Claudia peeked behind her soppy tissue to examine her son. The faded blues in his eyes, the paleness in his skin, the tousled blond hair, the stained bandages on his arms next to the scars. Her son may have kept parts of himself inside, but there was still something to see.

“You’re not well, Cloud,” Claudia whispered, scooting closer to him. She pulled the tip of his chin onto her shoulder. “And it hurts that you won’t tell me. Hm, your father would’ve understood more, wouldn’t he?”

Cloud lowly hummed at the mention of his late father. 

“I want you to turn to me if you ever need anything, sweetie. I’m your mother, and I’ll do anything to help you in any way I can.” Claudia hesitated in her next sentence since she had been thinking about it at the hospital, but she decided to give in. “I think we should go to counseling together, Cloud.” When she felt her son stiffen at her words, she rubbed his back to console him. “I won’t force it, but I really think it’s something we both need.” Cupping her hands around Cloud’s cheeks, she gave him a sad smile, “Think it over, ok?” 

Cloud gaped at his mother’s reddened and wrinkled eyes. He mildly pouted, truly ashamed over the hassle she went through for him tonight when she could’ve been getting her deserved rest. Concluding that it was getting late, the two of them decided to turn in for the night. 

“Call me if you need anything, sweetie. Seriously, for anything,” Claudia said. She kissed him on the forehead. “Goodnight. Get some rest, ok?”

“Night Mom,” Cloud mumbled, and he slowly entered his room. He silently cursed to himself when he forgot about the bloodstains on his sheet. Tomorrow, he would wash them. There was really no need to hide anything now. Laying on his back, Cloud stared at the vacant ceiling above him. He wasn’t sure when, but he eventually found himself falling asleep.

* * *

Tifa carefully opened Cloud’s bedroom door, stopping herself every so often when the creaks resonated a bit too loudly. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw him sleeping as she squeezed her body through the small gap in the door. Before Claudia went to bed, she had called Tifa and filled her in on the latest events at their household. A heaviness sunk in her chest when she heard about Cloud’s hospital visit and the cause of it too. 

Never in her life would she have thought that her childhood friend self-harmed. On her way here, she scolded herself for not noticing sooner. What she could’ve done to prevent it if she paid more attention. It was a no-brainer that she had to check up on him to see how he held up. She softly smiled as she peered over his sleeping form, relieved by how peaceful he looked. 

His blanket leveled to the bottom of his chin, concealing the rest of his body. Tifa kneeled near his pillow, and she whispered, “Heya Cloud. I really hope you’re doing well. I wanted to come check on you.” Fully expecting not to receive a response, Tifa meticulously lowered the blanket over his right arm. She gently held his wrist and lifted his sleeve away to look over the bandages and scars. She sadly lowered her head and said, “I’m so sorry this happened to you, Cloud. I had no idea.” Returning the sleeve and blanket to its tucked position, she kneeled in silence and prayed for a couple of more minutes before standing up.

“I’ll leave you to rest. Goodnight, Cloud,” she smiled. Without any hint of nervousness, Tifa leaned down and kissed his cheek, stroking his hair.

Tifa’s eyes peered to the blue vase of the golden daisies. Like the night she had slept in his room while he had a fever, its petals continued to wilt. She briefly left the bedroom to retrieve a bottle of spring water. Twisting the cap, she carefully watered the daisies all the way down into the soil. Just as quietly as she entered, Tifa gave her friend the peace he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that the year in Cloud's birthdate isn't correct, but keep in mind it works with my calculations for the age and year changes in this fic. This chapter was a little difficult to write too, but I hope you all enjoyed it! I seriously felt so bad for Cloud when I wrote this.


	9. War Hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a over a month since I updated...
> 
> I'm sorry for not updating in a while! Things have been stressful lately, and I've been unmotivated recently so it took me a while to write this chapter. Thank you all for being so patient with me! Also, I watched the original Final Fantasy VII! I couldn't wait until the whole remake comes out; I just couldn't. But now I'm glad to have more context for the story. I'm surprised by some of the things I was accurate on as well as my future plans for this fic. After watching though, now I need to rethink over some choices for the following chapters a little bit since I decided to change up the structures and plot points for the next chapters. But not too much changed.
> 
> This whole chapter is a flashback chapter, and warning, it's super long. I never intended it to be this long, but that's just how I write sometimes. It wasn't even supposed to end the way it does, to be honest, but it was just getting too long. It'll have to wait until later chapters.
> 
> But anyway, I know this chapter took forever to be made, so I hope you guys enjoy it!

He did it. Finally. Cloud stood in a single-file line within the courtyard of Midgar’s largest military base. When he first arrived here, he inwardly swooned at the towering building that greeted him and the other incoming soldiers with its grand presence. The shiny steel walls, the cemented ground with a few patches of finely cut grass forming the shape of a hexagon, the steaming tanks resting in the background—its entire magnificent structure matched the photographs in his history and military books and the broadcasts on the news. In the very center of the courtyard, the iconic Midgarian flag swooshed in response to the strong winds. 

Cloud would get to see and live in this building whenever he pleased if the mission called for his service. Almost every morning, he could wake up in his cot, stretching and yawning as the sun dawned over his face. His eyes would welcome it, turning his head to face the many windows of the building, eyeing over the courtyard he stood on this current moment. A place he wished to call home his entire life. 

Now, he dwelled among other soldiers who were just enlisted into the army on this very day. But Cloud was unlike any soldier. A first-class soldier—the most dedicated and the most resilient individuals in the country. A glistening badge over his military jacket that his drill sergeant awarded him served as evidence for his achievements. Away from prying eyes after he was called to retrieve it that day, a soft smirk had spread over his lips, tenderly tugging on the piece of gold tacked to his shirt. He finally proved his exceptional worth.

Cloud took the moment to glance down at the badge again. It beamed from the sunlight as he waited with the other soldiers in his unit. Every single one of them was ordered to wear their badges today. Only about fifteen men or so were permitted into this unit, boosting the blond’s confidence even more. Out of all of them, Cloud was the second person in line. The one in first, the one he was delighted to call his comrade, stood Zack. 

The image of Zack forming a gigantic grin when he discovered Cloud and he would be fighting together in the same unit ingrained in his memory. He would never forget it. No matter how much he denied it, Cloud held the same endearment. Having him here, working alongside him, made his dream even more enjoyable. Surprisingly, it didn’t even bother him that Zack surpassed him. The older soldier officially reached the highest rank of their basic training, earning the title of the “number one rookie soldier.” If it were anyone else, Cloud would be silently pouting and gritting his teeth. But for him, he disregarded his own envy. Instead, he shared his pride with his comrade. Zack earned it.

Cloud bit back a smile once he felt Zack’s arm loop around his neck.

“Who knew, huh?” Zack chuckled, his eyes squinting as his lips broke a smile.

“That I’d be stuck with you?” The blond playfully retorted. His eyes peered over the badge that rested over Zack’s military jacket. Their badges were almost identical, but Zack’s possessed more intricate engravings and patterns.

“Totally called it, didn’t I? First basic training and now this? Admit it, the universe made us best buds.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“We’ll probably be placed in the same sleeping quarters too! That would surely be a miracle!”

“I’m sure every class gets their own assigned barrack, so yeah, maybe.”

Zack gleefully laughed and lightly punched Cloud’s shoulder before returning to the standard soldier stance: stand perfectly tall with your arms behind your back, waiting for your general to bark out orders. Cloud admired how his comrade could effortlessly change into their expected posture while remaining himself. 

“Say, who do you think our general’s gonna be?” Zack asked.

Cloud shrugged, “I dunno. They all should’ve been here by now, don’t you think?”

“They’re probably running late. Who knows? Maybe they just received good news that the war’s over. Silence is always good news.”

Cloud snorted at his reasoning, “That’s not possible. Generals are always punctual.”

“If I’m right, too bad for us, huh? All this training for nothing.” Strangely, Zack trailed into his own silence. His smile waned as he lowered his eyes to the ground. His words almost traced sarcasm. Cloud raised his eyebrow next to him, unsure over what had dampened his comrade’s mood so quickly. 

“You okay?” He found himself asking. His question briefly managed to snap Zack out of his weird trance.

“Huh? Oh, it’s nothing dude! Was just thinking about something.” Zack reassured.

“Like… Aerith? You worried this war’s gonna take a while before you see her again?” Cloud read Zack’s struggle to maintain a smile, knowing what it inferred. They had been stuck with each other for about three months, consistently and constantly. 

Suddenly Cloud thought of Tifa and her whereabouts. What were her plans after they graduated high school? Yeah, her biggest dream was opening Seventh Heaven, but he thought outside of that. Would she move out soon? Would she be getting her own job? What about the situation between her parents? His lips pursed once he remembered their promise.

_“Will you promise that you won’t forget where you came from? That when we’re older, and you become a famous soldier...promise you’ll remember where your roots are? That things won’t change between us?”_

Honestly, he recalled her words every day, her sweet plea randomly sprouting his mind. 

Would she forget him? _Who knows how long this war will last._

His mother too. He couldn’t help but feel guilty that she would have to spend days and nights by her lonesome, feeling the same painful worry over her son coming back home as she had with his late father. With the possibility of him following in his footsteps. A letter in the mail, informing her about his death in the war. Cloud furiously shook his head. _No. That_ **_won’t_ ** _happen._

Zack sighed, “Yeah. I can’t stop thinking about it, man. Truthfully, if I could give up my position as a first-class soldier to see her as quickly as possible, I would. It would be a letdown, sure, but I’d sacrifice it in a heartbeat if I could see my flower again.” Cloud’s eyes widened at his comrade’s straight face, his jaw tensing, and his back strengthening even more now. His icy blue eyes flashed with that same sense of determination he never failed to recognize.

Before Cloud could reply, a dark aircraft ascended towards the military base. Every soldier eyed the airborne vehicle with expectant glares, instantly fixing their posture or checking to improve it. Zack shot the blond a quick smile then toughened his face. Firmly nodding, Cloud did the same. 

The aircraft cast shadows over the countless lines of prepared soldiers, eagerly waiting for a purpose. Their calling. As it landed with precision without any askew movements, the aircraft hissed as its exit opened, leveling a stairway onto the ground. Generals, commanders, and privates stepped out; their hands pressed behind their backs. With how prestigious they appeared in their grey military tunics, dark pants, and heavy boots, they could’ve been mistaken for kings. 

A hushed wave swam over the courtyard. Cloud had to sneak glances at his fellow soldiers in case he didn’t imagine the sound. Whom he witnessed, departing from the aircraft, caused his jaw to drop. He briefly peeked at his comrade’s similar but more ecstatic expression.

In front of all the generals, sauntering out of the aircraft as if he led his own kind, revealed the war hero Sephiroth himself. Cloud never believed he would live the day where he would witness his hero in person. A lump trapped in his throat, butterflies fluttered in his stomach, his heart raced, his eyes expanded, a spark shimmered in his royal blue eyes. His body froze, but his eyes frantically surveyed the man who approached them, holding onto every detail of this moment so he could remember it forever.

Although his face eased, Sephiroth’s facial features were keen and sharp. His high cheekbones, pale skin, lush lips; all enclosed by his extremely lengthy silver hair that every citizen in Midgar recognized. Cloud’s eyes widened even further once the war hero came closer, realizing how much this man soared over him. He barely reached his chest, and it easily intimidated him. Despite this, he struggled not to fanboy in front of him. There were so many things he wanted to ask! Should he say “hello” first? How should he introduce himself? Should he smile, or show nothing at all? Should he-

 _Stay focused, Cloud. Listen for your instructions._ Sneaking a quick breath, Cloud recollected himself and regained his posture. He peered at Zack beside him who remained calm, but he caught onto the jitters in his arms and the twitching frown that wanted to erupt into a smile. If his comrade could keep still, then so could he. 

Another general walked beside Sephiroth with a sterner and colder face. He appeared a bit older than the war hero with his dark hair and beard holding bits of grey hairs. A faded, red scar descended over his right eye and trailed over his cheek, and the blemish reminded Cloud to analyze Sephiroth’s face again. Zero scars. Completely devoid of any tense muscles that carried over to the older general’s features. He seemed a little familiar to Cloud. 

Once the two nodded at each other, Cloud watched as the other general stepped towards the unit group next to theirs and Sephiroth who peered over their own unit. Instinctively, all the soldier units saluted their superiors and marched their feet against the ground in unison. Their heavy boots thundered the rock, seemingly strong enough to spawn an earthquake. 

“At ease!” The general next to Sephiroth barked, and all of the soldiers brought their arms to their sides. Clearing his throat, the general also turned to face the first-class unit and began to address both them and his unit simultaneously. The many other generals did the same, but with their own singular units. “I am General Heidegger, and you shall address me as sir and only sir! Understood?!” His gruff and alert voice would make any normal person tremble, but these individuals, but soldiers, stood their ground.

“Yes sir!” They all nodded. Heidegger lowly chuckled, already pleased with the obedience of his soldiers, but he quickly fell into his authoritative grimace once again. 

“All who face in front of me now are under my unit and command. However, you will be working closely with the first-class soldiers,” he quietly growled at his own words like he could spit at them with distaste. Then, he nodded in the first-class unit’s direction. “Since they have proven to be truly exceptional for the Midgarian army, they have been granted the opportunity to work under Sephiroth. Their general.”

Cloud choked back a gasp, and the similar reactions from the other soldiers around him made Sephiroth softly chuckle. Not only would he be a first-class soldier, but he would be working alongside his lifetime hero?! Could his dream get any more perfect?

“Indeed I am. You shall address me as ‘sir’ as well,” Cloud’s ears writhed at the sound of his hero’s deep and cool voice. If he dared to loosen his posture, shivers could’ve reverberated along his spine. 

“S-Sir, yes sir,” Cloud’s voice blended with the other soldiers around him, hiding his stutter. However, their tone quieted, all except for Zack of course who affirmed with pride. It somewhat reassured the blond how the others were just as awestruck yet intimidated by Sephiroth. The simultaneous reaction within his unit seemed to amuse the general as his calm smirk amplified into a blusterous grin. 

From the corner of his eye, Sephiroth caught onto the sneer from his fellow general beside him. Briefly, he closed his eyes and a rumble rolled in his chest. A chuckle. A taunt at the pure envy that dripped from Heidegger. No subtlety. Why not have a little fun?

“You see, Heidegger used to be in charge of the first-class unit,” Sephiroth said, finally cracking his eyes open to look at Heidegger. His teeth bared at the sight of the older general with his eyes widened, flabbergasted. He had the nerve to drop his title. Sephiroth reverted his attention to his unit and continued, “But they denounced his position sometime after we won the first Wutai War. So, they chose me instead. Heidegger’s experience was too... primitive by newer standards. Ones that I managed to lift. One could obviously pick out the details for themselves. Too old and damaged to keep such a role.”

An angry blush burned over Heidegger’s cheeks as his wrinkles stretched with his scowl, defining their visibility far more than before. All the soldiers stayed silent, both with anticipation for where this situation would lead to and to analyze Heidegger’s features more clearly. Including Cloud whose eyes flickered back and forth between Sephiroth and him. How youthful his hero looked. Despite the hard times he must’ve faced, it might as well have never occurred. No signs of outer turmoil while with Heidegger, it could be spotted even from a mile away. 

“How inappropriate! You think you have the right to-”

“I am merely reminding my soldiers who you are, and what your soldiers will eventually become. They deserve a refresher of your memory; the same can’t be said for me though.” That final sentence prompted little sputters to escape Heidegger’s lips. With an annoyed grunt, his gaze lowered to the ground while Sephiroth’s leer only intensified. “Do I make myself clear, _general_?” The addition of the title wasn’t out of any sort of respect, only mockery. 

With a grunt, Heidegger seethed his teeth, “Clear, sir.”

Sephiroth motioned with a wave for Heidegger to settle down. At ease. Devoid of a single nod or bow. Cloud pursed his lips at the scene and mildly glanced at Zack beside him. He spotted the dent in his cheek and tense shoulders. The general shifted his attention to his comrade now.

“You are Zack Fair, am I correct? I was told that you reached the top of your class during training.” Sephiroth inquired, his eyes slightly narrowing but his voice almost softening. 

Zack shaped a toothy smile with a fierce nod, the blues in his eyes growing brighter. “Right on, sir! Never thought I’d make it here, to be honest!” 

“Hm. A humble one. That won’t get you very far.”

“Well, I’m about to get even humbler!” Unexpectedly, Zack pulled Cloud into a side hug, bringing him into Sephiroth’s field of vision.

“Zack, what’re you-?” On the outside, Cloud kept an annoyed frown, but his insides lurched. Sephiroth would actively be looking at him! He wasn’t prepared for this!

Zack playfully shushed him, “C’mon Cloud, don’t nerd out on me now that your greatest hero is right in front of you! This is my friend, Cloud Strife. We trained and lived together back at the boot camp. If anyone’s just as responsible for my upbringing, it’s him sir. I mean, he made it second in our class after all.”

Cloud flushed in embarrassment on how his comrade threw him into the spotlight so suddenly. He shyly brought the side of his hand over his forehead; a small shadow cascaded over the lower half of his face. So many pressing stares fell over them now, and he couldn’t escape this intrusive feeling. On any other day, it wouldn’t bother him, but since his longtime idol noticed his existence it made him want to scold his comrade for being such a dumbass. Isn’t this what he wanted? To be noticed and recognized for his skill? Zack was doing him a favor!

“Cloud Strife?” The young soldier’s lips squirmed as his name careened off his hero’s tongue. He released a deep breath through his nose.

_Come on. You’re a soldier now. Not just any soldier, but a first-class soldier. Address your general._

Shutting his eyes and straightening his spine, Cloud released himself from Zack’s grip and tacked his arms to his sides. He clenched his fists and opened his eyes, the royal blues perking up from this quick sense of pride. Everyone in his unit and some from Heidegger’s unit peered over him. He could feel it from the back of his mind. Yet they rarely resembled jealousy or disdain. Instead, curiosity and prospect. A foreign feeling that Cloud realized he desired. Oh, how rewarding it felt.

Cloud managed to level his eyes to his general’s, craning his neck over the height difference. He was granted a closer look into Sephiroth’s own eyes. A misty green with pupils so slitted and skinny they could be mistaken for a feline. When he boldly stared into them, it admittedly took Cloud all his might to remain grounded without averting his gaze. Something unexplainably haunting lurked within Sephiroth’s eyes. So muted and foggy like he could submerge himself into them if he tried hard enough. He couldn’t put his finger on it. Tales were locked away in them; he could sense it. Everything about the war hero flourished with youth. But his eyes. They screamed weariness. 

But Cloud didn’t back down. He continued to stare his war hero down. “It’s true sir,” he said, managing to speak without a single stutter. “Zack and I worked really hard together those three months. We both pushed each other forward into becoming the best soldiers we can be. Neither he nor I will disappoint you.”

Zack widely grinned at Cloud’s words and turned to their general with the same semblance of boldness. “We’re ready to begin our service whenever you are, sir,” he said.

But Sephiroth didn’t offer a single look in Zack’s direction. His stare remained on Cloud, no slightest distraction steering his attention away from the young soldier. He pinpointed something eerily familiar. This indistinguishable drive, coldness, audacity. Exception. A quality that made him stand out among a flock of those who even dressed the same. 

Himself. His young self in this rookie soldier. Ah, he could remember the time when he bore this identical, narrow straight face. A first-class soldier who wanted to prove his worth. To make his sick mother proud. The blues in this soldier’s eyes surfed with ambition. How bright. And foolish. An excited shiver tracked through his spine.

He wanted to tear it out of him.

Bringing his head back, Sephiroth’s smirk grew, and it would’ve busted, displaying teeth once he noticed the little waver below his soldier’s eyelids. But he kept his composure. He already had a great effect over him. Perfect. 

“I’ll be looking forward to working with you,” Sephiroth said, keeping his eyes on Cloud.

* * *

Midgarian soldiers huddled over a layer of high bushes, their generals not far in front of them. Only a few held the privilege of following directly by their side. They were lucky if their names were even addressed. Cloud happened to be among those few lucky soldiers, a few feet away from Sephiroth himself. Ahead of him, Zack crouched behind their command. 

Cloud’s heart pounded in his chest, but his usual stoic face hid all his worries. Their steps were hushed, not even the crunch of leaves beneath their soles gave away their position. They had to be extra careful. They fell under Wutanese territory. Sephiroth halted and raised his hand in the air, alerting his unit and Heidegger’s unit behind them to cease. 

Three miles away stood Wutai’s most renowned nuclear power plant. And Midgar planned to take it. Inside of this very building, workers minded their own business. Participating in whatever activity their job called for. Completely innocent and ignorant to their incoming downfall.

Turning his head, Sephiroth nodded in Heidegger’s direction as the lower general stepped towards him. “Prepare your soldiers. We will go in first to make sure all of the opposition is wiped out before your unit arrives,” the younger general ordered.

“Hmph. You better not screw this up,” Heidegger smirked at the thought of Sephiroth’s failure, even if the chances of that happening were slim. Loading his rifle, Sephiroth ignored him and stood up. He gestured for his troops to follow his lead, and the unit obliged by fixing their own guns and lowering their caps. 

“We’ll be heading behind the plant. Obviously, security won’t detect us there so easily,” Sephiroth noted, nudging away pokes of spiky shrubs and bushes. No matter much they rustled from his touches, his steps gave away little sound in return. Cloud’s face tightened, not letting his eyes leave his general for even a second. However, he lent a soft glance in Zack’s direction as he noticed how his comrade lagged a little. Not because he couldn’t keep up with the pace, instead purposely. Zack had to force himself to trudge through the grassy path; his gaze locked toward the ground.

Slowing himself, Cloud walked beside Zack and gently brushed his elbow against his shoulder. “You okay?” he asked. 

“Huh?” Zack’s face perked up, but only by a small amount. He squeezed a small grin, but it faltered near the corners of his lips. “It’s nothing, dude! Just getting the jitters is all.” Cloud briefly frowned at his dismissive response. 

Ever since they joined the army a few weeks ago and discussed this exact battle plan, Zack was quieter than usual. At war council meetings, soldiers were free to attend but only to listen. To stay silent and speak only when addressed. When they heard of the generals’ plan to infiltrate Wutai’s nuclear power plant, Zack broke that rule. He protested the idea, deeply opposed to the thought of murdering the innocent workers there. 

Heidegger shouted at him, and Sephiroth organized a full-on scolding about honor and duty. Sacrifices had to be made if Midgar had any intentions of winning the war. Every soldier understood that and acknowledged what they were going to be thrown into once they were drafted. Not even Zack could dispute that. So, the soldier shut his mouth, seeing no avoidance of the matter. Silenced and put down like a kicked puppy.

Admittedly, Cloud hesitated over this plan too. Sure, throughout his life, he constantly envisioned his life as a soldier. Yet as rewarding as this felt, reality hit him hard. He would actually be fighting Wutanese soldiers, endangering and ending lives. Including innocent ones. This wasn’t him reading printed words from a history book or looking at photographs of battles off to the side of the page. Now, he was living the real thing.

Shutting his eyes, Cloud recalled Sephiroth’s truthful words.

_“As a soldier, it is your very purpose to protect your country. To put your life on the line for those who cannot. And if that implies others must be hurt in the process, then don’t bother worrying about it. That is the life of a soldier.”_

Cloud slightly jumped back once his forehead almost collided with Sephiroth’s chest. He was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t realized that Sephiroth turned around to face them. He pursed his lips and lightly blushed in embarrassment. “Sir?” he asked the tall general.

“Cloud, I want you to stay by my side for this mission. I’m afraid Zack is having trouble keeping up,” Sephiroth formed a lopsided smile at the excited glint he caught in the young soldier’s eyes. 

“R-Really?” Cloud couldn’t process what he just heard. His hero asked to work with _him_?! A tiny, sheepish smile wormed over his lips, but it quickly left, once he spotted his comrade raising his head in disbelief. Right. Zack should’ve been the one chosen, not him. 

Left unnoticed by the blond as his attention steered towards Zack, Sephiroth nodded and his eyes glared into Zack’s own challenging ones. “Yes, you. I’m afraid your friend will only drag you behind. The second top soldier must stay focused. He shouldn’t worry about the said ‘consequences,’ if he wishes to fight for his country.”

Zack humorlessly chuckled, “Why? Because I don’t want innocent people to die? It doesn’t matter if they’re Wutanese; it’s still unethical.”

“War is unethical, Zack. You should’ve already realized this during your training. Tell me, what were you expecting to do once you reached the top of your class? To show off how many push-ups or pull-ups you can do during a fight? This matter is unnegotiable.” He returned his eyes to the blond. “Come, Cloud.” 

Cloud furrowed his eyebrows at his comrade as if asking for permission to attend to Sephiroth. The same seriousness and confliction present in Zack’s face took Cloud aback as it had at the war council meeting. He was unsure over how to feel or act. War was unethical, but it had also been his dream for his entire life. He couldn’t just throw it all away because of his true feelings. Could he?

“ _Cloud,”_ the blond shivered at the stern growl from Sephiroth’s voice. _Always obey your general._

“Coming, sir,” Cloud muttered. He made his decision. Giving his comrade a pitiful stare, Cloud hung beside his general. As his back faced away from Zack, Sephiroth shot a final, spiteful glare towards the top soldier. They left him behind to hopefully pick up their pieces like the other soldiers accompanying them.

Sneaking into the nuclear factory proved fairly easy, considering the facility’s main source of tight security were cameras. Sephiroth made no moves to disable them, instead barging his way in with Cloud closely behind him. His hands began to sweat, and he had to occasionally adjust his grip over his rifle in case his fingers slipped off. 

Operating technicians tended to their generators, tinkering with them to make sure everything was in their proper function. The closer they neared them, the heavier Cloud’s chest sank. Sephiroth wasted no time in acting. The first unfortunate technician had his windpipe smashed by the butt of the general’s rifle. As he fell to the ground, his face was met with a bullet before he could even react. In unison, all of the first technician’s partners scrambled out of their positions. The rest of Sephiroth’s unit entered the room, firing at any employee that almost reached the brink of escape. The resistance from the security guards was futile as Sephiroth effortlessly strung them down to their similar fates as the employees. 

What had once been filled with peaceful hums, the room now resounded screams and calls for help. Cloud’s ears buzzed from all the commotion. His fingers floated over the trigger of his rifle, but he recalled Sephiroth’s words of trust. Trust in him that he could work by his side. Biting his lips, Cloud shot the legs of fleeing employees. His eyes slightly quivered as he watched them fall to the ground. The general finished the job at each body that Cloud struck down. 

“Nice job, Cloud,” Sephiroth purred, widely smirking. His responsive nod was heavy as if his shaking bodyweight dragged it down. No matter how much he desperately wanted to deny it, he still played a supportive role in the deaths of those technicians. The incoming guilt was immense, practically freezing Cloud to the ground. Women worked here. And their bloody corpses lied with the men. He blatantly avoided shooting them, imagining what his mother or Tifa would think if they saw him like this. 

How could his hero kill so easily? So violently like it was all just an inconvenience to him? It came so naturally to him.

 _“War is unethical,”_ he thought back to his words again. _It’s his job. It’s_ **_my_ ** _job._

Cloud peered over to where Zack distanced himself. The top soldier deliberately missed his shots, his gunpowder only adding to the scenery but nothing to advance anything overall. Secretly, Cloud admired his daring opposition. 

_At least he’s not just letting it happen. Unlike you._ Cloud furiously shook his head. 

Soon enough, Heidegger’s unit entered the facility. The older general surveyed the room, humming to himself in satisfaction as if he were critiquing artwork. Cloud hid a grimace. 

Sephiroth acknowledged the general with a nod then ordered, “Head to the security room. Let them know we’re here.”

“Right away! My soldiers will back up yours once their pathetic national guard arrives,” Heidegger guffawed. “I can just imagine the pissed-off looks on those Wutanese bastards’ faces! They won’t expect who’ll be waiting for them here!”

As Heidegger departed for their security room, Cloud could barely stomach the following thought. A warning. A threat. An intimidation from Midgar, broadcasting all over Wutai’s screens in the safety of everyone’s home. Until things didn’t seem so secure. Mistrust and panic would fall over the enemy country while Mdgarians would be spoon-fed exaggerations. That Wutai forced their hand; that they attacked first. Just as Cloud had read in his history books or had watched in old documentaries.

The word “terrorists” instantly erupted in Cloud’s mind. _No! I’m not a terrorist! I’m a soldier!_

They all waited for the incoming guard to combat them. Heidegger’s message boomed over the intercom of the facility, and Cloud could've sworn that he saw Sephiroth’s smirk grow. The anticipation killed him, but it excited the general. Twenty minutes later, a series of pounding echoed throughout the room. This was it. Cloud tried to steady his breathing.

The Wutanese National Guard flooded their way into their room. Their heavy boots caused the ground to rumble, and their guns immediately fired into the tense air. Sephiroth quickly grabbed the collar of Cloud’s shirt and brought him to the ground with him as their backs hid behind a machine. A mixture of the units either retaliated with shots of their own or hid. Due to all the collaborative chaos, Cloud couldn’t tell who was winning.

“Are you scared, Cloud?” Sephiroth abruptly asked, surprising him because of the tiny gentleness behind his voice. Unsure how to respond, Cloud’s throat dried. A light sigh escaped through Sephiroth’s nostrils. “Stay close to me then. Follow your general whenever you’re in doubt,” he advised, taking the time to reload his gun.

“Yes sir,” Cloud nodded, a new wave of confidence rushing through him even a little. Shaking his head, he leveled a straight face and lifted his rifle. “I’m ready to follow your command.”

Smirking with satisfaction, Sephiroth finally stood up and raced into the crowd of the Wutanese guard. He shrugged off the incoming bullets as if they were specks of dust, the general swiftly maneuvering his body away from the projectiles. Cloud prodded behind him, but his speed couldn’t compare to his general’s insane movements. At any given chance, he had to conceal his body behind a piece of machinery for safety measures. 

Both the general and the soldier fired their rifles, with Sephiroth of course succeeding in hitting his targets. Hearing his fellow soldiers behind him, managing to survive this ordeal, encouraged Cloud to push further. More Wutanese soldiers crashed to the floor, lying dead over the employees as if they covered their mess. 

Once they edged closer to the central position of the national guard, one of them tackled Cloud to the ground. He grunted as the soldier landed a punch to his face, but Cloud gripped his fist that hoped to initiate a second strike. Sneering, Cloud squeezed his enemy’s fist, twisting his wrist until he heard a solid crack. Although he let out a wince, the Wutanese soldier managed to reach into his holster and pressed a pistol over Cloud’s rib.

Cloud gasped but before he could react, Sephiroth grasped the Wutanese soldier’s neck and tossed him to the wall. He didn’t even have time to recover to his feet as the general immediately silenced him with a shot to the forehead. Sephiroth eased Cloud to his feet and hurried him to a space behind a machine. Cloud stared at the general in awe. 

His hero saved him. 

“You held off well on your own,” Sephiroth praised. “Make sure to thoroughly analyze your enemy unless they’ll pull cheap tricks such as that example.”

“Thank you,” Cloud replied, a stern look of his own falling over his face.

Sephiroth only lowly chuckled, as if he expected this response. And it came many times before. “Hm. Of course.” Behind that serious frown, Sephiroth noted the hopeful, auspicious glimmer in Cloud’s bright blue eyes. The gesture fluttered his heart. How strange, considering he witnessed this very look many times before. But from this soldier, it brought forth a different effect within him. It seemed so nostalgic, seeing an expression like this.

Averting his gaze, Sephiroth’s catlike eyes broadened. The misty greens fogged up his pupils as if it were a cold day. His gloved hand covered his mouth, but the corners of his sick grin peeked from in-between his fingers.

_As if he would let anyone take him away from him._

“Sir?” Cloud’s gruff voice snapped him out of his trance, and he returned to see him confused. 

The general chuckled again and shook his head to dispute his worries. “We have to keep fighting,” he said.

“Right.” Giving an affirmative nod, Cloud followed Sephiroth to return to the battle. 

Wutai’s National Guard fell. Their numbers decimated to the point where the remaining but injured soldiers were forced to flee. 

“An inevitable victory for Midgar! Shinra will be happy to obtain their new ownership over this nuclear plant!” Heidegger declared with a sharp laugh. Sephiroth even gave a pleased nod. Despite some of their soldiers being injured, none of them were lost. For a moment, Cloud formed a small smile until his eyes lingered over the dead bodies of the guards and employees. His gaze lowered. 

_Sacrifices have to be made._ He kept reminding himself. 

Zack happened to be one of those injured soldiers. As soon as he saw him on the ground, being tended to by other soldiers to soothe the injury, Cloud immediately joined them. “What happened?” he gasped.

“Heh, that’s what you get when you stand out in the open,” Zack laughed. He snuck a quick look at his bleeding right shoulder with a small bullet tucked through it. “Don’t worry about me, Cloud. The medics will fix me right up once we head back to the camp.” Since they currently resided in Wutai territory, their units had set up a campground with other soldiers to guard it followed by medics and chefs. 

Cloud took Zack’s hand in his and firmly squeezed it. “Still did a good job out there,” he affirmed.

“Yeah. Sure we did,” Zack’s voice quieted, and his smile wavered. Regardless, he slowly wrapped his fingers around Cloud’s palm with the same amount of pressure.

* * *

As night crawled over the military base, Cloud made sure to check the clock posted into the wall in his barrack for good measure. _11:30 p.m. Now’s as good a time as any._ He pulled away from his covers and left his bed, hoping to leave his sleeping quarters without waking anyone. But of course, his comrade spotted him, especially since he had trouble sleeping sometimes.

“Hate to break it to ya, Cloud, but it’s still nighttime. I know it’s still dark in the morning but…” Zack laid out a blueprint for a joke, but he stopped himself, unable to finish it. At least he whispered, unlike his usual loud voice. Cloud turned his head to face Zack’s bed which happened to be right next to his. They slept in the same sleeping quarters with only four other first-class soldiers; they earned this privacy privilege. 

Zack lied on his back, facing the gray ceiling with his arms propped behind his head. 

His face was calm yet rigid like he had been lost in thought. Purple blemishes circled underneath his eyelids, and a bandage was attached to his left cheek. A few days ago, a Wutanese soldier had slashed a knife into it, and it barely healed. 

Cloud sighed, finding little reason to hide what he planned to do, “I was just going to visit General Sephiroth. I wanted to thank him for what he’s done for me these past few months.”

After giving it some thought, Cloud decided to personally thank his hero for his service. His courage, his will, his protection. Whether on the battlefield or during one of their “attacks” whenever Cloud fell into trouble, Sephiroth was always there to rescue him. No matter what. Truthfully, it was a huge honor to work alongside his longtime idol. And luckily for him, it seemed that the general equally enjoyed his company. For every mission, Sephiroth chose him to fight by his side. He trusted him. He found him exceptional. The least he could do was grant him his loyalty. Cloud softly smiled at the thought.

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Zack asked. “I mean, I’m not too sure if soldiers are allowed to visit generals in their rooms.” 

Turning away from his comrade, Cloud couldn’t help but grimace. What other response did he expect? It was no secret that Zack didn’t approve of their general. He disliked his ruthless methods in battle and his overall nonchalant attitude when it came to violence and murder. He appeared weary whenever Sephiroth approached Cloud and him, pinpointing his peculiar shift in behavior compared to whichever soldier he addressed. Encouraging towards Cloud but hostile towards Zack. Cloud concluded that his comrade was jealous, but Zack knew that wasn’t his reason.

“It won’t take long. I’ll just thank him and come back,” Cloud waved off, hoping to end this conversation so that he could hurry and thank Sephiroth with the little amount of time he had.

“Look Cloud, I just don’t think it’d be a good idea. I don’t want you to get in trouble,” Zack pressed, causing Cloud to clench his fists in frustration.

“What’s been with you lately?” Cloud snapped, although he kept his voice hushed. “Ever since we’ve been in the army, you seemed different.” The blond noticed how the two had grown distant lately. Because of all this fighting and conflict, Zack’s signature energetic and proud demeanor dwindled. None of his smiles were genuine anymore, reeking of an illusion only to brighten the mood. Sometimes, Cloud wished they were back in training. Where their friendship was simpler.

“Well sorry for worrying about my friend,” Zack muttered, letting out his recent humorless chuckles again.

“You don’t have to worry about me. I’m fine, aren’t I?”

“Are you?”

Cloud heaved a groan, “This whole conversation is pointless. I could’ve already been back by now.”

Zack paused to face the window. If the closed, black curtains weren’t blocking the view, he would’ve been able to peek at the moonlight over the military base’s courtyard where Cloud and he were first assigned into their unit. Or more importantly, the reflection of his sad frown over the glass. 

“I dunno man, it’s just… doesn’t Sephiroth seem a bit weird to you? The way he acts and treats others unsettles me. Not even just how insanely skilled he is on the battlefield, but something else I can’t put my finger on. Y’know?”

Cloud stayed silent, his eyes staring at the floor. He didn’t want to think anything ill of the general. He didn’t want to believe anything ill of him. He was Midgar’s symbol of hope, the war hero from the first Wutai War. Truly, there had to be a reason as to why he gained such a grand title. Why else would be here? They were in times of war. Sacrifices had to be made.

Accepting that he wasn’t going to get anywhere with Cloud’s stubbornness, Zack lightly sighed. “But I know he’s your hero, and you look up to him a lot. So, I can’t stop you. Just… make sure to look after yourself, ok Cloud?” Giving a nonverbal response, Cloud hummed and exited their barracks. Zack dragged his entire body away from Cloud’s empty bed, now facing the curtained window. For the twentieth time that night, he tried to close his eyes.

Cloud wandered towards the general’s quarters, relieved by the lack of bodies in the halls. Some soldiers liked to train at night, so he caught onto a few who exercised past their curfews. Most of them were soldiers of the lower ranks who needed the extra boost to survive the next day. Before long, Cloud ended up standing in front of Sephiroth’s closed door. Who knew if the general was even awake, but alas, Cloud’s heart started to pick up in his chest and his hands began to sweat. 

_There’s nothing to be worried about, Cloud._ He gave himself an inner pep talk and heavily sighed. His knuckles lightly knocked against the wooden door. He debated calling out his general’s name but eventually decided against it, deeming it to be too informal and inappropriate. A few seconds passed, and the door opened, revealing Sephiroth in a tight black shirt with grey camo, baggy pants. It was strange seeing the general in more casual attire. Hastily, Cloud brought his hands behind his back and straightened his spine. 

“Cloud?” Sephiroth inquired with an amused raised eyebrow. The pitch of his voice took a slightly higher pitch as if he were pleased to see him at his doorstep. 

Suddenly, Cloud found himself tongue-tied. Now what? He didn’t think of an introduction for his gratitude. His lips squirmed as he swallowed. “Hi,” he dumbly replied, causing Sephiroth to deeply chuckle. 

“Perhaps you wanted to come in?” the general asked, leaning his side against the doorframe to offer space for Cloud to enter.

“I’m not sure if that’s appropriate, sir,” he replied, nervously twiddling with his fingers behind his back. “I won’t be long either. I just wanted to tell you something.”

“Nobody will mind if you come in,” Sephiroth reassured. “Soldiers are permitted to visit their generals if it’s necessary. It happens more often than you’d think.”

Pushing himself away from the doorframe, Sephiroth strolled back into his dimly lit quarters and took a seat at the edge of his bed. Cloud mildly shrugged, finding some solace in the general’s reasoning. “If it’s alright.” he followed Sephiroth inside, softly closing the door behind him. 

Despite his general status, his single room was small. Then again, he didn’t necessarily need much. A single long bed with a navy-blue blanket sat next to a wooden table with a black lamp. In the left corner stood a barren wooden desk with a curved desk lamp atop it. Both lamps were aflame, offering minimal light to this grey room. No sentimentalities from home littered the space. Cloud at least kept his books, action figures, and posters from his hometown, but Sephiroth had nothing. 

The general crossed his arms and lowered his head to his lap for a moment. “So, what did you want to tell me, Cloud?” His eyes instantly shot in his direction. Shrouds of haziness dwelled in his sea green eyes as he squinted with interest. 

“Um…” Cloud lightly blushed and surveyed around the room, suddenly finding the desolate space interesting to look at. 

“There’s no need to be shy. It’s only us here.”

All alone with his lifetime hero. The realization made him more anxious yet thrilled. He could actually talk to him personally. Clenching his fists, Cloud shared the stare between them, his facial muscles tensing. 

“I just wanted to say thank you,” Cloud said. Memories of him pretending to be a soldier when he was a child flashed through his mind like an epiphany. The way he marveled at his limited edition Sephiroth poster, the way he memorized his speeches and recited them to his mother—it all came running back to him. He poured it all out. “For saving my life all those times on the battlefield, and for giving me the chance to work with you. Ever since I was a kid, I looked up to you a lot. You were my greatest hero that I even pretended to be you.” Cloud paused to debrief a light chuckle.

“I knew one day that I was going to be a soldier, so I trained as hard as I could after school hours to build my strength and endurance just by working out. Not only that, but I studied Midgar’s war history with Wutai through books and documentaries. Read about our battle strategies. I wanted to be the best that I could be.” 

A shadow cast over Cloud’s eyes. “Plus, I got a lot of discouragement from my classmates. They ridiculed my dreams, claiming that I could never be a soldier. A lot of them liked to pick on me back then because I wasn’t really the nicest guy around. But despite all of that, I still thought of you for reference. At my lowest point, I would think of you and how you persevered through all your hardships during the first Wutai War. You… were my greatest inspiration, sir. I wanted to be you.”

Sephiroth watched as the young soldier before him moved his fists to his sides, affirming his solid stance in front of the door. There it went again. That same determined gleam in his lambent blue eyes. This young man sure contained a lively spirit when it came to his dreams; nothing denied that. The observation both intrigued and frustrated Sephiroth. It reminded him how he was young and idiotic once. There was zero initiative to chase after useless fantasies such as Cloud held now. War proved a lot uglier than he could even imagine. The worst being the aftermath of it all. Once he believed it to be over, Sephiroth had to return to his service and fight again with a strong will. All because the order of the country couldn’t hold in their lust for power. 

Biting back a growl, Sephiroth chuckled instead. “I’m flattered, Cloud. I really am,” the general said, lending a soft smile in his direction. A little embarrassed again, Cloud slowly nodded and diverted his gaze but not completely. “And I’m honored to have you work beside me on the battlefield as well. You are quite the capable soldier if I hadn’t seen one. When you show it, you are definitely able to hold off on your own. I’m very impressed with you. It surprises me that _you_ didn’t reach the top of your class.”

Cloud lowly hummed, his mind returning to Zack and his current behavior. His recent knack for aloofness honestly worried him. If his comrade truly was envious, he couldn’t help but feel guilty. It was never his intention to replace him. Indeed, Zack was physically superior to him, but everyone recognized that his conscience held him back, leading to many hesitations and injuries during battle. But could Cloud blame him? He acknowledged their actions were unethical, but the same could be said for Wutai. Both countries countered each other, albeit Midgar struck twice as hard. However, Cloud couldn’t ponder this at the moment. He was only doing his job as a soldier, nothing more. Nothing personal.

Regarding how Cloud quieted, Sephiroth's jaw clenched, irritated by the lack of attention. This soldier couldn’t afford distractions, especially towards that insolent, childish soldier. 

_Pay attention to me. And only me. I want to see that astonished look you give to me again. But this time, broken and battered. It would be so satisfying. So cute. I want to see it for myself. Just like they did to-_

“Sir?” Sephiroth shook his head as he ran his fingers over his long bangs. Cloud tilted his head.

“I have an idea.” Sephiroth stood up from his bed and walked over to Cloud, placing his hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t you and I train together? We can partake in private lessons. We’ll follow the training regimen that I was given during the first Wutai War.”

“Y-You’re going to train me?” Cloud stammered, not believing what he heard. His greatest hero was going to train _him._ It was official. He was the luckiest soldier in the world. Sephiroth collectively closed his eyes and bore an arrogant smirk. This soldier resembled the same excitement as he did when he was younger.

_How foolish and hilarious._

“Well, you said that you wanted to become the best soldier. Training with me would be the best way to improve your skills. After our missions, we’ll train together. Remember that this is a limited offer for you, so don’t tell anyone. I don’t want to be bombarded by a bunch of other soldiers who don’t even compare to you.”

Cloud furiously nodded, “You won’t have to worry, sir. I promise not to tell anyone.”

“You _promise,_ ” Sephiroth emphasized. His hand released his shoulder, only to move upwards to the top of his head. As the general allowed his fingers to stroke through Cloud’s spiky locks, the young soldier sheepishly smiled. An awkward silence filtered through them as he watched Sephiroth’s feline stare and smirk lengthen. 

“Yeah. I promise?” Cloud replied, off-put how his words came off as a question. A low rumble pulsated from Sephiroth’s chest—a soft purr that resonated an involuntary shiver from the blond.

“Then it’s settled. From now on, you’re my pupil Cloud.” 

He was going to teach him a good lesson. 

* * *

While they walked through the vacant hallways of the military base in the dead of night, Cloud’s heart hammered in his chest as Sephiroth held his hand in his, leading him through this maze of a building. Finally earning a day without further responsibilities, the general and his newfound pupil had the time to train together just as they promised. 

After their most recent mission, Sephiroth pulled him aside, whispering to meet him by his room at midnight so that they could finally begin their training. Until everyone went to sleep, Cloud stayed wide awake in his bed, eager to truly start the day. He understood that Zack knew that he left their sleeping quarters, but his comrade didn’t bother to stop him. Besides, their friendship grew tense at the moment. Barely any words were exchanged between them, and Zack was frequently sent to the medics to patch him up after their battles since he got himself hurt often. 

With Cloud’s time with Sephiroth and Zack’s regular appointments, the two rarely spent time with one another like they used to. Though sometimes, when Cloud readied himself to sleep, Zack would finally arrive at their quarters. Sluggish and drained. Once the two locked eyes with one another, Zack would instinctively form a gentle smile and crawl into bed. Too bad Cloud couldn’t see him very much today, and his comrade actually fell asleep early. 

Sephiroth’s steps slowed as they reached an empty gymnasium. The wooden floorboards creaked in response to each of their movements, and the moonlight blinked past the tiny rectangular windows near the ceiling. Darkness swallowed the room, but a few of the moonlight’s streaks highlighted parts of their body. Dust flew as specks within the rays. 

Cloud patiently stood behind Sephiroth as the general released his hand. Admittedly, the silence and the faraway location of the abandoned gymnasium caused Cloud to gradually sweat. Sephiroth’s head turned as he surveyed the room like he reminisced from being absent here for so long. 

“This is?” Cloud inquired, instigating for his teacher to fill him in on the details. 

“An abandoned gymnasium that I used to train in with other soldiers when I was younger,” Sephiroth’s grave voice fluently bounced off the far walls, enhancing it as grand and powerful. Almost like he belonged here. “They didn’t let us use any equipment back then. Only our bare fists. We had to completely rely on our strength alone. Yet as the days progressed, they gave us weapons. Knives, guns, grenades, whatever they had in mind that day. And because I exceeded them all, they made me train outside of missions.”

When Sephiroth turned to face Cloud yet again, his murky sea green eyes glistened. A single streak of the moonlight glared over them, blanketing the rest of his face in shadows. Even his long silver hair was barely visible. His eyes glowed in the darkness.

“Sir?” Cloud’s spine started to tremble, and he took a step backward. 

“And you know what they did? They sent out as much power as they could lunge at me. I was trampled on and beaten. They didn’t care if I bled out on the floor. If I could still stand up, then they weren’t pushing my limits. _That_ is one of the factors of how I grew stronger.” He purposely waited a few seconds after Cloud stepped back to ascend towards him further.

“I’m uncomfortable, sir,” Cloud honestly blurted. His face tensed, his eyes furrowing into a tough glare. On the inside, his bones quaked. He snuck a glance behind him, viewing the heavy closed double doors that led to the exit. If only he didn’t let his guard down for even a second.

“I’m telling you how I became a hero, Cloud.” Before the young soldier could revert his attention, a cutting strike collided with his right cheek. Grunting, Cloud’s back flew to the ground and slid inches away from where Sephiroth stood. The stinging pain was unbearable as it immediately left behind a bruise. His body froze to the floor. Hesitantly, he brought his shaking hand to his swollen cheek, rubbing it with his palm in disbelief. 

_What the hell just happened? Why did he-_ Not even having enough time to finish his endless swarm of questions, Sephiroth grasped his throat and hauled him to his feet. 

“Get up, Cloud,” Sephiroth seethed, his tone completely steady but harsh and cold. He was forced to stare into the general’s lucid eyes. The slitted pupils minimized as they rapidly observed Cloud’s trembling body in delight. The way his bright blue eyes began to water, the way his neck started to turn purple, how desperately he clawed at his locked grip in a desperate attempt of release.

_How adorable. This was what he wanted. To see the fear and instant regret in his eyes._

Sephiroth’s uncanny grin expanded, then he delivered another punch to his nose. A gurgle erupted from Cloud’s throat. It was all he could muster since air still clogged at his constricting throat. His vision hazed, and he could feel the warmth of blood trickling out of his nose then over his chin. 

But Sephiroth didn’t stop strangling him. Spit sprinkled out of Cloud’s mouth as he tried to hastily land a swing into Sephiroth’s shoulder. The general didn’t budge. It might’ve only tickled him based on how he snickered. He kneed him in the groin, soliciting a mild grunt from the general until he shoved Cloud back onto the ground. For good measure, Sephiroth stomped over his ribs. Cloud elicited a faint yelp based on the strain in his throat and cried further once Sephiroth dug the heel of his boot into his side.

Cloud’s cheeks dampened. Tears. They cascaded over his skin with no intention of stopping. He tried to turn away, sniffing his nose and hiccupping. Sephiroth only scoffed, but he gleefully licked his lips. As he sensed the general kneeling over him, Cloud flinched and shielded his eyes away with his hands.

“W-What the...h-hell are you doing? W-Why a-are you doing t-this to m-me?” His stuttering caused him to trip over his sentences. The hoarseness in his voice, coupled with the despair and puzzlement behind his words made Sephiroth’s heart giddier. He wanted to hear more from him. 

Only laughing in response, Sephiroth yanked Cloud by his hair strands. He offered himself a wonderful view of Cloud’s bloodied nose and teary gaze. Although he held a glare, his quivering figure told him all he needed to know. Cloud’s cheeks burned as Sephiroth fiercely struck him across the face repeatedly. No one in this building could hear nor suspect the slap of flesh. Everyone slept peacefully, waiting for their next task in the morning. 

No matter how much Cloud thrashed to escape Sephiroth’s hold, his efforts were futile. Sephiroth was insanely stronger than him. His strength was inhumane, monstrous. What could he do against him? 

“Stop crying, Cloud,” Sephiroth tsked, slapping him again for crying even harder. “Is this what you’re going to do when you’re cornered like this during battle? Isn’t this what you wanted?” 

Shaking his head, Cloud choked back a sob and angrily shut his eyes, hoping this was all a nightmare. That his hero wasn’t behaving this way. But the pain felt so real, something he wouldn’t forget. He just wanted it all to be over. His next movements were lagged, but Cloud managed to grab onto Sephiroth’s wrists. Curling his fingers, he tightly squeezed and tried to shove him away. 

“You’re still not getting it,” Sephiroth tutted and slipped his wrists away from Cloud’s pathetic hold. Grabbing onto his left arm and at an agonizing pace, Sephiroth bent Cloud’s wrist thus twisting his entire arm. Cloud almost screamed, but Sephiroth clapped his hand over his mouth. Erratic muffles could only be heard, and they remained trapped. The intense pressure over his arm became too much to handle, so Cloud naturally bit into Sephiroth’s palm. The general lightly recoiled, but the damage had already been inflicted. A splitting crack ruptured from Cloud’s left arm. It had broken. Sephiroth concealed his mouth again before any more screams could be freed. Leaning into his collarbone, Sephiroth sank his own teeth into the flesh. 

With little to no strength left, Cloud’s vision blurred. His heartbeat slowed, and the throbbing numbness in his left arm failed to dissipate. His bleeding nose, his swollen and scalding cheeks, his sore scalp. All the pain left his body aching in temporary paralysis. His mind and body were unified in shock. 

Drawing his head back, Sephiroth’s smirk rose as his tongue savored the small splotch of blood over his lip. He stood up, leering over Cloud’s immobile body. The image was beautiful. After a few seconds passed, the general carried the blond in his arms and departed from the filthy gymnasium. Cloud’s eyes fluttered, struggling to stabilize his consciousness. He could mostly see the bottom of Sephiroth’s chin with that plastered smirk he itched to strike down. 

Mechanical whirrs and beeps touched his ears. They entered the medical wing of the military base. Few doctors worked during these hours, but they resided here regardless. One of them took note of their arrival. A surgical mask hid their lips, but their eyebrows raised in both awe and bemusement. 

“General Sephiroth?” the doctor questioned, but then his eyes fell over Cloud in his arms. “What happened here?” Despite the “concern” in his words, his voice dripped of dryness and boredom. As if occurrences like this happened all the time during these hours.

“One of my soldiers got ambushed earlier,” Sephiroth easily pushed a fib through his teeth. “He received brutal hits and a fractured arm. I want him healed as quickly as possible. Start treating him with Mako. He might need it.”

The doctor nodded and shrugged, “Whatever you say, sir. But if his body can’t handle the steroid, don’t come yelling at me.” 

Hearing those alarming claims from the doctor, Cloud could only release a measly whimper. 

“Calm down,” Sephiroth sweetly soothed, petting his pupil’s hair. 

“C’mon, bring him in here,” the doctor waved them over to a medium-sized operation room with a single gurney and table for tools. “An ambush at this time of night, huh? Crazy shit’s always happening here, so it doesn’t surprise me though.” Sephiroth lowly hummed, hiding his large smirk at the doctor’s ignorance. He tenderly placed Cloud on the gurney and seated himself in one of the chairs near the entrance to the room. The doctor didn’t seem to mind as he casually checked over Cloud’s injuries.

“His arm doesn’t seem too fractured. I’d say he could be in a cast for about four weeks. The Mako might even speed up the process,” the doctor explained. Lifting Cloud’s chin, he gawked at his swollen cheek, bleeding nose, and the bleeding bite mark on his collarbone. “Damn. This Wutanese soldier really had a bone to pick with him. What’s this soldier’s name? I’ll need to know for the medical records for the Mako treatment.”

“Cloud Strife,” Sephiroth answered.

Repeating the name, the doctor reached for his clipboard and wrote down his name over a blank document. “I’ll search for his personal information later from his last doctor. From the check-up before he got enlisted into the army. I’ll treat his wounds first, then I’ll set him up with the Mako.”

The doctor tended to his bleeding nose and swollen cheek, applying the correct amount of ice to them. After he cleaned the blood from his bite mark, leaving behind the evidence of teeth embroidered in his flesh, he settled his arm into a cast. Exhaustion flew over Cloud’s head as his incoming headache nulled his brain. When the doctor injected an IV into his right arm, a transparent bag of a sea green liquefied drug hanging over him, Cloud didn’t even bother to care. 

The river of Mako surfed into his bloodstream, bringing forth an uncomfortable buzz in his veins. Letting out a groan, Cloud’s eyes fell over Sephiroth who lounged in his chair. Content. Blissful. Smug. The general caught his glare and chiefly smiled in return. It no longer flustered or flattered Cloud. It repulsed and horrified him. 

“You’ll get there, Cloud,” Sephiroth chuckled, his eyes squinting in heartlessness. 

Out of all the soldiers in the world, Cloud succumbed to this very role as his hero’s pupil. The man he admired. A pang of dread sank in his stomach. He was a soldier now. 

With that single realization striking his heart, Cloud lulled himself to sleep with Mako pulsating his body in both vigor and fatigue. If he wanted to become the best of the best like his hero, then this was what he deserved. Their next lesson would be coming soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of the reason why this chapter took so long was because of how difficult it was to write. Plus, I'm not too knowledgeable on military stuff, so I hope it's not too inaccurate. Feedback on the characterization and events would be greatly appreciated! Especially with how I handled Cloud and Sephiroth's relationship because I'm unsure about it. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!


	10. What About You?

Cloud 

_7:49 a.m._

_You wanna hang out later?_

Tifa’s eyebrows raised, pleasantly surprised that Cloud had finally decided to text her after a week of silence. Ever since his hospital visit, her friend hadn’t contacted her. This time, she didn’t mind too much. 

During her breaks at work, she wondered how she would have reacted if she were actively present there. Seeing Cloud in the hospital with his bleeding arms—eyes more worn out than usual. If he could even stomach looking at her. Tifa acknowledged how distant the blond could be sometimes. Not because he didn’t want to talk to her, but due to his own shame and guilt. Especially in regard to what happened at her apartment with Aerith. So, she gave him some space, and luckily her patience paid off with this very, simple text.

Softly smiling, Tifa’s fingertips eagerly tapped against the digital keyboard.

Tifa 

_7:50 a.m._

_Sure! :) I don’t have work today, so you texted me at a good time. What place did you have in mind?_

Cloud 

_7:52 a.m._

_I dunno. We haven’t been to that diner in a while. Since I left for the war, I think. Wanna head there?_

Tifa 

_7:53 a.m._

_Oh yeah! The one with the best blueberry waffles ever, right? Hehe, your mother does work there after all. What time works for you?_

Cloud 

_7:56 a.m._

_12:00? Noon?_

Tifa 

_7:57 a.m._

_That works. See you then, Cloud. :)_

Cloud 

_7:57 a.m._

_See you._

After they bid their temporary farewells, Tifa avidly but quietly bristled into her guest room, housing a sleeping Aerith. She lightly nudged her pen pal’s shoulder, sprouting a groggy moan from her. 

“Hey, Aerith. Sorry to wake you, but Cloud finally contacted me,” Tifa whispered, her smile growing on her lips. She stepped back a little to give Aerith space to stretch and yawn. Although she felt lightheaded from being awakened, Aerith still formed a warm smile of her own. 

“That’s great to hear, Tifa,” she replied, rubbing her hand against her shaky forehead. “What did he say?”

“He asked me to hang out with him later at noon. We’re going to a diner where we used to eat together when we were teens.”

“So, a date?”

Aerith chuckled at the inevitable, flourishing blush over Tifa’s cheeks. 

“N-No Aerith! How many times do I have to say it’s not like that?” However, the denial didn’t stop Tifa from feebly shifting her eyes to the ground while her lips squirmed in both embarrassment and bashful thinking. 

“And you know I’m only teasing. Unless…” Aerith playfully raised her eyebrow, bringing her fingertip to her chin. 

“Besides, I don’t think he wants to hang out with me for that reason. A lot has been on his mind,” Tifa dismissed, a sorrowful frown taking over. How could her thoughts prioritize a measly crush over her friend’s concerning situation? Even though she hadn’t filled Aerith in on all the details for the sake of Cloud’s privacy, like his hospital visit and how he was cutting himself, she still reminded Aerith with the broad “he’s going through a tough time right now.”

Evidently, Cloud didn’t even know that Tifa learned about his predicament from Claudia. Nor when she checked up on him that night he came back from the hospital. 

Aerith pursed her lips, letting out a light sigh. “Well, at least he’s gaining the courage to talk with you again. Are you gonna ask him about whatever’s going on?”

Shaking her head, Tifa landed her fist on her heart. “I’m scared to ask. I mean, I really want to make sure he’s holding up okay, but…” What if that would only turn him away even more? If she blatantly asked what was wrong with him, he would most likely shrug it off like normal. And after what happened, that was the last thing he needed.

“I understand that you’re worried, Tifa. Believe it or not, even though I don’t know Cloud all that well, I’m concerned too.” Aerith fully lifted her upper body from the bed to properly face Tifa. As her eyes met her pen pal’s, she noted the bright kindness swimming in her green, placid gaze. Drowsiness failed to taint them. “It’s hard not to notice how distressed he is. It was pretty obvious when we tried to watch _Kupo_ together that night. When you first introduced me to him even. Before his drunken outburst, I could just...tell. He’s definitely holding something in, and it’s not just his feelings for you, Tifa.” 

Adding in that humorous comment at the end succeeded in getting her pen pal flustered again. Aerith giggled, glad to lighten the mood even by a smidge. “Try not to worry about it too much, ok? Just have fun with your friend! If the time comes and he’s willing to open up, that’s when you can freely worry about it as you wish.”

Taking a deep breath to console herself, Tifa shared a pleasant grin between them. “You’re right, Aerith. We’ll just enjoy ourselves; it doesn’t have to be anything huge. I swear you’re better at these kinds of things than I am.”

Aerith lively shrugged, “Takes practice, I guess. But seriously Tifa, don’t doubt yourself. I can tell you care about Cloud a lot, and you’re not afraid to show it.” Loudly yawning, the pen pal shriveled into her cocoon under the blankets. “Now, uh, can I go back to sleep?”

“Oh my god! I’m sorry, Aerith! Of course, you can! Goodnight? Morning? Just, have a good rest,” Tifa sheepishly sputtered, awkwardly chuckling and waving her hands before exiting the guest room.

Giggling to herself, Aerith drifted back to sleep.

* * *

As soon as Tifa stepped out of her red sedan, her eyes caught onto Cloud’s slouched figure over the bench in front of the diner. From this distance, he appeared like his usual self. The same spiky blond hair, the same navy-blue heavy coat, the same scarf secreting the section beneath his nose.

It was a particularly cold day with the frigid breeze shivering her spine and the murky clouds shrouding an already grey sky, hinting at a snowfall. Nervously clasping her hands behind her back, Tifa approached the blond with a soft smile. His face responsively lifted at her incoming shadow that cloaked his seated posture. 

Once his eyes met hers, Tifa noted how even the purple circles surrounding his eyelids became a customary asset to him. That small detail honestly disturbed her. Instead, she decided to take notice of the patches of pink that the cold pinched onto his cheeks. 

Nonetheless of what happened, she still saw **her** Cloud Strife.

“Hey Cloud. You weren’t waiting too long for me to come, were you?” Tifa asked, guilty that her friend had to wait for her in the cold.

“No, not too long. I was only waiting here a couple minutes ago. I don’t mind anyway,” Cloud replied, standing up from the bench. It had been quite some time since she had last seen him, so Tifa’s face heated when he stood over her. Her head leveled a little above his chest, and she shyly met his blank leer over her. 

His muted blue eyes were the same too. Hazy and foggy as a rainy day—not a single sun or star in sight. 

“I-Is your mom working today?” Tifa stuttered, taking a short step back to broaden the space between them. 

Cloud shook his head, “No. She dropped me off earlier, but she’s gonna be hanging out with some friends until late. She thought that you could give me a ride home when we’re done with brunch.”

“I’m always your personal driver, aren’t I Cloud?” Tifa jokingly shook her head in faux disappointment. 

Lightly flushing, Cloud moved his gaze to his astray left. “Hey, I got my driver’s license when I was sixteen like everybody else.”

“I know,” Tifa giggled then nonchalantly placed her hands on her hips. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t buy yourself a car, y’know. Maybe I could help you find one someday? Have anything in mind?”

Cloud shrugged his shoulders since he rarely held any interest in what type of car specialized in what or their outward appearances. If it functioned properly and took him where he needed to go, he wasn’t too picky. In the near future, he would most likely end up buying a similar vehicle resembling his mother’s, like her jeep. Though, a part of Cloud remembered his phased interest in motorcycles when he was a young teen. He used to surf through motorcycle catalogs and eye them outside his passenger window, a booming, crackling engine catching his attention beside them before speeding away immediately once the red light switched to green. 

A droplet sprinkled onto the bridge of his nose, not heavy enough to be a raindrop. Another followed in its footsteps, albeit at a much slower pace. Peeking upwards, Cloud noted the incoming flurries of snowflakes steadily bowing from the sky. Gentle and careful with its footing before being easily soaked up by whatever surface it fell onto anyway. He faced Tifa again, “Wanna head inside now?” The image of her ogling the snowfall while letting them rest into her palms brought a soft smile from within Cloud, underneath the guard of his scarf. _As always._

“Or we can stay out here and watch you try and catch snow,” he teased, breaking Tifa’s habit away.

“S-Sorry,” she stammered with a sheepish giggle. “Don’t judge me, Cloud. I love the snow!”

“Who would’ve guessed.” A buried rumble resounded from his chest, and luckily, Tifa’s ears picked up on it. Taken aback, her heart fluttered. 

_He chuckled a little bit._ Sharing this action herself, Tifa feebly wrapped her hand around his. Lifting her gaze, her smile happily grew once she caught onto the traces of pink blooming over his cheeks. She vowed to see him like this as much as she possibly could. Like their time on Valentine’s Day together, she figured Cloud deserved soft moments like this. Just to enjoy spending time with somebody he really cared about. 

“Since you’re so _eager_ to get inside and _you_ invited me after all, I assume that you’re paying?” Tifa chaffed. _For a date, it’s seen as normal for the guy to pay for the girl. Wait, this isn’t a date-”_ She mistook within her own thought process.

“I was already planning to anyway. You’ve done so much for me already so…” When Cloud trailed off, flustered, Tifa tightened her grip on Cloud’s hand in a reassuring manner.

“It’s okay, Cloud. I’ll pay whenever you need me to. I was only messing with you,” she said and began to lead him towards the entrance of the diner. 

Cloud watched her stroll in front of him. He eyed her serene stride and the dulcet warmth of her hand radiating over his own, even if they both wore gloves. It practically charred through the cloth as if it were inevitable. And he welcomed it. Nervously lowering his head, Cloud timidly muttered, “And I wanted to just spend time with you…”

Before they entered the double-doors, Tifa flipped her head back to face him. “Hm? Did you say something, Cloud?”

Although he inwardly panicked, Cloud fell into his standard, stone-face again. “Nothing. I was just talking to myself.”

Brushing it off, the two childhood friends finally entered the diner. Tifa almost breathed a sigh of relief once the blows from the heaters skimmed over her face in a satisfying bask of warmth. 

The diner was a simple, quaint place. Booths with red cushioned seats and small circular wooden tables layered throughout the dining area. Offset in the back of the diner, a bar area situated in front of counters where they could be directly served by the cooks, coupled with the wonderful view of their work. In the early noon, only two small families dined in the table area while a man and a woman happily spoke to one another in the bar area. Cloud’s mind pulled a memory of his mother wiping the counter surfaces with a damp rag, handing drinks to the customers, and granting them their meals from a steaming silver tray. He lightly hummed, recalling the days where he would sometimes eat here with Tifa during her shifts on weekend mornings, or even before they went to school if they had enough time. 

“Cloud?!” The waitress at the front desk eagerly gasped at his arrival. She wore a red dress, a white apron splayed in front of it, and a bonnet pushing her hair back. She happily skipped from behind the counter and gushed at him. “Wow! It’s been so long since I last saw you here! Oh my gosh, you’ve grown into a handsome young man! Claudia must be the luckiest mother in the world!” Without warning, she rushed up to him and started pinching his cheeks and delicately tugging his spiky hair strands as if she were adjusting a bent wire. 

Cloud sighed in annoyance and took a step back, uncomfortable by her touch. As expected from his mother’s friends to awe at him like this. That would never change; no matter how much he got older. He was lucky his mother decided to meet with her friends tonight instead of earlier, or else his cheeks would be numb for hours. 

Giggling, Tifa saved him by politely asking for a booth. The waitress led them to a booth close to the entrance, next to a wide window showcasing a view of all the other nearby shops and restaurants.

Cloud’s eyes wavered as he witnessed Tifa taking off her coat once they settled into their seats, facing each other. She didn’t have to lend a second thought, setting her coat to the side and calmly placing her arms over the clean table. Her eyes meeting his, a solemn frown instilled over her lips. Trying not to blatantly stare at his arms, Tifa diverted her attention to the tiny television behind her, displaying footage of a news broadcast. It focused on weather reports, the content of Midgar’s victory against Wutai dying down little by little.

Cloud started to sweat from the humidity that both his coat and his uneasiness swayed over him. He attempted to relax his breathing, but his heart picked up speed. Despite the given opportunity of Tifa’s distraction, he still couldn’t help but immensely worry. And although he wore long sleeves, they could betray him and slip upwards, revealing his faded scars for her to see. Unable to endure the heat much longer, Cloud hesitantly unzipped his jacket and shrugged it off his shoulders. Nudging it to the corner beside him, he still kept it close along his thigh and planted his arms into his lap. He constantly pulled on the ends of his sleeves, ensuring that they obscured his wrists and below them as perfectly as possible.

Earlier this week, his mother and he returned to the hospital for their scheduled operation in the removal of Cloud’s sutures. He hoped to see his skin in its former, untainted state but he almost laughed at the silly thought. The thread converged the skin together, yet the more severe cuts still lingered. Faded, straight marks of a soft brown. Still noticeable.

“Seems like it’s gonna snow for the rest of the day, huh?” Tifa broke the uneasy silence between them. She turned towards Cloud again with a casual grin as her eyes landed on the upper portion of his arms, the tabletop blocking the rest with its sharp edges. Although she had eaten here many times before, Tifa didn’t see the harm in picking up her laminated menu and surfing through the options. So many delicious choices that she could’ve sworn her mouth watered at the attractive, advertising images of the meals. Over the top bridge of the menu, she peeked at Cloud who left his menu untouched. “I’m guessing you’re getting the usual?”

“Yep,” Cloud replied in his standard passive demeanor. He sat in his seat with little to no movement, only stirring his head and torso by small centimeters. The window beside them reflected his deadpan stare. Incoming snow pelted against the glass, and a timid yet present roar whistled in the cold air. 

Tifa followed his gaze, “It might be tough to drive through.”

“You wanna come over to my house later then?”

A little surprised by how nonchalantly he asked that question, Tifa lightly blushed. “I was planning to ask you anyway since my mom’s gonna be gone for the night.” Cloud shifted his attention onto her. Spotting the light pink in her cheeks, Cloud responded with a tiny blush himself. Followed by the addition of his eyes uplifting, and a lopsided smirk stretched at the right corner of his lips. “Nervous?”

“Nervous?! What do I have to be nervous about?!” Tifa furiously shook her head and waved her hands, progressively getting more embarrassed. “I’ve been to your house many times before when your mom wasn’t home, sir.” She brought her hands to fists to her hips in a fake pout before cheekily giggling. “Say, you’re not trying to woo me, are you Cloud? With brunch and the whole, ‘bringing her home afterward?”’ If either of them won this “blushing contest,” she ensured victory would be hers. 

Tifa’s eyebrows furrowed mischievously as Cloud tried to shrug it off by shooting his head away with his standoffish turns. But he always failed.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he dismissed. Softly chuckling, Tifa reopened her menu and spotted a batch of fluffy pancakes. Labeled with sides of her choice, a list of secondary foods bellowed near a photo of the breakfast dish. “Maybe I’ll try their pancakes this time. I know I usually get waffles, but hey, why not try something new, right? Unlike you,” she teased.

“Hm, says the one who’s just now breaking their record.”

“Or it could be because your mom’s not here to make them. Remember when I used to come over on her days off in the morning? She would buy waffle ingredients, just in case I came over during that time of the week,” Tifa squinted her eyes at the pleasant recollection.

“Yeah,” Cloud affirmed. He imagined them in their preteen years, and him just waking up, delighted that there was no school for the day. The toasty aroma from the stove sharing its fumes with the otherwise dull air, the clanks of pans and wooden spatulas, his mother’s footsteps scattering around the kitchen floor. Right as his mother greeted his sleepy face, the doorbell would ring. He would get it, like always at the time, and open the door to reveal an energized Tifa, dropped off by her father before he quickly zoomed away. Then, he would get embarrassed that she witnessed his bedhead. The food finished, the table set, the chairs scooted in, and they blissfully consumed breakfast together. 

So simple those days.

“You took away my omelets,” Cloud joked. 

“Well, now’s your chance to make up for your loss,” Tifa laughed. After they ordered their food and ventured through a mild wait, their waitress gifted them with their meals. They contently chit-chatted over their bites about trivial things like food and work. Tifa held back another giggle once she noticed a speck of omelet hiding underneath his bottom lip. 

“Cloud, you got something under…” she trailed off.

“Hm?” Cloud mumbled, his fork hovering over his half-eaten omelet. Before he could reach for a napkin, Tifa halted his hand. 

“Hold on a sec…” As she carefully leaned over the table, just above her plate, Tifa flicked away the bit of omelet with the graze of her thumb. Cloud held his breath, slightly flabbergasted.

“There you go, I got it for you!” Tifa shyly smiled then shortly proceeded to her plate of blueberry pancakes, blackberries, strawberries, and sunny-side-up eggs. 

“T-Thanks?” Cloud lightly flushed again and nibbled on the side of his french toast. Soon enough, the two friends finished their meals and paid with Cloud’s family member discount with a good deal of only two thousand gil to spend and another ninety gil as a tip for the waitress. 

They immediately suffered the biting chill when they stepped outside, Tifa already rubbing the layer of her coat sleeves. 

“We should hurry and head on home then,” Tifa remarked, her sighs now visible as white flurries. 

Cloud nodded, and they headed towards Tifa’s sedan. In the extent of their drive, Cloud occasionally snuck glances in Tifa’s direction. A warmth settled in his chest again. It brought forth a relaxing sensation that he hadn’t crossed in quite a while. Moreso a long while. Not that he was surprised, always having sensed this form of comfort around his childhood friend for years. When could he remember feeling this way again in the recent past?

* * *

_“Cloud? Cloud! Wake up, man!”_

_An urgent whisper bellowed directly into Cloud’s eardrum, causing the blond to recoil by shaking his head._

_“The hell?” he grumbled. His face met with Zack’s amused grin._

_“Jeez, that worn out huh?” Dude, it’s past ten. We missed the beginning of our R &R,” he reminded his comrade. _

_“Would you mind letting me get up first?” While Cloud grumpily hissed, Zack drew his head back with a laugh._

_“Heh, touché. I’ll get out of your way then.” Previously having to lean over Cloud’s sleeping figure, Zack returned to his knees and loudly stretched. The cracks from his bones ruptured from his neck, arms, and even legs, almost as if he had just awakened himself._

_Hm. Chippier than usual, Cloud thought and pushed his upper body weight from his hands until a sharp pain from the left side of his ribs ceased him. He groaned at the sudden tension, and an abrupt headache sprung. Memories from last night recollected themselves in his mind. Sephiroth had been close to fracturing his ribs again last week. The strike of his boot almost made Cloud wince, despite him not even being present. On cue, another wave of pain tingled from his ribcage. Since he awoke to himself laying on his left side, his involuntary shift in sleeping positions strained the area further._

_Noticing how Cloud struggled to steady himself, Zack rushed over to him and eased him onto his back. “Still hurts?” Zack inquired with a lopsided smile._

_The blond forced a nonchalant shrug, “A little.” His eyelids lowered, realizing how he told Zack a different story. How a Wutanese shoulder tackled him to the ground and messed up his left ribs pretty badly. Not that these excuses carried their own weight by much anymore. Zack followed his stories with concerned stares, bundled with the rise of an eyebrow._

_“Do you think you’re up for a trip to the town close by? I thought we could shop for some nice gear or something,” Zack suggested, crossing his arms. Cloud caught onto the edge in his voice. A semblance of urgency, possibly even a plea. After all, he knew how Zack had been counting down the days to their R &R. Honestly, Cloud didn’t see much of the appeal. Nearly five years of fighting as a soldier and their unit barely hypothesized the mere chance of an R&R. _

_Besides, Sephiroth... Cloud paused his train of thought. General Sephiroth would be attending a war council meeting today about their next plan of action. Victory seemed inevitable now, considering Wutai’s falling armed forces and the successful counterattack against their navy. This R &R was a rare opportunity of gratitude from their general. He could finally take a break from his domineering and suffocating presence. _

_A rest._

_Cloud’s eyes lit up, and he raised his upper body away from his cot. Ignoring the pressing ache from his left rib, he allowed himself to look over his surroundings again. Tired of this closed tent, waiting at this camp near the border separating Midgar from Wutai, Cloud pleasantly pondered over the thought of just walking around town with his comrade. Nice chats, maybe buying coffee, purchasing some new clothes, or reading new books. The pain lessened to a dull numb. His eyes met Zack’s expectant ones, excitedly hanging onto Cloud’s incoming words. He grew ecstatic when he nodded._

_“Sure. We can do something like that. It doesn’t hurt as much compared to a week ago,” he replied._

_A joyful grin couldn’t help but break over Zack’s lips. He pumped his fist in the air, “Yes! Thanks Cloud! I mean, it’s best if you rest for a while, but you’re finally living a little!” When the blond pouted, Zack dismissively waved his hands. “You know I’m just messing with you, man. But I’m glad you’re deciding to come with.”_

_“You didn’t think I’d actually want to go?”_

_“I dunno. You’ve just… never came off as that type of guy, really. Especially recently.”_

_Sighing, Cloud decided not to retort and instead stated the obvious. “Let me get myself ready, then we can go.”_

_“Cool.” Before Cloud could maneuver out of his cot, Zack steadily pulled him away for him. Naturally lifting his head to regain his balance, Cloud met with Zack’s eyes again. A determined gleam shimmered in his stark blue eyes. An asset he hadn’t seen in such a long time. It almost blew him back. “We’re gonna have a great time, Cloud. Don’t you worry. We deserve it too anyway, with how hard we’ve been working these past years.”_

_After Cloud got settled into standard clothes disguised as a regular citizen, as they were instructed, Zack wasted no time in dragging him to the nearby, rural town’s shopping center. Strangely, his comrade took a particular interest in the supermarket. He happily wheeled their shopping cart through multiple aisles, stocking up on cans of vegetables and beans, bags of apples and grapes, water bottles, even sneaking in a couple of his favorite chocolate bars. His shopping routine rivaled a fanatic in preparation for a deadly storm._

_Cloud remarked how hungry Zack appeared to be, but his comrade only laughed in return without any further explanation._

_Both eventually ended up in the men’s clothing section. At the end of August, fall soon approached, so Zack deemed it necessary to grab some extra sweaters, scarves, beanies, and gloves. They would’ve left the area sooner if Zack hadn’t insisted on modeling the basic greys and browns of outfits, not much to really expect from a department store. Regardless, Cloud waited outside the fitting rooms, crossing his arms, and tapping his foot impatiently against the floor._

_On the fourth outfit, Zack sauntered out of the fitting room and twirled like a showman. “How about this, Cloud? Too simple?” He presented himself in a white T-shirt covered by a grey cardigan and dark ripped jeans._

_“Feels the same as the other ones did,” Cloud shrugged with boredom._

_“You’re no fun, Cloud. At least try one outfit that I picked out for you.”_

_“Later.” The blond shook his head, hiding a smirk at his comrade's dissatisfied glare._

_Once Zack reached above the clothing item limit, they had no choice but to leave the fitting rooms. Before they checked out their purchases, Zack stopped by the medicine aisle and picked up a few bottles of pills and solutions._

_“Wow. How much money did they give us in our checks?” Cloud raised his eyebrow as he watched his comrade place the medicine into their shopping cart._

_“Cloud, c’mon dude, we’re first-class soldiers. Have you even checked yours? And why are you complaining? I’m the one paying for everything!”_

_Faintly blushing and lowering his head, Cloud confirmed, “No, I didn’t check this month nor the others. Didn’t really see the point since I thought we wouldn’t even get an R &R. But why are you getting this stuff and medicine? Shouldn't we be buying more ‘luxurious’ things? We have everything we need back at the camp.” _

_“You never know, Cloud. Just trust me. It’ll be worth it in the end. Side note, it’s good that you decided to save your money. We’re gonna need it.” When Cloud shot him a deeper look of confusion, Zack only flashed him a heartful smile and playfully ruffled his blond spikes._

_The soldiers exited the supermarket into the town square. Cloud’s eyes wandered his surroundings, the fresh air tickling his nose. The stony ground, the sprinkling fountain in the center of all the neighboring shops, the polished bricks they were assembled by. Bystanders entered them, holding countless bags of groceries, food, whatever they needed. Some were accompanied, moving along in their normal days. It had been so long since he had witnessed an environment so ordinary or partook in activities so domestic that he had once done with Tifa or his mother. It all felt so refreshing._

_Ahead of them, Zack spotted the departure of a trio of soldiers within their unit from a coffee shop. The double-doors shut behind them, inviting the scent of roasted beans and bitterness into the air. They stopped in their tracks once they saw them too. Zack firmly nodded at them, a stern frown layering over his lips. The soldier in front of his own partners raised his coffee cup in the air as a form of affirmation or salute. Multiple grocery bags from the same department store hung over their elbows._

_Cloud concluded that they must be Zack’s friends or were only greeting each other. A sudden tightness in his chest constricted at the thought. He watched as the other three soldiers peered far in front of them, right as the pebbles on the ground excitedly shook from the ground’s rumbles._

_The blond felt Zack grasp his left hand, squeezing it tightly. “C’mon, Cloud. Let’s head this way,” he said, his voice urgent and holding a seriousness that Cloud couldn’t help but worry about._

_“Why? What’s going on?” Cloud asked. As he shifted his attention to his comrade, he met the fierceness in his icy blue eyes again. That shimmer. That determination, stronger with his austere frown._

_An echo from the horn of a train faded in Cloud’s ears. The tug on his arm became more demanding. “Look, just follow me ok? I promise it’s nothing bad, but we have to go now.” All the blond could do was shake his head in disbelief, attempting to process this bizarre shift in his comrade’s behavior._

_“But I don’t-can’t you just tell me?”_

_“Heh, I don’t know if you’d want to come with me if I did.” Picking up on Cloud’s irritated glare, he shot another glance at the other soldiers who already made a breakaway to the sound of the train. “Please. Just trust me on this, ok?”_

_Pursing his lips, Cloud couldn’t help but oblige. He trusted Zack. There was no legitimate reason why he couldn’t trust his longtime friend._

_Then again, look what happened with his longtime idol. Cloud’s stomach churned at the thought of seeing Sephiroth again after this. His steady grin, concealing all the twisted methods of training he conjured for him this week. The mistiness in his eyes, haunting him to where he could sense its intensity even from the darkness of his closed eyes._

_No. Zack is not like that! He’s not like that at all!_

_The shudders from the train tracks could be heard more clearly now. Zack’s harsh face softened. A desperate gleam shone in his eyes. “Cloud…”_

_His heartbeat quickened, giving him the boost to nod. “Fine. Let’s just do whatever crazy shit you have in mind.”_

_Zack sighed in relief as he largely grinned. “Here. We gotta make a run for it. Try to go as fast as you can, but don’t strain yourself. I’m right beside you, ok?” He looped Cloud’s arm around his shoulder and gently settled his hand near his strained rib. He hoisted the blond’s extra grocery bags over his arms and gave Cloud one final, careful look until he motioned for them to race towards the train._

_Even though a sting of pain rushed through his rib, Cloud tried his best to ignore it. The delicate support Zack offered to it was enough to encourage him to push through. Behind the multiple shops, a grassy field was in the distance. The planted train tracks posted along the top of a hill, and the two could make out the other three soldiers waiting for it._

_Adrenaline kicked in once the sight of a freight train prepared to pass through the tiny town. The two soldiers urged them to hurry as they eyed the train’s further railcars once they managed to arrive, a little out of breath._

_“There!” One of the soldiers finally announced. Zack peeked beside him, smiling at an exposed railcar. Completely open._

_“Great! Just like you said! Get ready, everyone!” Zack turned to Cloud and ordered, “I don’t know if you’re up to it, but I want you to hold onto me, Cloud. We’re gonna make a huge jump!”_

_“W-What?!” Cloud stuttered, bewildered._

_“How else are we gonna get on this bad boy, huh?” A little embarrassed, Cloud pressed his back against Zack’s chest, and the older soldier wrapped his arm around his waist in a protective hold. “Think you can hold onto some of these bags for me?” Nodding, Cloud loosened his grip and held a few bags over his wrist and in between his fingers._

_One of the soldiers raised his fingers to the maximum of three and counted down to the appropriate time the opened railcar would approach them.  
_

_“One...two...three…” The destined railcar steadily increased its speed, directly heading towards their field of vision. The soldier pointed his finger then shouted as if it were a war cry on its own, “Now!”_

_Zack’s hold over Cloud tightened while the blond secured his own occupied arms around his waist. They couldn’t afford to wait now. His strong legs propelled him upwards as Zack swiveled his body into the air and harshly landed into the railcar. For a few seconds, the two comrades tumbled over the floor, eventually stopping in each other’s grasp. The shopping bags even escaped from Cloud’s hands, a distance away from them._

_Cloud rolled away and laid beside Zack who also tried to regain his breath. Before long, his comrade burst into laughter, running his hand over his spiky bangs. Cloud shared a stunned stare in his direction, pondering how he could recover in a situation like that so quickly and laugh it off like it was nothing. But alas, that was his comrade for him. So, he followed with stifling chuckles of his own._

_“Damn! Was that exciting or what, Cloud! Haven’t felt this good in ages!” Jumping to his feet, Zack proudly stretched as if what occurred was a mild inconvenience. He lent his hand to his comrade who happily took it and steadied to his feet. “What about you guys, a little shaken up? Or was that nothing?”_

_Luckily, the other three soldiers made it onto the railcar safely just as they did. The one who issued out the sequence chuckled and shook his head in amusement, taking up the response for the quieter two. “Not too shabby ourselves. In the war, we’ve been through much worse. But we don’t have to worry about that now.”_

_Realization struck Cloud as he had completely forgotten why exactly they went through that. He confronted Zack, “What does he mean ‘we don’t have to worry about that now?’”_

_Zack didn’t falter from Cloud’s accusatory tone. Instead, he broke a confident grin and his stance straightened. “Exactly what it sounds like. We’re leaving first-class. For good.”_

_Taking a step back, Cloud tried to process what he had heard. Leaving? What the hell? We can’t just run away! His lips froze._

_Zack gestured over to one of the soldiers with his head. He sat in a dark corner, taking a peach from one of his shopping bags and biting into it. Cloud recognized the man from basic training and how he used to hang out with Zack sometimes whenever given the chance. However, he always lingered around others, rarely uttering a word into the conversation. One of the few exceptions who made it into Sephiroth’s unit with them._

_“Daiki over there grew up in that town. A few weeks ago, when Sephiroth told us we’d be camping near there, he pulled me aside. He told me that a freight train used to pass by his town every Tuesday at 2. Sometimes, the freight trains would have open railcars, and because of that, the train company had many complaints for their laziness. Little did they know, they’re doing a great service. It was only perfect that Sephiroth let us have R &R here. We couldn’t afford to lose this chance. To finally leave.” Zack explained as the two soldiers conversed with Daiki, laughing and making plans over where they headed next. Cloud could’ve sworn he saw a faint smile perk at the edge of Daiki’s lips. _

_Zack walked closer towards the opening of the railcar. Cloud followed, the rapid blurs of trees overwhelming his brain. That town was long gone. Nothing but a blur. So was the campground. Cloud’s stomach fluttered, and not from homesickness._

_“Any idea where this train is headed?” he asked._

_“Well, since we were pretty much on the border of Midgar, Daiki’s best guess is somewhere in Wutai. Good thing we left our uniforms back at the camp.” Zack’s eyes lowered at the following sentence, “Wait. You kept your badge with you right?”_

_“Yeah…” Cloud muttered guiltily, rubbing over the surface of his badge that he kept in his pocket._

_“Eh, don’t worry about it. You didn’t know that we were literally doing an escape plan did you?” Zack lightly chuckled. “Make sure nobody sees it though, ok? At least we can lay low in Wutai and head back to Midgar whenever we can. It might be a little difficult, but we can manage like we always do.” As he grinned, Zack slapped an assuring hand over Cloud’s shoulder. “It won’t be long now, Cloud. But we’ll finally get to go home. I’ll...I’ll finally get to see Aerith. And you Cloud...you can see your family again.” A solemn smile spread over his lips, and his gaze lowered over Cloud’s face._

_At the mention of Tifa and his mother, Cloud’s chest lifted. He thought of his mother’s propitious smile once he returned home, and Tifa’s warm hugs and soft flare in her eyes. His loved ones. He could see them again after such a long, painful time. Zack raised his hand to Cloud’s hair and clemently rubbed his spiky strands. The gesture caused the blond to eye him. No hint of malice resonated from his comrade. He didn’t have to worry about what came next._

_“And I’m glad that you trusted me, Cloud. Even when you didn’t know what you were getting into, you still came with me anyway. That...that really means a lot. The army treated us like shit, and I know how much you wanted to be a soldier. It must’ve been hard on you too. So… we really are friends.”_

_It wasn’t until this moment that Cloud finally allowed himself to notice it. The striking blue of Zack’s eyes still contained a haziness of its own. Exactly like his. However, his comrade’s always brightened. No matter what they endured. The X-marked scar on his left cheek even seemed invisible to him. Zack still remained himself. Because of that, Cloud couldn’t stop a true smile from itching over his lips._

_Now, they were finally both free. Cloud betted he would hold onto this feeling for as long as he could._

_“Yeah. We are friends. We always were,” he said._

* * *

Tifa seethed her teeth as her skin collided with the freezing cold air inside Cloud’s home. The living room nearby the modest kitchen was dark, devoid of human activity, adding to the unwelcome chill. 

Noticing her discomfort once he settled in, Cloud sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry it’s so cold. We’ve been having issues with our heater. A guy’s gotta come in next week to fix it,” he explained.

Although Tifa hugged her coat closer to her body, her frosty lips composed a smile. “There’s no need to apologize, Cloud,” she said, then peered at the wooden fireplace in the far center of the living room, the television propped upwards toward the chimney. “At least we still have your fireplace.”

Cloud kneeled over the hearth and tapped the fire screen with his fingertip, “It’s been a while since we used this old thing. I’m not sure if we even have any firewood besides the old ones already in there.” He leaned forward to get a closer look through the screen. Multiple pieces of wood left untouched, only some a little charred. “Yep. Guess these will have to do.” Standing up, he turned towards Tifa who decided to retreat to the warm couch. “Hold on, I’ll get the fire going, ok?”

“S-Sounds good,” Tifa shivered, prompting Cloud to make haste. He retrieved a box of matches from one of the kitchen cabinets and a few sheets of newspaper from the top of a counter. The printed paper crumbled beneath his fist. His friend left the couch to switch on the lights, offering more room for his sight over the fire screen. Making sure everything was secured in their proper place, Cloud twisted the sheets of paper and settled them underneath the logs. He dragged a single match along the hearth and the flame munched on the exposed paper, taking the logs along with it. A puff of breath distinguished the puny flame from the match, and Cloud shut the fire screen back into its place.

Tifa sighed in satisfaction once the tepidness of the fire bathed her figure as she took off her coat and hung it on the coat rack next to Cloud’s.

“Better?” Cloud asked, his voice laced in concern.

“Yeah. It’s only started, and I can already feel the chill going away. Thank you, Cloud.”

“Mhm,” Cloud hummed. The coffee table faced him, obscuring the view of his feet. He shuffled them across the rug in his next sentence, “Do you want anything to drink, or… any snacks?”

Tifa had to force back a giggle due to her friend’s blatant bashfulness, but she replied anyway, “Sure! Do you have any…” she paused at the following word that hoped to escape her tongue. _Wine._ “...tea! Do you have any tea?”

“Yeah. Green tea, I think. I’ll fix us some.”

Before Cloud walked further into the kitchen, he peeked behind him to see Tifa still sitting on the couch with her hands folded patiently in her lap. “The remote’s on one of the end tables. You don’t need to just sit there, Tifa,” he chuckled.

“I-I didn’t just want to turn to anything you dislike,” Tifa assured.

“It’s fine. I don’t care what we watch. You’re the guest anyway.” With that, Tifa heard the rush of water from the sink, so she switched on the television. Nothing really piqued her interest. The usual sitcoms, baseball games, same-old dramas, and uneventful news played by the click of a button. She found more ease in the flames that consumed the blackened logs. 

Cloud returned with two red teacups. “Here,” he alerted, handing one to Tifa. She closed her eyes at the additional warmth invited by the surface of the teacup, radiating within her palms. Bringing it to her lips, she sipped the sweet, hot drink. 

“You just love serving me today, don’t you Cloud.” Tifa teased but thanked him regardless with a laugh. Her eyes went to the screen, “I’m afraid there’s not much I want to watch right now. Nothing good is on.”

Cloud seated next to Tifa on the couch, a few inches separating them. Both blushed at their close proximity to one another but tried to shrug it off as nothing new. “I don’t mind listening to music or something,” he recommended. 

“Cloud, what is this? You’re acting like a teenager who’s bringing a girl home for the first time.” Tifa laughed.

“You’re not enjoying yourself?”

“It’s not that at all. It’s just… we’ve known each other for so many years, Cloud. What’s there to be nervous about? I’ve been to your house plenty of times before.” Cloud averted his gaze, resting his arm over the armchair and propping his knuckles to his cheek. Tifa glued her back into the couch and sighed, “But we can listen to music if you want to. I’ll put something on.” Unlocking her phone, Tifa began a classical playlist on a music streaming service. “I hope this is fine.”

When the notes of a violin infiltrated his ears, Cloud softly smiled and complied, “Fine by me.” 

The two friends sat in silence, their sips from their teacups holding back their words. The music played along with the crackling fireplace, and the previous chill in the house dissipated. Yet something felt empty or missing. They were satisfied with the content silence, but Cloud thought over the comfort he felt around Tifa. Having her beside him, something as simple as this, relieved him. It almost made him forget what had happened to him last week. She helped him, even if she wasn’t aware of it. Or underappreciated what she meant to him. While he noticed that her attention stayed on the glowing fireplace, Cloud gave her a solemn stare. He wanted to be closer to her.

Quietly and steadily, the blond scooted in her direction. Tifa lightly gasped when she sensed Cloud’s head rest on her right shoulder. So warm. 

“C-Cloud?” Tifa shyly inquired. Her eyes dropped to his hands beside her legs. The sleeves. They exposed the marks over his wrists. Pursing her lips, Tifa found herself gently tracing the marks with her thumb on his left wrist. His skin was cold and rigid. A slight flinch erupted from Cloud, causing Tifa to pause her movements and draw her hand away. 

“Tifa,” the hushed gruffness in his voice almost made her stop in her tracks completely. “I know I’ve been ‘different’ ever since I came back.” Cloud stopped himself, thinking of many possible outcomes with an unhappy ending. How much should he tell without her flashing looks of disgust and contempt? Shifting away, no longer withstanding the sight of his horrible face again. 

How could he convince her that he hadn’t changed?

Her hand reached over to lock their fingers together. His lips tightened at her soothing touch. Little circles that she sketched over his knuckles eased the tension in them. Closing his eyes, Cloud trained himself to focus on the difference between her and what he had experienced. This was his childhood friend. Someone whom he always trusted. And will continue to trust. Never in his life had she betrayed his sense of safety near her. 

“I’ll admit, you have been different,” Tifa confirmed. “But that’s not a bad thing, Cloud.” She leaned the right side of her face atop Cloud’s head, her cheek brushing along his soft hair despite its spiky appearance. Her nose sniffed the coconut-scented shampoo in his hair as she automatically breathed. “Midgar always paints war in this glorious light. That true honor and purpose can only come from it. Honestly Cloud, I was really worried about you going into the war. The thought of potentially losing you. Forever. Sometimes, it would keep me up at night. Especially during the earlier days of your deployment.”

Forcing herself to swallow, Tifa softly shut her eyes and anticipated the weariness in her next question. “I can only assume but… something bad happened in the war, didn’t it Cloud? Not just the fighting and all that, but something worse?” Cloud lowly hummed, his heavy eyes falling over Tifa’s lap in shame. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable,” she reassured.

The blond shook his head. “N-No. I want to tell you. I really do. I want to tell my mom. I want to tell you. Hell, I even want to tell Aerith. But… I…” Tifa’s frown deepened when she heard Cloud start to sniffle. From this angle, she couldn’t see him quite clearly, but she painfully imagined his torn, conflicted expression. “All of you… you deserve to know what happened. The war… hurt me in so many ways I-I… I’m just…” His sniffling amplified as his words tripped over one another. Chokes in his throat prompted him to hiccup, and his breathing became irregular.

“Shh, it’s okay Cloud. It’s fine. I’m right here for you. Take deep breaths,” Tifa consoled, pulling Cloud into her chest to properly hug him. She rubbed his back. His face hung a little above her chest, and she could feel the collar of her shirt slightly dampen. The weeps from within his throat worsened, initiated by a sturdy mountain of tears. Cloud swathed his arms around Tifa’s waist, basking as much warmth from her as he could.

“I-I’m scared, Tifa. If you all found o-out what happened to me, what my actions did to others, y-you wouldn’t… you wouldn’t be holding me right now. Y-You’d hate me. Y-You wouldn’t want to hear f-from me ever again. It’s not like I don’t deserve it anyway. I’m horrible. A fucking terrible person who doesn’t deserve to be here. You shouldn’t waste your time with someone like me.” Tifa’s eyes waned at his accusations against himself, but she saw him reach his right hand towards his hair strands and yanked them while his left hand moved underneath his right sleeve to scratch over his scars.

“Cloud no, stop it,” Tifa grabbed his hands away from his hair and arm then entwined their fingers again. “Don’t say those things about yourself. I don’t feel that way about you at all. You’ve always been so encouraging and considerate of me whenever I couldn’t get it elsewhere. Even from my own parents. You deserve to be here, Cloud. Even if it doesn’t feel like it, there are people who love you. Your mother, Johnny, Marle…”

Tifa’s hold strengthened. No hesitation came through. “And me. I love you, Cloud,” she said.

At her words, Cloud raised his head to meet her face. Her ruby eyes enchanted him. The passion, the conviction, the honesty—it truly touched him in a way that had been previously lost. And taken away from him so many times. Tifa’s chest heaved at his foggy, blue eyes and temperate tear-stained cheeks, but she kept going. “I hate seeing you like this, Cloud. And maybe you’re right. There were probably things you’ve done during the war that I won’t know what to think of at first. But know that won’t change how I feel about you. How everyone else feels about you. Whenever you’re ready to talk about what happened, I promise you that I’ll be here to help you. Always and forever, ok?” 

When Tifa grazed her thumb over his cheek to wipe away his tears, Cloud didn’t recoil. His face nudged into her palm, and his eyes searched into hers. Although his pupils shook, a tiny brightness emerged from that sea of dullness. Cloud placed a hand over her uplifted arm and whispered, “Thank you, Tifa. I love you too. I couldn’t ask for anyone better.”

Softly smiling, Tifa leaned forward and tenderly kissed his forehead. Cloud lulled her deeper into the embrace and dug his face into her shoulder. The childhood friends remained on the couch that night, listening to classical music in each other’s arms, the volume from the television at a minimum. Eventually, they fell asleep with the ember from the fireplace still alive and bright. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Cloti heart! I hope the pacing was okay near the end of the chapter, and that scene didn't feel rushed or out of the blue. I planned Cloud and Zack's desertion before seeing the original FFVII, so I was surprised by my accuracy there. And of course, another flashback was supposed to be here, but it got too long. I hope you all enjoyed!


	11. Rough Patches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy another long chapter!

The cold and snow persisted throughout the remainder of the week. Realizing that it was here to stay, many individuals abided indoors. Snuggled up next to their fireplaces, finding the tepid heat far more comforting than the brittle frost from outdoors. Most people except for Aerith who visited the community garden every afternoon. 

Despite the howling wind that slapped against the greenhouse’s protective windows, Aerith peacefully hummed a tune from her own imagination. She kneeled over the rectangular planters that aligned atop the grassy ground as her gloved hands dug for weeds. Each one she spotted, she gently added to the pile beside her that she would dispose of later. The carrots, radishes, and beets could finally breathe without the weeds’ intrusive delay over their growth. 

Aerith adapted to her tranquil surroundings. The earthy scent of the flora around her and the mellow ambiance that the winter winds offered to the scene made her feel more relaxed by the warmth from the greenhouse. Only her voice blended with the atmosphere—everything appeared ordinary as if she were tending to the community garden back home.

But alas, the flower girl held an innate sense where she could pinpoint a shift in the air. No longer carefree, instead a little restricted. Her head instinctively leveled towards the entrance of the greenhouse, and her eyes widened.

Regardless of her confusion, Aerith bore a friendly smile and greeted the familiar blond, “Hi Cloud! I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Cloud stationed at the door frame with his hands stuffed in his coat pockets with his head slightly lowered to the ground. His eyes masked an apathetic expression as they focused over the brim of his scarf that concealed the lower half of his face. Aerith still caught onto the stammering flickers near his pupils or the tense constrictions in his cheekbones. 

Seconds of an awkward silence distanced them, and Cloud grew even more intimidated when he saw Aerith move her eyes around as if crickets were in the room. His fists clenched the inner fabric inside his pockets, his thoughts struggling over what he should say to her. A random miracle erupted in his head when he awoke this morning. This sense of responsibility wouldn’t leave his conscience until he actively did something about it. It would pester him forever if he didn’t decide to act on it now. He thought back to his day with Tifa and tried to reassure himself that he didn’t need to tell her everything. After all, Aerith was only an acquaintance, but he owed her an apology for his behavior. February almost came to an end; Tifa mentioned to him in a normal conversation that Aerith’s stay would be ending soon.

Now was his chance. The only opportunity where he could find some sense of closure before Aerith left. He actively decided to get out of bed this morning to see Aerith on his own accord, even giving himself a little pep talk on the drive here. He was tired of treating her this way, especially since she meant so much to Tifa. Yet he froze up once she met his line of sight, standing in the doorway and saying nothing like an idiot.

Concluding that the silence wouldn’t end anytime soon, Aerith stood up from her knees and dusted the soil off her leather gloves. “If you don’t mind Cloud, could you water those plants up there?” She asked, pointing to the ceiling above her. The blond raised his head, off-put by her sudden request, and followed her finger. Hanging planters filled with chrysanthemum buds flourished over the expansive ceiling. It wasn’t very high due to the greenhouse’s small size, but the brunette still failed to reach it. “Usually Tifa would lift me up, so I can water them, but I like to improvise with the next best thing.” Aerith strolled to the farther end of the greenhouse with shelves containing gardening supplies. Taking out a metal watering can, Aerith walked over to Cloud.

Underneath his scarf, Cloud pursed his lips and took a step back, but Aerith gestured for him to take it with a nudge of her hand in his direction. “Go on! You’re taller than me, so it only makes sense.”

“I-I… I didn’t want to be here long,” Cloud replied, the gruffness of his voice coming out more because of his dry throat. 

Aerith brought her free fist to her left hip, raising her eyebrow in both faux annoyance and disappointment. “And to think someone wanted to come here because they actually wanted to garden,” she dryly said. “How do you think I feel, huh? Every afternoon, I come here and tend to these plants all by myself. Unless Tifa is here with me, and she can’t be here all the time. My hands get dirty, my back cramps, but I’d suffer it all in a heartbeat for these plants. And here you decide to show up, to a community garden, without actually wanting to garden?!” 

Cloud lightly gasped and flinched when Aerith shoved the watering can into his hands. “Seriously Cloud, go water those plants!” Frankly puzzled by her abrupt outburst, Cloud heavily sighed and begrudgingly walked to the center of the room. Aerith watched his hesitant steps, crossing her arms with a jesting giggle. She returned to the rectangular planters of vegetables, rolling her sleeves up once more.

While Aerith continued with her work, she occasionally snuck a glance at the silent blond. The only sound that came from him was the rush of water that sprouted from his watering can. He stood on the tip of his toes as the chrysanthemums happily drank their water supply for the day. It didn’t take very long before Cloud finished his duty and awkwardly stood aside next to the straw chairs. 

It was up to Aerith to dispel the growing tension once again, “Tell me about yourself, Cloud.”

“Hm?” he inquired in a bored tone. 

Although he offered little incentive for a conversation, Aerith pushed through anyway, “Tifa told me that you work at the public library. How’re things going over there?”

Cloud’s back leaned against the wooden tables layered with other recognizable plants. Crossing his arms, his own brain pondered over how he should respond. He couldn’t stand her enthusiastic features. Her shining green eyes, brimming with heartfulness and her beaming smile— _why did she have to look so much like him?_

Gritting his teeth in both frustration and sadness, Cloud averted his gaze. He could barely get his next sentence through, but Aerith patiently endured the painful conversation. “Yeah… the job’s… nice,” he finally replied.

“Hm, reminds me of when I would take my students to our school library. Or sometimes, to the actual public library. Do you guys ever do special events for kids?” Aerith had to deter her attention from her work to see that Cloud only nodded instead of saying anything. 

“Maybe one day I’ll suggest to my co-workers that our students could visit your library someday. That would be nice, wouldn’t it?” Aerith ended her sentence with a jovial laugh while Cloud’s jaw only clenched at her proposition. 

_Please don’t._ He almost pleaded through his teeth, even if he hadn’t meant it in a rude manner. Cloud rotated his body completely away from the brunette. On the verge of his movements, his eyes caught onto rows of yellow daisies, planted in ceramic pots on a wooden table. 

As if he were in a trance, he couldn’t help but steer towards the familiar plants. They were in better condition than the ones on his nightstand with its brighter hues of yellow, the soil freshly damp with tears from a watering can still present on its petals. The sudden urge to caress them came over Cloud as he took his right hand out of his pocket then slipped the glove off his skin. He ensured his touch was gentle, and his fingers lightly stroked the blooming, smooth petals, even if they slightly drooped at his tugs. 

“Oh, do you want to take one?” Cloud gasped and jumped at Aerith who unintentionally snuck up on him due to her innocent curiosity. She stepped back herself at his reaction with her hands neatly folded behind her back.

“D-Don’t scare me like that!” Cloud scolded, sheepishly stuffing his hands in his pockets once more.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you, I swear,” Aerith reassured, feeling guilty over startling the man based on how he already appeared hostile around her. “I just noticed you were looking at those yellow daisies.” She nodded her head towards the tidy patches of vegetables that she previously attended to. “I’m done with those vegetables by the way, so I can finally help you with the rest of the things we have to do.”

Before Cloud could protest, Aerith continued, “Tifa told me that she got you a bouquet of those when you returned from the war.”

Cloud gravely nodded, shifting his eyes towards the healthy flowers one more. “Yeah. She did,” he confirmed. His mind recalled that day. The brief sense of relief he felt when he met Tifa and his mother at the train station. It felt like he had landed in a completely different world, even though he lived in this town his whole life. It had been so long since he had seen his mother. The way she burst into tears upon seeing him and instantly jumped into his arms. Tifa’s signature benevolent smile and how easily it made his stomach swarm with butterflies. And that bouquet of yellow daisies, gifted specifically for him. How could he never appreciate that night, no matter how horrible he felt. It reminded him that maybe he wasn’t completely losing it.

“I don’t know if Tifa told you, but she asked me through her letters what she should get you when you came back. She wanted something simple, but something that would last as a remembrance to that day. And you know what I told her?” Aerith sharply pointed her finger at the yellow daisies with a wink. “Those ladies of course! It was only suitable, considering that lovers used to give them when they were reunited. Perfect for you two.”

A choke lodged in his throat, and Cloud turned his face away again with a blush. Despite her implication, it continued to worry the soldier over how much Aerith played a role in his life without him being aware of it. And yet, he could say the same for her side. Noticing the silence between them, Aerith delicately picked a yellow daisy from one of the pots by its small stem and raised it in Cloud’s line of sight.

“Here. You should give it to her later. I don’t think she has any back home either. I bet she’ll put it with those roses you gave her on Valentine’s Day,” Aerith said, brightly smiling. 

The thought of seeing Tifa’s grateful smile caused Cloud’s lips to briefly squirm at the cute image. He always loved seeing that smile. His hand reached to take the flower ever so slowly and cautiously like she was a flytrap, waiting to snap at his clumsy movements. But the gardener stood still, friendly as a normal flower. Their fingers grazed one another, and his hand recoiled to receive the flower more quickly. 

“Um…” Cloud was unsure where to place the flower, not wanting to put it in his pocket in case it would crush. 

“Hold on,” Aerith giggled, taking the flower from his hand. She walked closer to him, and Cloud’s breath hitched as he took a step back. When she only tucked the flower into the collar of his coat, the stem tucked in like a blanket, his body steadily relaxed. The exposed petals freely soaked in the chilly breeze.

“There you go! Safe and snug!” Aerith took a step back herself with satisfaction. 

Cloud lowered his eyes to the ground. “Thank you,” he softly muttered.

“There’s no need to thank me, Cloud,” Aerith dismissively waved her hand. “I remember when my boyfriend and I, whenever we picked flowers together and we didn’t have anything to hold them in, we would just put them over our collars like that.” While her voice softened into a more solemn tone, Cloud stiffened at the mention of her late significant other. The unspoken words between them were tortuous as his hands began to sweat, and his heart rose to a brisk speed.

“Not that I’m comparing you two or anything. Don’t get any funny ideas, mister,” Aerith teased while her facial muscles narrowed into a serious expression. However, they immediately loosened once she noticed the frozen but antsy posture that the blond responded with. “Uh, Cloud, are you alright?”

“What else do we have to do?” He seethed, his eyes surveying around the room as a hidden alternative to pacing. He had to look at anything. Anything but her. 

Taking the hint, Aerith obliged in changing the subject. Whatever she said about Zack set him off in a weird way. “Well, we still have the other flowers to water near the back. It shouldn’t take very long though.” 

“Fine. Tell me whatever you need me to do,” Cloud hurried. 

After Aerith showed him the other gardening supplies, the two spent the rest of the hour watering and tending to the plants. A foreboding silence fell between them, but Aerith would try to spark up a conversation about her students and gardening tips. Cloud only contributed with hums to show he was at least listening. 

Before long, the hour ended, and Cloud had to face his dilemma. The whole reason as to why he even came here in the first place. But Aerith beat him to it. 

She strolled over to him and smiled at him, “Thank you so much for your help, Cloud. I really appreciate it!” Cloud’s affirmative nod was heavy. “But if I’m being honest, your arrival was really out of the blue. I mean, you never even wanted to acknowledge that I existed. Yet here you are.” Aerith faintly chuckled before continuing, “You asked Tifa where I would be around this time, didn’t you? How else would you have known I’d be here? That means… you wanted to come see me, Cloud. Out of your own volition.”

When Cloud only replied with a cold yet nervous stare, Aerith knew that she got her answer. She walked closer to him but assured that her steps were methodical, not wanting to worry him in any way. The grass below her soles barely even scrunched. Cloud’s hazy eyes met Aerith’s bold ones. 

_So much like him._

“Be honest with me Cloud, why did you _really_ come to see me?”

* * *

_Never in Cloud’s life did he expect to be sleeping in the back of a pickup truck for weeks. Then again, he never anticipated running away from his duties either. A future of honor, bragging rights, making his loved ones proud—that was what he prepared the most of his life for. Only to end up in a painful situation, deceived by the very man he admired his whole life. So, when he thought of it that way, laying on a pickup truck’s hard floor with his back aching at odd angles didn’t seem so bad._

_Besides, he had his longtime comrade, friend, to keep him company. Every morning, Zack awoke before he did, so Cloud wasn’t surprised when he raised his upper body from the floor and met with Zack’s merry stare. In his hands, he counted a mixture of Midgarian and Wutanese currency. His fingers rapidly shuffled them as if he were playing an intense card game, and his tongue drooped at the corner of his mouth in concentration._

_“One thousand and fifty...two thousand...two thousand and twenty-five...ha! Two-thousand and fifty!” Zack cheered, slamming the pile of bills onto the floor of the pickup truck. “Whew! Just barely enough to make it back to Midgar.”_

_“To count all the transportation and hotels?” Cloud inquired, rubbing his eyes when they latched onto the harsh sunlight. Suddenly, his clothes started to feel heavy, and sweat began to sprinkle over his skin. Wutai’s summers were a lot warmer than Midgar’s that was for sure._

_“Yep! As long as this old man is generous enough to let us tag along longer.” Standing up, Zack pounded his fist against the glass window of the vehicle. “Hey! Whaddya say, man! Can you spare your services to a couple of Midgarian soldier refugees!” As he swiveled his head to share a laugh with Cloud, Zack noticed how the blond winced at the loud sound. Instantly, his smile shortened while he returned his fist to his side._

_“Don’t go slamming my window, you moron!” The owner of the pickup truck yelled from the front after he lowered his car window. He was a middle-aged Wutanese citizen named Rai who Cloud and Zack met at their temporary job at an automobile warehouse when they ran out of money for hotels._

_After the freight train that they boarded on stopped at a town within the middle of the country, the two ex-soldiers had a decent amount of money from Cloud’s paycheck and supplies of food and clothes. They traveled as quickly as they could, making sure that their identities as soldiers didn’t alert Wutai nor Midgar’s forces. But they could only go so far as paying for buses, hotels, and an onslaught of fake but common Wutainese names that Zack had to come up with for the both of them. At least many people in Wutai spoke in their language and vice versa in Midgar._

_Inevitably, they were low on cash and had to find a job in whatever area they ended up stranded in. They eventually stopped in one of Wutai’s suburban areas, particularly their interests for employment lying on one of the many warehouses they had available. Basically, anyone qualified for the job if they needed work._

_Rai, one of their co-workers, easily picked up on Zack’s exaggerated interpretation of a Wutainese accent while Cloud rarely bothered to speak at all unless spoken to. When one of their shifts ended, Rai confronted them at the back of the building and interrogated them over their true origin, especially growing a little hostile if they were in fact Midgarian citizens. Seeing no point in hiding it anymore, Zack confessed and reminded the worker of Cloud and his situation. Although he made sure to remain vague, revealing that they needed a way back to Midgar, but not about them being runaway soldiers. Just that “they weren’t supposed to be here.” Plus, Zack was burnt out of impersonating a Wutanese accent all day, every day._

_Alas, Rai softened and even offered to let the two crash at his pickup truck, but not in his house since he had family at home, and they worried enough as they did. He noted how they were too young to be “doing all this hiding,” so he offered them a limited chance of his assistance. Zack had burst with gratitude as he looped his arm around the shorter man, pulling him into a one-sided hug that Rai shouted at him for. Cloud only nodded but faintly smiled at the man’s kindness._

_Now with all the money saved from the warehouse job, Cloud and Zack were ready to leave this man’s hair and return to Midgar._

_“And do you gotta be so loud! I’m sure everyone from a hundred miles can hear you!” Rai harshly shushed which Cloud greatly appreciated._

_“Sorry,” Zack sheepishly chuckled then placed his hands on his hips. “So... will you consider our offer?”_

_“Look kid if I could do more for you two I would. But I’ve already gone through enough trouble, and it’s only a matter of time before my family gets more intrusive as to why I just sit in my truck all the time. I’ll take you guys back to that ‘what’s-a-name’ town, but that’s it.”_

_“Alright. That’s fair,” Zack shrugged but smiled anyway. “We really appreciate all you’ve done for us though.”_

_“Yeah,” Cloud agreed, honestly catching Rai off guard based on how little he spoke to him. Lightly chuckling, Rai started the ignition then his truck growled. “I’ll take ya to the stores. Make sure you stock up on a few items before your big departure.”_

_As he pulled off from the driveway, Zack plopped himself beside Cloud, flashing a bright smile. “Hold on, Cloud! We’ll be home before we know it!”_

_Rai took them to the marketplace where they bought extra food, toiletries, and other necessities for their trip. The thought of returning home, being able to see his loved ones again appeared so uncanny to Cloud. Day by day, his heart ached for Tifa and his mother, and fluttered from Sephiroth’s absence. The hope for a normal life, completely devoid of the military, excited him._

_They would return to Daiki’s hometown in hopes of catching another stowaway ride to Midgar undetected and without the hassle of a passport. Cloud thought back to Daiki and his comrades, their whereabouts unknown after they departed from the train, going their separate ways. All he could do was wish that they were safe wherever they were, or they hopefully somehow made it back to Midgar._

_As expected, Cloud’s homesickness grew. Everything about Wutai depressed him. Due to Midgar’s influential victory over them, the citizens acted paranoid towards one another. In the markets, Cloud noticed how most people’s hands shook as they reached to grab their items, almost dropping them. Barely any words were exchanged between bystanders, and people shot Zack and him anxious glares whenever their Midgarian accents dripped out. The brick buildings were constructed of worn and rusted browns with some of them even crumbled from damage. Even in the late summer, almost early fall, the air was humid and thick of tension._

_Despite having fought against this country only a month ago, Cloud couldn’t help but feel sympathetic towards these people. The atmosphere shifted when he was only but a normal inhabitant._

_An hour passed until Rai drove them back to his home. The man briefly stopped his foot on the brakes once he noticed multiple guards of the local National Guard waiting at his doorstep, his family close behind them with their hands folded. But they reeked of sweat. When Cloud and Zack almost flew to the front of the truck, the older comrade called, “What the hell? What’s going on up there, old man?”_

_Rai harshly shushed him and when Zack caught onto the stern frown coupled with the antsy waver in his eyes, he immediately snapped his mouth shut. From behind the glass window, Zack read his mouth, ‘Lay low and keep quiet! It’s our National Guard.’ Nodding, Zack brought a confused Cloud closer to his chest and huddled them near a far corner of the truck then placed a blanket over their bodies._

_‘What’s going on?” Cloud mouthed as they laid underneath the blanket’s dim darkness. After Zack informed him of the situation, his heartbeat quickened, and his palms began to sweat. It only worsened when Zack inaudibly replied, ‘We might have to make a run for it.’_

_Instead of parking in his driveway like he usually did, Rai stopped his truck by the curb in front of his house. Although his first instinct was to yell at the guards and interrogate, he spotted his wife and daughters’ puzzled looks, forcing him to shut up and swallow._

_“Guards, can I help you?” Rai mildly addressed._

_“We don’t mean any harm,” the guard in the front replied, his voice gruff and his attire a close resemblance to the green camo usually worn by the Wutanese army. “There have been suspicions of you holding illegal citizens in your care. Your co-workers and your neighbors have informed us that they may be Midgarians. And you are aware that at our current state of war, this could result in serious consequences for both parties involved.”_

_When Rai heard the surprised wince from his youngest daughter, his jaw clenched and he lowered his head, not offering a reply. His mind angered over who the hell at his job decided to rat him out, or possibly the neighbors who saw Zack and Cloud. If only that loud soldier kept his damn mouth shut._

_“While you were gone, your family gave us permission to search your home. We couldn’t find anyone, but our witnesses pointed out that your vehicle is a viable place of interest,” the guard continued._

_Shaking his head, Rai let out a spiteful chuckle, “The nerve of you to come into my house and scare my family like this.” All it served was to avoid the question._

_“Please cooperate and let us search your vehicle, sir. If you refuse to comply, we will have no choice but to take you in for further questioning.”_

_Rai stubbornly evaded an answer, his only response a single glare. Though admittedly, his stomach dropped on the inside. Unable to take the tension anymore, his wife gently maneuvered past the guards and took her husband’s hands in hers. “Let them search the truck, honey. You… I’m sure you’re not hiding anyone, right? That this is all just some misunderstanding?” Her worries failed to dissipate when he gave her a saddened, guilty look. When his wife’s eyebrows raised and he couldn’t handle her soft heartbreak, Rai turned to the guards and hesitantly nodded._

_Cloud hung close to Zack’s chest, the distant voices of Rai and the guards not at all easing his heart rate. His fist, held in Zack’s strong hold, tightened when he heard many scrapes stepping over the gravel ground. The front doors of the truck swooshed open then slammed closed again, followed by words of disappointed affirmation._

_As they edged closer to the open trunk of the car, no questions had to be asked. They needed to run. Sunlight exposed their cooped bodies, and Zack instantly landed a strike to whichever guard’s face was closest. Unfortunately, the attack wasn’t a surprised one as the other guards immediately grabbed onto Zack’s vulnerable arm and harshly twisted it to his back, enacting revenge for the grunting guard on the ground._

_Neither of them had little time to react before Cloud was also outnumbered and roughly subdued with handcuffs._

_Five other guards hoisted him from the truck along with the same amount for Zack’s side, the blond finding it strange how so many guards arrived to take them. Did they somehow know that they were soldiers? Whatever the case, he couldn’t help but grow frustrated and dejected at their close but worthless efforts. The hopeful scenario of seeing his mother and Tifa again faded away into dust._

_“About twenty years of age. Males. Blond and black hair...yep. They sound like the witnesses’ descriptions,” the leader of the guards confirmed, then he gestured his head towards the large truck they arrived with, Wutai’s national flag embroidered on the side. As the other guards nodded and dragged the runaway soldiers into the backseats of the truck, rubber bars blocking their view and chance of escape, the lead guard walked over to the distressed family. “Thank you for your compliance. Once this matter is settled, we will return and consider the consequence of your offense for hiding Midgarian soldiers-”_

_“Midgarian soldiers?!” Rai’s wife cried, shooting her husband an astonished glare as if demanding an explanation. However, he was just as baffled as she was._

_“H-How do you know that they’re Midgarian soldiers?” Rai inquired, raising his eyebrows._

_“This wouldn’t be the first time that we have found Midgarians who have deserted their posts and hid in Wutai. These strange cases have become a common occurrence from our last war with Midgar, and it appears that nothing has changed,” the guard explained. He stared into the truck, particularly at the hostile expressions from Cloud and Zack. His eyes narrowed once they met their misty blue ones, “Besides, these Midgarians are special. We are unsure of what it is, but there’s something irregular in the color of their eyes. Almost every single Midgarian soldier possess these strange features.”_

_Leaving the couple speechless, the guard bowed and bid his farewell as if he had only visited for lunch, “Have a good afternoon. Until the near future.”_

_Once the lead guard left their doorstep and returned to the vehicle, Rai and his family watched as it zoomed away. Before they did, he focused on Cloud and Zack in the very back seat through one of the shaded windows. He forced himself to swallow when the blond refused to meet his eyes, but the more outgoing soldier displayed an understanding smile, even if it was small._

_In the absence of the National Guard, his family entered their home. The television switched back on, the daughters played with their dolls, the wife continued reading her favorite book, Rai settled his hat over the top hook of the coat rack like he did every day after work. But nobody said a word to each other._

_The National Guard deposited a shackled Cloud and Zack into a grey room secured by the lead guard and two other lackeys. Between the two, Zack remained optimistic, occasionally spouting assurances to his comrade that they wouldn’t get into any more trouble. As much as Cloud found solace in his encouraging, bright smile, even he noticed its loss of impact. After everything that happened, he knew it was too good to be true. His bleak outlook only elevated when the lead guard informed them of his knowledge that they were Midgarian soldiers._

_The fact that this seemed to be normal within Midgarian soldiers, Cloud couldn’t help but grow to expect this. All the terrible events that happened behind the scenes in the army would drive anyone with the will to quit. His mind returned to Daiki and his comrades. The likelihood of their capture rose to positive chances, and it sank his mood even further._

_Now came the question of what these guards planned to do with them. Despite their desertion, they were still technically the enemy. Cloud’s palm started to sweat, his spine shook, and his heart picked up its pace at the thought of forceful interrogation coming into mind. Would he be trapped again in another situation where he would have to be hurt again? To be conditioned?_

_Zack glanced at his comrade beside him and frowned over his inability to console him due to the restraints, noticing his trembling body. All he could do was whisper comforting claims, “It’s okay, Cloud. I’m right here. No matter what happens right now, I’ll be right here next to you, okay?” Cloud slowly raised his head to meet Zack’s soft smile—the one expression that kept him going. He tried to relax his breathing._

_Two hours passed, and the Wutanese guard recorded their information through fingerprints, quick blood samples, and snapshots—all under their real names. The lead guard and his companions led them to the same grey room, readying to use them as an advantage to receive information for not only them but Wutai’s army_

_Even so, their hopes were eradicated when a blaring siren boomed throughout the facility. Cloud winced at the loud sound, tempting Zack to move closer to him but he surveyed the room with alertness._

_“What the hell?” the lead guard muttered and soon enough, other guards raced into the room._

_“What’s going on?!” He barked._

_“M-Midgarian soldiers! They just i-infiltrated the station, s-sir!” The guard’s strict voice slightly wavered in between words, and his hold on his gun fidgeted. “T-There’s a lot of them, a-and they already dismantled the cameras and k-killed-”_

_“Stop blabbering and let me through! These soldiers probably already knew of the ambush!” The lead guard sneered in their direction and before Zack could deny the accusation, he pointed in their direction and ordered, “Take them out of the station so we can-”_

_A sudden hiss from a bullet penetrated through the stuttering guard’s forehead. Before the lead guard could react, a gloved hand grasped his throat. While the perpetrator kept busy, a few other soldiers behind them killed the one who accompanied the stuttering soldier. Zack sharply stood to his feet, trying harder to separate the handcuffs to little avail._

_On the other hand, Cloud’s body froze, only his quivers making it through his cold blood. His eyes widened, twitching as if he tried to adjust his vision. To ensure that what he saw wasn’t real, a cruel trick from his own mind. But no matter how hard he tried to convince himself, to feel hopeful again, his general faced him with that staple, malicious grin. Directly intended for him to see._

_“Cloud,” Sephiroth purred while his eyes tacked onto the shivering blond. Noticing this, Zack shot the general a glare even if it didn’t faze him at all._

_The lead Wutanese guard attempted to claw at Sephiroth’s wrist as gurgles struggled to escape from his throat. “Y-You… h-how… d-did they-” Growing annoyed at the forgettable presence below him, Sephiroth mercilessly tightened his hold over the man’s neck and snapped it. He carelessly threw the corpse aside, not giving him a second glance. Instead, his feline stare remained on Cloud who was still stuck in a devastated paralysis._

_“How did you even find us?” Zack gritted his teeth taking a protective stance in front of Cloud despite his restraints. At the scene, Sephiroth’s grin almost fell but he closed his eyes and released a light chuckle._

_“This is them?” A bald man with shades asked Sephiroth behind him, his appearance taking the two comrades off guard. Compared to the other Midgarian soldiers waiting behind them, this man and his red-headed accomplice beside him wore fitted black tuxes like iconic secret agents._

_When Sephiroth nodded, the redheaded man drew his head back and let out an exaggerated groan. “Fucking finally. Now that it took ages can we hurry the hell up and get out of here? Rude and I were supposed to start our lunch break an hour ago.”_

_“As you wish. These are personal soldier matters now,” Sephiroth dismissed with a wave of his hand._

_“Let’s go, Reno,” Rude maneuvered out of the room, and Reno followed close behind._

_His departing voice faded into an echo, “Think Wutai has any good spots around here? Hell, we might even get free food if we scare them hard enough…”_

_“I suppose that answers your question,” Sephiroth turned to Zack again with a cold smile. “Because of them, soldiers who desert their post are easy to track down. All it takes is a couple of leads, hacking into Wutai’s transmissions, and a mistake from escapees. Not that you were particularly hard to find. Your escape was predictable, and all it took was patience. Considering the situation you put yourself in, you should be thanking me.”_

_“I’d gladly take being Wutai’s prisoner than working under you again,” Zack grimaced, struggling harder to release himself from the handcuffs despite them being cornered. Having enough of Zack’s tongue, Sephiroth ordered the other soldiers behind him to apprehend the older comrade. There was little that Zack could do but comply, but it didn’t stop him from hurdling insults._

_Sephiroth left Cloud to himself who felt suffocated by each distance the general closed between them. He captured the handcuffed blond and pulled him to where his back slammed against his chest, locking his own free hand around his enclosed wrists. Cloud began to hyperventilate. The false warmth he felt from the general made him want to scratch his skin off. He turned his head to the side when Sephiroth leveled his face near his ear._

_“It’s amusing how you thought you could leave me, Cloud. You have so much more to learn for your absences,” the general’s smirk lengthened when he heard a hushed whimper. “I missed you. I really did, Cloud.” The two were the last to leave the room._

_The local Wutainese National Guard station was almost deathly silent. Steps from soldier boots discarded past multiple bodies of the guardsmen, the sight causing Cloud to choke up at the familiar world he was about to be thrust into once again. When they exited through the front doors of the facility, the air still brushed him with humidity despite the murky skies._

_Suddenly, his attention on the sky diverted when he heard a loud grunt from up ahead. “Cloud! Cloud!” His eyes immediately rose at the familiar voice of his comrade. Gunshots soon spread but that didn’t stop the determined former soldier from reaching his view. Behind Zack, many soldiers attempted to seize him, but he responded with headbutts, jabs from the shoulders, and kicks of his own, staggering them a little._

_"I’m not giving up yet, Cloud! I’m not gonna-”_

_A blast ruptured his eardrum as a violent ringing started to appear. All he could hear, all he allowed himself to hear, was his pounding heart. From the corner of his eye, he saw a raised pistol in Sephiroth’s left hand pointed in Zack’s direction. His comrade squealed in pain, and the other soldiers acted once he fell to the ground._

_“Zack! No!” Cloud cried, thrashing in Sephiroth’s iron grip that only tightened. Sephiroth returned his pistol to his holster and clapped his hand over Cloud’s mouth, preventing any further shouts from spilling out. As he kept him close to his chest, the blond could only watch his fallen comrade getting repeatedly pummeled with bullets by the other soldiers._

_Tears soaked his cheeks, and the more he closed them, the more his vision blurred into an abomination. Before long, the soldiers stopped. They stepped away from their handiwork. His comrade, his friend, laid lifeless on the ground, wounds pouring out blood._

_Sephiroth only gave a blank stare at the body._

_“Sir?” One soldier inquired, raising his rifle up. Ready to take any other order necessary from his general._

_Sephiroth refocused his attention over his unit and smirked, “Remember, Wutai kidnapped our soldiers. Let our following actions be a consequence to their meddling.” As if his order was a secret language, the other soldiers nodded and loaded their guns. Leaving the general to Cloud, they terrorized the bystanders. The townspeople’s efforts to escape were futile. Without any local National Guard left to assist them, all they could do was falsely hope._

_Cloud violently shook in Sephiroth’s grasp at his overwhelming surroundings. He wanted to get away from it all. The screams from the citizens, the gunshots, the screeching wheels from cars, Zack’s body being easily ignored as nothing but an inconvenience. All of it he wanted to end. But he was left hopeless and under the company of his beloved hero._

_Sephiroth leered over his reunited pupil, his eyes broadening and his lips shaping into a sicker grin. “Here’s your lesson, Cloud. Once you’re a soldier, you’re always a soldier,” he said._

_“S-shut up!” Cloud’s voice croaked as more tears fell when he sharply closed his eyes to avoid him._

_Laughing, Sephiroth leaned closer to his ear, “I’ll make sure that you never leave me again.” With a solid strike to his skull, Cloud fell unconscious. The chaotic sounds and flashing image of a bloody Zack left an entrail on his decaying mind._

* * *

Cloud held in his breath when Aerith neared him. Her green eyes were sharp with inquisition but still embodied a sense of understanding to them. A part of him wanted to remain standoffish, not like he wasn’t used to putting up that shell anyway. But then he thought of his entire purpose of coming here. How he finally gained some semblance of courage to even look at this woman. Here she was, actively wondering about him and he didn’t give her the light of day. 

Lowering his gaze to the ground, Cloud’s lips firmly formed a frown. No. He needed to tell her. Just like Tifa, she deserved some sort of explanation. Something to at least hold onto. Pursing his lips, he released the words that he kept locked up for quite a while. 

“I came because...I wanted to apologize,” he barely whispered. He urged himself to continue since there was no point in stopping now. “Ever since you came, I haven’t been treating you in the nicest way that I should have. I didn’t mean to offend you or anything, but... I… I know that my behavior wasn't fair to you nor Tifa. So...no hard feelings?”

A kind smile didn’t hesitate to take over Aerith. “Well, I did believe that you were pretty weird at first, Cloud. We barely met and you were already looking at me like you’ve seen a ghost.” While she lightly chuckled at her simile, Cloud’s head swelled at her word choice. “But despite any of that, I knew that you wouldn’t just dislike me for no reason. It had to be something. And you showed me today that you don’t really dislike me, Cloud. You put up with me for a whole hour! I’d say that’s a new record!”

“Yeah, it was nice,” Cloud admitted. He lifted his head to peer behind her towards all the plants that now glowed in green from their handiwork. Their youth helped console him a little.

Catching his eye, Aerith said, “Y’know, you kind of remind me of these flowers.” When Cloud raised his eyebrow, she offered a further explanation, “Even on one of the coldest days in winter so far, they’re still kicking. They just needed a little support is all. The right materials in the right hands.” She paced around the greenhouse, displaying all the plants in serene satisfaction. After she gave a parting look at the yellow daisies, she turned around to face Cloud again. “So, thank you, Cloud. For helping me with the flowers.”

He shared the gratitude with a soft hum and a nod of his head. “We should get going, huh? Tifa let me borrow her sedan while she’s working, so I can drive you home,” she recommended.

“That’s fine.” When Aerith strolled past him, Cloud watched her departing figure, still unsatisfied with the conversation. Something else needed to be said. If he simply let her leave, then he wouldn’t know if he would have the appropriate chance to bring it up. So, he allowed his mouth to speak without even thinking further, “Wait, Aerith.”

“Hm?” The gardener stopped in her tracks and looked at him again. Cloud sheepishly swallowed at the reflection in her eyes. 

“U-Uh…” _Dammit. You have to tell her. For him._ His mind instantly thought of his dreams, the painful memories, his last words. If he told her the truth, she would be devastated. His whole visit would become sour. But was that a risk he was willing to take? Her questioning expression sure didn’t ease him either. “D-Did you… did you know a man named...Zack Fair?” He bit his lip at the troubled frown that soon surfaced her features. Unwilling to look at it for much longer, Cloud turned his head to face the frosty windows.

Fifteen, tormenting seconds of silence passed before Aerith broke her hesitation, “Yeah… he was my boyfriend.” Closing her eyes, her face lowered towards the ground. Regardless of her renewed melancholy, Aerith still softly smiled. “Now I get it. You met him in the army, didn’t you? You’ve always known me.” She looked up at Cloud again when he didn’t respond, taking his silence as confirmation enough. 

But what he said next honestly surprised her, especially since he decided to say anything at all.

“He was a good friend,” Cloud said, keeping his stare on the snowfall outside that began to calm down. “We got into first-class together—the best rank there is in the army. He would write letters to you, even if we weren’t allowed to send them to anyone. He thought about you every day, Aerith.” Cloud recalled Zack’s optimism, his heroic nature, his encouraging words, his smile that held enough power as a sunny day, his blue eyes that despite what they’ve been through, its murkiness dwelled its hues a lot slower than the others. 

Zack was his true hero—the only good thing that came out of his experience in the army.

“We’ve been through a lot together,” Cloud said. A genuine, bittersweet smile broke through. 

“That sounds just like him,” Aerith said, inwardly gushing at the thought of her partner writing letters to her. She could perfectly envision his energetic voice if she ever gained the chance to read them. “He had the spirit to join the army. He was so headstrong but always raised others when he was down. When he got drafted into the army, I was worried, but he reassured me that this was a good thing. That he was given a chance to defend the country he loved. The people he loved.” Aerith brought her hands close to her chest and closed her eyes into a soft prayer. “I like to think that the outcome doesn’t matter. He’s still here, protecting his loved ones like he said he would. Y’know what I mean, Cloud?”

“Yeah. I do,” Cloud nodded, and that type of spirit neither of them would forget. 

Taking a deep breath, Aerith collected herself. The air between them felt a lot lighter. The two exited the greenhouse and drove to Cloud’s home in comfortable silence. The sky was completely covered in white while the snowflakes descended gently like angels. In no time, they arrived at their destination and they bid farewells before Cloud entered his home.

“Bye Cloud. It was nice hanging out with you, and...thank you for telling me about Zack. I know it must’ve been hard to; it’s even hard for me. Hopefully, Tifa has something great planned before I leave soon.”

“I’m sure she will. It was...nice hanging out too.”

Aerith nodded, letting out a light giggle. “Have a great day. See you soon.” She departed from the driveway.

When he entered his cold home, Cloud thought over how Aerith handled his past relationship with Zack. Just like him, without even knowing the full details of his death, she took it in a pleasant manner. Instead, recalling the good side of the situation over the bad side. Exactly like he would do. Silent tears couldn’t help but fall down his cheeks. She took it far better than he ever could.

* * *

_The new assistant forgot to strap him to the gurney when he left. Finally, Cloud could take advantage of this opportunity. To confront that bastard of a general. Although his body was weakened from the heavy load of Mako he received that day, he still managed to drag himself off the gurney. His bare feet touched the freezing, tiled floor, and his legs wobbled._

_Mechanical beeps and the ticking of the clock filled the ambiance, and Cloud’s worn eyes slowly shifted towards it to check the time. Almost midnight. Perfect. He opened one of his assigned doctors’ drawers and searched along the silver carts until he found his item of interest. A surgical knife, its long, sharp edges glinting from the blaring ceiling lights._

_A dull numb pounded in his head, but he didn’t let that stop him. His legs had a mind of their own as he allowed them to lead him out of the vacant medical wing of the military station. It was somewhat eerie how quiet the station could be at this time of night, even with some soldiers from the lower classes who still trained at this hour. But he didn’t care. They were far from his worries, and he stayed out of their sight by hiding behind tall pillars if he needed to._

_The mental map in his head was loyal to his memory. All because his former general led him down these halls, to that cursed gymnasium. The more he thought about it, the more firm his grip on the knife became. Soon enough, Cloud found himself facing the closed door of Sephiroth’s bedroom. He wasted no time in turning the doorknob. It effortlessly turned. Unlocked. How stupid and arrogant for a general. He slowly and quietly pushed open the door where he made out the silhouette of the lying general in the darkness. The moonlight peeked from behind the curtains, adding incentive to the blond’s own shadow. He stepped closer and steadily raised the surgical knife in the air. It wasn’t until he neared his face that he noticed that Sephiroth was actually awake, his face towards the ceiling._

_Before Cloud could plunge the knife into his chest, the brief hesitation gave Sephiroth the chance to briskly grasp onto his wrist. The general lifted his upper body and mockingly leered at his now shaking pupil. His sea green eyes glowed dangerously in the darkness._

_“What? You were just awake this whole time?” Cloud seethed, attempting to pull his wrist from Sephiroth’s grip. He didn’t loosen one bit._

_“I couldn’t sleep,” Sephiroth nonchalantly replied, but a key in his voice appeared off. More detached and blank than usual, not that Cloud cared. He flinched, expecting a fractured wrist as punishment. But nothing came. The general didn’t even look at Cloud anymore. His focus moved onto the surgical knife still in his hand. Sephiroth’s smirk melted into a stone-face. “That’s not the only reason. I had a late-night appointment for the Mako treatment.”_

_He fell into a brief silence to which Cloud found to be agonizing. This current behavior somehow seemed artificial, uncanny even for the general. “Cloud, you really tried to kill me?” He blankly inquired without a single trace of amusement. Just nothing._

_At that sentence, Cloud fumed. “What the hell kind of question is that?! For five years, you’ve been nothing but horrible to me! I’ve looked up to you my whole life, and now, I can’t even think of you as a hero! I can’t even stomach looking at you! Because of you, Zack died! The only person during my time in the army who actually gave a shit about me! And you took him away! I hate you! I fucking hate you!” He spat his whispers, growing even more enraged by Sephiroth’s passive stare._

_The general eyed the surgical knife again. Now, Cloud couldn’t see his face clearly, but his following sentence continued to unnerve him. “It’s all unfair, isn’t it? How so little of what happens in your life is beneath your control. Even when you worked so hard to get where you are, none of it matters, right? I’m glad you finally understand, Cloud.” Sephiroth looked at his pupil again for what he deemed to be the final time he could. The brink of tears that hoped to finally be released in his eyelids, the faded blues, the pure anger and hatred mixed with grief and loneliness—he absolutely loved it. He could stare at his pupil all day if he wanted to. But there was no need for that now. There was no need for him anymore. No soldier could continue with a pleasant life. Not even himself while he received the enjoyment he had with his time with Cloud._

_Without warning, Sephiroth raised Cloud’s hand in his grip and dug the surgical knife into his own chest, right below his heart._

_Cloud’s eyes widened, and he instinctively tried to pull away from shock. “What the hell?! Let go of me!”_

_Sephiroth didn’t falter in his movements as his hold instructed Cloud to drive the blade even further into his chest. His fingers locked over his pupil’s fist and knuckle, and Cloud’s other hand failed in prying the general away. He clenched his teeth in horror when Sephiroth led the knife to trace a vertical line above his heart, slicing it through. He formed a crazed but weak grin as blood dripped from the inside of his mouth. His heart was literally almost a gaping hole, more rivers of Mako spilling out at the same rate as his own blood._

_Arteries busted, getting the job done. Releasing his final breath, Sephiroth’s eyes completely dulled over and his body rendered motionless. Cloud was left completely alone. The tightened grip on his hand entirely loosened, and he staggered back as his body trembled. He brought his hand to his mouth to cloak his incoming whimpers and sobs._

_The rest of his surroundings blurred together. His ears picked up on the bewildered, booming voice of General Heidegger next door who came to check up on Sephiroth after his treatment. What he found was far worse. Demanding answers from the frozen soldier proved meaningless, so Heidegger enacted what they were authorized to do with any potentially treasonous soldier._

_Hoisting Cloud in a firm lock, even though he showed no signs of struggling, Heidegger took him to the medical wing, strapped him to a gurney, and fiercely hounded for his assigned doctor to arrive. Interrupted from their rests, Cloud’s doctor and his assistant suffered an earful from Heidegger, the latter immediately receiving a termination of his position after tonight._

_Running his hand over his hair, Heidegger was not at all mournful over Sephiroth’s death but instead apprehensive over the consequences of losing Midgar’s prominent war hero. At least the war’s end was near, and their victory was practically inevitable. But what would the president think when he found out about this? Cursing under his breath due to this sudden break of order, Heidegger left the doctors to their business._

_“I must’ve forgotten to restrain him,” the assistant sheepishly said, his voice hushed._

_“Shut up. Just get the Mako,” the doctor muttered, grumpier than usual._

_While the assistant hastily retrieved the drug and filled it into the IV bag, the doctor reached for the syringes. Cloud blankly stared at the bright ceiling above him. His breathing quickened as all his mind could think of was Zack and Sephiroth. Zack’s persistent grit even present in the end before being shot to death, Sephiroth’s bloody grin at viewing his pupil in despair—they both haunted him._

_It was all his fault. This gurney was suffocating. It was all his fault. Tears flooded his cheeks. It was all his fault. He couldn’t breathe, no matter how much his chest heaved. It was all his fault._

_“Hey, calm down,” the doctor grumbled, but Cloud didn’t listen. His ears muted his voice. “Didn’t you hear what I said? Keep still,” He mildly slapped his cheek but even that didn’t faze him._

_“I thought you said this soldier was one of the calmer ones?” the assistant asked in his usual meek voice._

_“He is. What does it matter? Hook him up with the anesthesia.”_

_Nodding, the assistant reached for another syringe and injected the numbing drug into his arm. Cloud didn’t object as he allowed his body to comply, well aware that this was his only purpose now. With his body frozen, and his brain losing consciousness, the doctors could continue with their work as normal._

_Cloud had nothing left, but the company of Mako that flowed in the current of his bloodstream. After all, he deserved it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire chapter was hard to write for me. I felt like the pacing was too quick, or Zack and Sephiroth's deaths could've been more descriptive, but I tried to do what I could. Even constructing all of the events was difficult too! But despite all of that, their deaths are finally revealed, and it was fun focusing on Aerith for a duration of the chapter too. For the next chapters, I want there to be less flashbacks and for them not to be as long either. At least that's what I tell myself before actually writing it, and then it ends up being super long.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed!


	12. The Rally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is late, but I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and stayed safe!

Cloud had only visited the capital when he was five years old, hand in hand with his mother on Christmas week. At the time, Claudia thought it would be a unique change of pace. They had strolled through the pedestrian sidewalks as she kept her son close to her at all times in case he got lost, putting him under a watchful eye. 

Young Cloud marveled at the towering skyscrapers. Their satellites grazed the snow that descended from above. Multicolored lights strung along with shop signs and lamp posts and delicately decorated Christmas trees stood proudly in the stores. They had bought new clothes and limited-edition soldier figurines for Cloud while they purchased extra necessities that would await his father’s return.

Since that festive week, they hadn’t returned to the capital again. Claudia saw no need for it, and Cloud was overall indifferent to the lack of sightseeing there. Yet when Tifa called him one morning, telling him that Barret had invited them to go to the capital with Avalanche, a sudden nostalgic feeling swept over him. 

Well, Tifa had asked Barret if she could invite Cloud, and the burly man begrudgingly agreed. She made that distinction clear. 

_“I know you haven’t been downtown in a long time. I thought this would be a fun hangout for all of us, especially since Aerith is leaving on Sunday,”_ Tifa had said, saddening at the mention of Aerith’s departure. 

As much as Cloud disliked being among large groups of people, especially ones he didn’t know for that matter, he reassured himself that he should take the experience. Besides, if everything got too overwhelming for him, he would have Tifa by his side. Most likely with her arm latched around his with that sweet smile of hers. 

Letting out a sigh, Cloud hesitantly yet assuredly accepted Tifa’s offer. 

Once Saturday came along and Claudia drove him to the train station, his mother constantly gushed about the capital. She reminisced over the expansive freedom of the city compared to their small town. There were so many things to discover there, to do there. But alas, Claudia still appreciated the tranquility of their town, and how most people knew one another. She sent her son on his trails, alerting him to stay safe with the seal of a kiss on the cheek. She laughed when Cloud dragged out an embarrassed, “Mom,” his eyes latching onto Tifa and Aerith who were on the lookout for him. Luckily, the two spared him a tease once Claudia drove away.

“Heya Cloud. We’re just waiting for Barret, Jessie, Biggs, and Wedge to come,” Tifa reminded. The two women, including him, were dressed in their winter outfits even though it was now the first week of March. Midgar’s springs arrived early compared to other countries, but the capital still held onto the chilly winter, not letting it go.

“They founded Avalanche with Barret, right?” Aerith asked with a curious lean of her forehead before Cloud could share his own questions. 

Tifa nodded, “Uh huh. I’m so happy for them! For years they’ve been trying to spread their voice in more expansive ways, and they finally earned it! A rally in the city, right in front of Shinra’s main building of all places!”

Cloud froze at Shinra’s name. He lowered his gaze to the ground, all the while biting the inside of his cheek. These things just had to follow him everywhere he went as he couldn’t even enjoy a day out with his friends. 

“Trust me, Aerith. You’re going to love downtown. There are so many places to eat, landmarks to see, places to shop. Oh! There’s this really awesome massage parlor down there that I went to last year. We must stop there for the standard course. They’ll try to insist on you taking the luxury course, but it’s really expensive.”

“Yeah, I think you told me about it in one of your letters. Gee, I need it after all. I can’t remember the last time I got a massage. Wait, I don’t even think I ever had one! Say Cloud, will you get a massage with us too?” Aerith inquired with a smile.

“Um...isn’t that...more of a ladies thing?” Cloud replied with a sheepish blush, unsure of his response. 

“C’mon Cloud! Getting a massage isn’t a gender-exclusive thing. It’s settled! You’re getting a massage! Maybe it’ll loosen you up a bit,” the gardener declared with authority. 

Tifa modestly brought her hands behind her back at Cloud’s worrying stare, “Don’t worry, Cloud. It’s not awkward or anything. The parlor mostly focuses on hand massages. And there’s plenty of other things we can do.”

“Like shopping?” Aerith beamed.

“Yeah. I could get new stuff for the bar too! Like coasters, decorations.”

“Could I help?”

“You better! I could always use a second opinion,” Tifa’s smile grew, her excitement over visiting the capital intensifying. Catching Cloud’s complacent look, she smirked and leaned into Aerith’s ear and whispered, “Cloud can carry all our stuff.”

“What was that about me?” The blond raised his eyebrow, overhearing the idea. Tifa and Aerith giggled like gossipers pledging to keep a secret.

“Oh nothing,” Aerith dragged.

“We won’t forget about you, Cloud. We’ll suffer through your own shopping spree just as you’ll have to for us,” Tifa added.

“I won’t mind. You two can take as long as you want,” Cloud genuinely reassured, forming a small smile of his own. Tifa twiddled her fingers at the gentle sight, glad that she hid her hands well.

“Third opinion it is then.”

After they led Cloud to purchase his ticket for the 8:00 train, they patiently waited for Barret and his comrades to arrive, the perpetrators of the event being a part of the “fashionable late” crowd. The trio didn’t mind too much as their conversation flowed with the other busy discussions between other future passengers.

But soon enough, Barret and Avalanche finally showed up, carrying backpacks and duffel bags filled with picket signs, banners, and megaphones. Once he noticed Tifa and Aerith in the distance, Barret bore a boisterous grin and strictly motioned for his fellow members to hurry up. A lean man with slicked black hair jokingly muttered to the only woman within the group over how Barret made them late because of his usual knack for trying on a variety of outfits. She chuckled at the snide comment.

“Tifa! Aerith!” Barret gleefully shouted with his arms high in the air. Aerith enthusiastically returned the wave while Tifa kindly smiled. The burly man brought Tifa in a tight hug and engaged in a tight handshake with Aerith. “It’s great that you guys came. I really appreciate it. And Aerith, you said this your first time goin’ to the city, yeah?” When Aerith happily nodded, Barret’s grin shadowed into a bittersweet, lopsided smile. “Sure is huge out there, but nothin’ but pollution lingers in it now. I know from experience.”

Turning to Cloud who was secretly vexed that he hadn’t been addressed, Barret’s lips tightened into a sour frown. Not having the energy to completely insult him, Barret only nodded in his direction and muttered, “Soldier boy,” as a minimal form of greeting. The blond nodded in return, not returning the favor whatsoever.

Tifa pursed her lips at the hostility between them that hadn’t withered away since the first time they met, but her thoughts were interrupted when a body clashed into her own, squeezing her in a dedicated hug. 

“Wassup Tifa! It’s been, what, six months since we’ve last seen each other?” The only woman in Avalanche’s group was a brunette with her hair pulled back in a ponytail. Her fair face leaned away from Tifa’s shoulder with a toothy grin. 

Lightly blushing, Tifa staggered a little from the constricting hold. “I believe so. It’s nice to see you again, Jessie.”

“Alright, quit choking her to death,” the lean man gently pulled Jessie away from Tifa, causing the brunette to playfully pout. 

“Jeez Biggs. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re jealous. What, you wanna have Tifa all to yourself?” 

Biggs mildly shook his head and reached to rub his hand behind his neck. “Riiight. ‘Cause you’re always the favorite.”

“Duh. We’ve been over this; it’s true! Wedge has had a crush on me since our early days.”

“Oh my god, Jessie! That was years ago! Why do you always gotta bring it up, dude?” A chubby man rushed into the conversation after he heard his name: Wedge.

“Look, you serve as my living proof that _I’m_ the favorite. Don’t act all clueless now! I heard you talking to Biggs the other day,” Jessie slyly said, crossing her arms with a wink. 

“Dude… what did you tell her?!” Wedge shut his eyes as a red blush spread over his cheeks, and he slapped Biggs on the shoulder. 

From the corner of her eye, Tifa saw how Cloud stared at the lively group with light interest. Although she knew her friend wouldn’t appreciate the gesture at first, she considered this as a great opportunity for him to expand his social group. Essentially, it was the whole reason why she was so eager to invite him to the rally. After their understanding on that snowy day, Tifa vowed to make him more comfortable with not only himself but with others, especially since he rarely had any pleasant experiences with others besides Johnny and her.

“Hey, do you guys remember how I mentioned my friend Cloud who went to the army for the war?” Tifa asked, surprisingly managing to squeeze herself into the banter between the trio. 

“You did. Is he here?” Wedge asked, looking around the train station in an excited manner.

“You’re looking right at him,” Tifa clarified, pointing to the blond who stood a little behind her. His eyes widened by the sudden introduction, but he immediately referred to his stone-face to appear neutral.

“Wow! So you’re a veteran?! Man, that’s awesome! I, uh, never got to be a soldier. I was one of the few in my town who didn’t get a draft letter,” Wedge trailed into a mumble because of his ongoing disappointment. Cloud was alarmed at how starstruck Wedge looked when he spotted him. It made him sick how he used to hold this identical level of vogue for the army. It was like looking in a mirror.

“It’s not as great as it sounds,” Cloud replied. “Nothing but fighting and… many other unpleasant things.”

“Uh, Cloud also works at our public library now. A pleasant change, I’d say,” Tifa butted in, hoping to change the subject. “A-Anyway, Cloud, this is Biggs, Jessie, and Wedge. They founded Avalanche with Barret.”

The three presented themselves one by one, starting with Biggs reaching his hand out towards a distant Cloud. “Nice to meet you. Librarian huh? I used to work as a teacher in my hometown. Not that uh, really relates to anything. Well, it does with books and stuff. Librarians give out books, we teach with books...” Biggs’ voice trailed off into a series of mumbles without any real focus.

“Biggs?” Cloud raised his eyebrow, snapping him out of his trance.

Biggs bashfully shook his head, “Sorry. I, uh, tend to ramble a lot.” He modestly chuckled to ease the awkwardness a little, but it failed to settle it, making Jessie loudly release a faux groan.

“Biggs! Don’t scare him away already! You just met him!” The brunette playfully scolded. She lightly placed her hand on his shoulder and pulled him aside so that she could face the stoic but confused blond. “Wow. Tifa did not lie. You _are_ pretty cute, and you’re a soldier at that. Bonus points for me.” 

“I-I didn’t say that!” Tifa sputtered while Cloud blushed at Jessie’s comment. Even when he turned his head away to hide it, Jessie still caught onto it. 

Laughing, she announced its appearance, “Aw, is that a blush I spy? It’s official; you’re adorable. I call dibs on sitting next to Cloud on the train.” 

“Now do _I_ have to apologize for _you_?” Wedge exasperated, pulling Jessie aside the same way she did to Biggs. 

“Hey! Don’t push!” Jessie whined, yet still laughed at the transpiring events.

“Tifa _did_ tell us about you before, but mostly about you going away for the war and stuff. That’s still pretty honorable though, fighting for our country. If it weren’t for you, we all wouldn’t be safe right now.” Wedge glorified with a confident grin, more towards Cloud than himself. 

“Whatever floats your boat,” Cloud shrugged, really wanting to end this conversation. 

Before Tifa could introduce the trio to Aerith who chatted with Barret to the side, he admittedly lost track of time as he gave a quick glance to the watch on his wrist. _7:54 a.m.!_ “Guys!” he bellowed. “We can talk more on the train! Right now, we need to get our asses some tickets! Now!” 

“Oh shit,” Jessie, Biggs, and Wedge said collectively, and they scurried to the ticket toll with a hasty Barret. 

Aerith giggled at their departure. “They’re an interesting little bunch,” she remarked. “I can’t wait to see what they’ll say at the rally. Hm, maybe I’ll join them one day.”

“They sure are,” Tifa agreed, happily reminiscing over them in the distance. Cloud pondered over how easily they conversed with each other. Normal chatter between longtime friends. In his life, he really only held those sentiments with Tifa. And Zack.

That realization striking hard, Cloud fell silent once they eventually boarded the train, far more than usual. All of them vacated at the top floor of the train, their feet pressed atop a resting bridge just above the passengers’ heads from the bottom floor. Their seats were all stationed in a row, unlike the bottom floor which allowed passengers to adjust their seats so that they faced one another. Tifa sat on Cloud’s right while Jessie sat on Cloud’s left at the very back of the train, Aerith and the other Avalanche members close by in the same row.

Cloud barely responded to Jessie’s obvious attempts at playful and harmless flirting, only giving out annoyed grunts and embarrassed turns. Tifa couldn’t help but chuckle at the scene, but a constant nagging erupted in her stomach. Sometimes, her smile lowered when Cloud blushed at Jessie’s words. No. She couldn’t be jealous, could she? That’s nonsense! It was only for fun and laughs. Yet that same feeling when some girls from their high school giggled at Cloud’s presence bothered her like this very moment. Shaking her head, Tifa tried to focus on the scenery behind the windows that speeded past homes, trees, colleges, and restaurant chains. 

An hour later, Tifa’s eyes lit up when she discovered the approaching skyline on the horizon. “Cloud look!” she gently nudged his arm and tapped her finger against the glass window. The blond followed her finger, and his eyes brightened as well, awing at the big city that he hadn’t seen in ages. As Cloud wasn’t currently looking at her, Tifa’s cheeks tinted pink, glad over the opportunity to make the blues in his eyes perk up again.

“It’s pretty, isn’t it? This’ll be the first time we’re actually going to the city together too.”

“Yeah. It’ll be nice,” Cloud agreed. Tifa fidgeted with her fingers in her lap at his words.

The train rushed into the underground tunnel station deep into the grey city. “Everyone get out your maps!” Barret ordered once they had all stepped out of the train and into the main lobby, huddled in a circle. “Biggs is usually our navigator, but based on what happened last time, we’ll have to rely on _all_ our judgments.”

“Hey, every corner looks the same,” Biggs meekly chuckled. “I thought what happened in the city, stays in the city.”

“You kept getting all the pizza places mixed up, ya dummy,” Jessie added.

“But wasn’t it worth it though?” Wedge considered.

“Tch, you all know I make the best pizzas. The capital can’t even compare to my black olive deep dish pizza. Courtesy of my mom!” She swiveled her heel to face Cloud with a coy smirk. “Whaddya say Cloud? Wanna stop by my place after all this, so you can have a taste?” 

“Jessie, can you stop flirtin’ for one goddamn second please,” Barret ran a hand through his hair. Jessie replied with a nonchalant shrug. “We’re gettin’ off track anyways. The rally starts at 10 and it’s 9:40 right now. Do you know how embarrassin’ it’ll be if we’re late to our own rally? Nobody will take us seriously!”

“You think they do now?” Biggs muttered although it was loud enough for everyone to hear. “We’re super lucky that we even got this spot to be honest.”

Barret placed his hand on Biggs’ shoulder. His frown was stern, but the lens of his shades couldn’t even hide the optimistic flare behind them. “More proof that we’re gettin’ somewhere, right? It may have taken us a while, but we’re gettin’ there. Piece by piece. We’re gonna expose Shinra for the bastards they really are. I can at least guarantee ya that.”

Adjusting the collar of his coat, Barret brought his hands to his hips. “Let’s get a move on!” 

They exited the crowded train station, and Cloud’s nose freely exhaled once his nostrils touched the mild breeze. He raised his head, ogling at the eminent steel buildings. It was almost like he was frozen in time, barely anything had changed since he last came here with his mother all those years ago. The people blended in with one another as he didn’t bother to make out their distinctions. They might as well have been identical—all except for his jittering group who strived to take on the city. 

“Man, if Marlene could see this,” Barret whispered under his breath, but his eyes narrowed at the smokey vapors in the clouds. “Alright, this way y’all. That Shinra building should be out to the far west.”

Classifying himself as the leader, Barret confidently led the rest of the group to their destination. After adapting to the urban surroundings, it wasn’t all too impressive. Sure, the apartment complexes, business towers, and shopping centers were huge but were composed of boring steel. Most of it rusted or darkened in some areas. The morning sun already had a rough time peeking through the heavy clouds, though it also had to escape through a blockade of stuffy smoke, bringing an unpleasant burnt odor in the air. The sidewalks crumbled even further by even the slightest stomp from the soles of pedestrians who mostly dressed in black or greys as if they were all attending a funeral. The cars, taxis, and buses in the street were stacked upon each other in constant traffic, not giving one another the time of day unless they needed to blast their horns at them. 

Had Cloud failed to notice the gloomy environment when he was younger? Perhaps the attracting neon signs and the temporary Christmas lights brightened the mood enough to make it unnoticeable for a child who didn’t know any better. The open space that was filled with unfamiliar bodies began to overwhelm Cloud. His head buzzed, and his chest grew heavy. Since she was closest to him, he clung to Aerith’s energetic speech as she pointed at magnificent buildings and landmarks. 

To his left, Cloud glimpsed at Wedge who hung back with the rest of the group. Mumbles protruded from his lips, reciting something while he hurriedly rubbed his hands together to keep them from sweating. The blond could only make out a few words, “...grew up...Biggs and Jessie....um...gosh I...environment...great...um…” He cursed under his breath at every imperfection.

Pitying him a little, Cloud let out a small breath and asked, “Practicing a speech?”

“Huh?” Wedge lifted his head at Cloud’s voice, then released a shy chuckle. “Yeah. I practiced it every day this past week, but uh, I’m still super nervous. Barret, Jessie, and Biggs can do it just fine, but me… not so much. Yesterday, we gathered for a rehearsal. The others did great, but I’m still lagging behind. Ugh! We finally got a gig going, and I might ruin it for everybody! All because I can’t say a simple sentence without pausing or stuttering.”

Cloud listened to Wedge’s rant, the same applying to Aerith within earshot. She steadily stopped in her tracks to place an encouraging hand on his shoulder. “No worries, Wedge. Everyone gets nervous before a speech. It’s completely normal.”

“If it helps, I’d say find someone or some others you know in the crowd. Focus only on them for the whole speech. Someone who makes you feel comfortable like you could tell them anything,” Cloud spoke up, remembering the many times he had to present a speech in his former classes. If Tifa attended the same classes as he did, he would always look at her for reassurance. Nobody else. Her thumbs up and patient smiles were worth anything.

“Well that’ll be them for sure,” Wedge nodded his head towards the other Avalanche members in the front. “Even when I kept screwing up my lines, they all had a nice way of comforting me. Biggs was patient as usual. Jessie surprisingly wasn’t teasing me this time around, instead being supportive. And Barret, believe it or not, can be a huge softie. He gave me a couple pats on the back, saying how he’s proud of me.” Wedge smirked with a new blaze of power. “Why haven’t I thought of this before? Thanks Cloud and Aerith! I’ll take your advice to heart, trust me!”

“Glad we could help. I’m sure you’ll do great!” Aerith grinned, and the two watched Wedge catch up to the other Avalanche members and Tifa. A part of Cloud missed this sort of enthusiasm. 

However, this feeling quickly waned once they finally arrived at the rally location. A podium displayed in the center of a small park that was barely occupied upon their entrance. Exposed right behind the podium, one of Shinra’s renowned corporate towers domineered over the structure. At this height, the podium was the size of a measly fly. Fluorescent lights surrounded the gigantic building, always switched on even in the early mornings. The famous red logo flaunted an English translation of the company’s title, “Shinra Electric Power Company.” Out of all the buildings in the capital, its steel was the most polished like it was brand new, despite its prominence for many years.

Cloud’s heart rose in his chest like the Avalanche members who were also intimidated by the tower, even though he wasn’t the one blatantly challenging them today. 

Clearing his throat, Barret tossed his backpack over his shoulder and kneeled over it on the ground. “Time for business. Put on your red bands and get to work.” Taking a pile of red bandanas from his backpack, he passed them to the other Avalanche members first. They retrieved them with stuttering hands but tied them around their temples with a flourish. He lent them to Tifa and said, “For Aerith and soldier boy.” Cloud’s eye twitched at the nickname that seemed to stick for him.

Tifa gestured for Cloud and Aerith to take two bandanas. “It’s an Avalanche dress code,” she explained. Although Aerith eagerly took one off her hands, Cloud remained a little hesitant, his hand hovering over his friend’s palm. “If you don’t want to wear one Cloud, we won’t force you to,” TIfa reassured.

Realizing that wouldn’t be fair for everyone who worked so hard to be here, Cloud managed to put aside his perceptions and insisted on wearing it, “N-No. I’ll wear it.” He lightly blushed at Tifa’s pleased expression, and he took a red bandana. As he slowly eyed his friend tying hers around her temple, Cloud sighed and tied it around his as well. The silk surprisingly brought a softness to his otherwise tense forehead, slightly easing him. When Aerith and Tifa both giggled at his blush, he shyly turned away.

“Um, Barret. Not a lot of people came,” Jessie whispered to him, motioning towards the barren park. Excluding their guests, only an elderly married couple and a family of three spent their time here—completely unaware of the rally that was about to take place. 

Barret shook his head, remaining confident in their abilities. “Nothing we ain’t used to before. It’s everybody else’s loss that they can’t see the truth! Those who’ll listen will listen while the others who don’t, will remain forever blind. Ain’t much we can do about it except for spreadin’ the word. It’s the most we _can_ do. Don’t lose hope yet. Ok, Jessie?”

“Right on,” Jessie nodded, and she moved over to Biggs and Wedge who took out pre-made picket signs and banners since their onlookers most likely wouldn’t have created any. 

The little hand on Barret’s watch struck 10, corresponding with the resounding ring of a bell tower far from here. Taking a deep breath, Barret positioned his stance on the podium and gently tapped the microphone before speaking. He announced Avalanche’s appearance, introducing their environmental beliefs and bold claims towards the wrongdoings of Shinra. His thundering voice caught the attention of the citizens in the park who began to listen, although cautiously, and walking bystanders either gave a brief glance at him as if he were an attraction himself, or others scoffed and moved on to their normal days. No new people came to the scene, but that didn’t stop Barret from proudly introducing his comrades and himself.

“I’m Barret Wallace, a founder of Avalanche,” he said then pointed to the red-banded trio as a temporary part of the audience. “And they’re Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie, my fellow founders of Avalanche! If it weren’t for those wonderful three, then I wouldn’t be standin’ up here now.” Pausing to look at their grateful faces, he proceeded, “Now I know you all might be thinkin,’ ‘this guy’s got a lotta nerve to be speakin’ badly about Shinra. What does he know, huh?’ Well, I used to work for Shinra myself to answer your question. I was a technician in one of their factories, right near the coast of this capital. I’m sure you’ve seen it. The long, rectangular kind of buildings that you can see right on the shoreline. Yeah, those ones.”

“It may look all pretty on the outside, but oh, you’re mistaken! Shinra talks all this shit about them using renewable energy, but if you actually took the damn time to look into the lake on one of your fancy boats, the water’s barely even clear anymore. Nothing but brown and crud in those lakes. Maybe you have seen it, that could be possible, but you choose to ignore it instead! Just like they did at my job. Barely anyone is gettin’ paid above minimum wage, but they constantly break their backs for Shinra. Ain’t nothin’ ‘renewable’ about their factories. They use steam-powered machines and oil, all industrial! The few grassy areas around those factories look like a wasteland!” 

Barret slammed his fist against the podium, getting heated up. However, he took another breath to calm himself. “That’s why we can’t ignore it anymore. If we continue not battin’ an eye, then it’s only gonna get worse. Everyone knows that Shinra plans to expand their business to other countries, even to Wutai of all places! I had to leave this city to find a more proper home for my daughter, Marlene. I don’t want her seein’ this shit every day—this city that looks worse day by day! Think about it. These conditions can be seen as normal one day for our youth, and it definitely ain’t gonna get better by then.”

He left a contemplative pause over the minimal crowd, albeit the few civilians in the park lent devoted open ears. Four more bystanders stopped to pay more attention to the present rally. Closing his eyes, Barret leaned back towards the microphone, “That’s enough outta me for now. Biggs’ll like to say a few words too.” As he departed from the podium, the group softly clapped along with the rest of the audience. 

Biggs nodded and walked onto the podium. He thanked Barret for his speech then introduced himself, “As you already know from Barret, my name’s Biggs. Now, I’m not from the capital myself but you see, I used to teach an environmental science course at my hometown’s high school and would sometimes come to visit elementary schools and middle schools for environmental presentations. It means a lot to me to care for our planet, yet others don’t seem to think so as much as I do. For one of my expeditions, I did get the chance to see a Shinra factory. Not from the capital but in another one of Midgar’s cities. Barret’s correct. The conditions are horrible there, and their machines are doing more harm to the environment than helping it. So, when I met Barret years back, I was all for creating Avalanche. I can spread my teachings about the environment this way, and I’m sure as hell not stopping.”

Wedge’s smile fell once he heard the unified claps of those around him, signaling the end of Biggs’ speech. He lowered his gaze and shuffled his feet across the ground. Noticing this, Aerith massaged his shoulder, “You’ll do great, Wedge. I promise.”

“Remember what we told you,” Cloud added, giving him a relaxed look. Clenching his fists, Wedge swallowed and slowly stood over the podium. He wanted to wheeze at how much bigger the audience appeared at this angle.

Reaching for the microphone, the edges of his voice shook, “H-Hi, u-um, I’m W-Wedge…” He fiercely shut his eyes at the awkward silence, but he forced them open to focus on his comrades. Biggs gave him an encouraging nod, Jessie gestured for him to breathe with her hands, and Barret formed a confident smile. He allowed his vision to blur everyone else out of the picture, solely clearing the recognizable faces.

After following Jessie’s advice, he continued with his speech, stopping for pauses if he needed to. “Biggs, Jessie, and I a-actually grew up i-in...in the same hometown. For as long as I can remember...we were practically partners in crime.” He briefly chuckled, “S-So if I had anyone to thank for my new environmental prowess...it would be them. And um...the more I learned from them, the more interested I became in the subject. I-It’s actually a lot more engaging than you might think it is. Environmental science gets this bad wrap that i-it’s not all that important, or people try to force messages down your throat. But, really, it’s not. The condition of our world is made up because of our choices. S-So...if you could make the choice to learn more about the environment, like I did, then I promise it’s worth the trouble and...it can help protect the environment!”

Wedge flew past his final sentence in hopes of leaving the podium quicker. He hastily sped towards the remainder of the group, and he jumped by the sharp slap on the back that Jessie and Barret both rewarded him.

“That was awesome, dude!” Jessie beamed.

“I’m proud of you, Wedge. Almost brought me to tears!” Barret exaggerated but truthfully praised. 

“You did good, Wedge,” Biggs agreed with a kind smile. 

Tifa and Aerith followed up with their own encouraging words, and Wedge spotted a nod of approval from Cloud. The boasts from his friends and the claps from the audience caused his heart to flutter, and he grinned. “You guys are the best! Thank you!”

Jessie’s speech was the final introductory one as she sauntered to her place on the podium. Her left hand rested on her left hip while her other hand waved to the crowd. “Last but not least, the pronounced ‘favorite’ of Avalanche, I’m Jessie Raspberry. A huge pleasure to see everyone this morning.” She laughed at Biggs and Wedge’s pouty expressions.

“Ok, so my story isn’t so much my story, but my dad’s. In all honesty, I didn’t know much about the environment when I was wrong. In fact, I didn’t care for it all that much. My eyes were set on the stars. Seriously. I wanted to be a movie star, or in more acceptable terms that doesn’t make your parents panic, ‘actress.’” The audience lightly chuckled. “While I was reciting scripts for my school plays in the living room, my dad worked as an engineer for Shinra. Because he decided to work in the capital, I didn’t receive much word from him besides calls and texts. I was oblivious to what happened back then; all I knew was that dad was making money for us. Until he got into an accident.” 

Jessie’s voice lowered to a solemn tone. “He collapsed from the fumes of his workplace, and they made him work overtime often. He had to come back home, but he fell into a fatal coma. He’s still recovering today, but he’s not doing too hot still. I was so scared for him that day. It got me thinking too. If Shinra claims that they use renewable energy in their factories, then something like this would’ve never happened in the first place. It shouldn’t even be possible! My dad should be right on his feet, happy and healthy, going to work, saving money, spending time with his family. But because of that seemingly impossible incident, he can never do that again. For him, I founded Avalanche too with my other comrades. To make sure that nobody else gets screwed over like that by Shinra.”

Bowing her head like she ended one of her performances, Jessie relished from the claps of the audience as the other Avalanche members congratulated her speech too. The remainder of the rally consisted of further speeches from Barret and the others, providing evidence through their claims against Shinra. Photographs of their factories, research logs from Biggs, annotated texts from documents over Shinra as a company. 

They even discussed the rumors over Shinra’s grasp over Midgar’s army. Cloud tensed up at the topic, causing Tifa to hook her arm with his and giving him a side hug. The blond sought serenity in her warmth. Despite that, Cloud grew to appreciate this overall rally and the lively spirit among Avalanche. Even though not many people listened besides only a few that decided to join in, he admired how they still persevered.

In the rally’s finale, a cheer spread throughout not only the Avalanche group but also the other residents in the park, and the few bystanders who decided to attend. Tifa and Aerith joined in as well as Cloud’s arm bounced a little due to Tifa’s movements. Because of it, Cloud couldn’t help but smile too with a hushed cheer of his own. 

Instinctively, his eyes moved towards the Shinra building. What he managed to see in the middle level of the windows made his blood run cold. A man with short blond hair in a white trench coat, escorted by a group of men in black tuxes, offered his attention to the dissipating rally down below. His icy blue eyes leered over them like they were nothing but ants underneath his shoe. Cloud involuntarily took a step back, harshly recognizing the man. Rufus Shinra—the president of Shinra and the current president of Midgar. 

“Cloud? What’s wrong?” Tifa asked, concerned by his shaky movements. 

“I-It’s nothing,” he stuttered, lowering his eyes to the ground. A part of him couldn’t help but sneak another glance at the glossy window. President Rufus methodically shook his head, then forming an amused smirk eventually left the window. On cue, Cloud reverted his attention back to the ecstatic Avalanche members. To bask in their powerful feeling again.

* * *

_Strangely, Sephiroth wanted Cloud to watch him receive his Mako treatment. The young soldier felt so out of place in the operation room, peculiarly larger than the other rooms in the military base. Already exhausted from his own dosage of Mako that he took only an hour prior, he slumped in his visitor seat._

_Even though Sephiroth invited him to watch, Cloud tried his hardest not to reward him with his attention. With what he willed himself to see, the general was restrained in a gurney, albeit with a greater number of straps than what Cloud was given. Alike him, he was assigned to one doctor who barely acknowledged Cloud’s presence and didn’t give him the authorization to show his face often. All he saw was black hair and the rim of his glasses over his ears._

_The most concerning aspect of it all was the amount of Mako Sephiroth absorbed. The doctor didn’t just hook him up to an IV. Every few minutes, combined with the IV, he injected Sephiroth with syringes filled with Mako, made him drink medicine cups filled with Mako, dripped eye and ear drops of Mako. The sight sickened Cloud, especially since Sephiroth would occasionally struggle under his restraints and would release loud growls and grunts. The doctor remained unresponsive, simply continuing with his work like normal._

_A firm knock pounded from the door. It didn’t faze the doctor. Another knock, still no answer. Awkwardly, Cloud struggled to stand on his feet, and it took a few tries for his hand to successfully open the door. His eyes met with the brown boots of the visitor._

_“Where is Dr. Hojo?” The prestigious, low voice of the newcomer brought Cloud’s attention to slowly meet his face. He bit back a gasp. The president of Midgar was here?! He felt awestruck yet intimidated by his leer. His mind couldn’t handle this unexpected event. “Step aside,” the president sharply ordered, and Cloud wasted no time in giving him room to walk through. Behind him, the blond could see armed guards patiently waiting for the president to leave. Cloud anxiously gulped and returned to his seat._

_When President Rufus approached Dr. Hojo, the man didn’t offer a single glance or word in his direction. Seeming to expect this, the president invited himself to peer over Sephiroth’s tormented body. He smirked at the deadly glare that the general shot in his direction, his sea green eyes flashing in resentment._

_Giving a side glance in Cloud’s direction, President Rufus whispered to the doctor, “Is our Mako satisfactory for our soldiers? From what I see with Sephiroth, a longtime subject, it appears to be going fairly well.” Dr. Hojo nodded with confirmation, but a sick smile spread over his lips._

_“Our chemists have been working on another modified form of the steroid. A new supply of it should arrive next week.”_

_“Why did you come then?” Hojo finally asked, his voice croaked and not under a whisper, bringing the young soldier off guard._

_“I always like to visit the army sometimes. It interests me. You know this, Hojo,” President Rufus replied with a mild shrug._

_As an hour passed and Sephiroth’s treatment eventually concluded, President Rufus bid his farewell and turned to exit the room. On his way out, he gave another look at a tired Cloud. Once they caught eyes, the president mightily smirked before he left. The blond didn’t know what to make of the gesture, his mind trying to compose an answer as to why the president of all people came to visit. His ears could only catch onto some of Rufus’ words like, “chemists, new supply...our Mako.” Rethinking over the final words, Cloud’s breath hitched while his eyes widened._

_Dr. Hojo released Sephiroth from the gurney with splotches of Mako splattered on his hospital gown. The two didn’t spare a single glimpse or word to one another as the doctor shifted away to clean his equipment. Cloud averted his gaze when Sephiroth stripped himself from the hospital gown in exchange for his casual clothes. His heart began to quicken when he heard Sephiroth’s ascending steps approach him._

_“Do you want to rest, Cloud?” Sephiroth inquired. Cloud heavily nodded at the general’s looming shadow over him. The young soldier flinched when the general harshly grabbed his chin, forcing him to stare at him. “I want a verbal answer, Cloud,” he seethed with a purr._

_“Y-Yes,” Cloud shared a weak glare in his direction but was taken aback by the haunting color of the general’s eyes. Although his body and stance remained the same, showing little signs of fatigue, the fogginess within them only amplified._

* * *

Glad that the rally was finished, only because he didn’t have to look at the Shinra building any longer, Cloud walked alongside Tifa and Aerith who browsed over clothes, makeup, and decorations at one of the capital’s busy department stores. Avalanche went their own way until 4:00 where a musical that Jessie was eager to see would begin at the Honeybee Theatre, surrounded by a series of ins.

The two women didn’t end up buying too much, but Aerith bought a few spring dresses for herself while Tifa bought a few sweaters and new coasters for Seventh Heaven. As they declared, Cloud served as their designated bag holder. Not that the blond minded too much, pleasant to see the pen pals having their fun. 

However, his worry sprung up again when Tifa led them to the massage parlor that she frequently visited during her trips to the capital. The exterior of the parlor was quaint, varying in red-painted steel in the middle of other shops. A glittering neon sign displayed: “Madams Massage Parlor” above the entrance. Tifa strolled in while Aerith almost had to drag a hesitant Cloud inside.

Alerted by the gentle ring of the doorbell, three employees boosted out of their seats and ran towards the front door. They dressed in flowing black kimonos with intricate golden, flower patterns, their faces entirely covered by white makeup, pink blush, and red lipstick. Bringing their fans to conceal their lips, they delicately waved them in the air. 

The first woman spoke, her voice deep and sultry, “Welcome to the Madams Massage Parlor. You may call me Madam L. Our glorious mother and owner of this fine establishment is currently out at the moment, so if you scheduled an appointment with her, please wait patiently.”

“Oh no, we didn’t make an appointment with her,” Tifa reassured, and the second sister immediately continued the speech.

“Ah, Tifa! It’s a pleasure to see you again! For the other customers behind her, you may call me Madam N, and my sisters and I will happily attend to your services.”

“And you may call me Madam O. You three came in at a good time since business has been running rather slow today,” the last sister pointed to the rest of the room behind her with her fan, devoid of any other customers. 

“These two are friends of mine, Cloud and Aerith. They’ve never been to this parlor before, so I had to show them what they’re missing out on,” Tifa elaborated.

“I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a massage before actually,” Aerith sheepishly giggled. At her words, the three sisters loudly gasped as if that were the most abysmal thing they ever heard.

“Heavens girl! You must get a hand massage immediately!” Madam N proclaimed, rushing over to Aerith’s arm, and pulling her further into one of the massage rooms. Aerith saluted to Tifa at her fate.

Cloud staggered at Madam O who latched onto his arm. “The same goes for this young man too!” 

“H-Hold on,” the blond sputtered, but she had already set him into his own massage room. 

Lightly chuckling, Tifa turned to Madam L whom she was left with. “Tell them to go easy on them,” she said. 

Madam L squinted her eyes in modest amusement and waved it off with her fan, “Oh please, Tifa. My sisters wouldn’t harm a fly.” The eldest sister led Tifa to her own massage room and knowing the routine, she didn’t hesitate to lie on the cushioned massage bed. Speakers throughout the elegant establishment played calming, traditional Midgarian music with guitars, violins, and bongos. 

“But dear Madam M on the other hand, oh no, she would be ruthless!” Madam L snickered, rolling towards the massage bed on her stool. Her chest leveled over the top surface of the bed. “She _does_ give the best massages out of all of us though.”

“Oh yeah, I noticed she’s not here. Where is she?” Tifa realized.

“She moved out,” Madam L replied nonchalantly, smearing almond oil over Tifa’s right hand. 

“Really?!” Tifa exclaimed, her reaction well on the opposite spectrum.

“Afraid so. She finally got a job somewhere as a therapist. I dunno, it only took her about three years.” Although Madam L’s tone was laced with a hint of venom, she loosened with a sigh and compressed her fingers into Tifa’s palm. She closed her eyes at the relaxing sensation. “Can’t say I blame her. She’s been looking for an opening ever since she got her degree without any luck. Now that she finally found one, she had no choice but to leave the city. I guess… it’s a little disheartening to see the family business so incomplete, you know?”

“Yeah. I get what you mean,” Tifa agreed, sadly thinking over her own dismay over Cloud’s departure for the war.

Each of their massages ended quickly, and Tifa’s hands were no longer tense. Especially after many hard days at the bar—this relieved feeling was something she killed for. She kindly thanked Madam L and gave her a tip of two hundred gil. She returned to the lobby towards a calm Cloud and a grateful Aerith, the latter constantly having to bow with gratitude at Madam N who demanded further praise. 

“A-Are you ready, Tifa?” Aerith managed to push in between her words, getting immensely overwhelmed.

“Yep!” She replied, then faced Cloud. “How was it for you?”  
  
“Pretty good,” Cloud said, stretching his fingers outward as he was pleased by the loose easiness of his bones.

“You gave me a real workout! I swear, your hands were incredibly tense! You might need to come back for the luxury course… but it’ll cost extra,” a furious glint sparked in Madam O’s eye.

“No thanks,” Cloud immediately dispelled, causing Madam O to scoff and Tifa to chuckle. 

After Tifa paid for all their courses, she said her goodbyes to the masseuse sisters as they left the parlor.

“We hope to see you soon!” They called in unison, fluttering their fans in the air like butterflies. 

The rest of their afternoon was filled with wonder. Before they attended the 4:00 show at the Honeybee Theatre, the trio waited for Avalanche at one of the stops they agreed to meet with each other by. Soon enough, a yellow taxi labeled: “Chocobo Sam’s Taxi Service” released an antsy Biggs, Jessie, and Wedge and a fulfilled Barret. They held multiple bags of restaurant food, evident by their tired expressions from eating big meals. 

All of them decided to ride the bus to the Honeybee Theatre, just in time for the 4:00 show. They earned a decent seating area within the middle of the theatre. Despite the story of the play having a very by-the-book plot, Cloud had to admit that the dance performances of the actors were stellar. Particularly the lead role of the musical, the renowned actor and dancer Andrea Rhodea, whom he had heard from his co-workers at the library. Next to him, Tifa smiled at how Cloud gaped at the actors’ precise and flashy movements, the glitter layered all over the stage floor, the powerful stage lights blinding in stars. 

Once the dazzling show ended, the group briskly boarded the 6:00 train, making their way home. On the ride, Tifa’s eyes grew heavy. She released a mellow yawn, and leisurely rested her head atop Cloud’s shoulder. 

The blond blushed at her action. “Tifa?” he kept his voice low, not wishing to wake his childhood friend who appeared to have already drifted to sleep. His eyelids lowered, lightly humming at her warm touch. Not wanting to make a big deal out of it and not desiring to disturb her sleep, Cloud relaxed the side of his cheek and chin on top of her soft hair. Most likely, he would doze off as well.

Two seats to his left, Aerith conversed with Jessie who gushed over the musical. Her eyes impulsively skimmed over Cloud and Tifa, and as her eyes regained focus over them, she softly smiled. Jessie followed her diverted attention and formed a sly smirk of her own. “I knew they were a thing! It’s totally obvious!” she whispered. 

“Well, they’re not dating... _yet_ ,” Aerith added with a giggle.

“Look, I tried to score with him, but they would be absolutely adorable together.”

“Yeah. They definitely would be,” Aerith folded her hands in her lap and continued to talk with the rest of the Avalanche members on the train ride. She recalled how she stared at the descending skyline of the capital, colliding onward with the incoming sunset. 

Even if it had been her first time going there, Aerith already felt melancholy. Her time with Tifa and Cloud, meeting the awesome Avalanche group—she immensely enjoyed it all. Memories of this day, her vacation days, she would be remembering it all on her train ride back to her hometown tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was pretty fun to write with Avalanche! I wish that I gave Barret a bigger role in this fic. He's one of my favorite characters! Even though this chapter was a bit of filler, I hope you all still enjoyed it!


	13. Afterimage

Two people announced their departure on the same day: Aerith and Marle. 

Although she greatly appreciated the embrace, Aerith struggled to breathe under Tifa’s affectionately powerful hold. Cloud watched the scene in slight amusement behind them but acknowledged the niche part of him that saddened over the pen pal’s farewell. Luckily, the train patiently waited for her. Not that it had much of a choice since many passengers would ride it this morning.

“Tifa, it’s not like we’ll never talk to each other again. I’ll always come by for more visits!” Aerith reassured, rubbing her friend’s back in a consoling manner.

“Just a few more seconds,” Tifa insisted. Her nose tickled from a light sniffle. It seemed like yesterday when she had just greeted her pen pal coming into town. This month breezed by like it never occurred. Waking up every morning with Aerith in her guest room resembled a reality that she adapted to. This morning, she stretched out of bed and calmly yawned, then her smile immediately fell when she saw Aerith’s packed up suitcase in the living room. If only she could turn back time. 

Composing herself, Tifa finally released Aerith and took a step back. “Ok, now I’m ready. Be sure to call me when you make it back,” she reminded, shyly folding her hands behind her back. 

“No letters?” Aerith teased, tilting her head. 

“Of course, we can still do letters! Just, uh, we don’t have to keep up with the charade like we used to. Just calling, video chatting, or texting is fine. But whenever you want to, we can still make things feel like the good ol’ days.”

“I wouldn’t mind that at all,” Aerith hatched a bittersweet smile. “Thank you Tifa for inviting me here. It was such a blast seeing you in person, meeting your friends, drinking at Seventh Heaven. Best vacation I’ve ever had. And… I really needed it. Whenever you can, you should visit my town sometime. It’s not the most ‘prosperous’ place in the world-”

“You bet I’ll be there!” Tifa declared, giving Aerith an assured look. 

“I shouldn’t have doubted you would.” Aerith turned her head towards Cloud. “It was nice meeting you too, Cloud. Whatever happens, I hope the best for you in the future.” 

Cloud nodded in her direction, “Likewise. If you don’t mind, um, I wouldn’t mind visiting your hometown too.” 

Aerith and Tifa simultaneously beamed at his request, the brightness in their eyes peeking through. “I wouldn’t mind at all!” The conductor at one of the railcar doors waved for the final passengers to come on board, the train whistling with impatience alongside him. “That’s my cue,” Aerith noted. She grabbed onto the handle of her suitcase and gave Cloud and Tifa one final gaze. “See you soon.”

“See you soon,” Tifa nodded. Water formed on the brink of her eyelids as Aerith ascended towards the still train. Cloud walked up beside her, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. Once Aerith stepped inside, the conductor slammed the door shut. A storm of smoke heaved out of the train whistle, and the horn echoed as a signal of its leave. 

One of the middle railcars housed a seated Aerith. As that section of the railcar passed by, she happily waved through the glass window. Cloud and Tifa returned the gesture, longingly, before the train picked up speed and whisked away. The flying newspapers were the only evidence left of its presence. 

Soon afterward, Cloud had to go to work. An unexpected meeting was called in the boardroom. Marle, already situated in the room prior to everyone’s arrival, had her arms crossed, lost in thought with her head askew. 

As all the seats filled, Marle took a huge intake of air through her nostrils and began, “Good morning everyone. I called you all here because I have a big announcement to make.” She paused for dramatic effect, closing her eyes. “I’m retiring.”

The scheme succeeded as all the workers in the room gasped in disbelief. Numerous questions erupted among them. 

“What?!”

“When?!”

“How?!” 

“Why?!” 

Cloud’s eyes widened at her declaration before furrowing in anguish. He could easily voice his concerns like his co-workers if he desired. 

“Hey, hey, calm down,” Marle formulated a lowering gesture with her hands. They quieted but hushed whispers between them remained. “Look, I’m about as devastated as you all are. I’ve been with this library for years. The new faces I’ve met, the fun we’ve all had—it’s all irreplaceable. But as the ol’ story of life goes, I’m getting old, and it’s only natural that I end my story. The library directors from other branches will be throwing a celebration for me next weekend, and of course, I’d like you all to come. Not that I could stop you in any way,” Marle heartily chuckled, sprouting a refrain throughout the room. Even Cloud mustered a puny smile.

“Could we help with the planning?” A co-worker suggested, raising her hand fiercely as if she were called to answer a difficult math problem. 

Before Marle could reply, another worker enthused, “I could do the catering! Tell me your favorite foods, and I’ll make them in a jiffy!”

“Ooh, Botan that’s a great idea! If you need help, I could make dessert!” 

“What should the theme be? Maybe Boss’ favorite book genre?”

Conversations overtook the room once more, endlessly bouncing off each other with little space left. Marle’s features softened over the compassion of her dedicated workforce; she still failed to ponder the fact that she would be leaving this amazing group.

They all instantly ceased when Marle spoke again, “Well if you’re all up for it, then I’m sure the other directors would greatly appreciate your help. As would I. I’ll contact them later to let them know.” Clapping her hands, Marle peeked at the clock. “Short and sweet just like I wanted. Go ahead and head back to work everyone. I’ll see you all there next week.” 

Screeches of chairs scraped against the floor as the librarians hustled out of the door, proceeding with their plans for the retirement party. All except one. Marle turned away to gather her belongings, and lightly gasped in surprise when she noticed Cloud still sitting there. She tilted her head, placing her fist on her left hip. She wondered over his stay. Clearly, he must have been conscious enough to hear her; zero purple circles traced under his eyelids this time.

“Did you need me for something, Cloud?” she asked. 

The blond stepped away from his chair and mildly hid his hands in his jean pockets. “So… you’re really leaving?” His mouth dried as if the words were foreign to him. 

“Mhm. It’s a shame, but that’s just how things go. Shocked you’d actually miss me.”

“Of course I would. Why wouldn’t I?” 

“No reason,” Marle heavily sighed. “I’ll miss our talks for sure. If you’d do me a favor, don’t go on with our current book without me, you hear?”

“I hear you.” He finally urged himself to look at her. Her wrinkles weren’t shriveled, he chose to think of them as blooming with experience. He never knew what to make of her at first when he started working here, but he was glad to say that he had grown to trust Marle. Enough to feel saddened by her leave. Or perhaps, more than that. Devastated. “Thanks for giving me this job, Marle. Especially since it seemed like you randomly picked me. You could’ve chosen anyone else. Someone better for this branch.” 

Humbly smiling, Marle lent a gentle hand on his shoulder. “C’mon Cloud, when I saw your passion for reading those months back, I knew you’d be a good fit for the branch. Besides, we always welcome new faces here. I’m sure that whatever you’ve got going on, inside or outside of work, you’ll get through it. Really, if I didn’t picture you right for this job, I wouldn’t have hired you. Who knows, maybe you’ll take my spot in the future.”

“It wouldn’t be a good fit,” Cloud denied, shaking his head.

“All the more reason to try harder until you figure out what’s right for yourself. This isn’t farewell forever, Cloud. No need to get all sentimental. But for now, I wish you the best of luck.” 

“You too. See you later, Marle.”

“Take care,” Marle solidly waved as Cloud left the room. She switched off the lights of the boardroom and entered her office. The archaic scent of used books reached her nose, conjuring her memories, her journeys of reading them. Pulling book after book from their shelves, she occasionally skimmed the pages of her favorite ones. Her eyes fluttered at each passing memory of the book talks she heard, the discussions she had with her employees during breaks or events, the authors she got to encounter in person over the years. It all made her feel young again. 

Behind her office door, Cloud steered to his responsibilities. Return the books to their shelves, like nothing at all had changed. He sighed and grabbed the first book off the cart, quickly memorizing its label and adjusting it to its proper place. A light tap on his shoulder interrupted his robotic movements, and he slightly jumped from the touch.

“Hey, Cloud.” He faced the one who approached him which happened to be the co-worker who suggested that they help for the party in the first place. The name, “Hazel,” glinted over her nametag. “I wanted to ask if you wanted to help the rest of us plan for Marle’s retirement party after work? Just checking to see if you’re up for it. I don’t wanna force you or anything; I’m sure you’re busy.” 

Without any hesitation, Cloud obliged, “Sure. Is it okay if I bring a friend if she can make it? She doesn’t work here, but she’s close to Marle.”

“That’s not a problem at all! Thanks, Cloud. I’m glad that you decided to help.” Clutching her clipboard close to her chest with glee, Hazel went away to recruit the other co-workers. 

During one of his breaks, Cloud would text Tifa later and inform her of Marle’s retirement. Melancholy escaping from his chest little by little, he progressed with his work. Book in hand, squeeze into the shelf, go on repeat. The mixture of solace and uncertainty was a weird feeling.

* * *

“Claudia and Cloud Strife? Your appointment is ready,” the secretary of the mental health clinic announced. While the mother dusted off her dress and stood up from the visitor chair with ease, the son bore a slight stagger in his upbringing. His palms automatically sweated, and a flourishing headache washed over him. Despite the overall plain and comfortable atmosphere of the lobby, it didn’t help too much. 

Cloud felt as if he were on death row. He wasn’t ready, unprepared to see the worrisome look on his mother’s face once his therapist forced him to reveal his deepest darkest secrets. He agreed to counseling because his mother insisted, vowing to it all for her sake since she deserved it. But for himself? He dreaded the thought of talking about everything that happened to him. He couldn’t excuse it this time. The moment of addressing it would come in minutes. Then seconds, then milliseconds, before eventually scraping off his tongue. 

Could he even form the words without a single stutter? Without a fallen tear? Without a choke?

“Cloud?” Claudia flashed him a patient smile as she resided near the open door, leading to the countless other open doors housing psychologists, therapists, counselors, and social workers. Of course. Their doors were always open. 

Attempting to slow his heart rate, Cloud numbered his heavy breaths. He steadied his blinks and stood up from his chair, albeit hesitantly, and followed the secretary and his mother down the coffee brown hallway. Nonstop, they passed through creaked doors. Some tranquil, some noisy with chatter, some wailing with sobs. Shutting his eyes, his mind reassured itself to only focus on his mother and the secretary. This was their appointment, nobody else’s. 

They reached close to the end of the hallway. The secretary lightly knocked on one of the office doors and called, “Dr. M? Your patients are here.”

“Lovely. Bring them in,” a calming, consonant voice replied from the opposite side. After she turned the doorknob and carefully pushed the door open, the secretary bowed with a kind nod and wished them luck then left. Claudia entered first, showing no delay in sitting on the scarlet loveseat that immediately hugged her body. Her back rested against one of the black pillows patterned with golden roses.

Cloud made it through the doorway, and his eyes gravitated towards the office decor. It bore a similar aesthetic to the Madams Massage Parlor in the capital. Dainty elegance while also managing to be homely. The welcoming, sweet smell of citrus soothed Cloud’s headache a little.

A modest coffee table littered with fake rose petals complimented the glass vase filled with blooming roses and tulips. Below it, a wool rug comforted the wooden floors. Both separated the patients and the therapist, or more so counselor in this circumstance, but her scarlet sofa chair scooted a little closer towards the loveseat. 

Behind her seat stationed a small desk with a black laptop and framed photos from what Cloud presumed to be family members at first glance. From a deeper observation, he pointed out five women dressed in black kimonos with golden flower patterns, fans in hand, faces pale with white makeup and red lipstick, hair pinned up in golden pins. His eyes widened at the first, third, and fourth woman in the front whom he recognized as Madams L, N, and O. He didn’t recall the fifth woman behind them who was taller, sleeker, and older than the other four. 

However, the second woman he began to draw based on the therapist in front of him. Although her face was free of the white makeup, she still applied the red lipstick, and her purple eyeshadow was lighter than the shade used in the image. They were protected by her thin dark glasses, and her black hair was tied in a normal bun. She wore a white dress shirt coupled with light blue casual jeans and striking black heels. 

Bringing her fingers to her lips in amusement, Dr. M noted, “My, aren’t you interested in my photos. Trying to get to know your therapist right away?” Cloud snapped out of his recollection and hesitantly shifted his head to face her. The large window behind her with its maroon curtains cast aside made her sweet smile glow. It honestly intimidated him a little. Her elbow rested over her armchair, wrist bent out of habit in holding an invisible fan.

“I know those ladies. They work at this massage place downtown. Know them by any chance?” Cloud found the courage to ask out of pure curiosity. 

“You guessed correctly,” Dr. M confirmed with a chuckle. Her perfectly manicured nail pointed towards the array of photos for Claudia to see. “From the ground up, my mother opened that parlor, fell in love, had children—you know how the whole story goes.” She gave a side glance at the giant golden fan splayed in a glass frame on one of the bare walls. 

“Working at the parlor with my family was always great and all, but the capital offers so many opportunities. I couldn’t help but explore them when I had the chance. In terms of my career choice, everyone ensured I’d be suitable for the job with my experience in calming people down as you can tell. Although, it took me quite a while to even find a job, and I had to move out of a whole area to get it. Not that I don’t like this town. It’s quite nice, but it doesn’t hold the same dazzle as the city. So safe. At least they let me keep my family trademark; we love to relate ourselves to one letter. Now isn’t that cute?”

“Mhm,” Claudia nodded along to the story, trying to be kind, but admittedly growing a little annoyed by her rambling. They had come to _her_ after all.

Picking up on the tone, Dr. M squinted her eyes and exaggeratedly gushed, “Oh my goodness, am I going off on a tangent again? Sorry. Enough about me, we’re here to talk about you two.” With a passive-aggressive grin, Dr. M gestured to the empty space next to Claudia. “Cloud, would you be a dear and join your mother? There is so much to discuss.” The blond lightly sneered at the condescending choice of her words, but he obliged and slumped into the seat next to his mother. The citrus smell now came off as rotten to him, getting old quickly. Claudia snuck a pitiful look over her shoulder as if to reassure him that this was all necessary. 

Dr. M grabbed the clipboard that rested to the left of her thigh, almost inside the sofa chair that neither of them noticed before. Her finger grazed the document sheet clipped onto it, picking out the right details like she was ordering something from a menu. “From what I remember, _you_ called, right Claudia?” she asked. When the mother nodded, she continued, “And there had been some ‘issues’ in your household after Cloud returned from the war?”

“Not just before the war. We’ve always been fairly distant to each other,” Claudia confessed, rubbing her hands in her lap after they started to sweat. “And my son… you know.” She tried to insinuate, and Cloud’s head perked up while his chest heaved. 

As Claudia formed another sorrowful look in his direction, Dr. M easily addressed, “He hurt himself.” It stung to hear the words out loud, especially coming from the therapist. Her eyes peered over Cloud’s concealed wrists and arms, her expression stern and unfazed. 

“Y-Yes.”

Sighing, Dr. M pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. “That must’ve been horrible, Cloud. From what I’ve heard from your mother, there is no doubt this could’ve been a result of possible trauma you received from the war. I don’t want to make any assumptions, but based on what has been told to me, this is what I have concluded.”

Cloud bit the inside of his cheek, his heart starting to plummet. “This is common among soldiers after all…” Dr. M’s words faded to soft echoes as his ears began to pound as well. The door was nearly closed, only to exit with other visitors to stare at him. He couldn’t

leave. He had to tell his mother in one way or another. How could he bear it? Seeing his mother’s terrified face, and Dr. M’s expectant glare. Like this was normal. Nothing special. He wasn’t special. 

Clapping her hands, Dr. M suggested that the two tried an exercise. They would hold each other's hands and pour out whatever came to mind first. Whether it be recent worries, memories, or even just discussing how their days went so far. Something to get them closer, getting them to talk. “Cloud?” Dr. M narrowed her eyes over his shaking form. His breathing stuttered, but he remained unresponsive. “Cloud!” Her voice turned harsher, and she stepped out of her chair and kneeled over the blond. Uncomfortable by the foreign presence, he instantly tried to steer away. It didn’t help when she reached to grab his arm, and he badly flinched from the touch.

“Stop it! You shouldn’t be rough with him!” Claudia scolded, immediately scooting to her son’s side. She pulled his head into her chest and ran her hand through his spiky hair. “Seriously, what kind of therapist are you?!” Both shared a glare.

“One who got her license and finally got a job after so many years. I know what I’m doing. If you want him to get better, then he needs to open his mouth and say something.” Claudia fumed at Dr. M’s insensitive statement, but she tried to focus her worries on her distressed son. 

The therapist carefully hung onto Cloud’s upper arm and began to gently massage the area. Although Cloud stiffened, he eventually eased into the pressure. It definitely helped how he had his mother alongside him, the familiarity outweighing his dilemma a little. The rest of the office cleared, and his heartbeat slowed to its regular pace. 

Dr. M pulled her hands away but remained kneeling to ensure he returned to his senses, “Cloud?” Claudia lifted her head to get a better look at her son. 

A huge puff of air breezed out of his nose, and Cloud brought his palm to his forehead. “I’m fine…” 

Returning to her chair, Dr. M’s eyes lowered. “We’ll begin whenever you’re ready to start… take your time,” she said. 

As his headache subsided a little to an inconvenience in the back of his mind, Cloud swallowed and shifted towards his mother. “I’m ready,” he nodded, his gaze leveling towards the bottom of the couch. Still in his view, Claudia cautiously locked their hands together. For a moment, neither of them spoke, taking the chance to just get comfortable in each other’s proximity. 

Her thumb lightly caressed over his skin before she finally sighed, “You look so much like your father each and every day.” He was surprised and fell off guard by the sudden claim, but he stayed quiet. “On the day you left for that war, it all felt so strange and uncanny. Two of the people I loved most would be fighting for Midgar. Then when night fell, I could barely hold my dinner, and I couldn’t go to sleep. I stayed awake. The whole night, thinking about the best outcomes, the worst outcomes. Everything. I knew it would absolutely devastate me if you passed away, Cloud. There were so many things that I felt we never discussed. And now that you’re back, there _are_ still things that need to be said.”

Even if he hadn’t expressed it, his mother’s embrace and Tifa’s smile brought forth another life he had forgotten. On his way back, the military had no use for him anymore. They conducted their research, and their malignant confidence tossed him on the train. He could barely think, couldn’t comprehend that after all he’d been through, he was expected to meet his loved ones like he just went on the greatest trip of his life. All he did was sit there, immobile with his face hung over his lap, for the entirety of the train ride.

Cloud’s lips squirmed as his hold tightened over his mother’s with a silence passing over minutes. _Tell her what you’re comfortable with._ His mouth moved on its own, “You were right before...about something happening in the war.”

Claudia’s gaze lightened yet she made sure not to gasp as the harsh reaction would steer away her son even further. Instead, she patiently hummed for him to continue.

“It’s complicated... it was expected that I had to fight other soldiers for our country. But it wasn’t only that... we hurt and killed innocent people. At the time, I tried not to think much of it...and I know consequences like this are expected to happen during wartimes. But t-that doesn’t m-make it hurt any less.”

A major part of him wanted to end it there. Leave it as vague as possible, so that he didn’t have to venture into the gritty details. Not only for himself but for his mother’s sake. He didn’t want to see her cry anytime soon. Yet another part of him wanted to finish the rest; yell everything out at the top of his lungs. 

Shutting his eyes, he decided on one thing. He couldn’t tell his mother about Sephiroth. He just couldn’t. At least not now. To him, there were more deserving things to talk about at this moment. A more deserving someone. “I… I had a dear friend in the army. Zack was his name and… he died during the war. I felt completely lost at that point, Mom. I… I didn’t know what to do anymore.” His mind played an image of Zack’s noble body, covered in bullet holes. Their hands meshed into a puddle. “A lot of other stuff happened, but… I don’t think I can talk about it right now.”

He released a light gasp when his mother immediately pulled him into her embrace once more. His eyes dulled over, no longer hesitating to wrap his arms around her. 

“That’s more than enough, sweetie,” Claudia reassured. They separated, and Cloud managed to look at his mother’s face. No horror, nor sadness, nor fear. Only tolerance. It calmed Cloud immensely. For the rest of the session, the two bonded over simple memories and mentions of his father.

While Dr. M listened to their conversation, her face guiltily softened. Whenever she felt unsure, she averted her gaze and waved her fan. At least that’s what she would have done if she had her fan in her possession. Alas, she resorted to mildly fanning herself with her hand until she announced, “I’m afraid we’re out of time for today.” 

Suffering from whiplash at the loss of time, Cloud and Claudia stood up from their seats. The mother muttered out her condolences but before they could exit the door, Dr. M ensured their stay. 

“I wanted to apologize for my behavior during this session. If I came off as rude in any sort of way, then… that’s my fault. I should’ve been more professional and considerate,” Avoiding her gaze a little, Dr. M formed a lopsided smile, not too used to apologizing. “Know that you two made good progress during this session, even if it wasn’t for very long. Outside these doors, try to connect with one another more often. And may I suggest it okay if Cloud. were to attend sessions with me independently? It could help advance his progress in getting better which is ultimately what I want for you two.”

Even though Claudia furrowed her eyebrows, unsure, Cloud sighed and answered, “Sure. I’ll think about it.” As his mother’s eyes widened in shock, Dr. M solidified the decision with a sweet smile. 

“Wonderful. Whenever you have completely made up your mind to attend my sessions, you may call this clinic again and set an appointment...it’ll cost extra of course,” she smirked.

Cloud nodded, “Didn’t expect anything more. Have a good day, Dr. M.”

“Y-Yes, have a good day, Dr. M,” Claudia stuttered. 

Leaning out of her office door, Dr. M waved them away, “Pleasure to meet the two of you.” 

As they exited the clinic, Claudia mentioned her surprise once they settled in her jeep, “Truly, I’m happy that you’re thinking of taking more sessions, sweetie. But I wasn’t expecting you to stick with Dr. M after how she behaved.” 

“Well, if I wanna get better then I don’t really have another choice. I’m willing to deal with her if I have to,” Cloud shrugged.

“At least she apologized, I guess… And if you’re sure of this decision, then I won’t stop you.” She switched on the radio to her favorite rhythm and blues station, and her thumb danced along to the music against the steering wheel. Occasionally throughout the ride, Claudia peeked at her son beside her who lounged in his seat, elbow pressed over the top of the car window. She smiled at his impatient thumb tapping over his thigh with his eyes facing ahead into the widescreen. 

* * *

The library team ogled their work over their setup for Marle’s retirement party. They utilized Marle's favorite literary genre—fantasy. The balloons depicted cherry blossom trees, the streamers were green vines, and nobody could go wrong with the bushels of fake toadstools and carnations they riddled the tables with, covered by silk. A buffet table was tucked to the side, containing green and fruit salads, chicken, white rice, fruit punch, cookies, and cupcakes. Over where the bookshelves were pushed aside near the book club section, a podium stood right in the middle in front of rows of chairs for the guests. Behind the podium, a long banner flowed over it that cheered: “Happy Retirement, Marle!”

Cloud surveyed the liveliness of the room, inwardly pleased by the work Tifa and he had done with the buffet table and the sections of tables with Marle’s book collection from her office. She planned to give them away for her friends and employees, hoping they would have a blast reading her beloved adventures as she had.

While they had worked, Cloud reminded Tifa of his visit to Dr. M’s office and his choice to participate in more sessions with her. Much to his consolation, his friend greatly welcomed the idea with open arms. _“That’s wonderful, Cloud! I’m so glad that you’re looking out for yourself. Remember, if you need someone else to talk to, I’ll always be there for you. And wow! Madam M is your therapist? Who would’ve thought huh?”_ Cloud had blushed at her words and the toothy, relieved smile she flashed at him. She was too great to him.

Once all the guests arrived at the party, just as intended before Marle showed up, they huddled close together in front of the library entrance. As she finally stepped in, the retired librarian was met with a whish of “Congratulations, Marle!” from her fellow directors and employees. She barely held back a tear, laughing and hugging those closest to her.

The celebration began with dedicated speeches for Marle, starting with the other library directors who expressed their gratitude in working with her as partners for an onslaught of years. Her employees, especially Hazel, listed off their appreciation for Marle as a boss, being a catalyst for their interest in literature and true compassion over those who worked for her. 

As such when it got to Cloud’s speech, he highlighted how Marle lent him a job that she didn’t need to but did so regardless because of the kindness of her heart. He reminisced over their book talks together during his breaks and wished the best for her. He anticipated feeling anxious over tens of eyes watching him on the podium. For support, he frequently stared over Tifa, Johnny, and Barret. A little girl next to him held his hand. The latter three were also invited to the ceremony. 

A wave of comfort slewed over his body when Tifa gave him reassuring smiles, and Johnny grinned with highly raised thumbs. Even when he stepped off the podium at the end of his speech, Barret genuinely praised him. 

Tifa’s speech followed afterward. She elaborated how she got to meet Marle as a regular customer at Seventh Heaven, always enjoying the chats between them and how she supported her financially. Marked as one of the people Tifa cherished the most, she ended her speech with a heartful signoff and requested to initiate the toast later.

After being met with applause by the audience and her friends, Tifa’s attention diverted to her ringtone of chimes. Her skin paled when she read the caller’s name. “Hold on guys, I have to take this,” she excused herself out of the library. 

“Wonder what all the fuss that was about,” Johnny worried, rubbing his hand behind his neck. 

“Yeah…” Cloud nodded, equally concerned. 

All the speeches completed with Marle a quietly weeping mess, and the rest of the party fulfilled everyone’s enjoyment. Once Johnny left to chat up the female librarians, Barret tapped Cloud on his shoulder. It was strange for him to witness the man without his shades, his dark brown eyes taking him aback a little. 

“Hey, soldier boy,” he almost muttered, appearing a little hesitant to speak with him.

“Do you even remember my real name?” Cloud asked with an unamused stare.

“Of course I remember your real name! It’s Cloud Strife, ain’t it?!” he defended, crossing his arms. “If that ain’t what you like, then I’ll call you by your real name if you want.”

Shaking his head, the blond squeezed a tiny smirk at the paired retort and attempt at being nice. “As long as you know my real name, then go ahead and call me whatever you want.”

“Hmph. How about spiky-head then? Suits you better, I’d say,” Barret playfully leered.

“Never mind. I’m starting to like soldier boy better.”

“Tch, whatever man.”

The two shared an honest, heartful chuckle. Barret briefly paused to run his hand over his hair, contemplating something. “Look man, I really appreciate you coming to the rally with us. I didn’t think a hardass like you would go for that sort of thing, but you did anyway. So, when I’m grateful for that, I sure damn mean it. Hell, Jessie, Biggs, and Wedge sure seemed to like ya.”

“No problem,” Cloud replied. “It was nice getting to know you all more too.” 

In the brink of the conversation, the same little girl with short brown hair wearing a pink dress bashfully walked over to Barret’s side. She came back from grabbing a chocolate chip cookie from the buffet table. Hiding her face behind Barret’s legs, the man gently patted her head. “It’s okay, button. He ain’t mean,” he soothed. Addressing Cloud again, he stated, “This’s my daughter, Marlene. Thought I’d bring her over to see Tifa for a little while.”

“Hi Marlene,” Cloud lightly waved, kneeling over a little to meet her level.

Marlene’s hold over Barret’s pant leg tightened a little. She shyly looked upwards at her father as if asking for permission to meet him. 

“Go on,” Barret delicately nudged before giving Cloud a sharp glare. “Scare her soldier boy, and your face is on a silver platter.”

A little uneased by the threat, Cloud drew his hand back. Marlene took hesitant steps in his direction, but a piqued interest became present. “I’m Cloud,” he introduced. 

“Are you one of Daddy’s friends?” Marlene asked, her voice squeaky as a mouse.

“Yeah. We’re friends.” Looking up to meet a flustered Barret, Cloud measly shrugged. “Or, at least we’re going to be. I’m a friend of Tifa’s too.”

Her face seemed to brighten further at the mention of the woman, causing Cloud to lightly smile. “Really?! She takes care of me sometimes when Daddy’s at work. Do you know she makes the best sandwiches ever? I watched her once, and it looked easy, so I made one myself. It didn’t taste very good though.”

“Hm. I’ll have to try them.”

From there, Marlene buzzed through conversation topics like school, her favorite cartoons, and Tifa teaching her many things like how to cook, do math, and even their recent activity, knitting. Although listening attentively to Marlene, they noticed something. “Tifa’s been out there for a while,” Barret said, making sure to whisper to Cloud so he wouldn’t worry his daughter. “You wanna go check up on her?”

Nodding, Cloud told Marlene he would return in a moment then he exited through the library’s front doors. The classical music inside immediately muted once the doors closed behind him, nothing but the cool air now tickling his eardrums to a near silence. He saw Tifa standing in the parking lot beside her sedan, her back facing him while she held her arms. 

As he steadily neared her, the sound of sniffling became more audible. _She’s crying,_ Cloud concluded, a mere distance behind her. “Tifa?” he spoke at a low tone, close to a hushed whisper.

Startled, Tifa hastily wiped away her tears. “O-Oh… heya Cloud. Sorry, I was just about to come back inside.” Turning around, her eyes were pink, and her cheeks were tear-stained. His heart sank a little at the tiny smile she forced to create. 

“Tifa…” Cloud mellowed, blatantly seeing through her facade. 

At his words, her lips quivered, pressing her hand to her forehead with a humorless chuckle. “Who am I kidding? It’s obvious, isn’t it?”

“Who called you?”

“My mom. She’s leaving Midgar for good.” Cloud lifted his head in surprise, and she began her explanation. “My parents got into another fight again. She told me that she can’t deal with him anymore. It was so bad this time. She said that she regretted ever marrying him, that divorcing him will always have been the best decision in her life. T-Then she…” Stopping herself to push through a sob, Cloud took the moment to bring her into his arms. Her fists planted against his chest while his chin rested over the top of her head, his hands rubbing her back.

“S-She said that t-the time in her life when she had me with my dad was the hardest time of her life. The way she worded it...i-it’s like _I_ made her life even more miserable. And I know that my parents never had a good relationship, but I had always thought they’d move on and reconcile. Now, there’s no hope in ever fixing it.” 

Cloud’s embrace strengthened, and Tifa dug her tearful face deeper into his chest, wrapping her arms around his mid-back. “I should’ve seen this coming anyway. Crying is a waste of time,” she mumbled.

“No that’s not true, Tifa. Don’t say that, okay? It’s how you feel, and it’s completely fine,” Cloud consoled. She hummed at his words and relished staying like this for as long as she could. He felt so much warmer than before. 

Pulling away from Cloud’s chest but still in his arms, Tifa swept away her excess tears. “Thank you, Cloud,” she sniffled, her dreary eyes dulling the shade of ruby in them. “You always know how to cheer me up. In fact, you’re always there for me. Whenever I need it the most.”

“You do the same for me. You always helped me keep going, making my efforts and everything else worthwhile,” Cloud reminded. His thumb skimmed underneath her eyelids, catching the silent tears. They stood in a minimal silence, completely entranced, and comforted in each other’s presence and warmth. Simply content, being together. 

Cloud leaned in closer, his heart thumping in his chest due to both nervousness and certitude. He was sure of it; he wanted to do this for the longest time. His lips meeting hers, he joined them into a kiss. 

Tifa’s heart skipped at this new tingle in her mouth, and it didn’t take a second before she returned the kiss. Their cooperation was passionate and slow as Tifa deepened the kiss by looping her arms around his neck to lull him closer. Vice versa, the blond ran his fingers through her hair that traveled along her back. 

They eventually pulled away, their cheeks flushed in red, not only from shyness but devotion. “That night when I said, ‘I love you,’ Tifa, I… meant in a romantic way too,” Cloud confessed. “I don’t think it’s a surprise to say that I’ve had these feelings for a long time, even when we were teenagers. You mean that much to me.”

Lightly chuckling, Tifa entwined their hands together and agreed, “I always felt like there was much more to it. I always felt this sense of comfort around you, Cloud. That no matter how bad things would get, especially when I was younger, you were one of the few people who genuinely cared about me, for me.”

Cloud locked their lips again. Tifa instantly placed her arms over his back again at the stronger kiss, her stomach fluttering when their tongues briefly stroked against each other. 

They stayed in this content state for a short while, the sunset making room for the purple gleam in the sky to take over for the night. The entire environment seemed warmer, the winds cooling down and the snow soaking into most of the soil by now. Fresh buds hoped to burst out of the grass, ready to feel the sun again after months of cold and darkness. Spring was approaching.

Finally breaking the long kiss, Tifa’s face burned and she sheepishly cupped her hands behind her back. “You really made me feel better,” she said.

“Same for me too,” Cloud replied, timidly lowering his gaze to the ground.

“Really, you did, and I’m super grateful for that.” Suddenly, she realized that the party still occurred in the library. The lights from the interior glowed in the semi-darkness. “We should, uh, definitely get back to the party.”

“Right,” Cloud nodded, and Tifa gingerly held his right hand with her left hand. As his eyes caught onto the sleeping flower buds, he remembered his vase of yellow daisies. A singular flower flourished over all the rest. “I almost forgot; Aerith left something that she wanted me to give you. In the community garden, she was growing those yellow daisies. I brought one of them home with me, so you could have one for your own flowers,” he mentioned. 

Tifa softly smiled, “I would love one. I’ll pick it up after the party’s over. I definitely need it to remember everything. I was curious about what they meant, so I looked it up. Crazy how she seemed to know from the beginning.”

Cloud allowed her to lead him to the library, housing all the guests who awaited their return. Through the glass windows, he could pinpoint the joyful figures of Marle, Johnny, Barret, and Marlene. And his Tifa beside him whom he desired to kiss again and again, holding her forever. For what felt like ages, Cloud couldn’t help but embellish a true, prominent smile. This hopeful sensation rose within him again; a fervor he hadn’t come across since his days with Zack. 

He thought of his late friend’s persistent grin and optimism as well as Aerith’s benevolence and condolences despite barely even knowing him. At this current moment, his mind didn’t want to think about anyone else but them, and the people who loved him. He no longer needed to pretend. Everything looked promising. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, I can't believe I finished this story! I wanted this to be just a small fic to prove to myself that I could write something longer (maybe too long because of the chapter lengths and the no update gap that we will not talk about). But thanks so much to all of you who stuck around for this long and read this fanfic. I appreciate all the kudos, and I absolutely enjoyed reading all of your lovely comments. It really helped me stay motivated to write this whole thing as I was excited to hear what all of you thought and your reactions. 
> 
> As always, I hope you all enjoyed the final chapter! I know the pacing may be a little rushed and the Cloti thing was a little cheesy at the end in my opinion because I suck at dialogue, but you know what? I will savor all the Cloti fluffiness and cuteness! In the end, Cloud is going to seek help and try to get better with the people he cares for by his side. I hope everything goes well for all of you too!


End file.
